Disclaimer: *sigh* I don't own anything. How many times do I have to tell
you?
Dedication: To everyone - correction, anyone - who read my original story, tried to review it, but couldn't because I accidentally clicked on the box that said I don't accept anonymous reviews. Opps!
~*~Many, many thanks to everyone for the fabulous ways to annoy McGonagall. They were stupendous! Amazing! Fabulous! I'm still laughing. I collected more or less 140 possible ways just from you! Wow! Thanks! Keep it up! Also, a big hug to those of you who felt pity for poor Professor McGonagall. So sad. Oh, some of you are asking why 5th year isn't winning. Just remember that the best don't always get what they deserve. *hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, raise eyebrows* Hmm, did I say too much? Anyway, updated! Read!
THE TOP 77 WAYS TO ANNOY SNAPE
Chapter 6
All week, the students were buzzing about ways to annoy Professor McGonagall. Most were more than happy to think of such ways, but some were rather uneasy. This included Harry. McGonagall was never mean to him, specifically, like the others were. In his second year, hadn't she prevented him from being expelled? Reluctantly, Harry decided to go along with it. It was just a game, after all.
Hermione, however, took a more radical approach. As soon as she learned that Professor McGonagall was to be the next victim, she marched right up to Fred and George who were in the common room, no doubt plotting who should be the next "buddy."
"How about Lockhart?" George asked.
"No, anyone below fourth year doesn't know about him," Fred answered, shaking his head.
"What right do you have to do that to Professor McGonagall. I'm not denying that Malfoy didn't deserve it, but what did McGonagall ever do to you?" she demanded, Prefect badge gleaming.
Fred looked up from his parchment. "Come on, Hermione, it's just a game."
"Well, like I said before, this game could get you guys into a lot of trouble."
"Who's going to tell on us?" George asked. "You?"
"You never know, I just might."
"You'll have a job doing that," Fred continued.
"Why's that?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
"We've put a hex on the entire school," George said. "And if someone tries to tell a teacher, than they'll forget what they were going to say, confess some other random secret, and then boils will spring up on their face."
"Seems like you've gone through a lot of trouble," Hermione said scathingly.
"Well, we had to, didn't we?" Fred said.
"What exactly is this hex, then?" she asked.
"Equininean. Why?"
"Never mind. I still don't think that you should do this to Professor McGonagall, though. Just think about, okay?"
"Okay, we'll think about it."
And without any more said, she tramped out of the Gryffindor Tower.
***
"Welcome to the Top 49 Ways to Annoy Professor McGonagall!" Fred shouted over the commotion in the common room that Saturday night. Each year was congregated into their respected corners, and the twins were in the front of the room, wearing kilts and cat ears. Seven papers were brought to his hands the moment they walked into the room as everyone was anxious to begin.
"Let's get started. I know that we all have Transfiguration homework to do," he said. "Third year. One: At Halloween, carve a pumpkin that looks like her. Make the bun out of hairballs that you claim she coughed up in her catlike state." A few people giggled. "Two: Ask her how long she and Dumbledore have been going out. Is there much of an age difference? Three: Pretend you can't see her. Look around and announce that, since the teacher has not arrived, you will teach the class. Proceed to teach her. Four: Bring a crystal ball with you to class, and predict that something horrible will happen to you. When she says to stop fooling around with that nonsense and get to work, yell, "Oh, no! Real work! Something horrible did happen!"
"No!" George shouted. "Work! The most horrid thing in the English language!"
"Five: Ask her a question about a very complex spell, and when she's done, look up from your divination homework and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Care to explain it again?" Six: Put a spell on her so she can only speak Japanese. Tell the class, "I don't know what's wrong with her. It's like she's not even talking in English." Seven: Never speak English, or Japanese. Speak Hebrew just to confuse her more. What a great start to annoy our favorite professor."
"Next! First year!" George shouted. "One: Each time she demonstrates a spell, giggle and whisper, "Amateur.""
"And that's coming from a first year!"
