Before I get started, I'd like to once again thank those few people who reviewed the last two chapters. It was for you guys that I bothered to finish this story.
Disclaimer: - Hands up all you readers who think that I own Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters... Now all those who raised their hands go sit in the corner and face the wall, this story is likely beyond your level of understanding anyway.
Shattered Glass Minds a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan fiction by Richard Abraham
Chapter 3 - All The Kings Horses and Men...
Nothing.
There was nothing. No activation. No berserker.
Nothing, apart from the slowly fading whimpers of a fourteen year old girl in agony.
"My mind. It's being eaten away.
Kaji, it's unravelling my mind.
What will I do? It's defiling my mind."
"Asuka." Shinji whispered, tears of frustration and desperation slowly spilling from his eyes and being dissolved into the LCL surrounding him. "I can't... I can't help you."
Slowly, a small and fragile hope wormed its way into Shinji's heart.
"Asuka." He spoke loudly, hoping his voice would be heard by the girl he was trying to reach.
"Asuka listen to me. Focus on me, on my voice." He begged, "Please Asuka."
Despite his near frantic hope on getting a response, the young pilot was still somewhat surprised when the girl in question actually opened her eyes through the horrific images assaulting her and looked towards the open com link.
"Shinji?"
However, before Shinji had a chance to respond to her, she screwed up her eyes again as she was pulled back into the painful memories of her past.
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Shinji awoke to find himself still in the classroom, the disturbing memories of the not so distant past were slow in fading away.
It took a moment to orientate himself as he shook off the effects of the dream and the unnatural fatigue the old professor's monologue had inspired in him.
Glancing at the old classroom clock above the blackboard at the front of the room, Shinji was intensely disappointed at what was displayed there:
2:31pm.
For a moment, the boy entertained the thought of trying to use the power of his mind to will the clock hands forward. Of course he realised that this was a ridiculous notion, which is why he only tried it for a few seconds before giving up.
2:31pm.
Was it somehow possible that the mere sound of his teacher's voice defied the laws of physics and slowed the very passage of time?
Shinji admitted to himself that he may just be overly anxious to get back home to tell Asuka of her friends impending visit.
2:31pm.
Argh! What was wrong with that thing?
There was something definitely off with that clock. Something he was having difficulty putting his finger on.
It wasn't until there was a break in the almost hypnotic monotone of the old professor's voice that Shinji was able to figure out what was bothering him.
The hands on the clock weren't moving, not even the second hand.
Shinji felt himself flush in mild embarrassment when he realised that that particular clock had been non-functional for over two months.
Glancing at his laptop, he was pleased to discover that the time was actually 3:20pm, which left only ten minutes of the school day remaining.
Directing his attention over to the class representative's desk, he couldn't help but admire how she managed to diligently take notes from lecture material that sounded, to him, to be completely irrelevant.
Perhaps she wasn't actually taking notes. Maybe she also used these lectures to strengthen her friendships via the schools chat system.
Much as he tried to picture it though, he just couldn't imagine the straight-laced class rep abusing school property like that. Would she?
With it being so close to the end of class, Shinji's mind again turned to thoughts of his usually fiery flat-mate at home.
He fervently hoped that Hikari would be able to help her friend. Unlike him.
Memories of the fifteenth angel once again rose up from his sub-conscious to taunt the young pilot with his weaknesses.
He had tried so hard to get out there and do something, anything to help her.
Then again, he had to wonder if it might have made things even worse between the two of them if he had. After all, she hadn't been at all grateful for his efforts during the attack of the fourteenth angel.
He rubbed his ears in pained remembrance of her 'appreciation'.
If he had been out there though, would he have been able to help her anyway? More importantly, would he have been willing to switch positions with her had the need arisen?
Luckily for Shinji, these were all questions that did not need to be answered at the moment. The reason for this being the interruption of the end of day bell.
"Rise, bow, dismissed." Called the class representative.
Shinji looked up from putting away his laptop to see Hikari walking over to him.
"Hi Hikari. I'll be ready in a little bit if you're still willing to come see Asuka."
Hikari looked slightly awkward as she answered:
"Shinji, I'm not going to be able to come with you after all. You see..."
"Wait," Shinji started desperately, "Please, you've got to see Asuka..."
"Shinji listen, please," Hikari interjected, "I'm sorry I didn't remember before, but I'm on clean up duty today. I'm really sorry. Do you think it would be okay to drop by after dinner?" She asked with a hopeful smile.
