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Disclaimer: I don't own it. Wish I could, but I don't.
Summary: A series of slightly introspective one-shots, where each Senshi answers the ever-present question. Minako's vignette.
Finished: 1-20-04
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Who am I?
- - - - -
Who am I?
Well, I've had a good many identities throughout the past, but my most basic, consistent title would be the Goddess of Love.
If you were to ask others about me, they'd tell you quite a story. For instance, Furahata Motoki, manager of the Crown Arcade, would probably say that I'm a nice, if slightly naive, girl with a tendency to mix up her sayings and who loved the racing games as a kid but could never win them. My old schoolteachers would probably describe me as a slacker, since I barely scraped by with a passing grade for most of my school years. I expect my fellow classmates would agree, except for my performance in P.E.: no one can dispute my aptitude for sports, especially volleyball. Not that physical education counts for much in a G.P.A.
And then you have the rumors propagated by "people", and everything said by the group known only as "them". If you listened to those rumors, you'd know me as a blonde ditz, who despite having a great figure succumbs to the stereotype and is severely lacking in brains. An eternal optimist, certainly, but almost impossible to have a real conversation with - bright, sunny, cheerful and carefree, but nothing more. Such a disposition seeps into every area of my life, from academics to romance. Like my friend Lita, I flit from crush to crush, never serious in my pursuits but always energetic and enthusiastic. Acquaintances always pity the boys I target, because my enthusiasm is known to cause... uncomfortable situations.
And that's just the human side of me; you wouldn't believe the bad press my alter ego received.
Sailor Venus, codename Sailor V. Masked heroine of justice and bane of both criminals and the police force, that's who I was. The head investigator of the police force hated me, as I discovered near the end of my stint as V. According to him I was a menace who interfered within police jurisdiction, but couldn't even be counted on for my interference if they needed it. And in important situations regarding the negaverse I always won my battles with a large supply of coaching from Artemis and even more dumb luck. But that's old news.
Eventually I found my true mission. I'm known as Sailor Venus now, a Senshi fighting for love and justice. V is gone. And yet, Venus seems to have inherited her legacy. The blonde Senshi of Love and Beauty, I'm also the leader, the one forced to make the critical decisions when half a second will mean life or death for one of my comrades. But people don't see that, they don't... instead, I'm the ditzy counterpart to our "real" leader, Sailor Moon. I've heard people say I deserve to be the bodyguard and apparent double for my Princess not because of our close resemblance, but because I'm not capable of anything else. On the other hand, I'm also criticized as the one seen making the decisions in a battle that cause a building to be demolished, or a car to be destroyed. Because I choose that an inanimate hunk of concrete or metal be damaged rather than my friends, I am rash and untrustworthy - I don't think things through well enough to consider the consequences. Sometimes I want to tell the owner of the building or car that I could substitute their property with themselves the next battle, if they so desire. It might hurt my reputation even more, but it'd almost be worth it just for the satisfaction of their panicked responses.
I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm afraid that that's one blonde habit I've never managed to escape. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes: what most everyone sees and believes. I can be a klutz. Sometimes I act like a ditz. But that's not all I am...
There are two things that define my life more than anything else; one is that I care. I want to help my friends - cheer them up, encourage them, see them happy with their life. Sometimes I'm not able to do so, but not from lack of effort. Clumsiness, maybe, which I admit is something I've never outgrown, but never laziness. If my friends can be happy with their lives, then I am content with my own. And usually, content is the best I can do. I'm always bright, bubbly and cheerful, of course, my friends will attest to that, but it's so easy to be like that when you're only living in the moment, surrounded by others whom you want to be happy. When I'm alone with my thoughts, life tends to have a depressing pallor. But I'll never let that stop me; someday I might find my life worth living for itself, but until then existing for others is good enough for me. Depressing, you might say, but nonetheless true, and they're worth it.
The other defining aspect of my life is Duty. Even if, Aphrodite forbid, I stopped caring about my friends, duty alone would be enough to keep me going. I am the head of Princess Serenity's guard, and though I love my Princess, my position is one I would never wish on another. I answer to no one but myself, take orders from no one but myself, and am accountable for my actions only to my conscience. My sister-senshi will never know what it is like to make a decision and realize that it is your fault that someone died because you made a mistake. They follow my orders, because they trust my judgment and believe in my leadership. Though I love them, and am honored by their trust, sometimes I wonder if I deserve my position. Throughout my entire career as Venus, only though the encouragement of my Princess and Artemis have I been able to carry on. They see something in me that I cannot see myself, and as they trust my judgment in matters of protecting Serenity, so I must trust them in matters regarding my capabilities.
