Commentator 3: Hello, he's commentator 4!
Commentator 4: And he's commentator 3!
Commentator 3: And you're watching...
Commentator 4: ...The ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament!
(Cut to ChristSaviour's room. He is watching the action on a samll monitor, with technichians all around him)
ChristSaviour: Wow, they're good...where did you say you got them from?
Random Technician 1: Uh...they're homeless drunk dudes.
ChristSaviour: Oh. Give them a a raise!
Random Technician 2: We're technicians. We don't give people raises.
ChristSaviour: You're fired.
Random Technician 2: Howcome?
ChristSaviour: You butted into my conversation with this technician here...hey, where's he gone?!?
Random Technician 2: That is so unfair.
ChristSaviour: You're fired. Get out.
Random Technician 2: Let me get my stuff!
ChristSaviour: Ummm...okay.
(Ten minutes later)
ChristSaviour: Oy! Random Technician 2! You're taking too long!
(Random Technician 3 walks past)
ChristSaviour: Hey! Random Technician 2! I thought I told you you were fired!
Random Technician 3: I'm Random Technician 3.
ChristSaviour: Oh, okay, Random Technician 3. Tell Random Technician 2 he's fired.
Random Technician 4: Random Technician 3 is gone.
ChristSaviour: I hate you technicians. You're all fired.
(All exit apart form one)
ChristSaviour: You get out too!
Janitor: But I'm not a technician. I'm a janitor and I always have been.
ChristSaviour: (Threateningly) You'll be what I tell you to be. Now get out! You're fired!
(Janitor leaves)
ChristSaviour: (relaxed) Ahhhhhh. nice peace and quiet. (watches the monitor again)
Commentator 3: And if you're just joining us...
ChristSaviour: Uh-huh...
Commentator 3: Then you're late, dammit! You watch these tournaments when they're on, not whenever the hell you like!
Commentator 4: (worried about Commentator 3) Uhhhhh...okay then. Calm down.
Commentaotr 3: You know what would help me calm down?
Commentaotr 4: No, what?
Commentator 3: A brutal, bloody, no-holds-barred battle between the so-slow-he-should-be-walking-backwards poofta RoboCop and the Alien-fighting, knife-trick-performing Marine Bishop!
ChristSaviour: It's all so fucking commercial.
Random Dude: You write the scripts.
ChristSaviour: Oh yeah. Tell those two commentators they're fired.
Random Dude: I don't work for you.
ChristSaviour: Oh. Get the hell out of my office!
(Random Dude leaves, crying)
Commentator 4: And on with the action!
(RoboCop is lead up to the ring, slow-as-a-fucking-paralysed-snail as usual. Bishop comes down to the ring at moderate speed, with Ripley and Hicks.)
Referee: Now, I want a nice, clean fight, with...oh, fuck it. I already stopped the Terminator Jack-2 match being any good. Kill each other dead! No rules!
(There is a mechanical whirring. Robocop's arm comes up with a gun on it. He prepares to fight.)
Referee: Wait! You didn't let me finish! Okay, now I'm finished. Fight!
Commentator 3: And the fight is under way!
Commentator 4: We know, you daft peice of shit!
RoboCop walks, s-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-l-y to Bishop, and fires his gun. The bullets, however, are just as slow as him and Bishop dodges easily, runs up to him and executes a flying kick into his chest, sending him flying out of the ring)
Commentator 3: This match is way too hot for the ring!
Commentator 4: You're such a dick, you know that?
Commentator 3: What you gonna do about it?
Commentator 4: This! (raises his hand, as if to punch, then runs away)
Commentator 3: (shouting after him) Yeah, run away, you soft bastard!
(RoboCop continues his very slow assault on the Alien-destroying robot, who runs up to him, grabs his hand and forces it onto a nearby table. He pulls out a knife while still holding down RoboCop's hand.
Bishop: Knife-trick, bitch!
(He continues to quickly stab the knife into the table around RoboCop's fingers, not hitting them once. He carries on, getting faster as he goes, until he is doing so fast nobody can see properly. The trick is then over.)
Random Crowd Member 3: Do that again!
Crowd: Yeah! Again! Again!
(A chant starts)
Bishop: Well...okay then.
(stabs the blade right into RoboCop's hand. RoboCop lets out a strange noise that sounds like a computer screaming)
Commentator 3: (Confused) I thought Bishop never missed.
(RoboCop fires the gun, at point-blank range, into Bishop's stomach. The s-l-o-w bullets penetrate Bishop, as they were fired without leaving time to dodge, and Bishop is knocked over)
RoboCop: (Standing over Bishop's semi-defeated body) Run these programs...bitch!
(RoboCop plugs a lead into Bishop and runs a bunch of programs from RoboCop's computer. Bishop at first sings the chorus to "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", before breakdnacing, then finally acting out The Nightmare Before Christmas in its entirety. RoboCop then runs one final program)
Bishop: Ahh! Shit! Not that program!
(Bishop explodes)
Commentator 3:...And...Bishop is defeated. Commentator 3, signing out.
