Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I also don't own the
snitch; while it is a very important aspect of any HP story, it is sadly
nowhere in this chapter.
Dedication: To everyone who hates Sally right now. Grr...
~*~Thank you for all of my reviews: Spaced Out Space Cadet, HP Disorder, and AngelicPyro. I love them. Oh, for those of you who don't know, I began writing this before OotP came out, so many things, such as Remus being prefect, are not included in my story. Thank you for your patience at this very difficult time. Now let's read!
THE RAIN ALWAYS FALLS
Chapter 15: Tears
"Carmen!" Sirius called through the crowd. "Carmen!" She was gone. He rounded on Sally who was still standing in place, her arms folded, and a pleased look on her face. "What the hell was that?" he roared.
"Oh, come on, Sirius, what's a little kiss between friends?" she said, smirking.
"Damn!" Sirius yelled, turning away from her and running up the street. Blood was rushing to his head. He had to find Carmen. He didn't know what he would tell her - explain that that wasn't his fault and nothing happened. He just had to find her. He wouldn't think of what would happen if he couldn't.
He ran through the gathering of people in the middle of the street who all turned to look at him curiously as he ran by. He didn't care, though. Only one thing mattered in his mind.
When he reached the gate to the entrance of Hogwarts, he craned his neck in search of her brown hair. Finally, he spotted her running through the distant oak front doors. Panic was rushing through his mind as he raced after her figure.
He tore through the entrance hall. When he reached the marble staircase, he grasped the banister, gasping for breath. Where would she go? The library? He set off and reached it within a minute. He burst open the doors and looked around wildly. "Carmen?" he yelled.
Madame Katherine, the librarian, came bustling up to him with an extremely cross look on her face. "What do you think you are doing?" she hissed. "Bringing chocolate into the library last week was bad enough, but -"
"Is Carmen here?" Sirius asked, heart racing.
"No, I haven't seen her all day. Now about all of this -"
But Sirius didn't have time to hear what this was all about because he ran right out the doors, not bothering to apologize to Madame Katherine. If Carmen wasn't in the library, surly she went up to the Gryffindor Tower. If she wasn't there, he didn't know where else he'd look.
"Fairy lights," he gasped, reaching the portrait of the fat lady. It swung open. He ran to the staircase at end of the common room just in time to hear the slam of a door above him.
"Carmen!" Sirius yelled, running up the stairs to the girl's dormitory, but an instant later, the stones melted into a solid shoot. He fell on his chest and slid the rest of the way down until he skidded on the carpet. He sat down with he knees up against his chest and pressed his fists up against his forehead. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the stone wall. He didn't know what would happen next.
***
Carmen ran up the staircase leading to the girl's dormitory unable to breath. Her head was spinning. This wasn't happening. No, it couldn't. Things were so perfect this morning, yet here she was, tears streaming down her face. She got to the landing of the staircase, opened the door and slammed it behind her. She stumbled to her four poster and grasped one of the posts, leaning her head upon it. She didn't know if she could take this. First her parents leave her and now this. She had kept her emotions about her parents hidden before, but she didn't know how she could conceal the pain that was now ripping through her heart. She had truly loved Sirius, and in an instant, her world was turned upside down.
***
"Sirius?"
Sirius looked up from his position on the floor. James, Remus, Morgan, and Lily were all standing over him with curious looks on their faces. How long had he been just sitting there, waiting? He looked at an old grandfather clock across the room. Five o'clock. Surly everyone was starting to come back from Hogsmeade.
"Sirius?" James repeated. "What's up?"
Sirius jumped to his feet feeling a little shaken. "I don't know how it happened," he blurted out speaking a mile a minute. "But there we were outside the quill shop, and there was Sally and - and then Carmen started running away - tried library - then came here - fell - and - Carmen -"
"Hold on, now. What's wrong?" Remus asked, his brow furrowed with concern.
"Carmen's up there crying because of this stupid thing that happened and I tried to find her to tell her that it wasn't my fault, and - and -" He closed his eyes and, in frustration, gripped his hair with both fists.
