Dedication: To whoever thought of fanfiction. It amuses me so much.
~*~Thanks to everyone who sent in ways to annoy Hermione. I'm not evil. Trust me. I love Hermione so much. In fact, I'm very much like her: perfectionist, bookworm, and all that. This is just the way the story goes. So read on!
THE TOP 77 WAYS TO ANNOY SNAPE
Chapter 7
"Welcome to the Top 42 Ways to Annoy Hermione!" Fred shouted over the applause the next Saturday. This time, the twins had managed to charm their red hair into a dark brownish color identical to Hermione's. They had also made their hair so bushy that it looked like something very close to an afro.
"The great Prefects of Mischief demand that we begin!" George yelled as each year brought their parchment up to the front table.
Once they had all of the papers, Fred spoke. "Let's start with - hang on, we're missing one," he said, shuffling through the papers in his hand. "Where's fifth year?"
Everyone in the hall looked around, but there were absolutely no fifth years in the common room. The only other person absent was Ginny, which wasn't quite a surprise, as she refused to participate in the contest since she heard about annoying Mrs. Norris.
"Their loss," George muttered, shrugging. "On with the show!"
"You know, George and I were thinking," Fred began.
"Oh! Well, that's something you haven't done before," Angelina yelled. "If you did that more often, maybe you wouldn't be such a prat!" George shook his head. Nearly the entire room knew that she and Fred had their first fight just that week. Apparently they weren't taking it well.
"Yes, well, if someone would just compromise instead of being power- hungry, maybe I wouldn't be such a prat!" Fred retorted.
"What did we say before, Fred?" George said, turning to his brother. "Keep your problems to yourself. The entire Gryffindor tower doesn't need to hear them."
Fred took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, George and I were doing some thinking about the best way to annoy our dear friend Hermione - because she is our friend, you know," he added.
"Well, we decided that our favorite way to bug her would be to use our dear little brother Ronnikin's amazing pickup line of, 'Hey, you're a girl, aren't you?'"
Fred shook his head smiling. "We can learn so much from him."
"Although stealing all of her books and use them as plates, frisbees, stacking blocks and stuff is appealing."
"So let's see what you've come up with. Third year. One: Dress up like her and go around with your nose in a book bumping into things. Two: Practice the levitating spell loudly whenever she is within earshot. Stubbornly insist it is pronounced 'Wen-gur-dum Lev-o-sa' when she tries to correct you."
"But of course it is. That is the spell for whenever you want to make someone grow feathers out of their head," George said matter-of-factly. Then he realized that everyone was staring at him. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yes, but no one heard it," Fred said, turning to the crowd and giving them a wink. "Three: Offer to hand out the marked transfiguration papers, and put a T on it that only she can see. Watch as she frantically runs around asking teachers about it. Four: Alter a picture so that it looks like she is snogging Malfoy." Fred shuttered. "Ewww. Anyway, five: Scrub the common room floor with her elf hats. Say loudly, 'Yeah, I found these rags under some parchment. They work wonders on the dirt.'"
"So that's what those are for!"
"And six: Say, 'Oh, yes, I went over to Vicky Krum's over the summer. We're quite fond of each other.' Show her a love letter seemingly written in his handwriting."
"Well, that's a good start. Let's go onto the second years. One: Hex her so all she can do is talk weird...'Hey, like professor, what do you mean sit down? I am sitting... oh you mean take out your wands? Sorry.'"
"She'd be worse than us!"
"Two: Tell her that McGonnagal quit to go on her summer fling Crookshanks Three: Tell her that Professor Snape was seen making out with a photo of her."
"I've been doing this a lot lately, but - Ewww."
"Four: Tell her that you just found out you failed your big Transfiguration exam. Then confess that you copied from her paper. Five: Cast a spell on her books so that all the words will magically erase whenever she opens one. Oh, dear, what would she do?" He gave a short laugh. "Six: Steal her diary and tell her that a little cat with shredded remains of paper caught in its claws told you about her secret obsession with Ron."
