Author's Notes- Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I appreciate the feedback. Due to some of the feedback, I have added and changed some scenes in this chapter and in future ones. Not even my pre-readers have seen these changes yet, as they read this chapter long before I received any reviews on the last one. (Remember, you CAN make a difference!)
As for the character of Henrietta J. Keel, her family connections will be explained in later chapters. Her name is actually based on Henry Jekyll, the protagonist from Jekyll and Hyde. The fact that my butchering of the original name caused it to resemble that of another character was a happy act of chance, and would help me to find a motivation for her actions and a place for her in the story. I needed a scientist character to perform the medical experiment on Shinji, and I was not going to use Doctor Akagi. (I briefly considered having Shinji steal the treatment and medicating himself, but decided that this was far too stupid, even for Baka-Shinji.)
Again, reviews, advice input and pocky of any kind is appreciated. (Note-all pocky will be forwarded to my pre-readers to be sacrificed to the great Mallut, who's bludgeoning vengeance punishes all bakas who break their word to update.)
Notes on Language- I plan to primarily use English for speech in this story, except for moments when someone speaks in a 'foreign' language, such as German. I will use Japanese only when I do not feel that the English equivalent works well enough, such as "Okonomiyaki", "Ramen" or "Bento".
P.S. Asuka will still refer to Shinji as "Baka", as I feel that it is used more as a proper noun.
Disclaimer- I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Jekyll and Hyde.
By the time Hikari finally left the classroom, it was already several minutes into the lunch period. Normally she would eat lunch with Asuka, but she wanted to give Asuka time alone with Shinji and had stayed behind. She hadn't yet eaten, and was beginning to have second thoughts about leaving Asuka alone.
Shinji would probably be eating with Touji and Kensuke, and Asuka might need some backup. So, resolving herself, she headed out, the sunlight blinding her as she stepped outside. It took a while for her eyes to adjust, so was only able to see a flash of red go past her, which she instantly recognized.
She turned as her eyes finally began to adapt, following Asuka as she headed back toward the school. "Hey, Asuka. Where are you going?"
"Not now Hikari…"
"Asuka, wh…"
"I SAID, 'NOT NOW'!" Asuka shouted as she spun on her friend.
Hikari flinched as Asuka turned on her. She had known Asuka long enough to know the redhead had a fiery temper, though it was not often that she herself had witnessed it nor been the recipient of it. But it wasn't the sudden outburst that hit Hikari the hardest.
It was the tears hanging at the corners of Asuka's eyes, threatening to fall at any moment.
The anger on Asuka's face melted as she looked at Hikari's startled expression. Hikari could see the regret in Asuka's eyes as the girl opened her mouth to speak, struggling to say that she was sorry in any way that she could, but no words could made it past her pride and out her mouth. Finally the strain became too much and Asuka ran to the lavatory before her friend saw her crying.
Hikari just stood there, stunned. She had NEVER seen Asuka cry. It could still be argued that she hadn't, and most likely would be, IF she was ever crazy enough to mention it to Asuka later. But the fact remained, something had upset Asuka enough that she had been on the verge of tears. Rei wasn't at school and at the moment Hikari could think of only three others that could make Asuka that upset…
She turned an marched back the direction that Asuka had come from, heading strait to where the 'Three Stooges' were having lunch, her teeth grinding together as she homed in on her target.
…and only one of them had even a remote chance of making Asuka cry.
The three of them paused their conversation as a shadow fell over them. Shinji turned as Touji sputtered out an "Umm.. hi class rep." through a mouthful of rice.
Hikari towered over the Third Child, her hands on her hips, her silhouetted face betraying no emotion as she looked down at him, though her voice was positively frigid as she addressed him.
"Shinji, could I have a word with you?"
"Umm….sure, just a second?"
"No, now!"
Shinji yelped and Touji and Kensuke cringed in sympathy as the class rep dragged him off, her delicate fingers clamped to his ear like a pneumatic vice.