Lily, extremely disturbed at Sirius's bizarre behavior, said quickly, "Don't worry; we'll go talk to her." She nodded to Morgan and they walked up the staircase.
Two clinks were heard as the door opened and slid back into place. Sirius crossed to the fireplace and sat down on one of the couches, not removing his hands from his head.
"What exactly happened?" said James's voice from his right.
Sirius finally put his fist down and leaned his elbows upon his knees. "I don't know exactly. I was standing outside of the quill shop in Hogsmeade waiting for Carmen. I needed to tell her something really important, and Sally came out of nowhere and started kissing me. I pulled away, but Carmen saw. She saw, and - I don't know what to do."
James and Remus looked at each other. "Don't worry, we'll get everything straightened out," Remus said reassuringly.
They sat in silence as they waited for the girls to come back down. An extremely long and tense half an hour later, Morgan tromped down the staircase, Lily behind her. Immediately, Sirius turned around and stood up. Morgan marched right to him, and shoved him hard in the chest, her arms flailing about. Sirius was stunned.
"How could you do that to Carmen?" she screamed. "She's up there crying her eyes out! You know, she really cared about you, and she was having family troubles, too! So you decide to ignore that all -"
"Calm down, Morgan," Lily insisted. "I'm sure there's something that we haven't heard, yet." She pulled her away from Sirius. Morgan crossed her arms and scowled at the floor. "What happened?"
So he explained his story all over again. When he finished, Morgan's face fell and she said, "Oh."
Sirius looked from her to Lily. "Why? What did she think happened?"
"Well," Lily began tentatively, "what she understands is that you two were talking, then she went into a shop, and when she came out, you were kissing your old girlfriend."
"But, it's not like that!" Sirius yelled. "She kissed me, I didn't kiss her!"
"I understand, Sirius, but that's what she saw. I'll go talk to her again." Without anything more said, she and Morgan trudged up the stairs once again. Sirius fell backward into his seat and sighed, exasperated. Why did things have to be so complicated?
They came back downstairs much sooner than the last time. Once again, Sirius rose from his seat. "Well?" he asked when they didn't say anything.
"She didn't want to listen to us," Morgan said, shaking her head. "And she said she won't come down."
"My best bet would be to let her calm down tonight, and try to talk to her in the morning," Lily told him.
"Okay," Sirius said, heat rising in his neck. He could wait, couldn't he? Surly she would be more open to talk to him tomorrow.
But she wasn't. In fact he barely saw her all day. She didn't come down for any of her meals, though Sirius looked up and down the Gryffindor table nearly every two minutes. Of course she didn't miss her classes. Nothing could make her do that. But she now sat in the back with her head down. She didn't raise her hand or participate at all like she normally did. She remained silent. The teachers did seem to notice that something was going on.
After each class he had with her, Sirius attempted to speak to Carmen, began to say her name, but each time, she managed to disappear into the crowd of students. No one seemed to be able to talk to her. This went on until the end of the week. Everyone was starting to worry.
That night, in the girl's dormitory, however, Lily found Carmen sitting on the window seat Lily, herself, was sitting on just a few days ago. Carmen was looking fixedly out of the window at an invisible something somewhere above the distant trees.
Lily approached her with a worried glance. "Carmen?" she asked. Carmen remained silent, looking out of the window. "Carmen, I know how you're feeling right now - horrible." She sat down in a small velvet colored chair next to her. "But there's something that you should really know. Sirius -"
"Honestly, Lily, I don't want to hear it," Carmen whispered, still gazing blankly out of the window. "I can't. You don't know how hard this is." She swallowed and looked up at her. "I loved him. It's not like the puppy love that every boyfriend and girlfriend talk about without thinking. This was real." Lily remained silent. She had never heard Carmen talking like this. "I really thought that we had something special, and - that he might have loved me, too."
"Carmen -" Lily began, but Carmen interrupted her.
"I know that you're only trying to help, but I need to handle this on my own. I'll be alright."
"We care about you, you know," Lily said, getting up. "All of us. Don't forget that."
Lily left the girl's dormitory and did not return until past midnight. She couldn't face Carmen when she was so miserable. Lily knew that Carmen had to know the truth, but Carmen needed to get a hold of herself first.