"Two: Every time you see her, ask, "What's new, pussycat?" Three: Offer her a Skiving Snackbox at a bargain price. Four: Make Trelawny Rulz McGonagall Droolz badges. Didn't third year suggest that at the very start? Not very creative guys, but if it works. Five: Put a dungbomb in her bun. Six: Sing the Meow Mix song through all of her classes. And Seven: Send her kitty treats with a love letter from Snape. What a cute couple."
To their surprise, nearly everyone in the tower was smiling. "Hmm, not bad first years."
"Finally up to scratch. Well, almost," George said.
"Next is sixth years. One: Send her a love letter, sign it Snape. Be sure to mention how sexy her hair is. Now what's the age difference of them? Two: Give her a picture of what she and Snape's children might look like. Eww," Fred shuttered. "Bad mental picture. Anyway, three: Put rum into her glass and Snape's, and see what happens. Like I said, 'Eww.' Four: Have Peeves "improve" her wardrobe."
"No doubt it will look like this, only pink, brown and green," George interrupted, gesturing to his kilt.
"Five: Transfigure her hair from a tight bun into long, silky, flowing, blond hair that seems to blow gently as if in a gentle breeze. McGonagall a veela. I think I'm going to say this a lot today, but, eww. Six: If she tries to give you detention, say, "Come on, Professor. Didn't you ever get caught snogging someone in the broom closet when you were in school?" Watch her reaction." He tried to conceal his laughter. "Bet it was Snape. Well, seven: Send her a bouquet of flowers with a card that reads: To My luv muffin From Sir Studly Snape." This time, Fred wasn't able to keep his laughter to himself. "Luv muffin," he muttered in between loud giggles.
"I'll handle the next one. More fun for me," George said, grabbing the next list. "Seventh year!" he shouted to much applause. "One: Call her McGonagoggle. Yet again, seventh year has proven how immature they are." There were several shrieks of joy from the seventh years as if that was their goal all along. "Two: When she's asleep, stick fake fur over her face, and when she gets up, ask why she's decided to come to breakfast in her animagus form. Three: Get Fred to kiss her."
"Oh, come on, Angelina," Fred said, once again, trying not to laugh. "I would never. You're my luv muffin." And he doubled over laughing again.
"My turn: Eww. A bit of an over share. Well, on with the show," George said. "Four: Look up suddenly in the middle of her lecture and ask, "How were we supposed to transfigure matches into needles again?" That would make her mad. Five: Invite the Ravenclaws into Gryffindor common room for a party at midnight."
"Yes!" Fred exclaimed, recovering from his spurts of laughter. "Unsupervised party in the common room!"
"Six: Make widely available transfiguration techniques immature students don't need to know about. Whoa, is that appropriate for the first years to hear? Oh, well; they'll hear soon enough. Seven: Invite her to a social event in Gryffindor common room. The event just happens to be Fred and George reading the Top 49 Ways to Annoy McGonagall."
"Oh, we're touched," Fred said, whipping away a fake tear. "How about fourth year. One: Walk up to her and say, "I don't care what everyone else says Professor, I still say you don't look a day over 60." Err...Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?...Two: Organize a kitty party for her, Mrs. Norris and Crookshanks. Serve milk and catnip. Three: Ask her if she and Crookshanks had a good night on the town last night."
"Ooh, Hermione's cat and McGonagall. But is it better than McGonagoogle and Snape?"
"Four: Dangle a sock full of catnip in her face; see if she tries to catch it. Five: Cover her classroom with kitty litter. As I once said - Eww. Six: Convince Peeves to destroy all of the OWL tests." At this, the fifth years cheered, along with the fourth who would have to take them the following year.
"Wish he would have done that our fifth year."
"Hey, think we could convince Peeves to get rid of our N.E.W.T. tests?"
George shrugged. "That's something to think about. What if we -" He suddenly became aware that everyone was still watching him. "Oh, sorry, that information is classified."
"Let's go on, shall we? Seven: When she gets mad at you, hiss at her."
"Fifth year," George continued.
Harry looked over at Ron who was smiling broadly. 'Will we win this week?' Harry thought to himself. It just seemed so unfair. They had had some of the best suggestions the last couple times, but still hadn't received a single point. The only other team doing as worse as they were was the first years. Why weren't they winning? This feeling of injustice was nothing to how Ron felt, however.