Commentator 4: And he's commentator 3!
Commentator 3: And you're watching...
Commentator 4: ...The ChristSaviour Fighting Tournament!
(Cut to ChristSaviour's room. He is watching the action on a samll monitor, with technichians all around him)
ChristSaviour: Wow, they're good...where did you say you got them from?
Random Technician 1: Uh...they're homeless drunk dudes.
ChristSaviour: Oh. Give them a a raise!
Random Technician 2: We're technicians. We don't give people raises.
ChristSaviour: You're fired.
Random Technician 2: Howcome?
ChristSaviour: You butted into my conversation with this technician here...hey, where's he gone?!?
Random Technician 2: That is so unfair.
ChristSaviour: You're fired. Get out.
Random Technician 2: Let me get my stuff!
ChristSaviour: Ummm...okay.
(Ten minutes later)
ChristSaviour: Oy! Random Technician 2! You're taking too long!
(Random Technician 3 walks past)
ChristSaviour: Hey! Random Technician 2! I thought I told you you were fired!
Random Technician 3: I'm Random Technician 3.
ChristSaviour: Oh, okay, Random Technician 3. Tell Random Technician 2 he's fired.
Random Technician 4: Random Technician 3 is gone.
ChristSaviour: I hate you technicians. You're all fired.
(All exit apart form one)
ChristSaviour: You get out too!
Janitor: But I'm not a technician. I'm a janitor and I always have been.
ChristSaviour: (Threateningly) You'll be what I tell you to be. Now get out! You're fired!
(Janitor leaves)
ChristSaviour: (relaxed) Ahhhhhh. nice peace and quiet. (watches the monitor again)
Commentator 3: And if you're just joining us...
ChristSaviour: Uh-huh...
Commentator 3: Then you're late, dammit! You watch these tournaments when they're on, not whenever the hell you like!
Commentator 4: (worried about Commentator 3) Uhhhhh...okay then. Calm down.
Commentaotr 3: You know what would help me calm down?
Commentaotr 4: No, what?
Commentator 3: A brutal, bloody, no-holds-barred battle between the so-slow-he-should-be-walking-backwards poofta RoboCop and the Alien-fighting, knife-trick-performing Marine Bishop!
ChristSaviour: It's all so fucking commercial.
Random Dude: You write the scripts.
ChristSaviour: Oh yeah. Tell those two commentators they're fired.
Random Dude: I don't work for you.
ChristSaviour: Oh. Get the hell out of my office!
(Random Dude leaves, crying)
Commentator 4: And on with the action!
(RoboCop is lead up to the ring, slow-as-a-fucking-paralysed-snail as usual. Bishop comes down to the ring at moderate speed, with Ripley and Hicks.)
Referee: Now, I want a nice, clean fight, with...oh, fuck it. I already stopped the Terminator Jack-2 match being any good. Kill each other dead! No rules!
(There is a mechanical whirring. Robocop's arm comes up with a gun on it. He prepares to fight.)
Referee: Wait! You didn't let me finish! Okay, now I'm finished. Fight!
Commentator 3: And the fight is under way!
Commentator 4: We know, you daft peice of shit!
RoboCop walks, s-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-l-y to Bishop, and fires his gun. The bullets, however, are just as slow as him and Bishop dodges easily, runs up to him and executes a flying kick into his chest, sending him flying out of the ring)
Commentator 3: This match is way too hot for the ring!
Commentator 4: You're such a dick, you know that?
Commentator 3: What you gonna do about it?
Commentator 4: This! (raises his hand, as if to punch, then runs away)
Commentator 3: (shouting after him) Yeah, run away, you soft bastard!
(RoboCop continues his very slow assault on the Alien-destroying robot, who runs up to him, grabs his hand and forces it onto a nearby table. He pulls out a knife while still holding down RoboCop's hand.
Bishop: Knife-trick, bitch!
(He continues to quickly stab the knife into the table around RoboCop's fingers, not hitting them once. He carries on, getting faster as he goes, until he is doing so fast nobody can see properly. The trick is then over.)
Random Crowd Member 3: Do that again!
Crowd: Yeah! Again! Again!
(A chant starts)
Bishop: Well...okay then.
(stabs the blade right into RoboCop's hand. RoboCop lets out a strange noise that sounds like a computer screaming)
Commentator 3: (Confused) I thought Bishop never missed.
(RoboCop fires the gun, at point-blank range, into Bishop's stomach. The s-l-o-w bullets penetrate Bishop, as they were fired without leaving time to dodge, and Bishop is knocked over)
RoboCop: (Standing over Bishop's semi-defeated body) Run these programs...bitch!
(RoboCop plugs a lead into Bishop and runs a bunch of programs from RoboCop's computer. Bishop at first sings the chorus to "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", before breakdnacing, then finally acting out The Nightmare Before Christmas in its entirety. RoboCop then runs one final program)
Bishop: Ahh! Shit! Not that program!
(Bishop explodes)
Commentator 3:...And...Bishop is defeated. Commentator 3, signing out.