***
Sirius, Lily, Morgan, James, and Remus got a big surprise the next morning. At breakfast, they were sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table when Carmen walked into the Great Hall. And she was smiling.
"Hi, everyone," she said cheerfully. There was stillness. Everyone looked around at each other. "Well?" she asked expectedly, sitting down.
"Hi," they muttered, still slightly shocked.
"Hmmm, I'm starved," she said, pulling a plate toward her. "So, have you all finished that essay for Professor Kirk?" she asked, beginning to butter a piece of toast.
"Err, Carmen?" Sirius said hesitantly.
Carmen gave him a piercing stare before looking away. She said coldly, "I finished last night. It wasn't that hard. I'm sure I'll get a decent grade on it. An E at least."
"Erm, Carmen, are you alright?" James asked looking skeptical.
"Of course," she answered in the manner of explaining that one plus one equals two. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Sirius leaned over the table to her. "Listen, can we talk?" he asked quietly.
Carmen acted like she hadn't heard him and looked down at her watch. "Oh," she exclaimed, getting up. "It's nearly eight. I wanted to get some studying done. I'll see you in class. Bye." She stood up and gave them a last cheerful glance.
The others stared dumbstruck and watched her walk out of the hall. She seemed perfectly normal.
"Something's wrong," Remus said at once.
Sirius leapt up off the bench without a word and followed her out. The four left stole nervous glances to each other.
***
Carmen was watching the sun set outside of the window in the girl's dormitory the night before. They had done that together once. God, everything reminded her of him. 'Why, why, why do things have to be so complicated?' she asked herself. She wiped away a salty tear that trickled down her face. There was this empty feeling inside of her that would just not go away.
She looked down at her watch. She had been sitting there for hours. That was where she had been whenever she wasn't in classes. She couldn't stand being around with people when she felt like crying at any mention of him.
There was no one else in the dormitory. She walked unconcernedly to her four poster. There was a mountain of homework on her nightstand. She couldn't keep this up. She had too many responsibilities. She frowned. So what if Sirius didn't want to be with her? She didn't need him in the slightest.
Carmen sat down on her bed and pulled several books toward her at once. She glanced at her nightstand again and saw the picture of Sirius and the others staring back at her. Apathy amounting, she reached over and snapped the frame face down upon the table and opened a book.
***
The next day when Carmen exited the Great Hall, she couldn't feel anything. She didn't feel guilt or pleasure about being so cool to Sirius. The sensation of emptiness increased, but she didn't know it.
Flipping her hair back, she extended a hand toward the banister of the marble staircase. As soon as she felt the coolness of the wood, another hand touched the back of hers. "Leave me alone," she said automatically before turning around, but when she did, it wasn't the person who she expected it to be. It was Lucius Malfoy.
"Sorry, Carmen. I'll just go," he said.
"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else," she muttered, highly embarrassed.
"So, I hear that you and Sirius broke up," he said, leaning coolly against a nearby wall.
"And where did you hear that?" Carmen asked letting her shoulders droop.
"Word travels fast around Hogwarts," he shrugged. "So, that invitation is still open for the ball. I'd love to take you." He winked.
"That's very nice of you, Lucius, but -" she suddenly noticed Sirius coming toward her from the Great Hall. He stopped as soon as he saw her with Malfoy. She gave him one last cold look and flipped her hair again. "I'd love to go to the ball with you, Lucius," she said, stressing the words.
He offered her his arm, and, putting her shoulders back, she accepted it gracefully. Together they disappeared up the marble staircase.
Sirius stood, rooted to the spot. 'Damn,' he thought as he came to his senses. 'Damn, damn, damn! What does she think she's doing with Malfoy? Doesn't she know that he's trouble? Fine,' he thought, glowering. 'If she doesn't want to listen to me, she can go off snogging Malfoy. That's her choice.' He pushed open the great oak doors in his rage and tromped out into the grounds.
~*~ Okay. Before you say anything, please try to understand how Carmen feels at the moment. She's still a good person, just a little confused. It's very sad, I know. Well, time to review! Love, Carmen
Dedication: To everyone who hates Sally right now. Grr...
