Disclaimer: No, of course Inuyasha (doesn't) belong to me! [My attempts at stealing him are pathetic…]
"Thank you, Kikyou-sama, for saving our village from the youkai." The village head bowed in gratitude.
Said priestess smiled gently, politely refusing his thanks, and insisting, as per usual, that it was her job as a shrine maiden to help the needy and purify the evil. She was eloquent and skillfully turned away words of praise, just as she had many, many years ago. But there was something different, as well. Glancing to her right, she found Kagome, her eyes downcast, unnoticed by the villagers gathered.
"Kagome, I am leaving." Then she turned and left, as she had many times before, the at once older and younger Kagome following her silently. Older, because she had suffered so much grief. Younger, because she could not handle it. The two hardly talked, and Kikyou was the surprising upholder of conversations, charging herself with teaching the miko prodigy, giving lessons in herbs and showing her how to use her powers.
Nobody would have recognized the mute but skilled woman who followed the legendary priestess as the equally legendary Higurashi Kagome. The breaker of the Shikon no Tama, and the miko who died guarding it; together, the unlikely pair helped those in need and gradually fulfilled their task of purifying the Shikon no Tama, the task that had carried over into two lifetimes.
"Kagome, I will stop here for the night." Kikyou announced. "I will go look for something to eat."
Kagome merely nodded and began gathering brush for a campfire, her movements practiced and mechanical, making it obvious that she still intended to travel with her past self.
It wasn't until the two had eaten that Kagome spoke.
"Will we be going back to the village?' Her voice and face were blank, but her body was tense, expectant. Longing.
Kikyou nodded. "I would like to see how Kaede is doing, so yes, I will be going back to the village." Kaede, her younger sister, was dying of old age. A bitter reminder of how she herself had died sixty years ago.
Kagome visibly relaxed, and even offered a small "Good night" as she settled down to sleep with Kikyou keeping vigil, as she had every night for many nights. She felt no need to sleep—sleep was for the living, for those with purpose left in their lives. And, as she had every night for many years, she watched her younger and older counterpart with pity and sorrow as the nightmares came.
The next day, they arrived at Inuyasha no Mori. Inuyasha's Forest. Kagome was in turns almost happy and depressed, as if a burden was continuously being taken off and put back on. But she never lagged behind, and Kikyou knew that she would not come to her for comfort, and would push away any offered.
They reached Goshinboku, and Kikyou stopped for prayer while Kagome stood a respectable distance away. A miko's prayers in a holy place were private.
And when Kikyou left, Kagome stayed behind.
She did not pray. Instead, she knelt down and wept, harsh sobs that were pitiful to hear, tears running unchecked down her cheeks, chin, into her cupped hands. Her pristine miko clothes soon had dirt and moss clinging to them as she leaned against the roots of the tree.
Yes, Goshinboku was a holy place; it was also a resting ground. There were no markers, for there were no bodies. Goshinboku was a resting place for memories—and where there are memories, there are spirits. Memories, centuries upon centuries of memories extending not only to the past and present, but to the future as well. As a time tree, Goshinboku was dignified. As a holy place, it was loving.
But Kagome did not feel loved. She did not feel the peace she had once felt here, here where she had so many memories, where she first met him, where they ate together, where he could be found when missing—so many, many memories. And yet, she was alone. Alone in a place crowded with memories.
As she had many times before, her fingers gently ran over a diamond-shaped scar left on that tree for eternity. And, for one small, brief moment, she could feel him there, bound in eternal sleep for the second and final time.
His name rose to her lips, but she swallowed it down. To think of him constantly was her punishment and her reward, to say his name when he wasn't there would be a sin.
When she walked away, her steps were heavy, her breathing harsh and ragged even though she moved slowly. When she entered the village, nobody said hello, nobody recognized this aged young woman to be the bright and cheerful girl-from-another-land who rode a strange contraption called a bike and was always arguing with their hanyou protector and helper.
To them, she was the true reincarnate of Kikyou-sama, the protector of the Shikon no Tama who had never gotten over her grief for Inuyasha.
They said nothing to her, and she never said anything either. What could you say to someone who had lost her soul's lover, in both lifetimes?
"Elder sister," Kaede greeted with a weak nod of her head, her eyes never leaving her sister's still-flawless face.
"Kaede. How are you doing?" She glanced at the young girl boiling her sister's medicine over the fireplace, affirming her suspicions. It was stronger than the last time she had come to check on the aging Kaede.
"Dying. But that's all right. The village is peaceful, with not too many youkai plaguing the place, and even so, there are a few monks and mikos who come by to pray at Goshinboku." Kaede's voice was noncommittal, but Kikyou didn't miss the way her eyes shifted toward Goshinboku, where they both knew Kagome was.
