Disclaimer: FF8 characters and locations don't belong to me, nor does this chapter's song "Hold On".  This song belongs to Limp Bizket, it's one of the few sorta slow, serious songs that they've done.

                                                            Chapter 2:  Hold On

            It was a typical day.  Sun streamed in through the balcony window, illuminating the blank white living room where she sat, munching on a piece of toast and trying to ignore the loud, violent argument of the couple above her.  Her gaze swept the room, half expecting to see those dreaded roses sitting so innocently on the coffee table once more.  But no, she had thrown them out the night before, no longer able to stomach the sight of them.

            Other than the constant racket of her neighbors, things were eerily quiet.  In fact, she'd grown to like it that way.  In the silence, she could pretend she was still sitting in her dorm room at the garden, enjoying a nice day of laziness while she waited for him to get off work.  Her wait, however, had always seemed to stretch on into the late hours of the evening, and when he finally did show up, he was quiet, and distant, always caught up in the worries of the day.  She almost choked on her last bite of toast as she realized just how much like him she had become.

            "It's not like I've got much of anyone to pay any attention to," she mumbled, entering her bedroom and opening the closet door to inspect her dress for the night.  It was long and navy blue, with slits going up both sides until they reached her upper thigh.  The front was low cut, forming a v-shape that curved over the top of her breasts and came to a point at the cavity of her upper abdomen.  A thin string of faux diamonds lead up from the tip of the v and would loop around her neck, holding the dress in place.  A sheer, sparkling material was placed over the silky blue, ensuring that she would dazzle and shine on the stage when the light hit her.

            As she was studying the dress, she couldn't help but wonder, what would he think if he saw her in it?  Would he be impressed?  Her thoughts were interrupted as a hand on her shoulder made her jump.

            "So, thinking of modeling that dress for me?"

            She wheeled around to face the source of those words, anger clearly visible on her face.  "How many times have I told you that key is just for emergencies!" she hissed at the tall, dark-haired man before her.

            He only grinned as he replied.  "I thought it was.  I knocked, and knocked, and you never answered."

            "You didn't knock once!" Rinoa shot back.  "You were just hoping you would catch me in here changing.  I'm gonna have the locks changed you perv!  Now what the hell do you want?"

            "Such language isn't very becoming of a lady," he teased.

            "Shut up, Max, or I swear they'll never find you body!" she growled.  "It isn't time for rehearsal yet."

            Max continued to smile.  "I just thought maybe you'd like to grab some lunch or something before rehearsal.  Or we could always just stay here… alone, in your bedroom…"

            Rinoa sighed in disgust.  Max was a friend of hers, and the head of the band, but more often than not, he was obnoxious, and perverted.  Though she had dated one of two guys since coming to Esthar, he hadn't been one of them.

            (I wonder if he were to see this… would he be jealous at all?)

            "I just want to look over my music for a while," Rinoa replied after a moment.  "I have to pick out a song for tonight.  So if you wouldn't mind…"

            "I get the hint," he grumbled as he turned to leave.  "But you know… seriously speaking, you look really down today.  Well, more so than usual.  What's bothering you?"

            "You always ask me questions that you already know the answers to," she sighed.  "Last night, I had a dream that he showed up, from out of no where, and said he was dying.  His last mission was to come see me, and tell me… happy birthday," she finished with a confused expression.  "Then he walked me home from a funeral, in the rain, and we…" she trailed off, deciding it wasn't appropriate to share anymore.

            Max cocked his head to the side.  "Oh, one of those kind of dreams…  But wait, it's no where near your birthday."

            Rinoa laughed slightly.  "Yes, I know."

            The two were silent for a moment, before Max asked, "What was he like?"

            "I told you a million times before," she replied.  "He was everything I wanted, and could never have.  He was my knight in shining armor… He was a fairy tale, that never came true…"

            Max sighed, his usually light, cheerful mood heavy with the weight of his friend's sadness.  "I'll leave you to your work now, Rin.  Hope you feel better."