~*~Thank you for all of my reviews: Spaced Out Space Cadet, HP Disorder, and AngelicPyro. I love them. Oh, for those of you who don't know, I began writing this before OotP came out, so many things, such as Remus being prefect, are not included in my story. Thank you for your patience at this very difficult time. Now let's read!
THE RAIN ALWAYS FALLS
Chapter 15: Tears
"Carmen!" Sirius called through the crowd. "Carmen!" She was gone. He rounded on Sally who was still standing in place, her arms folded, and a pleased look on her face. "What the hell was that?" he roared.
"Oh, come on, Sirius, what's a little kiss between friends?" she said, smirking.
"Damn!" Sirius yelled, turning away from her and running up the street. Blood was rushing to his head. He had to find Carmen. He didn't know what he would tell her - explain that that wasn't his fault and nothing happened. He just had to find her. He wouldn't think of what would happen if he couldn't.
He ran through the gathering of people in the middle of the street who all turned to look at him curiously as he ran by. He didn't care, though. Only one thing mattered in his mind.
When he reached the gate to the entrance of Hogwarts, he craned his neck in search of her brown hair. Finally, he spotted her running through the distant oak front doors. Panic was rushing through his mind as he raced after her figure.
He tore through the entrance hall. When he reached the marble staircase, he grasped the banister, gasping for breath. Where would she go? The library? He set off and reached it within a minute. He burst open the doors and looked around wildly. "Carmen?" he yelled.
Madame Katherine, the librarian, came bustling up to him with an extremely cross look on her face. "What do you think you are doing?" she hissed. "Bringing chocolate into the library last week was bad enough, but -"
"Is Carmen here?" Sirius asked, heart racing.
"No, I haven't seen her all day. Now about all of this -"
But Sirius didn't have time to hear what this was all about because he ran right out the doors, not bothering to apologize to Madame Katherine. If Carmen wasn't in the library, surly she went up to the Gryffindor Tower. If she wasn't there, he didn't know where else he'd look.
"Fairy lights," he gasped, reaching the portrait of the fat lady. It swung open. He ran to the staircase at end of the common room just in time to hear the slam of a door above him.
"Carmen!" Sirius yelled, running up the stairs to the girl's dormitory, but an instant later, the stones melted into a solid shoot. He fell on his chest and slid the rest of the way down until he skidded on the carpet. He sat down with he knees up against his chest and pressed his fists up against his forehead. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the stone wall. He didn't know what would happen next.
***
Carmen ran up the staircase leading to the girl's dormitory unable to breath. Her head was spinning. This wasn't happening. No, it couldn't. Things were so perfect this morning, yet here she was, tears streaming down her face. She got to the landing of the staircase, opened the door and slammed it behind her. She stumbled to her four poster and grasped one of the posts, leaning her head upon it. She didn't know if she could take this. First her parents leave her and now this. She had kept her emotions about her parents hidden before, but she didn't know how she could conceal the pain that was now ripping through her heart. She had truly loved Sirius, and in an instant, her world was turned upside down.
***
"Sirius?"
Sirius looked up from his position on the floor. James, Remus, Morgan, and Lily were all standing over him with curious looks on their faces. How long had he been just sitting there, waiting? He looked at an old grandfather clock across the room. Five o'clock. Surly everyone was starting to come back from Hogsmeade.
"Sirius?" James repeated. "What's up?"
Sirius jumped to his feet feeling a little shaken. "I don't know how it happened," he blurted out speaking a mile a minute. "But there we were outside the quill shop, and there was Sally and - and then Carmen started running away - tried library - then came here - fell - and - Carmen -"
"Hold on, now. What's wrong?" Remus asked, his brow furrowed with concern.
"Carmen's up there crying because of this stupid thing that happened and I tried to find her to tell her that it wasn't my fault, and - and -" He closed his eyes and, in frustration, gripped his hair with both fists.
Lily, extremely disturbed at Sirius's bizarre behavior, said quickly, "Don't worry; we'll go talk to her." She nodded to Morgan and they walked up the staircase.
