Chapter 11.
I was a wreck. And they noticed. They all noticed. The only one who commented was Karen. She asked me if I was ill. I looked at her strangely, and said no, but when I glanced in the mirror I had to admit I knew what she was talking about. I looked dreadful. Everyone else looked concerned, but didn't speak up because of the school morning rush. I was able to just slip away without any real probing.
I was aware that Abby noticed, too. She asked if I was okay, and I was trying to form some kind of coherent answer when the bus came around the corner. Glad of the distraction, I muttered something about a lack of sleep, which made her look at me with concern. On the bus, she sat down next to me for once. As we were driving off, she asked me what was really wrong. I explained, in a whisper, about having to lie to everyone, and about the having to be perfect thing, and that it had kept me awake. She had heard it all the night before, but she listened anyway. No real words of wisdom, though. She had already told me everything she had to say on the subject. She did add that she was willing to keep listening to the same problem over and over again if I needed to keep complaining. Good to know.
When we got there, I saw everybody standing where we always do. My heart leaped into my throat and stayed there. I started to feel sick. When we approached everyone turned to say hi, and promptly gasped at the sight of me. I've never heard such loud and synchronized 'are you okay's in my life. I could feel Abby turn to me, and I could hear her mind begging me to pull myself together, don't blow it. I opened my mouth to reassure everybody, and found that I couldn't speak. I tried to take a deep breath, and began to choke on it. When I stopped coughing, I found everyone surrounding me, looking more and more concerned, and I tried again to open my mouth and reassure them, but I just couldn't. I was completely and totally speechless. I started to panic. I have always been able to speak. Always. Even when faced with cat burglars, stalkers and movie stars, I can talk. My breathing became faster and faster, the noise around me drifted away slowly, and the world seemed to get gradually darker, like when there's an eclipse. That was the last I remembered.
About ten minutes later, I awoke in the nurse's office. She was standing over me with something that smelled strong and not exactly pleasant. I woke up coughing.
"There you are!" She exclaimed, rather unnecessarily.
I discovered, through questioning her, that I had been carried to her office by Logan, who had happened to pass by with his friends just as I fainted. I also discovered, through a rather embarrassed-looking Mary Anne, who was standing to one side of me, that she had blended into the background and not been a whole lot of help once Logan had appeared. I wasn't surprised or particularly bothered. She's barely been able to look at him since they broke up. I then learned that if you faint in school, you get subjected to the Spanish Inquisition, Twenty Questions, and a CIA-style interrogation rolled into one, all designed to discover if you are anorexic/pregnant/on drugs, but without actually asking you outright. Having ruled out all of those, the nurse began scratching her head, and eventually repeating herself. She told me at least six times that anything I told her was confidential. I hate it when people don't believe you, based solely on your age. When the bell rang, Mary Anne had to leave. With her gone, the questions started all over again. I felt like screaming. But at the same time, it was a nice diversion from my thoughts. I began to calm down, and as I did I became more alert, more able to give convincing answers. After a while, she gave in and let me go to class, telling me that her door was always open, and then shutting it firmly behind me.
I was a wreck. And they noticed. They all noticed. The only one who commented was Karen. She asked me if I was ill. I looked at her strangely, and said no, but when I glanced in the mirror I had to admit I knew what she was talking about. I looked dreadful. Everyone else looked concerned, but didn't speak up because of the school morning rush. I was able to just slip away without any real probing.
I was aware that Abby noticed, too. She asked if I was okay, and I was trying to form some kind of coherent answer when the bus came around the corner. Glad of the distraction, I muttered something about a lack of sleep, which made her look at me with concern. On the bus, she sat down next to me for once. As we were driving off, she asked me what was really wrong. I explained, in a whisper, about having to lie to everyone, and about the having to be perfect thing, and that it had kept me awake. She had heard it all the night before, but she listened anyway. No real words of wisdom, though. She had already told me everything she had to say on the subject. She did add that she was willing to keep listening to the same problem over and over again if I needed to keep complaining. Good to know.
When we got there, I saw everybody standing where we always do. My heart leaped into my throat and stayed there. I started to feel sick. When we approached everyone turned to say hi, and promptly gasped at the sight of me. I've never heard such loud and synchronized 'are you okay's in my life. I could feel Abby turn to me, and I could hear her mind begging me to pull myself together, don't blow it. I opened my mouth to reassure everybody, and found that I couldn't speak. I tried to take a deep breath, and began to choke on it. When I stopped coughing, I found everyone surrounding me, looking more and more concerned, and I tried again to open my mouth and reassure them, but I just couldn't. I was completely and totally speechless. I started to panic. I have always been able to speak. Always. Even when faced with cat burglars, stalkers and movie stars, I can talk. My breathing became faster and faster, the noise around me drifted away slowly, and the world seemed to get gradually darker, like when there's an eclipse. That was the last I remembered.
About ten minutes later, I awoke in the nurse's office. She was standing over me with something that smelled strong and not exactly pleasant. I woke up coughing.
"There you are!" She exclaimed, rather unnecessarily.
I discovered, through questioning her, that I had been carried to her office by Logan, who had happened to pass by with his friends just as I fainted. I also discovered, through a rather embarrassed-looking Mary Anne, who was standing to one side of me, that she had blended into the background and not been a whole lot of help once Logan had appeared. I wasn't surprised or particularly bothered. She's barely been able to look at him since they broke up. I then learned that if you faint in school, you get subjected to the Spanish Inquisition, Twenty Questions, and a CIA-style interrogation rolled into one, all designed to discover if you are anorexic/pregnant/on drugs, but without actually asking you outright. Having ruled out all of those, the nurse began scratching her head, and eventually repeating herself. She told me at least six times that anything I told her was confidential. I hate it when people don't believe you, based solely on your age. When the bell rang, Mary Anne had to leave. With her gone, the questions started all over again. I felt like screaming. But at the same time, it was a nice diversion from my thoughts. I began to calm down, and as I did I became more alert, more able to give convincing answers. After a while, she gave in and let me go to class, telling me that her door was always open, and then shutting it firmly behind me.