"Do you want anything to drink or eat?" Ken asked. I haven't eaten since
this morning. I'm going to make sandwiches if you'd like something.
Kentaro nodded and followed Ken into the kitchen.
"You have food in your refrigerator?" Kentaro asked surprised.
Ken laughed. "Jun spends a lot more time out here now that the war is over. She keeps the place stocked. She also made me fix it up a bit."
Kentaro laughed. "Good for her." He looked at his son questioning him without the words.
"We're serious." Ken shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. Ken turned away and began to make some sandwiches.
"Good. She's a good woman. Challenging I suspect, but that's good." His father seemed happy with the news. Ken didn't know why it should matter. It was really none of his business after so long, but still he felt pleased with his father's response.
Ken made ham and cheese sandwiches and then pulled a couple of beers from the refrigerator. He gave sandwiches and beer to his father and sat down across from him at the table. They ate in silence with their own thoughts. Neither sure what to do next. The day had been hard for both men.
Ken yawned loudly causing Kentaro to laugh. "I think it's past your bedtime young man."
Ken laughed. A memory of his father saying the exact same thing to him as a child flashed through his mind. His face turned somber as he remembered why his father was really here. He had not come back for his son.
Kentaro looked at Ken as hurt flashed across his face. "What is bothering you, son?" he asked
Ken sighed. This man could always read him too easily. He looked at his father. "Why did you really come back?"
Kentaro looked away for a moment as he composed his thoughts.
"I had no choice." He said softly.
"You wouldn't have come back otherwise. Would you?" Ken accused his voice rising.
"If it wasn't safe for you no, I wouldn't have come back. I would have found some other way to get the information to ISO and you."
There he had said it. It was finally out.
Ken got up and collected the dishes. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. "It's late." He said not looking at his father.
"Ken?" His father called.
He froze at the sink.
"I wanted to come back. I've tried before. It wasn't safe. Coming back would have put you and the team in danger. If someone thought I was still alive, they would have used me to trap you. I couldn't allow that. If not for me, then at for you as Gatchaman. I had to keep you safe. There was no choice. I'm sorry, son."
Ken turned his voice shaking, his blue eyes flashing hurt and rage. "Did it ever occur to you let me know somehow you were alive? Some hint or something. Do you know how many times Galactor tried to trap me? And each time like a damn fool I nearly fell for it."
Ken turned around and braced his hands against the sink. His eyes were filled with tears. He didn't want his father to see him like this.
Kentaro watched as Ken's frame shook. He got up and walked slowly over to his son. He placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm truly sorry son." Kentaro said softly.
Ken whirled and punched his father catching him completely off guard. "You son-of-a-bitch!" He screamed his whole body shaking.
Ken stared at his father. There was hatred in his eyes. "You egotistical bastard! Who gave you the right to play God with my life? You tried to keep me safe. Right! When was I ever safe? You seemed to have no trouble watching me go off to get shot at and blown up for years. You approved of placing me in the KNT project. Then you trained me like some pet for your personal satisfaction."
Kentaro stayed down for a few minutes with Ken towering over him. Then he shook his head clearing the effect of the punch. He slowly he got up from the floor.
He quickly rotated and flipped Ken. He placed him in an arm lock as Ken was trying to prevent himself from falling. He dragged him to the living room and threw him on the couch.
Ken leaped off the couch at his father losing all remnants of his control. Kentaro knew this had been a long time in coming. He deserved it, and knew Ken was entitled to the rage. Kentaro made no attempt to fight back. He guarded himself against the more serious blows, as Ken vented years of rage and hurt.
Kentaro noted gratefully a little later that the ferocity of the attack was lessening. "Good. Get it out, son. Get it all out." He thought.
Kentaro was starting to tire. He needed to end this soon. He was willing to bear the bruises and black eyes if it would help. But serious injury was another matter.
"Enough!" Kentaro commanded grabbing Ken and throwing him on the couch. "Sit down!"
"You and I are going to settle this now." Kentaro's voice held the old air of authority.
Ken sat on the couch his rage immediately chilled by the familiar tone of command in his father's voice. Ken glared at his father and said nothing.
What had happened was starting to register in his mind. He rarely lost control. His mind was reeling. Not only had he lost control, he had just attacked his father!
"My God! What did I--? Are you al-alright?" Ken stammered.
"I'll be a bit sore" Kentaro smiled at him wryly. "You pack one hell of a punch."
"I'm so.." Ken started to apologize.
Kentaro stopped him immediately.
"It's been a long time in coming." Kentaro said looking at Ken intently.