Shinji was pretty disappointed that his plan wasn't going as he had hoped. However, this wasn't too big a setback. A couple of hours delay wasn't something to get worked up over.
"It would be great if you could. If you'd like, you could even have dinner over at our place." Shinji asked.
The young student was rather intrigued by the apprehension he saw growing on his female companion's face. He analysed what he had just said to see if there was anything there that could possibly be seen as a come on.
"Err... I'm not asking you out or anything. I just want..." The youth was quickly growing flustered but was cut off by Hikari.
"No it's okay, I realise that. It's just... uh..." And just like that, the young girls expression once again turned to apprehension as she struggled to find the correct, inoffensive, words to express her concerns.
Thankfully, Hikari was spared the embarrassment of expressing her worries as Shinji finally fit the pieces together. There was only one thing that could inspire such fear and worry over a simple dinner visit.
"Don't worry, I'll be doing the cooking." He said with a knowing grin.
Hikari blushed. Shinji had her dead to rights.
"I don't like saying anything bad about Miss Katsuragi, but..." She trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid, yet perfectly understood.
"Don't worry about it," Shinji reassured his classmate, "I've not met anyone who likes Misato's cooking, apart from herself of course.
The two teens shared a brief chuckle.
"I'd better get started here. See you tonight Shinji."
"Yeah, I'll see you soon Hikari."
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Shinji was not a happy camper as he slid his key card through the pad to open the door to the apartment. The elevator was out of order for the afternoon for general maintenance.
Climbing up a couple of dozen flights of stairs made for a very tired, very fed-up young pilot.
He trudged his way through the apartment on his way to his room, thinking of nothing but getting off of his aching feet. And that was exactly what he did three seconds after entering his room, favouring collapsing on the floor as opposed to spending the extra energy to get to his bed.
The young teen couldn't even muster up the wind required to sigh in relief as he lay flat on his back, immensely glad to be off his feet at last.
Hikari was due to drop by in a couple of hours and Shinji had originally planned on getting his homework out of the way before starting dinner. At the moment however, his overriding concern was the rather painful stitch in his side and his efforts to slow his laboured breathing.
It took a full fifteen minutes for Shinji to work up the necessary motivation to rise from his not so comfortable position.
He was quite thirsty, so he shuffled through to the kitchen in order to sate this desire. Hearing a commotion in the lounge, the source of which undoubtedly being the television set, Shinji decided to take his drink through to the main room.
"Misato? Weren't you supposed to be working until seven tonight?" Shinji asked, pleasantly surprised to see his guardian and occasional mother type figure in so early.
"Hiya Shinji." Misato greeted him cheerily, her wide, warm smile enough to spark off a reciprocating smile from her young charge.
"I take it you enjoyed your hike up the stairs then?" Misato asked, obviously teasing the boy, "You were grumbling about it when you got in. You didn't even hear me welcome you back."
"My feet are still sore, but I'll live." Shinji responded drolly, "And you still haven't answered my question. Why are you back so early? Were you finally fired then?" He asked with a cheeky grin.
Misato 'hmphed' in mock indignation, before a devilish grin spread across her face. She lunged forward with speed and accuracy honed from years of combat training. Before Shinji even had a chance to blink, the major's arm had snaked behind his neck and hooked round as she pulled the boy's head under her arm.
"Now Shinji," She said in a chiding tone, spoiled by the smirk plastered on her face, "Here I am pulling out all the stops in order to spend more time with my dear Shin-chan and you're mocking me? That's not very nice is it?" She asked, knuckling his scalp furiously.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It won't happen again master. Please release me, I'll be good." Shinji pleaded, playing along tolerantly, though he was fighting back a blush due his proximity to Misato's ample 'assets'.
"Ooh, I love it when you beg." The older woman teased, though she did release her hold over the mildly flustered teen.
As they were now standing facing each other, Misato took advantage of the opportunity to wrap Shinji up in a tender hug.
Shinji returned the embrace without hesitation. Out of all the changes they had both gone through over the last few weeks, this was perhaps the best.
"So how are you? I know you've been worrying over Asuka."
Shinji let his shoulders droop slightly as he was reminded of his other flatmate. He took comfort in Misato's warmth for a few more seconds before pulling away.
"Yeah, you're right, but I've asked Hikari over for dinner. I was kind of hoping she might have more luck reaching her than we have."
Misato nodded her head in understanding.
"I know, I'm worried about her too. So, where is she? Did she finally go to school?"
"Huh? No. She said she'd go tomorrow, she was sitting in here when I left. Didn't you see her when you got in?" Shinji asked, his face betraying his confusion.