Touji whistled low as he suppressed a shudder. "Man! What did Shinji do to get the rep so steamed?"
"Must have been good. Usually only YOU are stupid enough to make Hikari THAT mad.
"Yea…HEY! I'll have you know I've been on my best behavior lately!"
"That's not saying much." Kensuke muttered.
"Anyways," Touji said, giving his friend a quick, sideways glare, "Like I was saying earlier, I think Hikari has been spending way too much time with the Red-Headed Demon. She's starting to act like her." Both boys nodded in unison, and offered up a quick prayer that their friend would make it through the day in one piece.
Shinji managed to keep up with Hikari so that he no longer had to worry about his ear being torn from his head, but he only managed to achieve an awkward, leaning, and rather painful hobble. Once she had managed to drag him around the corner, she released her grip on his ear and turned on him.
"Okay, Shinji," she whispered in a voice that was almost a yell. "I want to know what you said to Asuka."
"What?" he asked, rubbing his ear.
"Don't play dumb with me Ikari!" she hissed through clenched teeth. "You had to have done something!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hikari," Shinji whispered back, a note of fear in his voice, more confused now than ever.
"Really?" Hikari reacted skeptically. "Then why did she just run past me crying?"
"W… what?" Shinji was staggered. Asuka? Crying? Asuka never cries. He had only seen Asuka cry once, and she had been asleep at the time.
"I don't know what you did Shinji, but you should at least apologize to her," Hikari was finally starting to calm down. "Especially after she gave you that lunch."
"Asuka's Lunch?" Shinji asked, confused.
"What? Was it not good enough for the Great Shinji Ikari?" Hikari asked, inadvertently doing a fairly good Asuka impression. "So? What's your excuse?"
"Hikari, I haven't talked to Asuka since this morning," Shinji replied.
"Oh, god, Shinji, I thought…," Hikari stammered, suddenly embarrassed be how she had acted. "I'm sorry! I thought you'd done something…"
"Hikari, really its okay," he gave her a reassuring smile. "but I don't know what you're talking about. I bought my lunch today"
"You mean she never gave it to you?" now it was Hikari's turn to be confused. "But, I saw her? She was running from where you were sitting with…"
Her eyes narrowed as she traced a path through the wall and extrapolated the positions of Kensuke and Touji. "Ooooh! It must have been those two perverts."
"Don't be too hard on them Hikari," Shinji pleaded. "They just don't understand Asuka. Do you know where she went?"
"Yeah, but I don't think you'll be able to talk to her just yet," Hikari said as she pointed past the benches towards a door. "She went that way, towards the girls' bathroom."
Shinji visibly paled, though Hikari didn't notice as she was thinking of what would be appropriate punishment for the two morons. She only looked when Shinji placed a hand on her arm to stop her when she started to leave. He hung his head, "Don't. It wasn't them. It… she saw… I was eating lunch… with Rei…"
"Oh no…" Hikari knew that Asuka did not get along well with the other pilot in their class.
"She saw me when I was buying lunch and asked if she could talk with me. We were sitting on that bench over there" he said, nodding towards a bench that was partially in the shade of a tree. "Asuka must have seen us together when we were talking."
Shinji slumped against the wall, as Hikari sorted out what he had just told her. Unlike her feelings towards Shinji, Asuka made it no secret how she felt about Rei. Hikari knew how SHE would feel if she saw another girl eating with…
Look, Shinji," Hikari tried to cheer him up. "I'll try to smooth things over with Asuka, but you'll have to talk to her and apologize. Give her a little time to cool down, but don't take too long or it will just make things worse."
"Apologize for what?" he murmured to himself. "I didn't do anything."
The words sounded ironic the moment he voiced them. He was always apologizing for something. When had he ever needed a reason before. Of course, Asuka hated it when he apologized. But, then again, she hated a lot of the things he did.
"Shinji, I know…" Hikari paused when Shinji didn't look up, and didn't appear to be listening. "Shinji?"
Seeing that he wasn't responding, Hikari took a deep breath.