Two clinks were heard as the door opened and slid back into place. Sirius crossed to the fireplace and sat down on one of the couches, not removing his hands from his head.
"What exactly happened?" said James's voice from his right.
Sirius finally put his fist down and leaned his elbows upon his knees. "I don't know exactly. I was standing outside of the quill shop in Hogsmeade waiting for Carmen. I needed to tell her something really important, and Sally came out of nowhere and started kissing me. I pulled away, but Carmen saw. She saw, and - I don't know what to do."
James and Remus looked at each other. "Don't worry, we'll get everything straightened out," Remus said reassuringly.
They sat in silence as they waited for the girls to come back down. An extremely long and tense half an hour later, Morgan tromped down the staircase, Lily behind her. Immediately, Sirius turned around and stood up. Morgan marched right to him, and shoved him hard in the chest, her arms flailing about. Sirius was stunned.
"How could you do that to Carmen?" she screamed. "She's up there crying her eyes out! You know, she really cared about you, and she was having family troubles, too! So you decide to ignore that all -"
"Calm down, Morgan," Lily insisted. "I'm sure there's something that we haven't heard, yet." She pulled her away from Sirius. Morgan crossed her arms and scowled at the floor. "What happened?"
So he explained his story all over again. When he finished, Morgan's face fell and she said, "Oh."
Sirius looked from her to Lily. "Why? What did she think happened?"
"Well," Lily began tentatively, "what she understands is that you two were talking, then she went into a shop, and when she came out, you were kissing your old girlfriend."
"But, it's not like that!" Sirius yelled. "She kissed me, I didn't kiss her!"
"I understand, Sirius, but that's what she saw. I'll go talk to her again." Without anything more said, she and Morgan trudged up the stairs once again. Sirius fell backward into his seat and sighed, exasperated. Why did things have to be so complicated?
They came back downstairs much sooner than the last time. Once again, Sirius rose from his seat. "Well?" he asked when they didn't say anything.
"She didn't want to listen to us," Morgan said, shaking her head. "And she said she won't come down."
"My best bet would be to let her calm down tonight, and try to talk to her in the morning," Lily told him.
"Okay," Sirius said, heat rising in his neck. He could wait, couldn't he? Surly she would be more open to talk to him tomorrow.
But she wasn't. In fact he barely saw her all day. She didn't come down for any of her meals, though Sirius looked up and down the Gryffindor table nearly every two minutes. Of course she didn't miss her classes. Nothing could make her do that. But she now sat in the back with her head down. She didn't raise her hand or participate at all like she normally did. She remained silent. The teachers did seem to notice that something was going on.
After each class he had with her, Sirius attempted to speak to Carmen, began to say her name, but each time, she managed to disappear into the crowd of students. No one seemed to be able to talk to her. This went on until the end of the week. Everyone was starting to worry.
That night, in the girl's dormitory, however, Lily found Carmen sitting on the window seat Lily, herself, was sitting on just a few days ago. Carmen was looking fixedly out of the window at an invisible something somewhere above the distant trees.
Lily approached her with a worried glance. "Carmen?" she asked. Carmen remained silent, looking out of the window. "Carmen, I know how you're feeling right now - horrible." She sat down in a small velvet colored chair next to her. "But there's something that you should really know. Sirius -"
"Honestly, Lily, I don't want to hear it," Carmen whispered, still gazing blankly out of the window. "I can't. You don't know how hard this is." She swallowed and looked up at her. "I loved him. It's not like the puppy love that every boyfriend and girlfriend talk about without thinking. This was real." Lily remained silent. She had never heard Carmen talking like this. "I really thought that we had something special, and - that he might have loved me, too."
"Carmen -" Lily began, but Carmen interrupted her.
"I know that you're only trying to help, but I need to handle this on my own. I'll be alright."
"We care about you, you know," Lily said, getting up. "All of us. Don't forget that."
Lily left the girl's dormitory and did not return until past midnight. She couldn't face Carmen when she was so miserable. Lily knew that Carmen had to know the truth, but Carmen needed to get a hold of herself first.