"No, she's not been in today. I even checked her room when I found the place empty. I just assumed she'd gone with you to school today." Misato answered, her face taking on a thoughtful expression.
Shinji was confused and a little worried over what he was being told. While he knew that the girl was usually quite capable of handling herself, though she had also been acting very erratically lately. There was no telling what was going through her head right now.
The young pilot compiled a mental list of the most likely places she could be given her past tendencies. She was actually quite a predictable person in that regard.
Asuka had very few friends, the result of a seemingly deliberate and focussed attempt to distance herself from others. She was also an EVA pilot to her core. Her entire life had been dedicated to being the best.
Due to these two facts, Asuka's movements were often easy to predict:
Hikari's house.
The shopping centre.
School.
NERV headquarters.
The possibility of the redhead being at the school was eliminated for rather obvious reasons.
She wouldn't be at Hikari's house either as it would have been empty all day, it's occupants at school or work. Her friend's absence would also exclude the shopping centre as Asuka had no interest in going there by herself, probably because she liked to show off her new acquisitions to her friend.
While it was possible that she had gone into headquarters, she was not actually scheduled for any tests until tomorrow.
Shinji looked up at hearing the other occupant of the room dialling a number into her cell phone.
"I need an update on the second child," she stated calmly to whom Shinji assumed was a Section 2 agent, "What's her current position?"
He didn't hear the response, but he saw how the slight tension lines around her eyes faded as she listened to the agent on the other end of the line.
As soon as the major ended the call, Shinji spoke up:
"Misato? Where is she?" Poorly concealed concern colouring his words despite the ease of tension from the woman under interrogation.
"Relax Shinji, Asuka's fine. She's at the lookout, the same place I took you after the third angel, remember?"
"Yeah," He replied, his tone thoughtful, "do you... Do you think we should go get her?"
Misato brought her hand to her cheek in thought, tapping one finger against it in concentration.
"I doubt she'd appreciate us going after her, especially me. We've... never really been close. Then again..." She started, a cheeky smile spreading across her features, "Maybe you should go tell her that she's gonna miss dinner."
"Misato," Shinji groaned, "This is serious."
"So am I. I'm starving. I'll give you a half-hour start, and then phone dinner in." His supposed guardian said, losing none of her cheer.
After a couple of heartbeats of silence, Misato's expression turned a little more sombre.
"Maybe you could use the time alone to get her to talk to you. I saw how she responded to you during the attack."
"You... You really think so?" A slightly stunned Shinji asked.
"Sure." Misato chirped, once again showing her good cheer, "You've got to have a little faith in yourself Shinji."
Still a little doubtful, Shinji just nodded and headed for the hall.
As he slipped into his shoes and headed outside, he couldn't help but hope that he would finally be able to set a few things right between them.
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An hour later saw Shinji standing watching Asuka in the same spot that he, she and Rei had lain while watching the stars months ago.
Her current position was disturbingly reminiscent of how he had found her after the attack by the fifteenth angel. She had brought her knees up close to her body and was resting her chin on them. He hadn't had a chance to look into her eyes yet, as he was thirty yards away and slightly behind her.
"Are you just going to stand there gawking at me? Why don't you make yourself useful and bring me something to eat, I'm starving." While her words were harsh, her tone suggested indifference.
"Uh? Wha...?" Shinji was, perhaps justifiably confused, this hadn't figured in any of the scenarios he had been thinking through on the journey over here.
Asuka made a noise at the back of her throat to signify her disgust at his response.
"Just forget about it."
Shinji stood there, uncertainty showing in every line of his face. He was no longer so sure that he was doing the right thing by being here.
Maybe Asuka would be better left alone to sort through her thoughts.
Maybe, or maybe not.
It was this last thought that eventually prompted Shinji into walking over to his flat mate and sometimes, almost friend. Hesitating for a second, Shinji chose to sit down next to her.
"Can't see the stars tonight." Asuka stated, prompting Shinji to scan the heavens himself.
Seeing that she was right, though unable to think of anything to say that was even remotely intelligent, Shinji remained silent.
The silence stretched on for several minutes.
"Why are you here?" There was no anger or frustration in those words, as Shinji was half expecting/ half hoping for, in fact, it was a weary tone, dangerously close to resignation.
"Um, Hikari's coming over for dinner, she's been wanting to see you, so I kind of... invited her over."
Asuka turned to face Shinji, the beginnings of her ire showing in her eyes and posture:
"And why would you do something like that when I made it perfectly clear to you that I would see her tomorrow in school."
