Nagakura was awake before sunrise, lying on his stomach and staring blankly into the vast and open darkness of the crowded room while his heart drummed a solder's march in his ears. He pushed himself to his knees and stared wordlessly at the empty space to his right. With a trembling hand, he touched the hardwood floor with an unnamed sort of gentleness, fingers brushing lightly over the surface like a caress.
The morning was spent in a blind stupor. Harada was uncharacteristically sullen. The few that recognized the dimming light in Nagakura's eyes and the way that Harada's form was shrinking into itself said nothing. Some time after breakfast and before Hijikata gave the command to prepare for the raid, Shinpachi sat beside Sano and asked in a painfully flat voice, "Do you want to do it? Or should I?"
Sano hesitated, and placed a heavy hand on his friend's shoulder before admitting, quite shamefully, "Shinpachi…I can't." The other captain nodded in quiet understanding and was silent.
As soon as the sun began to set, they left the Shinsengumi compound, dressed in harsh whites, cruel blues and deadly silver. Nagakura good-naturedly rubbed the bridge of his nose and told his squadron to be careful, while Harada boomed death threats nearby. An hour later, two of Okita's soldiers knocked down the door with a few well-placed kicks, and they barged in amidst cries of surprise.
While Harada drove his spear into a familiar looking man's stomach and twisted as he pulled it out, he heard Kondou in the other room. "The law of the Shinsengumi states that all who abandon their duties will be executed!" He closed his eyes solemnly and opened it a moment later to kill a charging samurai. As the man went down, he noticed that the foe was very young with wide innocent eyes, and very dead. He tugged his spear free of the carcass and moved on without a second thought.
He passed Nagakura in the hall and saw a grim, intent look on the redhead's face. He wanted to say something. He wanted to encourage the other captain, wanted to block his way and forcefully restrain him, wanted to will his stomach back down to where it was supposed to be, wanted to wash the taste of blood from his mouth. While he was indecisive, Nagakura passed him without a second glance, but there was a fleeting touch on his forearm that said, "It's okay."
This was a familiar building. Nagakura had been here before with his friend(s). He navigated the pathways with little difficulty and reached the room they had stayed in when they visited. It was deathly silent, and he smiled bitterly, unfazed as he slid the door open and saw Shinsengumi blood on the walls, torn uniforms at his feet. He toed a limp, outstretched arm away and said without looking up, "Still pretty good."
Heisuke pushed himself off the far wall and smudged blood on his cheek when he tried to wipe it away. "I always told you that Puppy-kun's victory was a lucky fluke."
Shinpachi smiled weakly. "I wouldn't be so sure. Tetsu's pretty good nowadays."
Heisuke snorted and took up his sword. "I thought Sano'd come too. I was waiting for you."
Shinpachi said, "He wouldn't," instead of, "He couldn't," but he was sure Heisuke understood.
He tensed, adjusting sweaty palms around his katana, and felt the sweat roll off his chin. His footing slid, someone outside shrieked, and then they lunged. Nagakura believed that this was something artless and revolting. He saw nothing but the enemy and felt only the desperate necessity to kill. They fought for well over half an hour, until they were both nauseous over the smell of death.
"You've gotten taller," Heisuke said suddenly, as if nothing happened at all.
"It's the vegetables," Shinpachi responded immediately.
Heisuke looked past him at the closed door and saw a looming shadow. "Sano's outside."
Shinpachi knew better than to turn his back on the enemy. He shrugged. "He's waiting for me."
Heisuke gave him a look that he hadn't wanted to see, but he bravely met the gaze and wondered if he also looked so ripped-open raw. Then he charged with a cry ripped from between his ribs, dodging the half-hearted parry and pushing his sword in until the hilt bumped up against Toudou's bloody chest. His hands were wet with more than sweat now. Outside, Sano gasped loudly.
Heisuke looked down and dropped to his knees. He let go of his sword and placed both hands on Shinpachi's expressionless face, speaking with gravity in his voice. "Shinpachi…Shinpattsan, I'm not…I'm not sorry. The Shinsengumi…the Shinsengumi are going to crumble if they don't change." He paused, and laughed, face wrinkling with pain. His breathing was uneven and labored. "Ow. This really, really hurts, Shinpattsan."
"Just die, Heisuke," Shinpachi said desperately, choking halfway through, trying to find the strength to walk away, but his legs buckled beneath him and the room refused to stop spinning.
Heisuke wouldn't stop smiling that awful grin. Slowly, he nodded and slumped against the other man. Nagakura waited endless seconds until he stopped breathing and then he could he stand and step back. His sword slid out of the body with sickening ease. Toudou fell forward with a thud and looking down, Nagakura remembered how to breathe. Footsteps echoed as Harada walked away. Long moments passed.
"I've gotten better at cooking, Heisuke," he said suddenly with a cracking voice. "Tetsu-kun got his first sword a few weeks ago. It's a real nice sword. He was ecstatic; you should've seen the look on his face. Even Tatsu-kun laughed. He's more easy-going now. Souji's doing okay, but Hijikata's more careful with him, so you know his sickness is worsening. Sano had his birthday last month and he bawled like a baby when we had a celebratory dinner."
Even in death, Heisuke smiled. This would be the expression he would forever associate with the fallen ex-captain. Shinpachi knelt and looked at the pale face for a minute, wondering what possible happiness could be found in such death. Then downstairs, Harada called his name. Nagakura sheathed his sword and walked away in irony. He closed the door quietly behind him. Outside, night fell in peace.