The stage was not lit at all, save for a small spotlight dead center. The brunette Lunch entered. She was dressed in a dark usherette outfit with dark, heavily shadowed eyes and bright red lipstick. Everyone's favorite intro music started to play, and Lunch began to sing.

"Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still,
But he told us where we stand..."

On our feet!

"And Flash Gordon was there in

Edible!

silver underwear, Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.

But he didn't show up!

Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong;
They got caught in a celluloid jam.

Yeah Jam!!!

Then at a deadly pace
It Came From...

Where?

Outer Space.

Thank you!

And this is how the message ran:

Science fiction... double feature
Doctor X... will build a creature.
See androids fighting...

Q: Where's Mirai Trunks when you need him?

"Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in... Forbidden Planet
Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show."

Lunch punched the air.

" I can't hear you!" Everyone cheered (including Poma, in spite of herself).

"Yeah!" She yelled back, then suddenly sneezed. The blonde Lunch took the other's place onstage and, instead of whipping out the guns as expected, she continued the song.

"It took us forever to get her to do that on command..." Whispered Q.

"I knew Leo G. Carrol
Was over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills.
And I really got hot

Whew!

When I saw

Janet's twat!

Jeanette Scott fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.

What the hell's a triffid?

Dana Andrews said Prunes

Gave him the runes

They gave me the shits!

And passing them used lots of skills."

Caro: (snorts)

Q: (smacks him)

Yay Skills!

"But When Worlds Collide,"

BOOM!

"Said George Powell to his bride,
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"
Like a..."

Lunch began to bring out the guns and the audience flinched as Q and the rest stood up and prepared to subdue her. Luckily, she sneezed and took the role of the sweet brunette once again.

"Science fiction... double feature
Doctor X...

Sex, sex, sex!

will build a creature.
See androids fighting... Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in... Forbidden Planet
Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show.
I wanna go
Oh Oh Oh
To the late night double feature picture show,
By RKO,

RK Who?!

Oh Oh Oh
To the late night double feature picture show,

In the back row,"

Caro: My favorite spot! (Q smacks him again) OW! I meant... cuz you can see everything... on the screen... easier...

Q: Don't care.

Front Row: Fuck the back row!

Back Row: Fuck the front row!

"Oh Oh Oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show!" Lunch slowly backed into the shadows as the lights rose on a chapel....

Chichi and Goku entered from behind the church. Chichi clasped Goku's arm and leaned her head on his shoulder, sighing. Suddenly, she jerked up and led him to center stage. Goku blushed and stood, looking nervous while Chichi swooned.

"Oh Goku, wasn't it wonderful?"

NO!

"Didn't Bulma look radiantly beautiful?"

NO!

"I can't believe it.
An hour ago she was just plain old Bulma Briefs and now...

Now she's a slave!

"Now she's Mrs. Vegeta no-ouji!"

Poma: The royal pain in the ass!

Goku held back a laugh when he saw the only person who annoyed Vegeta more than he did in the audience and struggled to remember his lines.

"Yes Chichi, Vegeta's a lucky guy."

No he's not! He'll become more of a slave than she is!

Chichi shot a glare at the audience, then remembered reluctantly that the audience was allowed to do this.

"Yes!" She said, getting back into her bubbly character. Mr. and Mrs. Briefs walked around the church. Dr. Briefs waved at Goku and Chichi, and led a sniffling Mrs. Briefs to the car.

"I always cry at weddings," said Mrs. Briefs wistfully.

So do I, honey!

When the two had left the stage, there was another awkward silence.

"Uh, everyone knows that Bulma is a wonderful little cook..." Goku began, then saw Chichi glaring.

"Yes," she said venomously. Goku suddenly remembered that Chichi didn't like him mentioning that any other woman was a good cook compared to her. It didn't matter whether it was in the script or not. He sweat dropped and grinned.

"Not as good as you, of course... Why Vegeta himself, he'll be going Super Saiyen 2 any day now."

Backstage:

"WHAT? I've already gone far past Super Saiyen 2 and he knows it!" Cried Vegeta. Bulma smacked him upside the head.

"You weren't there yet when you married me, baka!" Vegeta growled.

Onstage:

Chichi looked much happier now that Goku had reassured her of her unsurpassable cooking skills and decided to give the poor guy a break.

"Yes," she said cheerfully, and grabbed Goku's arm for reassurance. Goku blushed and took a deep breath.

"Hey Chichi..."

"Yes Goku?"

"I've got something to say."

Say it, dumbass!

"Uh huh?"

"I really love the..."

Starts with an "s"! Try "skillful"!

"Skilful way..."

What a fucking genius!

"You beat the other girls...

With whips and chains...

Caro: (snickers and whispers) I could see that...

to the bride's bouquet." Chichi blushed and smelled the bouquet she carried in her hand.

"Oh Goku." The music started and Goku realized that Chichi definitely does NOT rhyme with "dammit"...

"The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)

(said at the same time as a certain line, or "echo") Janet

The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)

(echo) Janet

So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)

Can it!

I've one thing to say and that's... Aw gee, Chichi, I love you." Chichi suddenly realized Goku's dilemma.

"Just use what's in the script," she said, through gritted teeth. Goku nodded.

"The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)

(echo) Janet

There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)

(echo) Janet

If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)

(echo) Janet

I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you." Goku knelt in front of her and held up a ring.

"Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.

He's a queen!

There's three ways that love can grow.

Caro: Find 'em, Fuck 'em, Forget 'em!

Q and Poma: (Both smack him good)

That's good, bad, or mediocre.

How do you spell "SLUT"?

Oh, J-A-N-E-T

(while he spells, five audience members hold up letters)

Q: (holds up the "T)

Poma: You actually came prepared???

Q: Shut it! I love this musical!

I love you so." He put the ring on her finger and tried to kiss her, but she moved away, admiring the ring.

"Oh, it's nicer than Bulma Briefs had. (Oh Brad)

(echo) Oh Brad

Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)

(echo) Oh Brad

Though you never met Mom, you know my Dad. (Oh Brad)

That you fucked Mom and you blow Dad. Oh Brad

"I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad,
for you too." She grabbed his arm and walked with him as if down an aisle.

"Oh Brad..."

"Oh... dammit!"

What did I get myself into???

"I'm mad..."

Aren't you always?

Chichi glared.

"Oh, Janet," Goku, said, prodding her and reminding her to keep her temper in check. Chichi took a deep breath and turned to him.

"For you."

"I love you too." They grabbed each other's arms and smiled.

Let's go screeeeeeeeeeeew...

"There's one thing left to do - I Dooo!" Goku pulled away from Chichi when she was about to kiss him.

"And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)

(echo) Janet

When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)

(echo) Janet

Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)

(echo) Janet

Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.
Dammit, Janet." Chichi threw her arms around his neck.

"Oh Brad, I'm mad."

(echo) You fag!

Goku was a lot better at self-control than Chichi and ignored the audience just fine. He squeezed Chichi a bit to prevent her from snapping and went one with the song.

"Dammit, Janet!"

"I love you." They kissed as the lights faded out.

Aaaaaaaaaaw....