            Rinoa watched him leave, before she pulled open her diary, and flipped through the pages.  "This one," she murmured to herself.  It was a song she'd written about their time together.  "If you do show up, out of nowhere, and hear my song… I want you to know, just what you put me through."

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            The Swimming Bird was a small, slightly run-down bar a few blocks from her apartment.  It occupied the bottom floor of a two-story building, and like every place of business in Esthar, had a bright, neon sign hanging over the door.  The name of the bar flashed in red letters, while a six-winged bird with the tail of a fish flew/swam in pale green outline below it. 

            The inside was bigger than it looked from the outside, housing a small stage along with several tables, booths, and of course, the bar itself.  Behind the stage was a one-person bathroom where the band members would get changed, while Rinoa would head upstairs and change in the owner's apartment, to be safe from spying eyes. 

            As she descended the stairs in her form-fitting gown, she heard the typical wolf-whistle from Max, which she had learned to ignore.  The odor of cheap alcohol and cigarettes hung heavy in the air, and would only get stronger once the glittery purple curtain was lifted.  It used to make her dizzy, until she thought she would pass out on stage.  Now, it was something she was used to, something that was strangely familiar.

            Rinoa walked out onto the stage where the band was tuning up, giving them each a nod before peaking through the curtains at the crowd as she did every night.  The room was bright, and hazy with all the smoke hanging idly in the air.  Elegant chairs with plush red cushions bearing liquor stains and cigar burns surrounded wooden tables with scratched and scuffed surfaces.  Waitresses in short skirts and high heels ran from table to table, trying to keep up with the growing number of people.  Most of the tables were filled, indicating it would be a busy night.

            The lights dimmed suddenly, making it so she could only make out the rectangle of faint light provided by the glass door.  She poked her head back in and took her place at the microphone, taking a large sip of water from the glass on the stool next to her.

            "Ladies and gentlemen," the bar tender's voice came booming through the speakers.  "The Swimming Bird would like to present to you… Ms. Rinoa Heartilly."

            At that moment, the curtain slid back, and the soft stage lights illuminated her.  Her heart rate sped up, and adrenaline began to pound through her body.  No matter how many times she'd been through this, she still felt nervous at the beginning of every show.

            "Good evening, everyone," she began in a quiet voice.  From the corner of her eye, she saw the door open, and one of the waitresses quickly ushered the people to a seat.  Rinoa resisted the urge to frown.  She hated when people walked in after the show had begun.  "I'll be singing a song for you that I wrote… quite some time ago.  I really hope you enjoy it."

            On cue, the base kicked in, and Rinoa allowed her eyes to flutter closed, her mind quickly being drawn into a trance as her music seeped into her veins.  Without even having to think about it, her voice rose from deep within her body.

You keep your distance I can't deny you I got the feeling I can't satisfy you I got your picture on the wall I got the picture long gone

            Somewhere in the back of her mind, her thoughts wandered to the dream she'd had the previous night.

            It was dark, and she seemed to be standing in the middle of nowhere.  She turned in endless circles, searching for something, anything but the blackness the surrounded her so completely.  She screamed for help, again and again, yet, there was nothing.  Finally, she lost hope, and sat down upon the cold, hard earth, head hung in defeat.

            Before her, a shadow appeared, at first, barely visible within the darkness.  Slowly, as it drew closer, the shadow revealed its identity to her, causing her heart to skip a beat or two, as she studied those familiar eyes…

You keep your wishes I'll keep my feelings There goes another one That kept me breathing I'm waiting for you I know you're leaving I'll still adore you You'll never need me

            "I'm… dying.  This is my last mission.  I had to come… say… happy birthday…" Rinoa strained to hear what he was saying.  His voice was so faint, she could only pick up those few words.  Despite the resentment she felt toward him, her heart still ached to hear his voice speak to her, in that quiet, but strong way he had.