"Pilot Ikari! Look at me when I'm talking!" He immediately snapped back to awareness, calming considerably when he saw the soft smile on Hikari's face. "Look Shinji, I know that it may not seem that way, but Asuka really likes you."
Even if that were true, she has a funny way of showing it, Shinji thought. Despite how he felt about her, he knew Asuka could never care for a spineless wimp like him.
But why had she been acting so strange today? If Hikari was right, it would make a weird kind of sense, though he could not understand what Asuka could possibly see in him. It had hurt knowing she didn't like him, especially with how he felt about her, but it was something he could live with. But what if she did like him? It was a thought that he could not just disregard. He had to know.
But to find out, he had to talk to Asuka.
And that scared him more than anything.
* * *
Asuka slammed the door of the apartment shut. She had worked the tears out of her system a while ago, and was now content to use inanimate objects. She tried to be angry with Shinji, Rei, even Hikari, but she found she could only be angry with herself. She had waited too long.
She stormed to her room, slamming that door shut as well. She plopped onto her bed, and, finding her pillow was not soft enough for her taste, fluffed it with a few satisfying punches.
Why?
She stared at the wall, her back to the door. She still could not understand why she had even bothered to try and be nice to Baka-Shinji. Everything she had done had been for nothing. She could just imagine Shinji and the other two stooges talking about her. She was certain all three had gotten a good laugh over her embarrassment.
And worst of all, she had been bested by Rei. What did Shinji see in her anyways? She was quiet, never talked to anyone. She was ever obedient, never questioning orders, always doing what she was told. The pretty, perfect little doll. Is that the kind of girl Shinji likes?
Even as a tear rolled down across her cheek, she uttered a brief snort of laughter at the absurdity of it. It was so stupid to be crying over something as trivial as this. She should be glad she had found out what kind of girls Shinji really liked before she had wasted any more time on him, even though it had felt good wasting time on him. If Shinji likes to play with dolls, then Wondergirl can have him. Its not like I actually liked him…
As she drifted off to sleep, she tried to list all the things in her mind that she truly could not stand about Shinji, anything to convince herself to dislike the boy.
But her list was not nearly long enough, no matter how hard she tried to hate the boy, and her thoughts still rested on Shinji as sleep finally claimed her.
* * *
Taking a deep breath, Shinji knocked lightly on Asuka's door, some part of him hoping she wouldn't hear him and allow him to just walk away. He had been arguing with himself about whether or not he was going to go through with this. He was still arguing with himself.
There was no response from inside Asuka's room, and Shinji almost walked away, but he forced himself to stay. He knocked again, a little louder this time. He could hear rustling from behind the door, and a few moments later the door opened.
Asuka looked at him, slightly annoyed at having been disturbed, but her expression remained surprisingly neutral. "What do you want, Shinji?"
"Umm… I… I just wanted to talk to you," he stammered. "About the lunch you made for me."
"Oh, that," she said, trailing off for a moment, her eyes going distant before regaining her composure and looking at him. "It was nothing important. Just forget it"
"But Asuka, I wanted to say I was sorr.."
She cut him off before he could even finish his apology. "Sorry? What's there to be sorry for? Its not as if it was anything important. If you'd rather spend lunch with Wondergirl, it doesn't matter to me."
"But I…"
"Look Shinji, it's no big deal. I woke up too early and I was bored. Its not like there is anything better to do around here in the mornings."
"Asuka?"
"Look, don't try to make more out of this than there is." she said, getting ready to close the door on him. "It was just a stupid lunch."
And the door was closed.
Had he waited too long.
He had been avoiding this ever since Hikari had talked to him. He had taken every excuse he could, all because he had been afraid of talking to the girl. He had put it off for three days before he worked up enough spine to knock on her door.
But what had hurt the most was the far-off look in Asuka's eyes, that moment when he could see how hurt she really was, despite what she had said.