Shinji floundered for a moment, put off by his companion's sudden swing to anger.
"I... I thought you would be happy to see her, it's been days since you've even spoke to her."
Asuka flinched at that, and the conversation died.
Once again, the silence stretched out. Shinji wished there was something he could say to bring Asuka back to her normal self. Of course, he wasn't actually naive enough to actually believe that any words, no matter how eloquent, could fix the problems plaguing his redheaded companion.
Thus the silence continued, one person unwilling to talk, the other, unable.
An unknown amount of time later, Shinji glanced over to Asuka, unsure of what he was looking for in his companion, yet surprised at what he did see.
Asuka was shaking, her entire body seemed to jerk every few seconds. It took a full minute for Shinji to connect the sight in front of him with what he was confronted with roughly a month ago when Misato had broken down in the kitchen.
She was crying. And yet, she wasn't.
While stunned at the sight before him, Shinji still took note that, although her body was shaking with the force of her sobbing, her eyes were dry. It was almost as if she was focussing every last shred of herself on keeping herself from crying.
After a few more moments of silence, broken by the occasional gasp for air as Asuka sobbed tearlessly, the broken young pilot spoke again:
"I... I...failed."
So much grief, frustration, desperation and hatred in those two words. Shinji was taken aback by the sheer ferocity of the emotions behind the statement, yet he still couldn't think of anything that could be said to comfort the redhead.
Words failing him yet again, Shinji tried something he was almost certain would fail, in fact, he'd be lucky to come away from it without bruises. He also knew that even if it worked in the short term, Asuka would likely resent him all the more for it later.
He hugged her.
Asuka stiffened in his arms and the young boy was almost convinced that she would push him away. After a few moments with no other action however, he relaxed somewhat. He tried to remain as still as possible, afraid that he might break the calm spell around his companion, yet he also tried to project as much warmth and comfort he could muster through the tentative hug he shared with his companion.
After several minutes, the sobs lessened and stopped, the girl producing them to tired to continue.
"I... still hate you, you know." She whispered brokenly from within Shinji's embrace, "But..." She added, "I think... I hate myself more."
Slowly pulling away from the embrace, Shinji managed to capture Asuka's eyes with his own, gazing deeply into them as he searched her soul. Pain and failure was dominant there, and it hurt Shinji to also see a sense of worthlessness there eating away at the light behind her beautiful blue eyes.
In return, he offered her a chance to gaze into his own soul. He gave her the chance to see the pain he had suffered within his own short lifetime. Old scars, newly healed because he had opened up to someone else, and let them help him while he helped them. He hoped with all of his heart that she would eventually let him, or Hikari, or Misato, more fully into her life so she could see how deeply she was cared for by all of them.
For the moment though, it was time to head home.
-Fin-
Author's notes
Urm... Been a long time hasn't it?
I'm sorry I took so long with this, even for me, it's kind of a poor show to take so long in writing and posting a few thousand words.
Anyway, enough with the self loathing.
This was the third and final chapter for the 'Shattered Glass Minds' story and I hope that, despite the wait, you all enjoyed reading it.
I humbly beg of you to review this story, especially if you have suggestions on how to improve my writing style (or the story itself as I'll likely make a few discrete tweaks to the chapter in a few weeks). However, I'll need slightly more constructive criticism than "You suck!!"
Of course, ego-massaging is perfectly acceptable as well, and is in fact, encouraged. :)
This story has changed so often and so dramatically since I first put pen to paper. Originally, I had planned a nice little happily ever after fic with all loose ends nicely tied up. Then I realised that wouldn't just suck, it would also require me to alter Asuka's personality to an extent nobody would let me get away with.
As it is, I've tried to remain as true to the characters as I could throughout their evolution.
For all those purists out there, I'm sorry if you hate the fact that Shinji is getting more confidant around others, or that Asuka would show such weakness to Shinji of all people. However, he reached Asuka during the attack on her mind, if he could do it once, really it would only be a question of whether he had the courage to reach out again that would determine whether he could do it again, considering how fragile Asuka's mind has become.
I've not really decided if I'm going to continue writing, never mind writing the story I had planned to cover the remaining episodes and EoE film. I sometimes think that it's not really fair to keep people waiting for months just for a few thousand words (heh, maybe my opinion of myself is a little high, given that I'm assuming anyone gives a damn whether or not I update).
Then again it might just be a phase I'm going through. I'll admit that all aspects of my life have been suffering from some serious motivational problems in the last year. I suppose, for the moment at least, you should expect my stories if you see them.