He paused for a few seconds catching his breath, and then continued.
"But don't let it happen again. I won't be so easy on you next time." Kentaro warned taking on his usual sarcastic tone.
In spite of everything Ken couldn't help but smile slightly.
"We need to talk." Kentaro said
Ken nodded still afraid to even speak.
Kentaro regarded his son carefully. "Where do I start?" He mumbled mostly to himself.
Ken sighed. "At the beginning is as good as anywhere. You're here now, so why you're here doesn't really matter anymore." He lied.
The moment that Kentaro had dreamed of was here. He hoped Ken would understand. He wasn't sure he did at times.
"You asked me why I didn't tell you I was alive. Why I didn't come back. It would have killed you if I did."
Ken sat on the couch listening while his father paced the floor.
"Galactor would have gone after you if they knew. Now it's someone in ISO. I know you can take care of yourself. You always could. You're my son. You're all I have. To keep you safe I would do it all again."
There was no apology in his father's voice.
Ken laughed bitterly. "Safe? You've got to be joking."
Kentaro sat on couch his shoulders sagged. "You're not going to make this easy are you?"
Ken stared at him pointedly, but said nothing.
Kentaro looked away from his son and contuinued. His voice was strained. He wasn't sure he could do this.
"I made a lot of mistakes, son. There are too many to count and probably too many to forgive. I can't change the past. I left you and your mother alone. I left you to watch your mother die. Then you found out about me as I was going to die. I wish I could undo these, but I can't. It has tormented me and will until I die."
Ken wasn't sure he believed his father. He had never shown regret or remorse until now.
"Why didn't you tell me who you were? Once I joined the team and fought next to you, I deserved to know." Ken said flatly.
Kentaro looked at his son.
"Maybe you did. I thought it was too dangerous." Kentaro paused. "Remember I was dead. I couldn't come out because Galactor would have killed us. They had a practice of killing whole families as an example. I'd seen them do it too many times, not to believe they wouldn't do it to us."
Ken listened knowing his father was right. Galactor would have killed both of them.
"Why didn't you tell me once I got older. I would have understood." Ken asked softly. His father still had a lot of explaining to do, but he was starting to understand.
"It was intentional. I didn't want you to like me. I didn't want a chance to get close to you. I was kidding myself"
Kentaro sighed.
"I told myself, I couldn't let my feelings cloud my judgment and impair my safety or yours. I was lying to myself. Every time you went out, I was terrified you wouldn't return."
Ken looked at his father surprised. He had always been so distant as Red Impulse. Except in Huntworl, then he had talked to him. He remembered being surprised that he had actually liked him.
Kentaro continued before he lost his nerve to tell his son what he felt.
"I did the only thing I knew how to do. I trained the hell out of all of you. Nambu taught you the skills you needed. I showed you how to be cold-blooded enough to use them. It was the only way I knew to impress on all of you this wasn't a game. It was cold-blooded survival. I didn't care if you hated me for it, so long as you survived."
"I tried to be there whenever I could as Red Impulse. The longer the war continued, the more scared I was for you. The trouble was I got to know you. I was so proud of you. I had no right to you, but still . " Kentaro's voice broke. "As time went on I didn't know how to tell you who I was. I was a coward. I couldn't bring myself to face you. For that I'm sorry, son."
Kentaro looked away and swiped at his eyes. Ken waited patiently for him to compose himself.
After several minutes Ken prompted Kentaro with a more neutral question.
"Why did you let Hakase place me in the KNT project?"
Kentaro laughed bitterly.
"I didn't 'allow' anything. Where the hell did you ever get that idea?"
Ken looked at his father curiously.
"Cain volunteered you while I was away on a mission. Kozi tried to stop him. He threatened to take you away from him. Your mother was very ill by this point, so Kozi agreed to it to keep you. When I came back it was too late. I found you caught in the middle of the whole mess."
There was guilt in his voice as he continued.
"I nearly killed Cain. I refused to take any more deep undercover missions. Cain and I had each other cornered. He needed me. I had the contacts and network in place. He controlled me through you. I refused to leave you alone again. But I couldn't come back as Kentaro Washio either. Red Impulse was the best solution we could find."
Ken sat stunned disbelieving what he was hearing. He was speechless for several minutes. He'd had no idea.
Ken looked at his father. "I wish I had known" he said softly.
Kentaro looked down at his hands.
Ken said nothing absorbing all that he had heard. What would he have done if faced with the same problem. He couldn't even begin to imagine.
Kentaro didn't move. Would his son forgive him and understand?
