The party had begun! Bilbo was reading his cheap romance novels to the
children, Sam and Rosie were dirty dancing, Frodo was doing the funky
chicken, and Pippin and Merry were eating. Gandalf had become the D.J. He
played Usher's "Yeah" and dances with some hobbit woman. Gandalf decides
that he is Usher.
Soon, everyone demanded for a speech. Bilbo got up on his barrel and started his speech...he hesitated, then said, "Aw, screw it!" He put on his ring and walked out the door. "HAHA SUCKERS!!!"
He screamed and laughed manically and went back to Bag End. Bilbo gathered his thinks, but found Gandalf, who is wearing Usher clothes, in the house.
Bilbo and Gandalf started fighting for the Ring.
"FINE!! Have it your way! I am going to Rivendell, so I can buy some cheap T-Shirts. That say "I WENT TO RIVENDELL AND I SCREWED ELRONDS DAUGHTER."
Bilbo left. Gandalf smoked some weed in front of the fire. Frodo entered the room. He picks up the ring.
"Why is there a ring on the floor?"
"I put it there."
"Why?"
"Because I knew you'd pick it up."
"I like it. It's shiny."
"Yes, too shiny I believe. It was forged in the volcano of Mt. Doom by Sir- Mix-A-Lot."
"Sir Mix-A-Lot? That's not how it goes."
"ARE YOU STUPID?" Gandalf yells. "THAT'S HOW IT GOES HERE. JUST GIVE ME THE RING."
Gandalf and Frodo play flag football with the ring, just for kicks, and then Gandalf throws it into the fire. He tosses it on Frodo's hand.
"IT BURNS!!!" Frodo cries. "Don't be a baby! Do you see anything?"
"No!"
"SHUT UP!!" Gandalf screams.
"All I said was no."
"Do you see anything on there."
"Writing. Some kind of writing."
"Its Spanish. In some languages it says: One Ring to get them all together in the club dance to the beat get a little drunk then watch the hobbits show their funk."
"My funk!"
"Yes. It is the fate of us all. So, you must get the ring to this big Volcano so Sir-Mix-A-Lot doesn't make everyone show their funk, and die."
"I don't know if I can." Frodo says weakly.
"Sure you can! You and Sam took those tap dancing lessons."
Sam pops out of nowhere and starts tapping.
"Can I come too?"
"NO!!!" Gandalf yells.
"Whatever, Gandalf. Come on, Sam. Let's go."
"Where are we going?" Sam asks.
"Where are we going?" Frodo asks Gandalf.
"Meet me at Bree. Got it?"
"WHATEVER!" Frodo and Sam give Gandalf a talk to the hand, and leave.
Sam puts on his headphones and grooves to Enya's "May It Be"
(note: how can you even dance to that song? Oh well)
Frodo and Sam practice their dance moves. They breakdance, ballet, tap, and electric slide.
"Bree is a famous nightclub, Sam. Maybe we'll get our big breaks."
"I've always dreamed of being a dancer, Mr. Frodo."
Together Sam and Frodo link arms and skip, singing
Follow the yellow brick road Whereever it may go Lets go to get drunk And get down on the floor Then we can drink Drink drink drink some more!!!!
"MOOOORRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Frodo belts it out. Sam stares at him, and they walk down the road.
Sam and Frodo take a nap. When they wake up, Sam says, "What do we have to do Mr. Frodo, for I am confused."
"Well, Sam. I think we should forget about destroying this ring, because I don't see what it has to do with anything. Instead, let's see if we can become dancers at the Bree nightclub."
Sam nods and they go on their way again. Merry and Pippin pop out of nowhere.
"Hello Frodo!" Merry says.
"Where are you off to?" Pippin asks.
"We're going to Bree." Sam says, smiling.
"The nightclub?!" Pippin and Merry say together.
Frodo and Sam nod. "We're going to be dancers."
"Us too!" Merry says.
"Merry and I can do our Green Dragon act. And we can all get drunk."
Merry nods. "I sure love drinking."
"Okay, Pippin and Merry. Let's go." Frodo says. Together, they link arms and sing
Follow the yellow brick road Whereever it may go Lets go to get drunk And get down on the floor Then we can drink Drink drink drink some more!!!!
Meanwhile, Gandalf had to take a stop at his physiatrists office.
"It seems you've been having anger management problems, Gandalf."
"Yes."
"Why do you think so."
"I don't really know. Maybe it's because I've been around those hobbits for so long. All they do is get drunk, sing, dance. They're so...homosexual."
"Why do you say that?"
"Sam and Frodo love each other, everyone knows that. I couldn't take wearing those god-awful wizard clothes. I'm sick of running around with a bunch of hobbits, a sappy man-to-be-king, a dwarf, and an elf that prances around like a girl all the time. My life has no point."
"How can you release this anger?"
"I don't know. I mean, all the teenage girls love Elijah Wood...or Billy Boyd...Orlando Bloom...who do they not love? The wizards. Of course. We're always thought of second. SECOND I SAY!!! WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SEE SOME SHORT KID RUNNING AROUND WITH A FAKE RING TRYING TO PUT IT IN A VOLCANO??? I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!"
Gandalf punches his physiatrist, and makes way to Rivendell. Why? We just don't know.