Those few days he had waited had been all the time Asuka's mind had needed to seal those openings in her heart on its own, to close herself off from the world again. He had blown the one chance he might have had with Asuka because he had evaded the eventual encounter like a coward.
And yet, he was still to afraid to do anything to mend the situation.
As he stood there, staring at Asuka's door, Shinji found he could only utter one word to himself, used so often in reference to him, that now seemed to suit him perfectly.
"…Baka…"
* * *
The steady ticking of the clock echoed through the room, like a sledgehammer on an iron spike, digging deeper and deeper into her skull.
Needless to say, Henrietta Keel was not really in the best of moods. Part of her current disposition was to be blamed upon the nearly fatal blow that had been dealt to her project. With no official sanctioning by Nerv, she would have to continue her research in secret and without the proper resources, a setback which she placed the blame solely on Gendo Ikari.
Which, of course led to the second cause of her negative frame of mind.
"So," she said, trying to remain as cheerful as she possibly could, "how's school, Shinji?"
Shinji shrugged his shoulders. "Its ok, I guess."
Henrietta couldn't help but draw conclusions about the boy upon meeting him, after all, he was the Commander's son. Despite that, she tried to remain as impartial as she possibly could. She needed all the information she could gather if she was going to do her job right.
"No problems with any of your classes?"
"No. Not really."
Keel had tried to get the boy to open up and say something, anything, but he brushed off every question she asked with non-committal answers. The boy seemed unwilling to talk about anything, which was making her job more difficult. She had taken the liberty of performing a psych exam of all pilots, something that should have been routine, but had apparently been overlooked by command.
Overlooked, she though, or Ikari didn't want anyone to find out what emotional wrecks his pilots were. Just looking over their files, she could see why Ritsuko had suggested it. She had already met with the two girls, which had been a draining experience to say the least.
Pilot Ayanami was even more introverted than Shinji, if that were possible, and almost as talkative. From what she had been able to gather, the girl had virtually no friends at school or at Nerv. She displayed an almost complete lack of feeling, her emotional growth severely stunted by some form of trauma. It was entirely possible that Rei had been physically or emotionally abused as a child, and reading who had raised her and what she had been raised to do.
Keel stopped just short of ordering a suicide watch be place on the first child. Though she knew the strong sense of duty she possessed was the only thing keeping the girl alive, she found it sickening to think that her loyalty was directed to the man who was likely the source of the girl's suffering.
Probably the most 'normal' of all the pilots, Miss Sohryu was still a psychiatric goldmine. Unlike Shinji's approach of evading the doctors questions, Asuka would flat-out deny anything was wrong. Her barriers would take some time to break through, and Henrietta was not sure that she could be the person to do it, especially when it took all her self-control not to reach out and strangle the girl. She had already made a list of outside councilors that might have a better chance at helping the girl.
Of course, both she and Shinji reminded Keel why she decided to never have children.
"Any problems at home?"
"No, everything is… ok."
Finally seeing an opening in his hesitation, Keel exploited it, and pursued the subject. "Really? I would think that it would be hard. I mean, your father IS the Commander?
Shinji winced a little at that last remark. "I… I wouldn't really know. I don't live with my father."
"Oh?" Now THAT had been unexpected. She had not seen anything about this in his file, or perhaps she had not reviewed it carefully enough. Whatever the reason, she now had at least a small insight into the character of Shinji Ikari.
"I can understand how difficult it can be to get along with parents," Keel said, which was true. "I haven't spoken with my own father in a long time."
The last time she had actually seen him face-to-face was a few years after Second Impact. The old man had undergone surgery at Stanford to replace his ailing vision with an electronic substitute, so he hadn't really been able to 'see' her. He barely spoke to her for five minutes before departing for Germany again.
She had received a few letters since then, but always in response to something she had written. He was always too busy with his work. Of course, She didn't speak to him much even before Second Impact, not since he had divorced her mother.
"What about your mother?" she asked.
Her own mother hadn't fared well after the divorce, and the anxiety after Second Impact pushed her over the edge. Now, at fifty-nine years old, she was confined to a mental asylum, her home for the past decade.