            He said he was dying.  But dreams didn't mean anything, right?  They were just figments of her imagination, running free while her consciousness slept.   It was nothing to worry about.  Even if it was, why should she care?

Hold on I'll find another way to let you

Go... away...

Hold on

You'll find another way to bleed my

Soul... away...

            After he had finished speaking, images flashed through her mind so rapidly that she couldn't identify them.  When finally she could see things clearly again, she realized she was walking alongside him, down an empty street in Esthar.  Rain fell heavily around them, pelting their skin like small daggers, and soaking through their clothes until they were shivering.

            "Well… died.  It's hard… feel anything.  I know… stand, but…"

            "But I do," she heard herself whisper, though she hadn't heard everything that he'd said.  "I do… better than you know.  I once felt the same."

            "Soon, I'll… as well."

            She shook her head.  "I don't know what to say."

            He shrugged.  "Don't… anything… Sing… Noa?"

            "Yes," she found herself replying to a question she didn't understand.  "For you."

            In her heart, she could feel herself crying.  His voice was distant, and his words stung her soul.  She wanted so badly to hear him… to really, truly hear him, no matter the bitter memories it might stir up.

The things you told me

To hear you speak

I'm burning slowly

I'm growing weak

You bring me closer to yesterday

Yesterday's a million miles away

            They entered her apartment as she hummed a tune she'd never heard before.  They discarded their coats in a soggy pile on the floor, and her head started to spin.  His arms were around her now, his face buried in the crook of her neck… Was that a tear she felt, seeping through her sweater?

            No words were spoken, as the rest of their clothes joined their coats on the floor, and she found herself beneath him in her bed.  Dizziness clouded her mind, but she could feel her body on fire with his touch.  Why, why were they doing this?  She'd never wanted to see him again, much less be with him again.  All thoughts and questions were erased from her mind as she looked up into his eyes.  She could see heaven there, hidden within the icy depths… true euphoria…

            Doubt, confusion… those eyes…

Why can't you hear me Why can't I see you And I don't understand What keeps me breathing I'm waiting for you I know you're leaving I'll still adore you You'll never need me             Her mind jolted into awareness as she realized she really was staring into those ethereal orbs she'd come to despise.  She could see them now, staring at her from across the room, watching her every movement as though he were mesmerized.  She half wondered if she was dreaming again.  He couldn't be here… Her heart jumped into her throat as the weight of his presence sunk in, and she struggled to finish out her song. Hold on I'll find another way to let you Go... away... Hold on You'll find another way to bleed my Soul... away...             As Rinoa finished out the last few verses of the song, she carefully stepped over to Max, leaning down close to his ear.  "I feel really sick," she whispered.  "I have to leave now.  Could you please cover for me?"             He nodded, taking the microphone from her and waiting until she had left the stage to announce her illness.  As she heard her name over the speakers, she cringed, and decided she would just leave her clothes there, and pick them up the next day.  Right now, the only thing she could focus on was leaving.             She was almost to the door, when she bumped into someone standing directly in her path.  She stumbled back a bit, and found herself staring into bright, jade-colored eyes.             "Long time no see," her old friend whispered.  "At least, not since you ran me over in the hall and took off without saying a word."             Rinoa winced at the edge in Selphie's voice.  For her to still be angry, Rinoa's sudden departure must have upset her deeply.             "I'm sorry, Selphie," she replied. "It was just… I would rather not talk about it if you don't mind."             "Well, I do mind.  You're my friend, and I have a right to know!"             "Selphie," a calm, steady voice called.  A tall, blonde-haired woman came to stand behind her, placing a hand on the smaller girl's shoulder.  "I'm sure she has her reasons."             "That's not good enough!" Selphie cried.  "You just ran away!  You had us all so worried, we… Hey!"             Selphie interrupted herself as a familiar figure made his way out of the bar.  She took one last, tearful glance in Rinoa's direction before taking off after him, leaving only Quistis behind.             "I really am sorry," Rinoa murmured.  "But I just… I couldn't take it anymore."             Quistis nodded.  "We all suspected as much.  Though, he never did tell us what happened between the two of you.  Every time we'd ask, he'd just scowl and stomp away.  He's been increasingly ill-tempered since you left."             "Yeah, well… How is everyone?" Rinoa asked, hoping to change the subject.             "Selphie and Irvine still have the same on again, off again relationship they've always had.  He keeps cheating, and she keeps taking him back.  I've been given my instructor license back.  Zell's been thinking of proposing to that library girl, and Squall's…" her voice trailed off as she noticed the glint of tears in Rinoa's eyes.  "Wrong subject, I see.  Well, I better go catch up to those two.  Goodbye, Rinoa."             Rinoa could only nod, and stare after her as she left.  Her past had come back to haunt her, and just left the same way it came.  At least it was over.             She stepped outside and stood underneath the awning as she watched the rain pummel the earth.  She didn't feel like going in and getting changed, so she decided she would just have to walk through it in her dress.

