"SHUT UP!!!!!! WHY DID I EVER GO ON THIS QUEST!!!!!" Gandalf yelled.
Everyone but Gandalf was singing Footloose.
Now I gotta cut loose Footloose Kick off my Sunday shoes Please Louise Pull me down to my knees Jack get back
Now I gotta cut Now I gotta cut
"FOOOOTLLLOOOSSEE!!" Frodo belted out.
"Oh my god!" Arwen said. "ELVEN MANICURE! ARAGORN! Can I, like, get one, please?"
"This isn't going to make us get there any faster." Gimli said angrily.
The fellowship walked into Elven Manicure.
"Welcome to Elven Manicure, how may I...help you?" The elf said. She noticed that there was all men, and in the middle, a glowing She-elf.
(note: I didn't know what to say, elf-girl, she-elf, whatever)
"I'd, like, like a manicure."
"Ok. And you boys?"
"Why not?" said Pippin.
The hobbits walked over with Arwen, and so did Legolas. Twenty minutes later, they came out with freshly painted nails.
"OH SHIT!" Sam said as they walked out. "I BROKE MINE!"
Sam got his nail fixed. Gandalf, Gimli, Aragorn, and Boromir admired their nails.
Arwen had bright pink.
Pippin had light yellow. Frodo had light blue.
Sam had bright purple.
Legolas had light pink.
"Wonderful!" Boromir said. "Thank you!"
They paid their $50 and left.
"That place was so lovely, they had great service." Frodo said.
Sam nodded. "We'll be sure to recommend it back home."
"Oh my god!" Pippin said. "I just realized something!"
"What?" Everyone asked, frightened.
"MY NAIL COLOR MATCHES MY EYES!"
Everyone rolled their eyes.
"No it doesn't, Pip." Merry said. "Yours are brown. Your nail color is yellow."
"Same thing."
"Ew, oh my gosh. Is there like, dirt, in the Mines of Moria?"
"Um, YES! ARAGORN, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET YOUR IDIOT GIRLFRIEND OUT OF HERE!" Gandalf yelled.
Arwen punched Gandalf.
"Would you shut up? You old bag! Just because I don't see a shrink, doesn't mean you have to, like, make fun of me! You big fat asshole."
"Wow." Legolas says.
Legolas kisses Arwen.
Aragorn slaps Legolas.
"She's my girlfriend! Jerk! I thought you were gay, like Sam and Frodo."
"We are not gay!" Frodo and Sam said together, holding hands.
"Your girlfriend made me not gay. She's way hotter then Elrond is."
"Like, gross! You loved my father!"
"Come, Arwen, kiss me. I am your true love. Right?"
"Um, whatever. You like, don't wear sexy tights. So, it's hard to choose."
"I don't wear tights because I'm not gay!"
"I'm not so sure about that!" Legolas said.
Legolas whipped out a copy of Aragorn's old diary.
"Where'd you find that?" Aragorn asked, astonished.
"I found it in the House Of Elrond. It seems you, misplaced it, long ago."
"I kept that when I was a boy, it shouldn't apply to us now."
"But, indeed, it does. Ahem. Page One. Here I am in the House Of Elrond. It's quite boring. My parent's just died so now I have to live with these people who are going to live forever. I met this girl, who's an elf, her name is Arwen. She's quite pretty. But not as handsome, or pretty, as Elrond."
"I was admiring his handsomeness!" Aragorn said angrily.
"Yeah, ok, we'll go with that." Legolas said. He put the diary in his pocket.
"SILENCE! LET US GO TO MORIA!" Gandalf yelled. The fellowship walked in silence.
Two seconds later.
"Isn't Saruman and Gandalf boyfriend and...erm...boyfriend?" Pippin whispered to Aragorn, who seemed to know all.
"I think so. I heard him looking in his appointment book when we were walking one day."
"What did he say?"
:::FLASHBACK:::
Aragorn is sitting on a rock, watching the hobbits practice sword fighting with Boromir, and Gimili. Arwen and Legolas were flirting.
Below him, he heard Gandalf grumbling.
"Oh, damn it. I missed dinner with him last night. Oh shit! I missed his new wardrobe preview. Well there goes our week in the Caribbean. We were supposed to get a pedicure yesterday. And whatever happened to going to the movies on Saturday? I'm going to have to call him, or he might cheat on me with one of his Orcs. Or even Dethenor. Damn it."
:::FLASHBACK ENDS:::
"He really said that?" Pippin asked, after hearing the story.
"Yup."
"Ok, so why is everybody gay?"
"That's just the way it is in Middle-Earth."
Two seconds later.
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And their like it's better then yours Damn right It's better than yours I'm gonna teach you But I have to charge" Gandalf sang.
"That's the 17th time he's sung that!" complained Frodo.
"He's talking about Saruman, you know." Pippin said.
"What?" said an astonished Frodo.
"Gandalf and Saruman are a couple."
"Oh, Pippin. You're just imagining it."
"No! It's true! Aragorn told me!"
"Well, no wonder he's singing that song!"
"What's a milkshake?" Pippin asked Gandalf.