***
Sirius, Lily, Morgan, James, and Remus got a big surprise the next morning. At breakfast, they were sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table when Carmen walked into the Great Hall. And she was smiling.
"Hi, everyone," she said cheerfully. There was stillness. Everyone looked around at each other. "Well?" she asked expectedly, sitting down.
"Hi," they muttered, still slightly shocked.
"Hmmm, I'm starved," she said, pulling a plate toward her. "So, have you all finished that essay for Professor Kirk?" she asked, beginning to butter a piece of toast.
"Err, Carmen?" Sirius said hesitantly.
Carmen gave him a piercing stare before looking away. She said coldly, "I finished last night. It wasn't that hard. I'm sure I'll get a decent grade on it. An E at least."
"Erm, Carmen, are you alright?" James asked looking skeptical.
"Of course," she answered in the manner of explaining that one plus one equals two. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Sirius leaned over the table to her. "Listen, can we talk?" he asked quietly.
Carmen acted like she hadn't heard him and looked down at her watch. "Oh," she exclaimed, getting up. "It's nearly eight. I wanted to get some studying done. I'll see you in class. Bye." She stood up and gave them a last cheerful glance.
The others stared dumbstruck and watched her walk out of the hall. She seemed perfectly normal.
"Something's wrong," Remus said at once.
Sirius leapt up off the bench without a word and followed her out. The four left stole nervous glances to each other.
***
Carmen was watching the sun set outside of the window in the girl's dormitory the night before. They had done that together once. God, everything reminded her of him. 'Why, why, why do things have to be so complicated?' she asked herself. She wiped away a salty tear that trickled down her face. There was this empty feeling inside of her that would just not go away.
She looked down at her watch. She had been sitting there for hours. That was where she had been whenever she wasn't in classes. She couldn't stand being around with people when she felt like crying at any mention of him.
There was no one else in the dormitory. She walked unconcernedly to her four poster. There was a mountain of homework on her nightstand. She couldn't keep this up. She had too many responsibilities. She frowned. So what if Sirius didn't want to be with her? She didn't need him in the slightest.
Carmen sat down on her bed and pulled several books toward her at once. She glanced at her nightstand again and saw the picture of Sirius and the others staring back at her. Apathy amounting, she reached over and snapped the frame face down upon the table and opened a book.
***
The next day when Carmen exited the Great Hall, she couldn't feel anything. She didn't feel guilt or pleasure about being so cool to Sirius. The sensation of emptiness increased, but she didn't know it.
Flipping her hair back, she extended a hand toward the banister of the marble staircase. As soon as she felt the coolness of the wood, another hand touched the back of hers. "Leave me alone," she said automatically before turning around, but when she did, it wasn't the person who she expected it to be. It was Lucius Malfoy.
"Sorry, Carmen. I'll just go," he said.
"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else," she muttered, highly embarrassed.
"So, I hear that you and Sirius broke up," he said, leaning coolly against a nearby wall.
"And where did you hear that?" Carmen asked letting her shoulders droop.
"Word travels fast around Hogwarts," he shrugged. "So, that invitation is still open for the ball. I'd love to take you." He winked.
"That's very nice of you, Lucius, but -" she suddenly noticed Sirius coming toward her from the Great Hall. He stopped as soon as he saw her with Malfoy. She gave him one last cold look and flipped her hair again. "I'd love to go to the ball with you, Lucius," she said, stressing the words.
He offered her his arm, and, putting her shoulders back, she accepted it gracefully. Together they disappeared up the marble staircase.
Sirius stood, rooted to the spot. 'Damn,' he thought as he came to his senses. 'Damn, damn, damn! What does she think she's doing with Malfoy? Doesn't she know that he's trouble? Fine,' he thought, glowering. 'If she doesn't want to listen to me, she can go off snogging Malfoy. That's her choice.' He pushed open the great oak doors in his rage and tromped out into the grounds.
~*~ Okay. Before you say anything, please try to understand how Carmen feels at the moment. She's still a good person, just a little confused. It's very sad, I know. Well, time to review! Love, Carmen