Death of an Innocent
It all started one fateful day in the Nerima ward of Tokyo. A day like any other – calm, peaceful, and doomed to spiral downward into chaos and destruction.
But nobody knew how bad it would turn out...
"Ranma you jerk!"
WHAM! Ranma was floored again by the Magic Death Mallet. What did he do? Nobody can say. Mainly because this story isn't from any one character's point of view, and the author is not taking an omniscient role this time around.
"Ouch," Ranma eloquently stated, as he rose from the ground once again. The guy's like the energizer bunny.
"Hurry up you jerk, we have to get to school!"
"Yeah yeah," the aforementioned jerk grumbled.
Yup. A perfectly normal day at the Tendo Dojo.
"Mr. Saotome, please answer the question on the board."
Ranma looked up from his desk where he was 'resting his eyes.' The problem was huge, as were all of the problems in his math class. In fact, it looked something like this:
Solve for X.
eX plus (X to the power of e) – 12X/7 = 3eX
"Um, let's see... carry the 3, times 8..." Ranma mumbled, "and then add 7... The answer is approximately 3.14."
"No, I'm sorry. The answer is..." The teacher looked at the board. Then at his book. Then at Ranma. Then at his book again. Then he STARED at Ranma. Then he pulled a flask out of his pocket and took a swig. Then he finally said, in a shocked tone, "Um, actually, that's right. The answer is about 3.14, but a more precise value of pi would have worked as well."
Akane grumbled next to Ranma, "Showoff..."
Lunch rolled around, and Akane decided to sit with her best friends, Yuka and Sayuri. This is commonly known as a bad idea, at least since she became engaged to Ranma.
"So Akane, what's it taste like?" Yuka asked.
"What does what taste like?"
"You know, Ranma."
"WHAT?!" Akane exclaimed.
"Oh c'mon, you two are engaged, you must have sucked him off at least once by now. So what's it taste like?"
Sayuri was suddenly all ears.
"You, you... that's SICK!" Akane fumed. She then stood up to leave. Yuka stood up to stop her, and grabbed her shoulder. "Let go of me, Yuka you PERVERT!"
And, as expected, Akane brought down her Magic Death Mallet, and smote the pervert with a mighty swing.
That was when things went bad.
Instead of merely flooring Yuka, like expected, Akane's swing had devastating effects. Poor Yuka's neck was crushed with a mighty snap, while her left femur decided to splinter and slice clear out of her thigh, Followed shortly by her right tibia, then fibula. But the damage wasn't done yet, as three of her vertebrae chose that moment to shatter, and her sacrum broke off from her pelvis and shot out through her ass. Then finally, her skull exploded like a watermelon at a Gallagher show, spraying all those nearby with gore.
The lifeless body fell over, now two feet shorter from all the damage.
The entire schoolyard turned to look at her, shocked beyond words. Some students were crying, and others were vomiting forcefully onto the grass. And through it all Akane just stood there, shaking, and staring at her hands.
And in a quiet voice that pierced through the silence, she could be heard to utter, "That.. was so COOL..."
Then the screaming started.
"Come back here so I can squish you!"
People ran screaming from Akane's blood soaked form, and her mallet which was dripping with gore. Behind her, you could see a trail of bodies, all crushed into tiny bite-sized forms.
"Akane was right! This IS fun!" Ranma exclaimed as he sliced another innocent in half with a giant axe.
Behind him you could see a trail of blood and body parts that was miles long.
"Weehee! Come back and play with me!"
Months passed, and the JSDF was called in. Armed to the teeth, they set up an ambush for the dreaded serial murderers, Akane "Red Splatter" Tendo, and Ranma "The Blender" Saotome. The two merciless killers had terrorized all of Tokyo for too long, and each of them had managed to kill more than 30,000 innocents.
One man, private Hideki Yoshinada, turned around for a brief second. Pvt. Yoshinada was very nervous, because he was manning one of the M-60s. He knew that if they didn't take down the targets as fast as possible, he would be one of the first to die. The two killers always took out the most dangerous people first.
As Pvt. Yoshinada turned, he saw The Blender coming up on his group fast from the rooftops to the left. And running alongside The Blender, he saw Red Splatter. They were coming quietly so that they could attack the ambush unawares, as everyone else was waiting and looking down the street. He cursed loudly, and swiveled his gun around to target the deadly duo. "FUCK! They're here! Incoming from nine o'clock!"
And with a brief burst of fire, he managed to take out the legs of both targets, stopping their charge. The two inert forms were quickly taken out by a wall of bullets, grenades, and anti-tank missiles.
Private Yoshinada was a hero. The terrors of Tokyo were finally brought down, and the entire country heaved a sigh of relief.
Author's notes: Welp, that's done. Don't get me wrong, though, I love those two characters, but I had the strangest though a while back, and wanted to get it out.
Final death count: Ranma killed 32956, Akane killed 32685.
This story was intentionally not good, merely because I just wanted to get something out here.
Stupid doesn't let us use plus signs, asterisks, or carats anymore...
I've got a real monster of a fic on the way, and I think it's a real good one. I'm not telling you what it's about, but here's a teaser of the first chapter.
As Ranma watched, his father looked back one last time, blood and tears clearly running down his face. The man locked eyes with his son and mouthed the words "Forgive me" before he sailed away and his form blurred from view.
Ranma blinked, and then wiped his eyes, shocked to find tears there, and unable to stop them.
Later.