Gandalf grew angry. "SHUT UP! LET US GO!"
Everyone but Gandalf was singing Footloose.
Now I gotta cut loose Footloose Kick off my Sunday shoes Please Louise Pull me down to my knees Jack get back
Now I gotta cut Now I gotta cut
"FOOOOTLLLOOOSSEE!!" Frodo belted out.
"Oh my god!" Arwen said. "ELVEN MANICURE! ARAGORN! Can I, like, get one, please?"
"This isn't going to make us get there any faster." Gimli said angrily.
The fellowship walked into Elven Manicure.
"Welcome to Elven Manicure, how may I...help you?" The elf said. She noticed that there was all men, and in the middle, a glowing She-elf.
(note: I didn't know what to say, elf-girl, she-elf, whatever)
"I'd, like, like a manicure."
"Ok. And you boys?"
"Why not?" said Pippin.
The hobbits walked over with Arwen, and so did Legolas. Twenty minutes later, they came out with freshly painted nails.
"OH SHIT!" Sam said as they walked out. "I BROKE MINE!"
Sam got his nail fixed. Gandalf, Gimli, Aragorn, and Boromir admired their nails.
Arwen had bright pink.
Pippin had light yellow. Frodo had light blue.
Sam had bright purple.
Legolas had light pink.
"Wonderful!" Boromir said. "Thank you!"
They paid their $50 and left.
"That place was so lovely, they had great service." Frodo said.
Sam nodded. "We'll be sure to recommend it back home."
"Oh my god!" Pippin said. "I just realized something!"
"What?" Everyone asked, frightened.
"MY NAIL COLOR MATCHES MY EYES!"
Everyone rolled their eyes.
"No it doesn't, Pip." Merry said. "Yours are brown. Your nail color is yellow."
"Same thing."
"Ew, oh my gosh. Is there like, dirt, in the Mines of Moria?"
"Um, YES! ARAGORN, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET YOUR IDIOT GIRLFRIEND OUT OF HERE!" Gandalf yelled.
Arwen punched Gandalf.
"Would you shut up? You old bag! Just because I don't see a shrink, doesn't mean you have to, like, make fun of me! You big fat asshole."
"Wow." Legolas says.
Legolas kisses Arwen.
Aragorn slaps Legolas.
"She's my girlfriend! Jerk! I thought you were gay, like Sam and Frodo."
"We are not gay!" Frodo and Sam said together, holding hands.
"Your girlfriend made me not gay. She's way hotter then Elrond is."
"Like, gross! You loved my father!"
"Come, Arwen, kiss me. I am your true love. Right?"
"Um, whatever. You like, don't wear sexy tights. So, it's hard to choose."
"I don't wear tights because I'm not gay!"
"I'm not so sure about that!" Legolas said.
Legolas whipped out a copy of Aragorn's old diary.
"Where'd you find that?" Aragorn asked, astonished.
"I found it in the House Of Elrond. It seems you, misplaced it, long ago."
"I kept that when I was a boy, it shouldn't apply to us now."
"But, indeed, it does. Ahem. Page One. Here I am in the House Of Elrond. It's quite boring. My parent's just died so now I have to live with these people who are going to live forever. I met this girl, who's an elf, her name is Arwen. She's quite pretty. But not as handsome, or pretty, as Elrond."
"I was admiring his handsomeness!" Aragorn said angrily.
"Yeah, ok, we'll go with that." Legolas said. He put the diary in his pocket.
"SILENCE! LET US GO TO MORIA!" Gandalf yelled. The fellowship walked in silence.
Two seconds later.
"Isn't Saruman and Gandalf boyfriend and...erm...boyfriend?" Pippin whispered to Aragorn, who seemed to know all.
"I think so. I heard him looking in his appointment book when we were walking one day."
"What did he say?"
:::FLASHBACK:::
Aragorn is sitting on a rock, watching the hobbits practice sword fighting with Boromir, and Gimili. Arwen and Legolas were flirting.
Below him, he heard Gandalf grumbling.
"Oh, damn it. I missed dinner with him last night. Oh shit! I missed his new wardrobe preview. Well there goes our week in the Caribbean. We were supposed to get a pedicure yesterday. And whatever happened to going to the movies on Saturday? I'm going to have to call him, or he might cheat on me with one of his Orcs. Or even Dethenor. Damn it."
:::FLASHBACK ENDS:::
"He really said that?" Pippin asked, after hearing the story.
"Yup."
"Ok, so why is everybody gay?"
"That's just the way it is in Middle-Earth."
Two seconds later.
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And their like it's better then yours Damn right It's better than yours I'm gonna teach you But I have to charge" Gandalf sang.
"That's the 17th time he's sung that!" complained Frodo.
"He's talking about Saruman, you know." Pippin said.
"What?" said an astonished Frodo.
"Gandalf and Saruman are a couple."
"Oh, Pippin. You're just imagining it."
"No! It's true! Aragorn told me!"
"Well, no wonder he's singing that song!"
"What's a milkshake?" Pippin asked Gandalf.
Gandalf grew angry. "SHUT UP! LET US GO!"