"She… died when I was little. Father left not long after that." He replied quietly.
"You don't have to talk about your parents if you don't want to," Keel said, sidestepping, for now at least, what was obviously a touchy subject for both of them, "I need to know about you. I want to hear more about your home life."
It took a little more prompting, but after a few minutes Henrietta actually had gotten Shinji to start talking. There were some things he didn't want to talk about, such as his relationship with his father, but he opened up quite a bit. He mentioned his friends from school, talked for quite a bit about living with Major Katsuragi and Pilot Sohryu. Another surprise.
His problems with the second child were possibly the most important thing they discussed that day, though Shinji was again reluctant to speak. More than anything, he was disinclined to say anything unkind about the girl, but he always seemed to come back to that particular topic. After hearing him dance around the subject for a while, and hearing what had happened between the two children a few days prior, Keel was starting to see a recurring theme in Shinji's life.
After a particularly long pause, Keel interjected, "Shinji, why do you have such a hard time dealing with people?"
"Huh? I…" he stared off into space, as if the answer her question was caught somewhere between the air molecules in the office.
Keel put down her notepad and took a drink from her coffee mug, the contents of which were now lukewarm. It had been scalding hot when they had started. Had it really been that long?
"I guess I'm just not easy for people to like." He finally stated.
"I don't think that is the problem," She said, putting down her mug. "Shinji, why did it take you so long to finally talk to Miss Sohryu?"
"I don't know. I guess I was nervous," He mumbled, leaning forward in his chair.
"Just nervous? Shinji, if you aren't willing to admit your problem, then there is nothing you can do to solve it."
He sat there, staring at the floor. For several minutes he did not talk "I was running away."
"Do you know why you run away?" Keel did not wait for Shinji to respond this time, instead supplying him with the answer to her question. "You are afraid."
Shinji had to admit, what she had said was right. He had been afraid, afraid that Asuka would reject him, despite the assurances Hikari had given him. He had let his fears stand in his way for far too long. So he asked the doctor, "How do I stop running away?"
Keel stood and walked over to her desk, taking out a file folder, "That's up to you, Shinji.
"If it weren't for the fact that you were a pilot, I would recommend you for a new treatment program we've been working on," she sighed, "but I'm afraid the Commander would never allow it."
"What kind of treatment?" Shinji asked, curious why his father would not allow pilots to participate.
"It's a combination of treatments actually, but I'm afraid its not an option," she paused, "unfortunately."
"Why not?"
"Well," she opened up the folder and leafed through it, "you would have been a perfect candidate, if it weren't for your age and your important line of work. We'll just have to work together to solve your problems the old fashioned way. It may take some time, but I promise I'll do everything I can to help you through this, eventually."
Keel could almost see the gears spinning in Shinji's head, as he tried to think of a way past this obstacle on his own. She had not told Shinji the whole truth. Virtually anyone would have been a perfect candidate, so long as they showed signs of an adverse mental state. Shinji's case was a relatively mild one, but in his mind it was a debilitating condition. Now she could only wait and hope she was right about how he would react to the idea of waiting so long to see results.
"Wh… what if I didn't tell anyone?" he asked.
"Shinji, do you really understand what you are asking? If anyone, ANYONE, found out that I administered this treatment to you, I could lose my job, my medical license. Hell, I could be arrested!" She took the folder and locked it away in her desk drawer. "No, its out of the question. Even if I didn't lose my job, it wouldn't be right to do this to a child."
"Doctor Keel, please. I can't keep running away from my fears," he pleaded. "I'll take the risk."
"Shinji," she looked directly at him, staring him in the eyes, "This has to be your decision, and yours alone. Once we start, there will be no going back."
Keel bit her lip in anticipation of his answer, wondering if she had goaded enough backbone out of the boy to make him take the chance. "Its your choice, Shinji."
But in Shinji's mind, there was no choice.
"When do we start?"