"One," George said, bringing Harry back to consciousness, "Get Malfoy to tell her that her tight bun doesn't work with her complexion, as it causes some light pattern dryness in the scalp."
"Great," Fred said, "Detention for Malfoy and laughs for us."
"Two: Ask her if she could change her desk into Professor Snape again. When she argues that she never has turned it into Snape, remind her "Yes you did, it was one of the first things you showed us EVER! Although, he looked slightly shorter, rounder and pinker...And not to mention he was on all fours..." Three: Do your Divination homework in her class; ask her for help. Four: Go into a trance in her class and say in a deep voice, "The strength of the school is waning... One has come who intends to destroy us... The one with the face like a toad will conquer... And ones without talent will teach all the classes... Beware, for all who stand in her way are in mortal peril... The one with a face like a toad is here..."" The twins couldn't help but laugh aloud.
"The one with a face like a toad." Fred said overdramatically. "Yes!" They soon managed to retain their laughter long enough to finish their list.
"Five: Run up to her, hug her, and say "Aw, your such a pretty kitty! But I think we need to get you spayed!" Six: Tell her that Harry is quitting Quidditch so he can spend more time getting himself landed in detention. But we need you mate!" George said, indignantly. "And seven: Start talking in a Scottish accent whenever near her, saying stuff like "Ye canne take me wee lassy from me, laddy!"" They doubled over in silent laughter once again.
Harry glanced at Ron who smiled still more broadly. He turned and winked at Harry. They had this one for sure.
"Okay, okay. We have, what, err, second year!" Fred said when they were able to control themselves. "One: One word - catnip. Two: Transfigure your assignment into a mouse. When she approaches you, yell, "No! You can't eat Harold!" Three: Call Transfiguration "Transmortification." When she corrects you, call it "Transmigration," then "Transflagration." Four: When she asks you a question, answer "Forty-two." When she gets confused, explain that the answer to everything is forty-two. Five: Hyperventilate whenever she says they'll be transfiguring something today. Work - the scariest thing in the universe." He shuttered. "Six: When she asks you to transfigure something, transfigure it into a dungbomb and throw it at her. And the last possible way to annoy Professor McGonagall: Call her the Wicked Witch of the West and have dozens of Umbridge clones dance around her in circles singing, "We welcome you to Umbridge Land.""
As the final bit of laughter died down from the room, Fred caught everyone's attention. "Well, that's it."
"It did seem rather short, though, didn't it?"
"Short but sweet. We'll be down in a moment to tell you who won." With that said, they exited up the stairs to the boy's dormitories.
There was much cheerful murmuring among the students. They waited several minutes before Fred and George made their way back down the stairs. They hopped into the table at the front of the room as everyone cheered. Fred cleared his throat.
"Well, it took a while, but we've decided. Second place goes to second year for having Umbridges dance around her singing. Fifty points for you!" The second years' cheers filled the hall.
"Yes, yes. Now, first place goes to - oh, by the way, we're offering to do anyone's transfiguration homework if they agree to be testers for our Skiving Snackboxes. We're still working out a few bugs. Literally. Details -"
"Oh, get on with it!" someone from the opposite side of the room called.
"Okay, okay. First place goes to - seventh year for sticking fur over her face for the school to enjoy!" The seventh years supporters - or the seventh years, themselves - erupted with applause.
"Bless the seventh years; you are wonderful!" Fred said, beaming.
"But, wait! That's not all."
"That's right. We've picked the prefect buddy for next week."
"There's no better."
"Next week, we'll be finding the Top 42 Ways to Annoy our favorite Prefect - Hermione Granger!"
As the laughter died away and several people went up to bed, Harry got over the initial shock. He looked over at Ron who was still staring openmouthed at his twin brothers. His face fell, and he slowly got up, and trudged up the stairs to the dormitories.
~*~Oh no! Not Hermione! Poor Hermione. I love her so much, but this is what the Weasley twins in my head said they wanted. *shrug* So, with much regret, I do need ways to annoy Hermione. Please? Also I love your reviews. They make me so happy. Lots of love, Carmen
Dedication: To everyone - correction, anyone - who read my original story, tried to review it, but couldn't because I accidentally clicked on the box that said I don't accept anonymous reviews. Opps!