Ken wanted to know what his father planned for the future. Would he be here once the base was destroyed? Where did they go after this? He wouldn't go through this again.
"What are you going to do?"
"First get the base. Beyond that I don't know. I really haven't thought it out that far." Kentaro answered truthfully.
"Will you vanish again when this is all done?" Ken asked.
"I'd like to stay around a while if you'll have me." Kentaro answered tentatively.
Ken was surprised by the comment. This man was more complicated than the arrogant man he remembered. The old Red Impulse would have never asked Ken's permission. Ken suddenly realized, he wasn't a powerless child anymore. This proud arrogant man was vulnerable to him too.
Ken studied his father carefully. He looked tired and something else. Afraid. Ken was stunned as realized his father was scared. He had never seen him like this before. Ken understood this had to be hard for him. He was used to being in complete control. This was something new.
"What was he thinking?" Kentaro wondered unable to read his son's neutral expression.
"I think I'd like you to stay father." Ken said softly and then smiled at his father. Ken held out his hand in a welcome offering.
Kentaro stared at the offered hand for a second. Then he grabbed his son in a tight embrace. "Thank you, son. Thank you." He choked on the words.
Stunned Ken didn't know quite how to react. He returned the embrace. His father was really home he thought. He couldn't believe it. Both men pulled away and cleared tears from their eyes.
When Kentaro got his emotions under control he looked up. The sun was starting to rise. He looked at his watch and realized they had been awake all night. Kentaro rose from the couch and stretched his long frame.
"I don't know about you, but I need sleep soon or I'm going to fall over." he said.
Ken's laugh turned into a yawn as he got up too. "You're right, I'm beyond tired. Come on." Ken motioned toward the bedroom.
"Take my bed for tonight. I have to clean the other room, and I'm not going to do it now." Ken stated. He grabbed a blanket and pillow from his room and headed for the couch.
Kentaro nodded too tired to argue. He was about to get into bed when he remembered they were supposed to meet with Nambu in a few hours. He went to tell Ken. Ken had fallen sound asleep on the couch still wearing his clothes and shoes.
Kentaro studied his sleeping son. He had forgotten the simple pleasure of simply watching him. He smiled to himself. Ken looked so peaceful and content. Kentaro realized exactly how much he had missed his boy.
He carefully removed his shoes and covered him with the blanket.
"Good night, son" He whispered softly.
Kentaro nodded and followed Ken into the kitchen.
"You have food in your refrigerator?" Kentaro asked surprised.
Ken laughed. "Jun spends a lot more time out here now that the war is over. She keeps the place stocked. She also made me fix it up a bit."
Kentaro laughed. "Good for her." He looked at his son questioning him without the words.
"We're serious." Ken shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. Ken turned away and began to make some sandwiches.
"Good. She's a good woman. Challenging I suspect, but that's good." His father seemed happy with the news. Ken didn't know why it should matter. It was really none of his business after so long, but still he felt pleased with his father's response.
Ken made ham and cheese sandwiches and then pulled a couple of beers from the refrigerator. He gave sandwiches and beer to his father and sat down across from him at the table. They ate in silence with their own thoughts. Neither sure what to do next. The day had been hard for both men.
Ken yawned loudly causing Kentaro to laugh. "I think it's past your bedtime young man."
Ken laughed. A memory of his father saying the exact same thing to him as a child flashed through his mind. His face turned somber as he remembered why his father was really here. He had not come back for his son.
Kentaro looked at Ken as hurt flashed across his face. "What is bothering you, son?" he asked
Ken sighed. This man could always read him too easily. He looked at his father. "Why did you really come back?"
Kentaro looked away for a moment as he composed his thoughts.
"I had no choice." He said softly.
"You wouldn't have come back otherwise. Would you?" Ken accused his voice rising.
"If it wasn't safe for you no, I wouldn't have come back. I would have found some other way to get the information to ISO and you."
There he had said it. It was finally out.
Ken got up and collected the dishes. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. "It's late." He said not looking at his father.
"Ken?" His father called.
He froze at the sink.
"I wanted to come back. I've tried before. It wasn't safe. Coming back would have put you and the team in danger. If someone thought I was still alive, they would have used me to trap you. I couldn't allow that. If not for me, then at for you as Gatchaman. I had to keep you safe. There was no choice. I'm sorry, son."
Ken turned his voice shaking, his blue eyes flashing hurt and rage. "Did it ever occur to you let me know somehow you were alive? Some hint or something. Do you know how many times Galactor tried to trap me? And each time like a damn fool I nearly fell for it."