(well, did you like it? It's my first try at LOTR humor, so...I hope it's good. I'm don't know if its funny so far, but I hope it is! Please review! it would help a lot!)
Soon, everyone demanded for a speech. Bilbo got up on his barrel and started his speech...he hesitated, then said, "Aw, screw it!" He put on his ring and walked out the door. "HAHA SUCKERS!!!"
He screamed and laughed manically and went back to Bag End. Bilbo gathered his thinks, but found Gandalf, who is wearing Usher clothes, in the house.
Bilbo and Gandalf started fighting for the Ring.
"FINE!! Have it your way! I am going to Rivendell, so I can buy some cheap T-Shirts. That say "I WENT TO RIVENDELL AND I SCREWED ELRONDS DAUGHTER."
Bilbo left. Gandalf smoked some weed in front of the fire. Frodo entered the room. He picks up the ring.
"Why is there a ring on the floor?"
"I put it there."
"Why?"
"Because I knew you'd pick it up."
"I like it. It's shiny."
"Yes, too shiny I believe. It was forged in the volcano of Mt. Doom by Sir- Mix-A-Lot."
"Sir Mix-A-Lot? That's not how it goes."
"ARE YOU STUPID?" Gandalf yells. "THAT'S HOW IT GOES HERE. JUST GIVE ME THE RING."
Gandalf and Frodo play flag football with the ring, just for kicks, and then Gandalf throws it into the fire. He tosses it on Frodo's hand.
"IT BURNS!!!" Frodo cries. "Don't be a baby! Do you see anything?"
"No!"
"SHUT UP!!" Gandalf screams.
"All I said was no."
"Do you see anything on there."
"Writing. Some kind of writing."
"Its Spanish. In some languages it says: One Ring to get them all together in the club dance to the beat get a little drunk then watch the hobbits show their funk."
"My funk!"
"Yes. It is the fate of us all. So, you must get the ring to this big Volcano so Sir-Mix-A-Lot doesn't make everyone show their funk, and die."
"I don't know if I can." Frodo says weakly.
"Sure you can! You and Sam took those tap dancing lessons."
Sam pops out of nowhere and starts tapping.
"Can I come too?"
"NO!!!" Gandalf yells.
"Whatever, Gandalf. Come on, Sam. Let's go."
"Where are we going?" Sam asks.
"Where are we going?" Frodo asks Gandalf.
"Meet me at Bree. Got it?"
"WHATEVER!" Frodo and Sam give Gandalf a talk to the hand, and leave.
Sam puts on his headphones and grooves to Enya's "May It Be"
(note: how can you even dance to that song? Oh well)
Frodo and Sam practice their dance moves. They breakdance, ballet, tap, and electric slide.
"Bree is a famous nightclub, Sam. Maybe we'll get our big breaks."
"I've always dreamed of being a dancer, Mr. Frodo."
Together Sam and Frodo link arms and skip, singing
Follow the yellow brick road Whereever it may go Lets go to get drunk And get down on the floor Then we can drink Drink drink drink some more!!!!
"MOOOORRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Frodo belts it out. Sam stares at him, and they walk down the road.
Sam and Frodo take a nap. When they wake up, Sam says, "What do we have to do Mr. Frodo, for I am confused."
"Well, Sam. I think we should forget about destroying this ring, because I don't see what it has to do with anything. Instead, let's see if we can become dancers at the Bree nightclub."
Sam nods and they go on their way again. Merry and Pippin pop out of nowhere.
"Hello Frodo!" Merry says.
"Where are you off to?" Pippin asks.
"We're going to Bree." Sam says, smiling.
"The nightclub?!" Pippin and Merry say together.
Frodo and Sam nod. "We're going to be dancers."
"Us too!" Merry says.
"Merry and I can do our Green Dragon act. And we can all get drunk."
Merry nods. "I sure love drinking."
"Okay, Pippin and Merry. Let's go." Frodo says. Together, they link arms and sing
Follow the yellow brick road Whereever it may go Lets go to get drunk And get down on the floor Then we can drink Drink drink drink some more!!!!
Meanwhile, Gandalf had to take a stop at his physiatrists office.
"It seems you've been having anger management problems, Gandalf."
"Yes."
"Why do you think so."
"I don't really know. Maybe it's because I've been around those hobbits for so long. All they do is get drunk, sing, dance. They're so...homosexual."
"Why do you say that?"
"Sam and Frodo love each other, everyone knows that. I couldn't take wearing those god-awful wizard clothes. I'm sick of running around with a bunch of hobbits, a sappy man-to-be-king, a dwarf, and an elf that prances around like a girl all the time. My life has no point."
"How can you release this anger?"
"I don't know. I mean, all the teenage girls love Elijah Wood...or Billy Boyd...Orlando Bloom...who do they not love? The wizards. Of course. We're always thought of second. SECOND I SAY!!! WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SEE SOME SHORT KID RUNNING AROUND WITH A FAKE RING TRYING TO PUT IT IN A VOLCANO??? I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!"
Gandalf punches his physiatrist, and makes way to Rivendell. Why? We just don't know.
(well, did you like it? It's my first try at LOTR humor, so...I hope it's good. I'm don't know if its funny so far, but I hope it is! Please review! it would help a lot!)