"You see, isn't it obvious? Even we can see that they're madly in love." Fred batted his eyelashes and said, "Oh, Ron!" The room went silent as everyone stared at him. He stopped and looked around. "What? Okay, let's just move on," he said, shaking off a dead weight by rolling his shoulders back. "Seventh years!"
As always, there was a great applause from the other side of the room. "Okay, okay, settle down now. One: Ask her how magic works, and when she begins explaining say, 'No, no, you have it all wrong. Magic comes from inside living things, and it gathers together in little streams that join together to become ley-lines, which eventually join with other ley-lines at nodes...' Two: Be Fred and George. So true."
"We're honored!" George said, and they both took a deep bow.
"Three: In her sleep, bleach her hair and style it into spikes. Would it look better than this, though?" Fred said, pointing to his own hair and smiling. "Four: Burn all the books and tell her that the teachers have left the school."
"Yes!"
"Five: Sneak into her room at 2 A.M. and make a loud popping noise with your wand. When she wakes up, say, "Damn. Just apparated in and missed my target. Sorry." Then walk out. Six: Look skeptically at her and Fred." At this Fred paused and looked up at Angelina with a questionable expression. "Are you still making that joke?" Angelina merely looked away from him. He paused for a moment, looking extremely uncomfortable. "Look, Angelina," he finally blurted out, stepping down from the table, "I'm sorry about that whole thing. It was my fault. Let's just not fight anymore, okay?" He was standing next to Angelina now, who was looking at the floor. After yet another awkward pause, she looked up smiling and gave Fred a hug. There were many catcalls and whistles coming from the other seventh years, but it was a while before they heard them. Then, quite suddenly, Fred said, "Hey, why's everyone looking at me? Gosh, some people are just so nosy."
George laughed and picked up the next list. "Okay. Here we go with fourth years. One: Tell her she doesn't have what it takes to be good at Divinations."
"They told us that," Fred said, from his new seat next to his girlfriend. "All because our predictions had to do with Filch falling into the lake." He shook his head. "But we were so good!"
"Remember what we talked about. Two: Then tell her that Arithmancy is just another form of Divination. Three: Worship Professor Trelawny. Four: Get Parvati and Lavender to give her a makeover."
"But she wouldn't look prettier than you, Angelina!" Fred said, beaming.
"Five: Lock her in a broom closet with Malfoy and tell them to be friends."
"Eww!" Fred shouted, actually falling out of his seat.
"Six: Boast about how you saw a Crumple-Horned Snorcack on holiday and that Luna Lovegood actually caught one."
As the steady laughs died down, George took the next list off the top of the pile. "Next we have -," he glanced at the heading. "Oh, great. Fred come on! It's your turn! Stop snogging your girlfriend and come read the first years!"
"Fine," Fred said, trudging back up to the table. He sighed. "I hope you know you ruined a perfectly good moment. Okay. One: Don't do your homework. Simple, yet it works. Two: Charm your hair to be bushy and brown."
"Oh, but we already have!" George said.
"Three: Get better grades than her. Of course that would annoy her! A first year beating her! Four: Tell her that you've got a date with Ron tonight. Here we go! Five: Start singing 'Ron and Hermione, sitting in a tree, K-I-S- S-I-N-G!' whenever you see them together, even if Harry's with them. And six: Lock her and Ron in a broom cupboard and tell them to stop fighting and be 'friends.'"
At this, something happened that no one in the hall expected. George stepped off the table, walked up to a cowering first year and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "Very good, I approve," he said smiling. "You know," he added thoughtfully, "I never knew that the first years would suggest something like that. Take that, Ron!"
Then, something even more shocking occurred. The portrait hole opened and in strolled Hermione closely followed by Ginny. They walked in silence, heads held high, with triumphant and superior looks on their faces. Then, to everyone's surprise, they walked up the staircase to the boy's dormitories. As they heard a distant door close, Fred and George burst out with laughter.
"Looks like they don't need that broom cupboard, eh?" Fred said smirking.