Richard.
Disclaimer: - Hands up all you readers who think that I own Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters... Now all those who raised their hands go sit in the corner and face the wall, this story is likely beyond your level of understanding anyway.
Shattered Glass Minds a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan fiction by Richard Abraham
Chapter 3 - All The Kings Horses and Men...
Nothing.
There was nothing. No activation. No berserker.
Nothing, apart from the slowly fading whimpers of a fourteen year old girl in agony.
"My mind. It's being eaten away.
Kaji, it's unravelling my mind.
What will I do? It's defiling my mind."
"Asuka." Shinji whispered, tears of frustration and desperation slowly spilling from his eyes and being dissolved into the LCL surrounding him. "I can't... I can't help you."
Slowly, a small and fragile hope wormed its way into Shinji's heart.
"Asuka." He spoke loudly, hoping his voice would be heard by the girl he was trying to reach.
"Asuka listen to me. Focus on me, on my voice." He begged, "Please Asuka."
Despite his near frantic hope on getting a response, the young pilot was still somewhat surprised when the girl in question actually opened her eyes through the horrific images assaulting her and looked towards the open com link.
"Shinji?"
However, before Shinji had a chance to respond to her, she screwed up her eyes again as she was pulled back into the painful memories of her past.
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Shinji awoke to find himself still in the classroom, the disturbing memories of the not so distant past were slow in fading away.
It took a moment to orientate himself as he shook off the effects of the dream and the unnatural fatigue the old professor's monologue had inspired in him.
Glancing at the old classroom clock above the blackboard at the front of the room, Shinji was intensely disappointed at what was displayed there:
2:31pm.
For a moment, the boy entertained the thought of trying to use the power of his mind to will the clock hands forward. Of course he realised that this was a ridiculous notion, which is why he only tried it for a few seconds before giving up.
2:31pm.
Was it somehow possible that the mere sound of his teacher's voice defied the laws of physics and slowed the very passage of time?
Shinji admitted to himself that he may just be overly anxious to get back home to tell Asuka of her friends impending visit.
2:31pm.
Argh! What was wrong with that thing?
There was something definitely off with that clock. Something he was having difficulty putting his finger on.
It wasn't until there was a break in the almost hypnotic monotone of the old professor's voice that Shinji was able to figure out what was bothering him.
The hands on the clock weren't moving, not even the second hand.
Shinji felt himself flush in mild embarrassment when he realised that that particular clock had been non-functional for over two months.
Glancing at his laptop, he was pleased to discover that the time was actually 3:20pm, which left only ten minutes of the school day remaining.
Directing his attention over to the class representative's desk, he couldn't help but admire how she managed to diligently take notes from lecture material that sounded, to him, to be completely irrelevant.
Perhaps she wasn't actually taking notes. Maybe she also used these lectures to strengthen her friendships via the schools chat system.
Much as he tried to picture it though, he just couldn't imagine the straight-laced class rep abusing school property like that. Would she?
With it being so close to the end of class, Shinji's mind again turned to thoughts of his usually fiery flat-mate at home.
He fervently hoped that Hikari would be able to help her friend. Unlike him.
Memories of the fifteenth angel once again rose up from his sub-conscious to taunt the young pilot with his weaknesses.
He had tried so hard to get out there and do something, anything to help her.
Then again, he had to wonder if it might have made things even worse between the two of them if he had. After all, she hadn't been at all grateful for his efforts during the attack of the fourteenth angel.
He rubbed his ears in pained remembrance of her 'appreciation'.
If he had been out there though, would he have been able to help her anyway? More importantly, would he have been willing to switch positions with her had the need arisen?
Luckily for Shinji, these were all questions that did not need to be answered at the moment. The reason for this being the interruption of the end of day bell.
"Rise, bow, dismissed." Called the class representative.
Shinji looked up from putting away his laptop to see Hikari walking over to him.
"Hi Hikari. I'll be ready in a little bit if you're still willing to come see Asuka."
Hikari looked slightly awkward as she answered:
"Shinji, I'm not going to be able to come with you after all. You see..."
"Wait," Shinji started desperately, "Please, you've got to see Asuka..."
"Shinji listen, please," Hikari interjected, "I'm sorry I didn't remember before, but I'm on clean up duty today. I'm really sorry. Do you think it would be okay to drop by after dinner?" She asked with a hopeful smile.
Shinji was pretty disappointed that his plan wasn't going as he had hoped. However, this wasn't too big a setback. A couple of hours delay wasn't something to get worked up over.