~*~Many, many thanks to everyone for the fabulous ways to annoy McGonagall. They were stupendous! Amazing! Fabulous! I'm still laughing. I collected more or less 140 possible ways just from you! Wow! Thanks! Keep it up! Also, a big hug to those of you who felt pity for poor Professor McGonagall. So sad. Oh, some of you are asking why 5th year isn't winning. Just remember that the best don't always get what they deserve. *hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, raise eyebrows* Hmm, did I say too much? Anyway, updated! Read!
THE TOP 77 WAYS TO ANNOY SNAPE
Chapter 6
All week, the students were buzzing about ways to annoy Professor McGonagall. Most were more than happy to think of such ways, but some were rather uneasy. This included Harry. McGonagall was never mean to him, specifically, like the others were. In his second year, hadn't she prevented him from being expelled? Reluctantly, Harry decided to go along with it. It was just a game, after all.
Hermione, however, took a more radical approach. As soon as she learned that Professor McGonagall was to be the next victim, she marched right up to Fred and George who were in the common room, no doubt plotting who should be the next "buddy."
"How about Lockhart?" George asked.
"No, anyone below fourth year doesn't know about him," Fred answered, shaking his head.
"What right do you have to do that to Professor McGonagall. I'm not denying that Malfoy didn't deserve it, but what did McGonagall ever do to you?" she demanded, Prefect badge gleaming.
Fred looked up from his parchment. "Come on, Hermione, it's just a game."
"Well, like I said before, this game could get you guys into a lot of trouble."
"Who's going to tell on us?" George asked. "You?"
"You never know, I just might."
"You'll have a job doing that," Fred continued.
"Why's that?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
"We've put a hex on the entire school," George said. "And if someone tries to tell a teacher, than they'll forget what they were going to say, confess some other random secret, and then boils will spring up on their face."
"Seems like you've gone through a lot of trouble," Hermione said scathingly.
"Well, we had to, didn't we?" Fred said.
"What exactly is this hex, then?" she asked.
"Equininean. Why?"
"Never mind. I still don't think that you should do this to Professor McGonagall, though. Just think about, okay?"
"Okay, we'll think about it."
And without any more said, she tramped out of the Gryffindor Tower.
***
"Welcome to the Top 49 Ways to Annoy Professor McGonagall!" Fred shouted over the commotion in the common room that Saturday night. Each year was congregated into their respected corners, and the twins were in the front of the room, wearing kilts and cat ears. Seven papers were brought to his hands the moment they walked into the room as everyone was anxious to begin.
"Let's get started. I know that we all have Transfiguration homework to do," he said. "Third year. One: At Halloween, carve a pumpkin that looks like her. Make the bun out of hairballs that you claim she coughed up in her catlike state." A few people giggled. "Two: Ask her how long she and Dumbledore have been going out. Is there much of an age difference? Three: Pretend you can't see her. Look around and announce that, since the teacher has not arrived, you will teach the class. Proceed to teach her. Four: Bring a crystal ball with you to class, and predict that something horrible will happen to you. When she says to stop fooling around with that nonsense and get to work, yell, "Oh, no! Real work! Something horrible did happen!"
"No!" George shouted. "Work! The most horrid thing in the English language!"
"Five: Ask her a question about a very complex spell, and when she's done, look up from your divination homework and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Care to explain it again?" Six: Put a spell on her so she can only speak Japanese. Tell the class, "I don't know what's wrong with her. It's like she's not even talking in English." Seven: Never speak English, or Japanese. Speak Hebrew just to confuse her more. What a great start to annoy our favorite professor."
"Next! First year!" George shouted. "One: Each time she demonstrates a spell, giggle and whisper, "Amateur.""
"And that's coming from a first year!"