            As she took a step forward, a voice stopped her.  "It's not safe for you to be walking these streets alone."

            Her body tensed, and she considered running away.  Instead, she decided to turn and face the inevitable.  There he was, stepping out from the shadowed alleyway… Selphie had probably run right past him.

            "What do you want?" she demanded.

            "What, I can't even say hi to you now?"

"Why would you bother doing that now, when you couldn't take the time to do it then?  There's no point in it now.  There's nothing more to be said," she retorted coldly.

"You've changed a lot, Rinoa," he pointed out, stepping closer.  "You sound, almost like me."

            "Yeah, well I guess you rubbed off on me.  Some people you just can't forget, even if you want to."  She sighed.  "What are you doing here, anyway?"

            "I'm here to see Laguna.  He's dying," he answered shortly.  "Some happy birthday I'm having."

            Rinoa hated it, but her heart burned in pain for him.  She could see the conflict written clearly on his face.  He'd never wanted to acknowledge the man as his father, but now that his only living flesh and blood relative was dying… and to run into her at the same time.  And yes, she realized slowly.  It was nearing his birthday.

            "I'm sorry.  I… I didn't know."

            "What, you would have been nicer to me if you had?  Forget it.  I don't need your pity.  I won't be here long, don't worry.  This… this is my last mission."

            "What?" she demanded, feeling rage boil within her blood.  He quit SeeD for himself, yet wouldn't do it for her?

            "It's my last mission," he repeated.  "To see that the election of a new president goes smoothly.  Then I'm retiring."

            She turned her back to him.  "Bastard…"

            "I know.  I shouldn't have stayed behind to talk to you… but I had to come and say, for whatever it's worth…"

            "Don't say you're sorry!"

            He nodded.  "Right.  I forgot how much you hated that word.  I guess it wouldn't make any difference to tell you that I mean it?"  When she didn't reply, he stepped closer until he was standing next to her.  "At least let me give you my jacket.  You'll catch a cold."

            "You were always so good at protecting me from physical danger.  Anything that threatened me, you destroyed.  The only thing you couldn't protect me from was yourself.  I don't need you anymore!" she yelled suddenly.

            Max chose that moment to step outside.  "Hey, Rinoa, is this creep bothering you?" he asked, looking from one to the other.

            "Oh, I see," he said, looking from Max, then to Rinoa.  "I see…"

            No, she wasn't his girlfriend anymore, and no, she shouldn't have cared, yet still, she felt like she had to explain that Max was just a friend.  The words died on her lips, however, as looked up to find that Squall Leonhart, the love of her former life, was retreating back into the shadows that he'd come from.

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A/N:  Well, this one is quite a bit longer, as promised. 

Chapter 3 "Life is Just a Dream":  Rinoa awakes the next morning to find that she's been summoned to perform for the president one last time.