"It would be great if you could. If you'd like, you could even have dinner over at our place." Shinji asked.
The young student was rather intrigued by the apprehension he saw growing on his female companion's face. He analysed what he had just said to see if there was anything there that could possibly be seen as a come on.
"Err... I'm not asking you out or anything. I just want..." The youth was quickly growing flustered but was cut off by Hikari.
"No it's okay, I realise that. It's just... uh..." And just like that, the young girls expression once again turned to apprehension as she struggled to find the correct, inoffensive, words to express her concerns.
Thankfully, Hikari was spared the embarrassment of expressing her worries as Shinji finally fit the pieces together. There was only one thing that could inspire such fear and worry over a simple dinner visit.
"Don't worry, I'll be doing the cooking." He said with a knowing grin.
Hikari blushed. Shinji had her dead to rights.
"I don't like saying anything bad about Miss Katsuragi, but..." She trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid, yet perfectly understood.
"Don't worry about it," Shinji reassured his classmate, "I've not met anyone who likes Misato's cooking, apart from herself of course.
The two teens shared a brief chuckle.
"I'd better get started here. See you tonight Shinji."
"Yeah, I'll see you soon Hikari."
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Shinji was not a happy camper as he slid his key card through the pad to open the door to the apartment. The elevator was out of order for the afternoon for general maintenance.
Climbing up a couple of dozen flights of stairs made for a very tired, very fed-up young pilot.
He trudged his way through the apartment on his way to his room, thinking of nothing but getting off of his aching feet. And that was exactly what he did three seconds after entering his room, favouring collapsing on the floor as opposed to spending the extra energy to get to his bed.
The young teen couldn't even muster up the wind required to sigh in relief as he lay flat on his back, immensely glad to be off his feet at last.
Hikari was due to drop by in a couple of hours and Shinji had originally planned on getting his homework out of the way before starting dinner. At the moment however, his overriding concern was the rather painful stitch in his side and his efforts to slow his laboured breathing.
It took a full fifteen minutes for Shinji to work up the necessary motivation to rise from his not so comfortable position.
He was quite thirsty, so he shuffled through to the kitchen in order to sate this desire. Hearing a commotion in the lounge, the source of which undoubtedly being the television set, Shinji decided to take his drink through to the main room.
"Misato? Weren't you supposed to be working until seven tonight?" Shinji asked, pleasantly surprised to see his guardian and occasional mother type figure in so early.
"Hiya Shinji." Misato greeted him cheerily, her wide, warm smile enough to spark off a reciprocating smile from her young charge.
"I take it you enjoyed your hike up the stairs then?" Misato asked, obviously teasing the boy, "You were grumbling about it when you got in. You didn't even hear me welcome you back."
"My feet are still sore, but I'll live." Shinji responded drolly, "And you still haven't answered my question. Why are you back so early? Were you finally fired then?" He asked with a cheeky grin.
Misato 'hmphed' in mock indignation, before a devilish grin spread across her face. She lunged forward with speed and accuracy honed from years of combat training. Before Shinji even had a chance to blink, the major's arm had snaked behind his neck and hooked round as she pulled the boy's head under her arm.
"Now Shinji," She said in a chiding tone, spoiled by the smirk plastered on her face, "Here I am pulling out all the stops in order to spend more time with my dear Shin-chan and you're mocking me? That's not very nice is it?" She asked, knuckling his scalp furiously.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It won't happen again master. Please release me, I'll be good." Shinji pleaded, playing along tolerantly, though he was fighting back a blush due his proximity to Misato's ample 'assets'.
"Ooh, I love it when you beg." The older woman teased, though she did release her hold over the mildly flustered teen.
As they were now standing facing each other, Misato took advantage of the opportunity to wrap Shinji up in a tender hug.
Shinji returned the embrace without hesitation. Out of all the changes they had both gone through over the last few weeks, this was perhaps the best.
"So how are you? I know you've been worrying over Asuka."
Shinji let his shoulders droop slightly as he was reminded of his other flatmate. He took comfort in Misato's warmth for a few more seconds before pulling away.
"Yeah, you're right, but I've asked Hikari over for dinner. I was kind of hoping she might have more luck reaching her than we have."
Misato nodded her head in understanding.
"I know, I'm worried about her too. So, where is she? Did she finally go to school?"
"Huh? No. She said she'd go tomorrow, she was sitting in here when I left. Didn't you see her when you got in?" Shinji asked, his face betraying his confusion.
