Dear Brian,
I love your letter. I've never been so moved by anything in my entire life. I had no idea that you ever felt like that about me. Sure, part of me kind of knew you were into me, but I had no idea your feelings were so strong. In the past few days I've been thinking about how terrible of a person I've been to you. I basically used you as this thing, like at my disposal whenever I needed any mundane thing. At first I didn't think I could imagine what you must feel like when I just take such advantage of you. But then I thought about Jordan Catillano, and how he treated me at first. You'd think that understanding would help me in some way, but it did the exact opposite. Knowing what it feels like makes me feel even worse. I can't even think of a way to apologize to you.
The thing your letter made me realize, Brian, is that I was in love with the person I wanted Jordan Catillano to be. I wanted him to be this tortured soul with a profound understanding of life. I wanted him to have this sweet and caring nature that he hid from everyone except for me. But in reality, he is a third year sophomore in high school with no true understanding of people. My point is that you don't know the real me. You care for the person you want me to be, the person you think I am, the person that I am not.
The truth is I love the letter, I love the feelings expressed by the person who wrote the letter. I want to be able to return the feelings to writer, to you, but I'm not ready yet. Right now I need to do figure out who I am, I need to do this alone. I'm sure that if I asked you, you could correctly tell me who I'm going to be. You'd be able to articulate exactly the person I want to be when I don't even know who that is, yet. The thing is, I need to live to figure myself out. I need to grow and make mistakes, and then learn from those mistakes. Its kind of like that saying, the truth is right in front of you, you just can't see it because you're looking to hard. Actually I don't even know if that is a saying, I may have just made it up... Just know that one day I will be ready for you, to be the person you want me to be. I can only hope that when the time comes, you'll still be there. You're an amazing person Brian, and I don't deserve you. If you can't wait for me, though I'll be hurt, I'll know that it's my own fault. The loss will be mine.
Yours truly,
Angela Chase