"And Harry may be getting a visitor, too." George added climbing back to the table. "Well, that was interesting. Anyway, we've got one more list. Sixth year! One: Very loudly, say how unimportant the O.W.L.s are and that it really doesn't matter if you fail them or not."
"Well, they aren't all that important," Fred said. "Only for prats like Percy who want to be the Minister of Bigheads."
"We got a total of three O.W.L.s and we're perfectly normal," George said, as he brushed a hand through his now thick head of hair. "Two: Constantly ask her who she like better, Ron or Harry."
"Now I'm sure we all know who that is," Fred added with a wink.
"Three: Tell her that you want to join spew, and when she corrects you, say, 'Oh, never mind, then.' Four: Transform all of her robes into revealing clothes from the '60s complete will matching go-go boots."
"Hmm.Hermione in go-go boots. I mean - ewww!" he said quickly with a glance at Angelina. "I wasn't thinking about her in go-go boots, I swear!" he added, smiling. "It's all for the laughs, I promise."
"Five: Curse Malfoy so he calls her Sexy-Mione and makes kissy faces whenever near her. And six: Stand behind her looking through her hair. When she sees you, say, 'Oh, sorry. It's just that I lost a small owl yesterday and I thought this would be the most likely place I'd find it.'"
After the laughter faded, Fred raised his voice and said, "That's it. We'll be going to judge now, but don't worry. We'll be back sometime before Hermione gets a T on a transfiguration essay," he said. They left up to their dormitory.
After about ten minutes of snickering and chatting in the common room, they came back down.
"Once again, it was a tough decision, but, as always, we've made one," George said.
"So, second place goes to second years for the simple idea of erasing all of the words out of Hermione's books." Just as the previous week, the second years screamed with joy.
"Now first place - may I have a drum roll, please -" There was silence. "No? Okay then. First place goes to sixth year for transfiguring her robes into stuff from the sixties."
"With go-go boots!" Fred added over the sixth year's shouts.
When the yells died down, George said, "A quick recap with points, then."
"First year - zero, keep trying, though," Fred began. "Second year - 200 - excellent, third year - 150 - good, fourth year - 150 - same, fifth year - zero - regrettable, sixth year - 200 - I'm impressed, and who could forget the seventh years who have a whooping 200, themselves."
"Sadly, there is only one more week of us annoying our peers." He hung his head.
"But we've thought of the perfect set of people to annoy for next week."
"Right you are, Fred," George said, snapping his head back up. "Next week, we want you to think of ways to annoy two very handsome -"
"Brilliant -"
"And spectacular judges." The hall rang with glee.
"In other words, we want you to create the Top 35 Ways to Annoy us, Fred and George!"
***
"The Top Ways to Annoy Hermione," Ron said dully earlier that evening. He was sitting on his bed, looking at the floor. "How could they do that?"
"Shh!" Harry said from across the room. He was seated right next to the door holding one end of an extendable ear next to his own. Fred and George were right in the middle of reading the lists, and Harry wanted to hear them. Of course he wouldn't go down and participate, none of the fifth years would do that to Hermione, but if people went around making jokes about Hermione, Harry felt that she had a right to know what they were saying. So he decided that he'd listen and tell her later, though he wasn't sure how he would tell her the things they were saying about her and Ron.
"It's just not fair!"
"We know it's unfair, Ron, so stop talking about it," an annoyed Seamus said from his bed.
"I just can't believe Fred and George would do that," Ron muttered. "I mean, she's never done any really bad to them, well, anything besides scolding them about testing their stuff on first years."
"Ron, quiet. I can't hear anything. I think these might be faulty," Harry said tapping the end of the extendable ear, for he suddenly couldn't hear anything that was happening downstairs.
"Can't be," Ron said, getting up. "Fred and George worked on perfecting them all summer." He kneeled down next to Harry and held the piece of fleshy material up to his own ear, frowning.
All of a sudden, the door to their dormitory opened causing Harry and Ron to fall backward, skidding across the floor. They looked up.
"H-Hermione? Ginny?" Ron said. "What are you doing? You're not supposed to be up here."