"Two: Every time you see her, ask, "What's new, pussycat?" Three: Offer her a Skiving Snackbox at a bargain price. Four: Make Trelawny Rulz McGonagall Droolz badges. Didn't third year suggest that at the very start? Not very creative guys, but if it works. Five: Put a dungbomb in her bun. Six: Sing the Meow Mix song through all of her classes. And Seven: Send her kitty treats with a love letter from Snape. What a cute couple."
To their surprise, nearly everyone in the tower was smiling. "Hmm, not bad first years."
"Finally up to scratch. Well, almost," George said.
"Next is sixth years. One: Send her a love letter, sign it Snape. Be sure to mention how sexy her hair is. Now what's the age difference of them? Two: Give her a picture of what she and Snape's children might look like. Eww," Fred shuttered. "Bad mental picture. Anyway, three: Put rum into her glass and Snape's, and see what happens. Like I said, 'Eww.' Four: Have Peeves "improve" her wardrobe."
"No doubt it will look like this, only pink, brown and green," George interrupted, gesturing to his kilt.
"Five: Transfigure her hair from a tight bun into long, silky, flowing, blond hair that seems to blow gently as if in a gentle breeze. McGonagall a veela. I think I'm going to say this a lot today, but, eww. Six: If she tries to give you detention, say, "Come on, Professor. Didn't you ever get caught snogging someone in the broom closet when you were in school?" Watch her reaction." He tried to conceal his laughter. "Bet it was Snape. Well, seven: Send her a bouquet of flowers with a card that reads: To My luv muffin From Sir Studly Snape." This time, Fred wasn't able to keep his laughter to himself. "Luv muffin," he muttered in between loud giggles.
"I'll handle the next one. More fun for me," George said, grabbing the next list. "Seventh year!" he shouted to much applause. "One: Call her McGonagoggle. Yet again, seventh year has proven how immature they are." There were several shrieks of joy from the seventh years as if that was their goal all along. "Two: When she's asleep, stick fake fur over her face, and when she gets up, ask why she's decided to come to breakfast in her animagus form. Three: Get Fred to kiss her."
"Oh, come on, Angelina," Fred said, once again, trying not to laugh. "I would never. You're my luv muffin." And he doubled over laughing again.
"My turn: Eww. A bit of an over share. Well, on with the show," George said. "Four: Look up suddenly in the middle of her lecture and ask, "How were we supposed to transfigure matches into needles again?" That would make her mad. Five: Invite the Ravenclaws into Gryffindor common room for a party at midnight."
"Yes!" Fred exclaimed, recovering from his spurts of laughter. "Unsupervised party in the common room!"
"Six: Make widely available transfiguration techniques immature students don't need to know about. Whoa, is that appropriate for the first years to hear? Oh, well; they'll hear soon enough. Seven: Invite her to a social event in Gryffindor common room. The event just happens to be Fred and George reading the Top 49 Ways to Annoy McGonagall."
"Oh, we're touched," Fred said, whipping away a fake tear. "How about fourth year. One: Walk up to her and say, "I don't care what everyone else says Professor, I still say you don't look a day over 60." Err...Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?...Two: Organize a kitty party for her, Mrs. Norris and Crookshanks. Serve milk and catnip. Three: Ask her if she and Crookshanks had a good night on the town last night."
"Ooh, Hermione's cat and McGonagall. But is it better than McGonagoogle and Snape?"
"Four: Dangle a sock full of catnip in her face; see if she tries to catch it. Five: Cover her classroom with kitty litter. As I once said - Eww. Six: Convince Peeves to destroy all of the OWL tests." At this, the fifth years cheered, along with the fourth who would have to take them the following year.
"Wish he would have done that our fifth year."
"Hey, think we could convince Peeves to get rid of our N.E.W.T. tests?"
George shrugged. "That's something to think about. What if we -" He suddenly became aware that everyone was still watching him. "Oh, sorry, that information is classified."
"Let's go on, shall we? Seven: When she gets mad at you, hiss at her."
"Fifth year," George continued.
Harry looked over at Ron who was smiling broadly. 'Will we win this week?' Harry thought to himself. It just seemed so unfair. They had had some of the best suggestions the last couple times, but still hadn't received a single point. The only other team doing as worse as they were was the first years. Why weren't they winning? This feeling of injustice was nothing to how Ron felt, however.