"No, she's not been in today. I even checked her room when I found the place empty. I just assumed she'd gone with you to school today." Misato answered, her face taking on a thoughtful expression.
Shinji was confused and a little worried over what he was being told. While he knew that the girl was usually quite capable of handling herself, though she had also been acting very erratically lately. There was no telling what was going through her head right now.
The young pilot compiled a mental list of the most likely places she could be given her past tendencies. She was actually quite a predictable person in that regard.
Asuka had very few friends, the result of a seemingly deliberate and focussed attempt to distance herself from others. She was also an EVA pilot to her core. Her entire life had been dedicated to being the best.
Due to these two facts, Asuka's movements were often easy to predict:
Hikari's house.
The shopping centre.
School.
NERV headquarters.
The possibility of the redhead being at the school was eliminated for rather obvious reasons.
She wouldn't be at Hikari's house either as it would have been empty all day, it's occupants at school or work. Her friend's absence would also exclude the shopping centre as Asuka had no interest in going there by herself, probably because she liked to show off her new acquisitions to her friend.
While it was possible that she had gone into headquarters, she was not actually scheduled for any tests until tomorrow.
Shinji looked up at hearing the other occupant of the room dialling a number into her cell phone.
"I need an update on the second child," she stated calmly to whom Shinji assumed was a Section 2 agent, "What's her current position?"
He didn't hear the response, but he saw how the slight tension lines around her eyes faded as she listened to the agent on the other end of the line.
As soon as the major ended the call, Shinji spoke up:
"Misato? Where is she?" Poorly concealed concern colouring his words despite the ease of tension from the woman under interrogation.
"Relax Shinji, Asuka's fine. She's at the lookout, the same place I took you after the third angel, remember?"
"Yeah," He replied, his tone thoughtful, "do you... Do you think we should go get her?"
Misato brought her hand to her cheek in thought, tapping one finger against it in concentration.
"I doubt she'd appreciate us going after her, especially me. We've... never really been close. Then again..." She started, a cheeky smile spreading across her features, "Maybe you should go tell her that she's gonna miss dinner."
"Misato," Shinji groaned, "This is serious."
"So am I. I'm starving. I'll give you a half-hour start, and then phone dinner in." His supposed guardian said, losing none of her cheer.
After a couple of heartbeats of silence, Misato's expression turned a little more sombre.
"Maybe you could use the time alone to get her to talk to you. I saw how she responded to you during the attack."
"You... You really think so?" A slightly stunned Shinji asked.
"Sure." Misato chirped, once again showing her good cheer, "You've got to have a little faith in yourself Shinji."
Still a little doubtful, Shinji just nodded and headed for the hall.
As he slipped into his shoes and headed outside, he couldn't help but hope that he would finally be able to set a few things right between them.
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An hour later saw Shinji standing watching Asuka in the same spot that he, she and Rei had lain while watching the stars months ago.
Her current position was disturbingly reminiscent of how he had found her after the attack by the fifteenth angel. She had brought her knees up close to her body and was resting her chin on them. He hadn't had a chance to look into her eyes yet, as he was thirty yards away and slightly behind her.
"Are you just going to stand there gawking at me? Why don't you make yourself useful and bring me something to eat, I'm starving." While her words were harsh, her tone suggested indifference.
"Uh? Wha...?" Shinji was, perhaps justifiably confused, this hadn't figured in any of the scenarios he had been thinking through on the journey over here.
Asuka made a noise at the back of her throat to signify her disgust at his response.
"Just forget about it."
Shinji stood there, uncertainty showing in every line of his face. He was no longer so sure that he was doing the right thing by being here.
Maybe Asuka would be better left alone to sort through her thoughts.
Maybe, or maybe not.
It was this last thought that eventually prompted Shinji into walking over to his flat mate and sometimes, almost friend. Hesitating for a second, Shinji chose to sit down next to her.
"Can't see the stars tonight." Asuka stated, prompting Shinji to scan the heavens himself.
Seeing that she was right, though unable to think of anything to say that was even remotely intelligent, Shinji remained silent.
The silence stretched on for several minutes.
"Why are you here?" There was no anger or frustration in those words, as Shinji was half expecting/ half hoping for, in fact, it was a weary tone, dangerously close to resignation.
"Um, Hikari's coming over for dinner, she's been wanting to see you, so I kind of... invited her over."
Asuka turned to face Shinji, the beginnings of her ire showing in her eyes and posture:
"And why would you do something like that when I made it perfectly clear to you that I would see her tomorrow in school."