Ken turned around and braced his hands against the sink. His eyes were filled with tears. He didn't want his father to see him like this.
Kentaro watched as Ken's frame shook. He got up and walked slowly over to his son. He placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm truly sorry son." Kentaro said softly.
Ken whirled and punched his father catching him completely off guard. "You son-of-a-bitch!" He screamed his whole body shaking.
Ken stared at his father. There was hatred in his eyes. "You egotistical bastard! Who gave you the right to play God with my life? You tried to keep me safe. Right! When was I ever safe? You seemed to have no trouble watching me go off to get shot at and blown up for years. You approved of placing me in the KNT project. Then you trained me like some pet for your personal satisfaction."
Kentaro stayed down for a few minutes with Ken towering over him. Then he shook his head clearing the effect of the punch. He slowly he got up from the floor.
He quickly rotated and flipped Ken. He placed him in an arm lock as Ken was trying to prevent himself from falling. He dragged him to the living room and threw him on the couch.
Ken leaped off the couch at his father losing all remnants of his control. Kentaro knew this had been a long time in coming. He deserved it, and knew Ken was entitled to the rage. Kentaro made no attempt to fight back. He guarded himself against the more serious blows, as Ken vented years of rage and hurt.
Kentaro noted gratefully a little later that the ferocity of the attack was lessening. "Good. Get it out, son. Get it all out." He thought.
Kentaro was starting to tire. He needed to end this soon. He was willing to bear the bruises and black eyes if it would help. But serious injury was another matter.
"Enough!" Kentaro commanded grabbing Ken and throwing him on the couch. "Sit down!"
"You and I are going to settle this now." Kentaro's voice held the old air of authority.
Ken sat on the couch his rage immediately chilled by the familiar tone of command in his father's voice. Ken glared at his father and said nothing.
What had happened was starting to register in his mind. He rarely lost control. His mind was reeling. Not only had he lost control, he had just attacked his father!
"My God! What did I--? Are you al-alright?" Ken stammered.
"I'll be a bit sore" Kentaro smiled at him wryly. "You pack one hell of a punch."
"I'm so.." Ken started to apologize.
Kentaro stopped him immediately.
"It's been a long time in coming." Kentaro said looking at Ken intently.
He paused for a few seconds catching his breath, and then continued.
"But don't let it happen again. I won't be so easy on you next time." Kentaro warned taking on his usual sarcastic tone.
In spite of everything Ken couldn't help but smile slightly.
"We need to talk." Kentaro said
Ken nodded still afraid to even speak.
Kentaro regarded his son carefully. "Where do I start?" He mumbled mostly to himself.
Ken sighed. "At the beginning is as good as anywhere. You're here now, so why you're here doesn't really matter anymore." He lied.
The moment that Kentaro had dreamed of was here. He hoped Ken would understand. He wasn't sure he did at times.
"You asked me why I didn't tell you I was alive. Why I didn't come back. It would have killed you if I did."
Ken sat on the couch listening while his father paced the floor.
"Galactor would have gone after you if they knew. Now it's someone in ISO. I know you can take care of yourself. You always could. You're my son. You're all I have. To keep you safe I would do it all again."
There was no apology in his father's voice.
Ken laughed bitterly. "Safe? You've got to be joking."
Kentaro sat on couch his shoulders sagged. "You're not going to make this easy are you?"
Ken stared at him pointedly, but said nothing.
Kentaro looked away from his son and contuinued. His voice was strained. He wasn't sure he could do this.
"I made a lot of mistakes, son. There are too many to count and probably too many to forgive. I can't change the past. I left you and your mother alone. I left you to watch your mother die. Then you found out about me as I was going to die. I wish I could undo these, but I can't. It has tormented me and will until I die."
Ken wasn't sure he believed his father. He had never shown regret or remorse until now.
"Why didn't you tell me who you were? Once I joined the team and fought next to you, I deserved to know." Ken said flatly.
Kentaro looked at his son.
"Maybe you did. I thought it was too dangerous." Kentaro paused. "Remember I was dead. I couldn't come out because Galactor would have killed us. They had a practice of killing whole families as an example. I'd seen them do it too many times, not to believe they wouldn't do it to us."
Ken listened knowing his father was right. Galactor would have killed both of them.
"Why didn't you tell me once I got older. I would have understood." Ken asked softly. His father still had a lot of explaining to do, but he was starting to understand.
"It was intentional. I didn't want you to like me. I didn't want a chance to get close to you. I was kidding myself"
Kentaro sighed.