"I know, Ron, calm down," Hermione answered, closing the door behind her. "What were you doing down there?"
"Oh, well," Harry said standing up, and he explained himself.
From behind Hermione, Ginny smiled. "That's sweet," she said when Harry was done.
"So what's going on?" Harry asked.
"We just want to talk to you guys about something." Hermione said
"Look, Hermione," Ron spluttered. "I never thought that Fred and George would do that to you, and we weren't any part of it. I don't support their decision at all," he said rather quickly. "And we're not going to go down next week, either."
To his surprise, Hermione smiled. "That's really thoughtful, Ron, but I actually want you to do the opposite."
"What?" Ron gaped.
"Ginny and I have been doing some research in the library and we discovered something quite shocking," she said trying to suppress a smile.
"What?" Harry said, looking from one to the other.
"Well," Ginny began, "we were wondering how none of the teachers found out about this whole project, though the entire school knows."
"But didn't Fred and George put a hex on the school or something?" Ron asked, puzzled.
"That's actually what they want us to think," Ginny said smiling.
"It turns out that there is no such thing as the Equininean hex at all," Hermione said laughing a little. "They just spread a rumor around the school that all of these horrible things will happen to you if you tell a teacher, but they never actually did anything!"
"You're kidding!" Ron said.
"No, and that is precisely why I don't want you to participate next week." However, Ron still looked perplexed. Hermione looked around. "Do we know who they're annoying next week?"
"Fred and George," Harry said, who was now holding the extendable ears again. "They want everyone to annoy them."
"Perfect," Hermione whispered with a gleam in her eye that Harry vaguely remembered seeing when she had first come up with S.P.E.W. She looked from Harry, Ginny, and Ron to the rest of the fifth year boys who were now eagerly listening to the conversation. "If you're still interested in winning," she said softly, "I have an idea."
~*~Okay. I know you all wanted to annoy Umbridge, but this is my little twist to the story, and it should still be fun, right? So I need ways to annoy our favorite troublemakers - Fred and George! Don't forget to review! Love always, Carmen
~*~Thanks to everyone who sent in ways to annoy Hermione. I'm not evil. Trust me. I love Hermione so much. In fact, I'm very much like her: perfectionist, bookworm, and all that. This is just the way the story goes. So read on!
THE TOP 77 WAYS TO ANNOY SNAPE
Chapter 7
"Welcome to the Top 42 Ways to Annoy Hermione!" Fred shouted over the applause the next Saturday. This time, the twins had managed to charm their red hair into a dark brownish color identical to Hermione's. They had also made their hair so bushy that it looked like something very close to an afro.
"The great Prefects of Mischief demand that we begin!" George yelled as each year brought their parchment up to the front table.
Once they had all of the papers, Fred spoke. "Let's start with - hang on, we're missing one," he said, shuffling through the papers in his hand. "Where's fifth year?"
Everyone in the hall looked around, but there were absolutely no fifth years in the common room. The only other person absent was Ginny, which wasn't quite a surprise, as she refused to participate in the contest since she heard about annoying Mrs. Norris.
"Their loss," George muttered, shrugging. "On with the show!"
"You know, George and I were thinking," Fred began.
"Oh! Well, that's something you haven't done before," Angelina yelled. "If you did that more often, maybe you wouldn't be such a prat!" George shook his head. Nearly the entire room knew that she and Fred had their first fight just that week. Apparently they weren't taking it well.
"Yes, well, if someone would just compromise instead of being power- hungry, maybe I wouldn't be such a prat!" Fred retorted.
"What did we say before, Fred?" George said, turning to his brother. "Keep your problems to yourself. The entire Gryffindor tower doesn't need to hear them."
Fred took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, George and I were doing some thinking about the best way to annoy our dear friend Hermione - because she is our friend, you know," he added.
"Well, we decided that our favorite way to bug her would be to use our dear little brother Ronnikin's amazing pickup line of, 'Hey, you're a girl, aren't you?'"
Fred shook his head smiling. "We can learn so much from him."