"One," George said, bringing Harry back to consciousness, "Get Malfoy to tell her that her tight bun doesn't work with her complexion, as it causes some light pattern dryness in the scalp."
"Great," Fred said, "Detention for Malfoy and laughs for us."
"Two: Ask her if she could change her desk into Professor Snape again. When she argues that she never has turned it into Snape, remind her "Yes you did, it was one of the first things you showed us EVER! Although, he looked slightly shorter, rounder and pinker...And not to mention he was on all fours..." Three: Do your Divination homework in her class; ask her for help. Four: Go into a trance in her class and say in a deep voice, "The strength of the school is waning... One has come who intends to destroy us... The one with the face like a toad will conquer... And ones without talent will teach all the classes... Beware, for all who stand in her way are in mortal peril... The one with a face like a toad is here..."" The twins couldn't help but laugh aloud.
"The one with a face like a toad." Fred said overdramatically. "Yes!" They soon managed to retain their laughter long enough to finish their list.
"Five: Run up to her, hug her, and say "Aw, your such a pretty kitty! But I think we need to get you spayed!" Six: Tell her that Harry is quitting Quidditch so he can spend more time getting himself landed in detention. But we need you mate!" George said, indignantly. "And seven: Start talking in a Scottish accent whenever near her, saying stuff like "Ye canne take me wee lassy from me, laddy!"" They doubled over in silent laughter once again.
Harry glanced at Ron who smiled still more broadly. He turned and winked at Harry. They had this one for sure.
"Okay, okay. We have, what, err, second year!" Fred said when they were able to control themselves. "One: One word - catnip. Two: Transfigure your assignment into a mouse. When she approaches you, yell, "No! You can't eat Harold!" Three: Call Transfiguration "Transmortification." When she corrects you, call it "Transmigration," then "Transflagration." Four: When she asks you a question, answer "Forty-two." When she gets confused, explain that the answer to everything is forty-two. Five: Hyperventilate whenever she says they'll be transfiguring something today. Work - the scariest thing in the universe." He shuttered. "Six: When she asks you to transfigure something, transfigure it into a dungbomb and throw it at her. And the last possible way to annoy Professor McGonagall: Call her the Wicked Witch of the West and have dozens of Umbridge clones dance around her in circles singing, "We welcome you to Umbridge Land.""
As the final bit of laughter died down from the room, Fred caught everyone's attention. "Well, that's it."
"It did seem rather short, though, didn't it?"
"Short but sweet. We'll be down in a moment to tell you who won." With that said, they exited up the stairs to the boy's dormitories.
There was much cheerful murmuring among the students. They waited several minutes before Fred and George made their way back down the stairs. They hopped into the table at the front of the room as everyone cheered. Fred cleared his throat.
"Well, it took a while, but we've decided. Second place goes to second year for having Umbridges dance around her singing. Fifty points for you!" The second years' cheers filled the hall.
"Yes, yes. Now, first place goes to - oh, by the way, we're offering to do anyone's transfiguration homework if they agree to be testers for our Skiving Snackboxes. We're still working out a few bugs. Literally. Details -"
"Oh, get on with it!" someone from the opposite side of the room called.
"Okay, okay. First place goes to - seventh year for sticking fur over her face for the school to enjoy!" The seventh years supporters - or the seventh years, themselves - erupted with applause.
"Bless the seventh years; you are wonderful!" Fred said, beaming.
"But, wait! That's not all."
"That's right. We've picked the prefect buddy for next week."
"There's no better."
"Next week, we'll be finding the Top 42 Ways to Annoy our favorite Prefect - Hermione Granger!"
As the laughter died away and several people went up to bed, Harry got over the initial shock. He looked over at Ron who was still staring openmouthed at his twin brothers. His face fell, and he slowly got up, and trudged up the stairs to the dormitories.
~*~Oh no! Not Hermione! Poor Hermione. I love her so much, but this is what the Weasley twins in my head said they wanted. *shrug* So, with much regret, I do need ways to annoy Hermione. Please? Also I love your reviews. They make me so happy. Lots of love, Carmen