Shinji floundered for a moment, put off by his companion's sudden swing to anger.
"I... I thought you would be happy to see her, it's been days since you've even spoke to her."
Asuka flinched at that, and the conversation died.
Once again, the silence stretched out. Shinji wished there was something he could say to bring Asuka back to her normal self. Of course, he wasn't actually naive enough to actually believe that any words, no matter how eloquent, could fix the problems plaguing his redheaded companion.
Thus the silence continued, one person unwilling to talk, the other, unable.
An unknown amount of time later, Shinji glanced over to Asuka, unsure of what he was looking for in his companion, yet surprised at what he did see.
Asuka was shaking, her entire body seemed to jerk every few seconds. It took a full minute for Shinji to connect the sight in front of him with what he was confronted with roughly a month ago when Misato had broken down in the kitchen.
She was crying. And yet, she wasn't.
While stunned at the sight before him, Shinji still took note that, although her body was shaking with the force of her sobbing, her eyes were dry. It was almost as if she was focussing every last shred of herself on keeping herself from crying.
After a few more moments of silence, broken by the occasional gasp for air as Asuka sobbed tearlessly, the broken young pilot spoke again:
"I... I...failed."
So much grief, frustration, desperation and hatred in those two words. Shinji was taken aback by the sheer ferocity of the emotions behind the statement, yet he still couldn't think of anything that could be said to comfort the redhead.
Words failing him yet again, Shinji tried something he was almost certain would fail, in fact, he'd be lucky to come away from it without bruises. He also knew that even if it worked in the short term, Asuka would likely resent him all the more for it later.
He hugged her.
Asuka stiffened in his arms and the young boy was almost convinced that she would push him away. After a few moments with no other action however, he relaxed somewhat. He tried to remain as still as possible, afraid that he might break the calm spell around his companion, yet he also tried to project as much warmth and comfort he could muster through the tentative hug he shared with his companion.
After several minutes, the sobs lessened and stopped, the girl producing them to tired to continue.
"I... still hate you, you know." She whispered brokenly from within Shinji's embrace, "But..." She added, "I think... I hate myself more."
Slowly pulling away from the embrace, Shinji managed to capture Asuka's eyes with his own, gazing deeply into them as he searched her soul. Pain and failure was dominant there, and it hurt Shinji to also see a sense of worthlessness there eating away at the light behind her beautiful blue eyes.
In return, he offered her a chance to gaze into his own soul. He gave her the chance to see the pain he had suffered within his own short lifetime. Old scars, newly healed because he had opened up to someone else, and let them help him while he helped them. He hoped with all of his heart that she would eventually let him, or Hikari, or Misato, more fully into her life so she could see how deeply she was cared for by all of them.
For the moment though, it was time to head home.
-Fin-
Author's notes
Urm... Been a long time hasn't it?
I'm sorry I took so long with this, even for me, it's kind of a poor show to take so long in writing and posting a few thousand words.
Anyway, enough with the self loathing.
This was the third and final chapter for the 'Shattered Glass Minds' story and I hope that, despite the wait, you all enjoyed reading it.
I humbly beg of you to review this story, especially if you have suggestions on how to improve my writing style (or the story itself as I'll likely make a few discrete tweaks to the chapter in a few weeks). However, I'll need slightly more constructive criticism than "You suck!!"
Of course, ego-massaging is perfectly acceptable as well, and is in fact, encouraged. :)
This story has changed so often and so dramatically since I first put pen to paper. Originally, I had planned a nice little happily ever after fic with all loose ends nicely tied up. Then I realised that wouldn't just suck, it would also require me to alter Asuka's personality to an extent nobody would let me get away with.
As it is, I've tried to remain as true to the characters as I could throughout their evolution.
For all those purists out there, I'm sorry if you hate the fact that Shinji is getting more confidant around others, or that Asuka would show such weakness to Shinji of all people. However, he reached Asuka during the attack on her mind, if he could do it once, really it would only be a question of whether he had the courage to reach out again that would determine whether he could do it again, considering how fragile Asuka's mind has become.
I've not really decided if I'm going to continue writing, never mind writing the story I had planned to cover the remaining episodes and EoE film. I sometimes think that it's not really fair to keep people waiting for months just for a few thousand words (heh, maybe my opinion of myself is a little high, given that I'm assuming anyone gives a damn whether or not I update).
Then again it might just be a phase I'm going through. I'll admit that all aspects of my life have been suffering from some serious motivational problems in the last year. I suppose, for the moment at least, you should expect my stories if you see them.
Richard.