"I told myself, I couldn't let my feelings cloud my judgment and impair my safety or yours. I was lying to myself. Every time you went out, I was terrified you wouldn't return."
Ken looked at his father surprised. He had always been so distant as Red Impulse. Except in Huntworl, then he had talked to him. He remembered being surprised that he had actually liked him.
Kentaro continued before he lost his nerve to tell his son what he felt.
"I did the only thing I knew how to do. I trained the hell out of all of you. Nambu taught you the skills you needed. I showed you how to be cold-blooded enough to use them. It was the only way I knew to impress on all of you this wasn't a game. It was cold-blooded survival. I didn't care if you hated me for it, so long as you survived."
"I tried to be there whenever I could as Red Impulse. The longer the war continued, the more scared I was for you. The trouble was I got to know you. I was so proud of you. I had no right to you, but still . " Kentaro's voice broke. "As time went on I didn't know how to tell you who I was. I was a coward. I couldn't bring myself to face you. For that I'm sorry, son."
Kentaro looked away and swiped at his eyes. Ken waited patiently for him to compose himself.
After several minutes Ken prompted Kentaro with a more neutral question.
"Why did you let Hakase place me in the KNT project?"
Kentaro laughed bitterly.
"I didn't 'allow' anything. Where the hell did you ever get that idea?"
Ken looked at his father curiously.
"Cain volunteered you while I was away on a mission. Kozi tried to stop him. He threatened to take you away from him. Your mother was very ill by this point, so Kozi agreed to it to keep you. When I came back it was too late. I found you caught in the middle of the whole mess."
There was guilt in his voice as he continued.
"I nearly killed Cain. I refused to take any more deep undercover missions. Cain and I had each other cornered. He needed me. I had the contacts and network in place. He controlled me through you. I refused to leave you alone again. But I couldn't come back as Kentaro Washio either. Red Impulse was the best solution we could find."
Ken sat stunned disbelieving what he was hearing. He was speechless for several minutes. He'd had no idea.
Ken looked at his father. "I wish I had known" he said softly.
Kentaro looked down at his hands.
Ken said nothing absorbing all that he had heard. What would he have done if faced with the same problem. He couldn't even begin to imagine.
Kentaro didn't move. Would his son forgive him and understand?
Ken wanted to know what his father planned for the future. Would he be here once the base was destroyed? Where did they go after this? He wouldn't go through this again.
"What are you going to do?"
"First get the base. Beyond that I don't know. I really haven't thought it out that far." Kentaro answered truthfully.
"Will you vanish again when this is all done?" Ken asked.
"I'd like to stay around a while if you'll have me." Kentaro answered tentatively.
Ken was surprised by the comment. This man was more complicated than the arrogant man he remembered. The old Red Impulse would have never asked Ken's permission. Ken suddenly realized, he wasn't a powerless child anymore. This proud arrogant man was vulnerable to him too.
Ken studied his father carefully. He looked tired and something else. Afraid. Ken was stunned as realized his father was scared. He had never seen him like this before. Ken understood this had to be hard for him. He was used to being in complete control. This was something new.
"What was he thinking?" Kentaro wondered unable to read his son's neutral expression.
"I think I'd like you to stay father." Ken said softly and then smiled at his father. Ken held out his hand in a welcome offering.
Kentaro stared at the offered hand for a second. Then he grabbed his son in a tight embrace. "Thank you, son. Thank you." He choked on the words.
Stunned Ken didn't know quite how to react. He returned the embrace. His father was really home he thought. He couldn't believe it. Both men pulled away and cleared tears from their eyes.
When Kentaro got his emotions under control he looked up. The sun was starting to rise. He looked at his watch and realized they had been awake all night. Kentaro rose from the couch and stretched his long frame.
"I don't know about you, but I need sleep soon or I'm going to fall over." he said.
Ken's laugh turned into a yawn as he got up too. "You're right, I'm beyond tired. Come on." Ken motioned toward the bedroom.
"Take my bed for tonight. I have to clean the other room, and I'm not going to do it now." Ken stated. He grabbed a blanket and pillow from his room and headed for the couch.
Kentaro nodded too tired to argue. He was about to get into bed when he remembered they were supposed to meet with Nambu in a few hours. He went to tell Ken. Ken had fallen sound asleep on the couch still wearing his clothes and shoes.
Kentaro studied his sleeping son. He had forgotten the simple pleasure of simply watching him. He smiled to himself. Ken looked so peaceful and content. Kentaro realized exactly how much he had missed his boy.
He carefully removed his shoes and covered him with the blanket.
"Good night, son" He whispered softly.