"Although stealing all of her books and use them as plates, frisbees, stacking blocks and stuff is appealing."
"So let's see what you've come up with. Third year. One: Dress up like her and go around with your nose in a book bumping into things. Two: Practice the levitating spell loudly whenever she is within earshot. Stubbornly insist it is pronounced 'Wen-gur-dum Lev-o-sa' when she tries to correct you."
"But of course it is. That is the spell for whenever you want to make someone grow feathers out of their head," George said matter-of-factly. Then he realized that everyone was staring at him. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yes, but no one heard it," Fred said, turning to the crowd and giving them a wink. "Three: Offer to hand out the marked transfiguration papers, and put a T on it that only she can see. Watch as she frantically runs around asking teachers about it. Four: Alter a picture so that it looks like she is snogging Malfoy." Fred shuttered. "Ewww. Anyway, five: Scrub the common room floor with her elf hats. Say loudly, 'Yeah, I found these rags under some parchment. They work wonders on the dirt.'"
"So that's what those are for!"
"And six: Say, 'Oh, yes, I went over to Vicky Krum's over the summer. We're quite fond of each other.' Show her a love letter seemingly written in his handwriting."
"Well, that's a good start. Let's go onto the second years. One: Hex her so all she can do is talk weird...'Hey, like professor, what do you mean sit down? I am sitting... oh you mean take out your wands? Sorry.'"
"She'd be worse than us!"
"Two: Tell her that McGonnagal quit to go on her summer fling Crookshanks Three: Tell her that Professor Snape was seen making out with a photo of her."
"I've been doing this a lot lately, but - Ewww."
"Four: Tell her that you just found out you failed your big Transfiguration exam. Then confess that you copied from her paper. Five: Cast a spell on her books so that all the words will magically erase whenever she opens one. Oh, dear, what would she do?" He gave a short laugh. "Six: Steal her diary and tell her that a little cat with shredded remains of paper caught in its claws told you about her secret obsession with Ron."
"You see, isn't it obvious? Even we can see that they're madly in love." Fred batted his eyelashes and said, "Oh, Ron!" The room went silent as everyone stared at him. He stopped and looked around. "What? Okay, let's just move on," he said, shaking off a dead weight by rolling his shoulders back. "Seventh years!"
As always, there was a great applause from the other side of the room. "Okay, okay, settle down now. One: Ask her how magic works, and when she begins explaining say, 'No, no, you have it all wrong. Magic comes from inside living things, and it gathers together in little streams that join together to become ley-lines, which eventually join with other ley-lines at nodes...' Two: Be Fred and George. So true."
"We're honored!" George said, and they both took a deep bow.
"Three: In her sleep, bleach her hair and style it into spikes. Would it look better than this, though?" Fred said, pointing to his own hair and smiling. "Four: Burn all the books and tell her that the teachers have left the school."
"Yes!"
"Five: Sneak into her room at 2 A.M. and make a loud popping noise with your wand. When she wakes up, say, "Damn. Just apparated in and missed my target. Sorry." Then walk out. Six: Look skeptically at her and Fred." At this Fred paused and looked up at Angelina with a questionable expression. "Are you still making that joke?" Angelina merely looked away from him. He paused for a moment, looking extremely uncomfortable. "Look, Angelina," he finally blurted out, stepping down from the table, "I'm sorry about that whole thing. It was my fault. Let's just not fight anymore, okay?" He was standing next to Angelina now, who was looking at the floor. After yet another awkward pause, she looked up smiling and gave Fred a hug. There were many catcalls and whistles coming from the other seventh years, but it was a while before they heard them. Then, quite suddenly, Fred said, "Hey, why's everyone looking at me? Gosh, some people are just so nosy."
George laughed and picked up the next list. "Okay. Here we go with fourth years. One: Tell her she doesn't have what it takes to be good at Divinations."
"They told us that," Fred said, from his new seat next to his girlfriend. "All because our predictions had to do with Filch falling into the lake." He shook his head. "But we were so good!"