Even with my doubts, however, I have always done my utmost to fulfill my duties as best I could. I will make the difficult decisions in battles so that my Princess may remain innocent and free of guilt, able to enjoy life to the fullest. I'll make the split-second judgment calls that Mercury lacks the decisiveness in the heat of battle to make herself, give the necessary cold and dispassionate orders because Mars lets her emotions rule her actions, and rationally draw up a battle plan that Jupiter would be too rash to wait for. The responsibility falls to me alone, and I will carry the burden of both my decisions and the guilt of their consequences myself. They don't know, any of them, from the paparazzi to my fellow Senshi, what a heavy burden that is.
Perhaps the burden would be lighter if I were free of a previous lifetime's worth of guilt, in which I failed my duty, my Princess, my sister Senshi, and my Queen. The consequences of my failure cost too much to ever be considered atoned for: the fall of an entire Empire, the deaths of the Empire's subjects, and the deaths of the most important people in my life - my Princess, my family, my "sisters", my world, my life... my love. I couldn't protect them, any of them, and will always remember the disgrace to my honor and abilities I can never be rid of, even in a thousand lifetimes.
Honor... such a funny thing. To command others respect used to be so important to me. It was always important to him, too. Just like duty. That was why we were drawn to each other - so alike, and yet so different at the same time. I refused to dwell on my guilt to escape it; he welcomed it as the reason behind his drive for perfection in his current actions. The way we approached everything seemed to be from opposite sides of the spectrum, and yet so often we achieved the same result. So alike, and yet so different.
I can't even bring myself to say his name. The pain is still too raw, even after all this time. He is why I flit from crush to crush, trying to find him in someone else, but never succeeding. I'll never be able to let him go, but somehow, I don't really mind. I once chose love over duty, and destroyed my world; now I will always choose duty over love, and until duty permits me, I will never find love again. By keeping him safely as a memory, I can dream of love and be spared the inevitable pain of trying to love someone else, or someday seeing him alive again and being forced to deal with the latent agony of betrayal and parting I hide deep within my heart.
But such a burden is only to be carried during times of battle, not in times of peace, when there are a thousand activities to immerse one's self in, in order to forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for so many of the things I've done... but usually, I can forget.
I share a dorm room with Usagi at the local college, and because Rei and I are both majoring in Drama we take many of the same classes. Mako-chan hosts at her tiny apartment to study, though, and Ami continues to lead and tutor us when she can pull herself away from her mountain load of schoolwork. We have good times together, when we can, just like we did in the days of High School and Junior High. I still even visit the Crown Arcade for old times sake, and watch the joy of younger kids as they experience the highs and lows of gaming. Sometimes I play the Sailor V game, when I'm feeling especially nostalgic. Those were good times, but life goes on.
My life continues too, including the beginning of a modeling career. An agent "discovered" me a few years back, and with the help of Ami as my brilliant contract manager, I'll be able to get through college with minimal debt. If I can settle decisively on a major long enough to get my degree, that is. I'm part of the theatre club at the college too, and have started collecting connections among the film industry majors. A few years ago such initiative would have shocked my friends, but I'm growing up. If I'm lucky, I might land an acting career with one of these people once I refine my skills a bit. If there's anything I hate, it's monotonous regularity, and I'll go mad if I stay a model forever. Life is full of infinite possibilities, but so far acting sounds the most interesting.
Until then, however, I continue in my life, waiting for something to change. Graduation day, another battle, maybe even the arrival of the far future we once saw. With the Senshi life is never normal for long, I just can never tell what strange version of reality I'll wake up to next.
This... is who I am. Human, flawed. A warrior, once torn between love and duty, but knowing now that duty will prevail. A Princess of a long dead kingdom, a guardian of the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo. A girl of Tokyo, Japan, growing up as time marches relentlessly on. I am, was, and always will be, Minako. Mina. V-chan.
I know who I am, and accept it.
Do you?
- Fin -
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Minako speaks, finally. I hope that she is accurately portrayed in this, and that you enjoyed it. Feel free to criticize any part of the fic in a review. The four inner senshi are done - what happens next? I'll be writing a story-plot introduction to these vignettes to give then a grounded reason for existing; as was pointed out to me, the girl's wouldn't open up like this without a very good reason. After this belated introduction, I plan to revise Ami and Rei's chapters, particularly Ami's. Hers was written before I had a good idea of what I was doing, and she deserves a better (and longer) vignette. After that... who knows what will be next?
