Disclaimer: Not mine. All Maki Murakami's. I just torture them, occasionally.
Pairing: Ryuichi/Tohma, with a hint of (unrequited) Tohma/...?
Rating: R, yo, for a couple of sexy lines.
Genre: Not really angst, but it has a sad, forlorn tone to it. ;;
Night Song.
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He still comes back. Even since marrying Mika, he comes at least once a year.
I can always tell what he's there for, because it's the one time he always knocks, and when I open the door he always has this expression on his face that just seems so open, so desperate. I guess he knocks because he feels obligated to be polite because from that moment thereafter decency is tossed on the floor along with the rest of his usual garments.
I never know the exact day he's going to visit, but it's always around the same time. It's been going on for years, since a little while after we originally formed NG. The only year that's gone by without this visit is the first year I was in America. But there was one week where he called, constantly. Never anything to inform one of his intentions if I weren't so busy, just simple, friendly calls. I guess that implies that the whole situation pertains to loneliness.
But then, it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure that one out. When we're tangled together in my bed, he's so clingy, holding me as if the next moment I'm going to jump up and flee from him. He'd fall asleep in our afterglow, but I usually find it hard to drift off. His arms would be wrapped so tightly around me that I doubt I would be able to sleep, anyway.
I find myself staring at him as he sleeps. In slumber, his features take on the childlike qualities I usually strive so hard to maintain, myself. I wonder how he upholds his act the rest of the time.
My thoughts usually wander to the same questions. 'Why does he come here?', 'Why me?'
Then I think, 'Does it really matter, as long as he's with you?'
---
I was sure I had ruined it.
When he visited, this time, nothing was different. It began as it always does, the formal dance of small talk as he makes himself comfortable, the eventual trek to the bedroom, clothes begin strewn everywhere on the journey. We were intertwined on my bed, his lips against my neck, hands roaming freely ,almost to the climax of the whole event.
I opened my mouth to speak, but caught myself and choked the words down before I became to incoherent to realize what I was saying.
But then, he was inside of me with a soft moan, leaning to press his mouth against mine, and my lips parted to kiss him, but unexpectedly let something slip out instead of in.
"I love you."
I was still arching upwards towards the kiss, but he had stopped, deep azure eyes widening and focusing intently on mine. I whimpered unconsciously, believing him to be teasing me, but I then realized what had made him stop so suddenly. I gasped, staring back at him in horror. 'Please, don't let him leave…'
He pulled out and away from me, sitting back on the bed a bit, running his fingers back through his hair in unease.
I began babbling, apologizing profusely and dreaming up all kinds of excuses, reaching forward to pull him back to me. To my surprise, he allowed himself to be led back into my arms. I continued to apologize, stroking his hair and whispering that it was an accident. He relaxed for a moment, seemingly lost in thought, then pushed upright again to stare into my eyes.
"Ryu. I've always known you loved me. Its part of the reason I always come to you," he murmured, taking my face in his hands. "It just came as… a bit of a shock, that's all. I never expected to you express it, but if you need to, you can. You know that I love you too, right? I care for you deeply, Ryu, though I'm afraid not with the same sentiments you express for me, I still love you in whatever way I can."
I nodded, I knew what he meant. He loved me, but he wasn't in love with me. That whole spiel.
"Are you ok with this, now?" he asked. I realized then that the tables had somehow been turned, and now I was the one who was being comforted, as if this whole ordeal had been disconcerting to me in some way. The only thing unsettling to me was the idea of him leaving because of my sudden love admission.
But I nodded, and he pulled me to him, and the cycle began again…
Only… the conclusion was skewed, this time.
He was at his peak, breath coming in quickened gasps, my arms wound around his neck, when he pressed his forehead against mine and uttered forth a single harsh cry-
"Eiri!"
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(Note: I edited the name cause several people from different sites were all "But he calls him Eiri!" Happy now? XD ALSO!! This is a one-shot, people! Stop asking for more, it makes me feel guilty. Rofl.)
Please review, this is the first fic I've finished in a really long time. XD
Love to you all for reading.