"Remember what we talked about. Two: Then tell her that Arithmancy is just another form of Divination. Three: Worship Professor Trelawny. Four: Get Parvati and Lavender to give her a makeover."
"But she wouldn't look prettier than you, Angelina!" Fred said, beaming.
"Five: Lock her in a broom closet with Malfoy and tell them to be friends."
"Eww!" Fred shouted, actually falling out of his seat.
"Six: Boast about how you saw a Crumple-Horned Snorcack on holiday and that Luna Lovegood actually caught one."
As the steady laughs died down, George took the next list off the top of the pile. "Next we have -," he glanced at the heading. "Oh, great. Fred come on! It's your turn! Stop snogging your girlfriend and come read the first years!"
"Fine," Fred said, trudging back up to the table. He sighed. "I hope you know you ruined a perfectly good moment. Okay. One: Don't do your homework. Simple, yet it works. Two: Charm your hair to be bushy and brown."
"Oh, but we already have!" George said.
"Three: Get better grades than her. Of course that would annoy her! A first year beating her! Four: Tell her that you've got a date with Ron tonight. Here we go! Five: Start singing 'Ron and Hermione, sitting in a tree, K-I-S- S-I-N-G!' whenever you see them together, even if Harry's with them. And six: Lock her and Ron in a broom cupboard and tell them to stop fighting and be 'friends.'"
At this, something happened that no one in the hall expected. George stepped off the table, walked up to a cowering first year and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "Very good, I approve," he said smiling. "You know," he added thoughtfully, "I never knew that the first years would suggest something like that. Take that, Ron!"
Then, something even more shocking occurred. The portrait hole opened and in strolled Hermione closely followed by Ginny. They walked in silence, heads held high, with triumphant and superior looks on their faces. Then, to everyone's surprise, they walked up the staircase to the boy's dormitories. As they heard a distant door close, Fred and George burst out with laughter.
"Looks like they don't need that broom cupboard, eh?" Fred said smirking.
"And Harry may be getting a visitor, too." George added climbing back to the table. "Well, that was interesting. Anyway, we've got one more list. Sixth year! One: Very loudly, say how unimportant the O.W.L.s are and that it really doesn't matter if you fail them or not."
"Well, they aren't all that important," Fred said. "Only for prats like Percy who want to be the Minister of Bigheads."
"We got a total of three O.W.L.s and we're perfectly normal," George said, as he brushed a hand through his now thick head of hair. "Two: Constantly ask her who she like better, Ron or Harry."
"Now I'm sure we all know who that is," Fred added with a wink.
"Three: Tell her that you want to join spew, and when she corrects you, say, 'Oh, never mind, then.' Four: Transform all of her robes into revealing clothes from the '60s complete will matching go-go boots."
"Hmm.Hermione in go-go boots. I mean - ewww!" he said quickly with a glance at Angelina. "I wasn't thinking about her in go-go boots, I swear!" he added, smiling. "It's all for the laughs, I promise."
"Five: Curse Malfoy so he calls her Sexy-Mione and makes kissy faces whenever near her. And six: Stand behind her looking through her hair. When she sees you, say, 'Oh, sorry. It's just that I lost a small owl yesterday and I thought this would be the most likely place I'd find it.'"
After the laughter faded, Fred raised his voice and said, "That's it. We'll be going to judge now, but don't worry. We'll be back sometime before Hermione gets a T on a transfiguration essay," he said. They left up to their dormitory.
After about ten minutes of snickering and chatting in the common room, they came back down.
"Once again, it was a tough decision, but, as always, we've made one," George said.
"So, second place goes to second years for the simple idea of erasing all of the words out of Hermione's books." Just as the previous week, the second years screamed with joy.
"Now first place - may I have a drum roll, please -" There was silence. "No? Okay then. First place goes to sixth year for transfiguring her robes into stuff from the sixties."
"With go-go boots!" Fred added over the sixth year's shouts.
When the yells died down, George said, "A quick recap with points, then."