Ocianne
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Wish I could, but I don't.
Summary: A series of slightly introspective one-shots, where each Senshi answers the ever-present question. Minako's vignette.
Finished: 1-20-04
- - - - -
Who am I?
- - - - -
Who am I?
Well, I've had a good many identities throughout the past, but my most basic, consistent title would be the Goddess of Love.
If you were to ask others about me, they'd tell you quite a story. For instance, Furahata Motoki, manager of the Crown Arcade, would probably say that I'm a nice, if slightly naive, girl with a tendency to mix up her sayings and who loved the racing games as a kid but could never win them. My old schoolteachers would probably describe me as a slacker, since I barely scraped by with a passing grade for most of my school years. I expect my fellow classmates would agree, except for my performance in P.E.: no one can dispute my aptitude for sports, especially volleyball. Not that physical education counts for much in a G.P.A.
And then you have the rumors propagated by "people", and everything said by the group known only as "them". If you listened to those rumors, you'd know me as a blonde ditz, who despite having a great figure succumbs to the stereotype and is severely lacking in brains. An eternal optimist, certainly, but almost impossible to have a real conversation with - bright, sunny, cheerful and carefree, but nothing more. Such a disposition seeps into every area of my life, from academics to romance. Like my friend Lita, I flit from crush to crush, never serious in my pursuits but always energetic and enthusiastic. Acquaintances always pity the boys I target, because my enthusiasm is known to cause... uncomfortable situations.
And that's just the human side of me; you wouldn't believe the bad press my alter ego received.
Sailor Venus, codename Sailor V. Masked heroine of justice and bane of both criminals and the police force, that's who I was. The head investigator of the police force hated me, as I discovered near the end of my stint as V. According to him I was a menace who interfered within police jurisdiction, but couldn't even be counted on for my interference if they needed it. And in important situations regarding the negaverse I always won my battles with a large supply of coaching from Artemis and even more dumb luck. But that's old news.
Eventually I found my true mission. I'm known as Sailor Venus now, a Senshi fighting for love and justice. V is gone. And yet, Venus seems to have inherited her legacy. The blonde Senshi of Love and Beauty, I'm also the leader, the one forced to make the critical decisions when half a second will mean life or death for one of my comrades. But people don't see that, they don't... instead, I'm the ditzy counterpart to our "real" leader, Sailor Moon. I've heard people say I deserve to be the bodyguard and apparent double for my Princess not because of our close resemblance, but because I'm not capable of anything else. On the other hand, I'm also criticized as the one seen making the decisions in a battle that cause a building to be demolished, or a car to be destroyed. Because I choose that an inanimate hunk of concrete or metal be damaged rather than my friends, I am rash and untrustworthy - I don't think things through well enough to consider the consequences. Sometimes I want to tell the owner of the building or car that I could substitute their property with themselves the next battle, if they so desire. It might hurt my reputation even more, but it'd almost be worth it just for the satisfaction of their panicked responses.
I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm afraid that that's one blonde habit I've never managed to escape. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes: what most everyone sees and believes. I can be a klutz. Sometimes I act like a ditz. But that's not all I am...
There are two things that define my life more than anything else; one is that I care. I want to help my friends - cheer them up, encourage them, see them happy with their life. Sometimes I'm not able to do so, but not from lack of effort. Clumsiness, maybe, which I admit is something I've never outgrown, but never laziness. If my friends can be happy with their lives, then I am content with my own. And usually, content is the best I can do. I'm always bright, bubbly and cheerful, of course, my friends will attest to that, but it's so easy to be like that when you're only living in the moment, surrounded by others whom you want to be happy. When I'm alone with my thoughts, life tends to have a depressing pallor. But I'll never let that stop me; someday I might find my life worth living for itself, but until then existing for others is good enough for me. Depressing, you might say, but nonetheless true, and they're worth it.
The other defining aspect of my life is Duty. Even if, Aphrodite forbid, I stopped caring about my friends, duty alone would be enough to keep me going. I am the head of Princess Serenity's guard, and though I love my Princess, my position is one I would never wish on another. I answer to no one but myself, take orders from no one but myself, and am accountable for my actions only to my conscience. My sister-senshi will never know what it is like to make a decision and realize that it is your fault that someone died because you made a mistake. They follow my orders, because they trust my judgment and believe in my leadership. Though I love them, and am honored by their trust, sometimes I wonder if I deserve my position. Throughout my entire career as Venus, only though the encouragement of my Princess and Artemis have I been able to carry on. They see something in me that I cannot see myself, and as they trust my judgment in matters of protecting Serenity, so I must trust them in matters regarding my capabilities.
