The roars of the engine over took his mind as the bus started. His head vibrated against the cold window, yet he found no need to remove it. The motion had a certain soothing sense that he couldn't explain; his eyes had slowly begun to close.
He didn't fall asleep, however. In all truth, he was more than awake. It seemed as though there was some undissolved energy buried inside him, fighting its way out. It was funny, one would think he would fall asleep, but as it happened he was overflowing with energy.
It didn't make sense, not even to him. They had been in so much pain only hours before, and now it seemed as though some distant memory, logged away in the back of his mind. Even as he thought back over it, he came to realize there was something about pain. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.
Pain had a way, a strange way. It was something that was locked away in one's memories, so many you could drown. There was something pleasant to it, though. It happened that when you looked back at it all, it seemed as though it never really happened. And there were other memories, which made one proud, something that you could say you'd defeated.
It was an odd concept, but no one had ever found the need to question it. People just let it be; knowing that nothing they did would change it. But there were certain times when he couldn't help but let himself wonder. The world worked in away so that one moment you loved it and the next you wished you were anywhere but there.
He never really understood. Someone had once told him that he shouldn't worry about, there was no reason for him to, but that had only backfired, resulting in him wondering more. His thoughts were enough to drown him, force him under and keep him there. As it happened he once came to the conclusion that he could get too lost in his thoughts and be dead to the world.
It didn't matter though, when he told himself to stop. He had already gone to far, and he was lucky to be where he was. His mind kept going, pulling him deeper below the surface. He would often begin to lose sight of the top, and would slowly untangle himself from his mind.
But now, now he was afraid. There were thoughts clouding his mind. The pain and sorrow and suffering and wondering he couldn't stop, he was afraid he would be dead to the world. The voices of the men he knew so well, yet hardly ever conversed with were mere echoes adding to the dull pounding of his head.
He couldn't be sure, but he noticed something. His thoughts continued to drag him away, alerting him to the workings of his mind. He was shown somehow that he was supposed to be in the deepest part right now. It was strange; he couldn't understand why all the thoughts were of pain. There was no happiness in his head, but he supposed, that's the way the world happened to be going.
He came to realization that he was slowly pulling himself away from the thoughts as the voices grew louder and he could feel the cold glass of the window. Perhaps he had conquered his mind. He could only hope. But even as he started to drift to sleep, he was blind to the lights of the road.
Yes, this is the Pav story featured on my LJ. :D Posted at the request of Kliona, and also to get some feedback, hopefully. :3 Eh, s'all right.
Please R&R!
-Piper Brandybuck