"First year - zero, keep trying, though," Fred began. "Second year - 200 - excellent, third year - 150 - good, fourth year - 150 - same, fifth year - zero - regrettable, sixth year - 200 - I'm impressed, and who could forget the seventh years who have a whooping 200, themselves."
"Sadly, there is only one more week of us annoying our peers." He hung his head.
"But we've thought of the perfect set of people to annoy for next week."
"Right you are, Fred," George said, snapping his head back up. "Next week, we want you to think of ways to annoy two very handsome -"
"Brilliant -"
"And spectacular judges." The hall rang with glee.
"In other words, we want you to create the Top 35 Ways to Annoy us, Fred and George!"
***
"The Top Ways to Annoy Hermione," Ron said dully earlier that evening. He was sitting on his bed, looking at the floor. "How could they do that?"
"Shh!" Harry said from across the room. He was seated right next to the door holding one end of an extendable ear next to his own. Fred and George were right in the middle of reading the lists, and Harry wanted to hear them. Of course he wouldn't go down and participate, none of the fifth years would do that to Hermione, but if people went around making jokes about Hermione, Harry felt that she had a right to know what they were saying. So he decided that he'd listen and tell her later, though he wasn't sure how he would tell her the things they were saying about her and Ron.
"It's just not fair!"
"We know it's unfair, Ron, so stop talking about it," an annoyed Seamus said from his bed.
"I just can't believe Fred and George would do that," Ron muttered. "I mean, she's never done any really bad to them, well, anything besides scolding them about testing their stuff on first years."
"Ron, quiet. I can't hear anything. I think these might be faulty," Harry said tapping the end of the extendable ear, for he suddenly couldn't hear anything that was happening downstairs.
"Can't be," Ron said, getting up. "Fred and George worked on perfecting them all summer." He kneeled down next to Harry and held the piece of fleshy material up to his own ear, frowning.
All of a sudden, the door to their dormitory opened causing Harry and Ron to fall backward, skidding across the floor. They looked up.
"H-Hermione? Ginny?" Ron said. "What are you doing? You're not supposed to be up here."
"I know, Ron, calm down," Hermione answered, closing the door behind her. "What were you doing down there?"
"Oh, well," Harry said standing up, and he explained himself.
From behind Hermione, Ginny smiled. "That's sweet," she said when Harry was done.
"So what's going on?" Harry asked.
"We just want to talk to you guys about something." Hermione said
"Look, Hermione," Ron spluttered. "I never thought that Fred and George would do that to you, and we weren't any part of it. I don't support their decision at all," he said rather quickly. "And we're not going to go down next week, either."
To his surprise, Hermione smiled. "That's really thoughtful, Ron, but I actually want you to do the opposite."
"What?" Ron gaped.
"Ginny and I have been doing some research in the library and we discovered something quite shocking," she said trying to suppress a smile.
"What?" Harry said, looking from one to the other.
"Well," Ginny began, "we were wondering how none of the teachers found out about this whole project, though the entire school knows."
"But didn't Fred and George put a hex on the school or something?" Ron asked, puzzled.
"That's actually what they want us to think," Ginny said smiling.
"It turns out that there is no such thing as the Equininean hex at all," Hermione said laughing a little. "They just spread a rumor around the school that all of these horrible things will happen to you if you tell a teacher, but they never actually did anything!"
"You're kidding!" Ron said.
"No, and that is precisely why I don't want you to participate next week." However, Ron still looked perplexed. Hermione looked around. "Do we know who they're annoying next week?"
"Fred and George," Harry said, who was now holding the extendable ears again. "They want everyone to annoy them."
"Perfect," Hermione whispered with a gleam in her eye that Harry vaguely remembered seeing when she had first come up with S.P.E.W. She looked from Harry, Ginny, and Ron to the rest of the fifth year boys who were now eagerly listening to the conversation. "If you're still interested in winning," she said softly, "I have an idea."
~*~Okay. I know you all wanted to annoy Umbridge, but this is my little twist to the story, and it should still be fun, right? So I need ways to annoy our favorite troublemakers - Fred and George! Don't forget to review! Love always, Carmen