Even with my doubts, however, I have always done my utmost to fulfill my duties as best I could. I will make the difficult decisions in battles so that my Princess may remain innocent and free of guilt, able to enjoy life to the fullest. I'll make the split-second judgment calls that Mercury lacks the decisiveness in the heat of battle to make herself, give the necessary cold and dispassionate orders because Mars lets her emotions rule her actions, and rationally draw up a battle plan that Jupiter would be too rash to wait for. The responsibility falls to me alone, and I will carry the burden of both my decisions and the guilt of their consequences myself. They don't know, any of them, from the paparazzi to my fellow Senshi, what a heavy burden that is.
Perhaps the burden would be lighter if I were free of a previous lifetime's worth of guilt, in which I failed my duty, my Princess, my sister Senshi, and my Queen. The consequences of my failure cost too much to ever be considered atoned for: the fall of an entire Empire, the deaths of the Empire's subjects, and the deaths of the most important people in my life - my Princess, my family, my "sisters", my world, my life... my love. I couldn't protect them, any of them, and will always remember the disgrace to my honor and abilities I can never be rid of, even in a thousand lifetimes.
Honor... such a funny thing. To command others respect used to be so important to me. It was always important to him, too. Just like duty. That was why we were drawn to each other - so alike, and yet so different at the same time. I refused to dwell on my guilt to escape it; he welcomed it as the reason behind his drive for perfection in his current actions. The way we approached everything seemed to be from opposite sides of the spectrum, and yet so often we achieved the same result. So alike, and yet so different.
I can't even bring myself to say his name. The pain is still too raw, even after all this time. He is why I flit from crush to crush, trying to find him in someone else, but never succeeding. I'll never be able to let him go, but somehow, I don't really mind. I once chose love over duty, and destroyed my world; now I will always choose duty over love, and until duty permits me, I will never find love again. By keeping him safely as a memory, I can dream of love and be spared the inevitable pain of trying to love someone else, or someday seeing him alive again and being forced to deal with the latent agony of betrayal and parting I hide deep within my heart.
But such a burden is only to be carried during times of battle, not in times of peace, when there are a thousand activities to immerse one's self in, in order to forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for so many of the things I've done... but usually, I can forget.
I share a dorm room with Usagi at the local college, and because Rei and I are both majoring in Drama we take many of the same classes. Mako-chan hosts at her tiny apartment to study, though, and Ami continues to lead and tutor us when she can pull herself away from her mountain load of schoolwork. We have good times together, when we can, just like we did in the days of High School and Junior High. I still even visit the Crown Arcade for old times sake, and watch the joy of younger kids as they experience the highs and lows of gaming. Sometimes I play the Sailor V game, when I'm feeling especially nostalgic. Those were good times, but life goes on.
My life continues too, including the beginning of a modeling career. An agent "discovered" me a few years back, and with the help of Ami as my brilliant contract manager, I'll be able to get through college with minimal debt. If I can settle decisively on a major long enough to get my degree, that is. I'm part of the theatre club at the college too, and have started collecting connections among the film industry majors. A few years ago such initiative would have shocked my friends, but I'm growing up. If I'm lucky, I might land an acting career with one of these people once I refine my skills a bit. If there's anything I hate, it's monotonous regularity, and I'll go mad if I stay a model forever. Life is full of infinite possibilities, but so far acting sounds the most interesting.
Until then, however, I continue in my life, waiting for something to change. Graduation day, another battle, maybe even the arrival of the far future we once saw. With the Senshi life is never normal for long, I just can never tell what strange version of reality I'll wake up to next.
This... is who I am. Human, flawed. A warrior, once torn between love and duty, but knowing now that duty will prevail. A Princess of a long dead kingdom, a guardian of the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo. A girl of Tokyo, Japan, growing up as time marches relentlessly on. I am, was, and always will be, Minako. Mina. V-chan.
I know who I am, and accept it.
Do you?
- Fin -
- - - - -
Minako speaks, finally. I hope that she is accurately portrayed in this, and that you enjoyed it. Feel free to criticize any part of the fic in a review. The four inner senshi are done - what happens next? I'll be writing a story-plot introduction to these vignettes to give then a grounded reason for existing; as was pointed out to me, the girl's wouldn't open up like this without a very good reason. After this belated introduction, I plan to revise Ami and Rei's chapters, particularly Ami's. Hers was written before I had a good idea of what I was doing, and she deserves a better (and longer) vignette. After that... who knows what will be next?
Ocianne