Ten years had passed by, and while they were harsh for Kaede, they were unforgiving to the still-suffering Kagome.
It was dusk when she came back and dawn when she left. She hardly ever left Goshinboku, and the villagers began avoiding the edge of Inuyasha's Forest, unnerved at her persistent presence and silence.
Instead, they would go to Kikyou for help, always to be found either with the village children or tending to her sister, and when she heard anyone mentioning Kagome, she would frown lightly and remind them what Kagome had gone through, so young, so young. Then they would all smile sheepishly and ask for forgiveness. Kikyou never replied.
On the fourth day, a rumor of youkai traveled through the village. It was said that they were much like the mononoke Urasue in that they brought beings back to life using heir ashes, and they were as ambitious. While Urasue had revived the legendary miko Kikyou, these youkai sought to revive the legendary hanyou Inuyasha, along with his dead and buried companions.
It was no secret that the monk, the taijiya, her brother, and the young kitsune lay buried in the village beside Inuyasha's Forest.
Kagome's reaction to the news was an amused quirk of the eyebrows and a bitter smile, a show of emotion that surprised the gathered group of villagers.
"To do that, they need to find his grave, which is far out of their reach. Unless they were to travel to the land of the dead and bring his body back, and for that…they would have to die."
The group who had approached her looked uneasy, their question obvious: What did she mean by his body?
She only smiled, and the next day, she was gone. When asked where she went, Kikyou merely replied, "Kagome is perfectly able to take care of herself. No doubt she will be back soon."
A full season had passed before she came back. There were cuts and slashes all over her body, but she didn't seem to notice. She gave Kikyou the Shikon no Tama and another jewel, and Kaede wept. It meant she was dying.
Kikyou fingered the familiar orb, and quietly asked what the other jewel was.
Kagome smiled. "His grave."
The night passed in silence between the dead miko and the dying one as Kaede feverishly gave instructions to her helper in an attempt to save Kagome's life.
When dawn came, she spoke. More than she had in the past decade; the words poured out.
"I dream of him every night. Him and everyone else, and it's always the same thing—I watch them die, over and over again. Miroku-sama and Sango-chan, as they get sucked in by the kazaana, Shippou, dying from the amount of miasma in the air, him…battling Naraku, dragging him to Hell with him. Then I wake up and I wonder why I'm not crying, because it was so sad, I cried so hard in my dreams, pleading, wailing."
My throat hurts. Inuyasha could make it go away, he cured me when I was sick.
"But I don't fear the nights. I get to see them again, if only in their last moments, and their last moments are their finest. Sango-chan promised to marry Miroku-sama, and when his time came, she went with him. It was so sad, to watch them, but they're together now. Shippou, always trying so hard to be brave and strong for everyone else, but he was still a child. Even so, he never backed away, never, and he died saving me, protecting my life, hiding me away. He was standing guard over my hiding spot, and there was just too much poison in the air. He fainted, and I couldn't wake him up."
He was so young. Shippou-chan. I haven't been a good mother.
"I-Inu…" she started sobbing, curling up into a ball, ignoring or not hearing Kaede's weak protests that she not strain herself. "He was so desperate. I've never seen him like that, so desperate, he told me that to kill Naraku was his one purpose, why he was brought back to life, and he fought so hard to kill him. So hard…"
He was bleeding all over. There was so much blood; I could nearly taste it. His precious, precious life-giving blood was pouring onto the ground.
"He lied to me. He said that it was going to be ok, that everyone would be alive and safe in the end, that if anyone died it would be him because of…you know. And he lied. They all died, one by one, Sango-chan and Miroku-sama, Shippou, Inuyasha, even Kohaku, whose shard was being used by Naraku. I couldn't even save Sango-chan's little brother. They're all dead…"
Why did they have to leave before me?
"So I'm grateful for the nights, the dreams. But it still hurts.
"When it was over, I went to you, Kikyou. To tell you the truth, I was surprised that you were still walking this earth. Somehow, I had thought that you would go to Hell with him, even if he died at the hands of another. I don't wonder anymore why you are still here.
"I followed you, and when I tried to go down the well once, it was blocked. I couldn't go back. I had no purpose here, no desire that could be fulfilled, so I kept on following you, learning from you, sometimes helping.
"And always, always, purifying the Shikon no Tama. The jewel that caused all of this."
Even though it is purified every day, it is still so dirty. How much evil has it caused, through the centuries?
"I don't wish on it. To wish on it would soil it, because the one true wish I have in my heart is dark and soiling."
Inuyasha…
"Last season, I went and found Sesshoumaru, his elder half-brother. I wanted his grave in my safekeeping, but Sesshoumaru would not give up his kin's grave that easily, even if it was his bastard hanyou brother's grave. I ended up fighting him, and it was only because Rin, the human girl—more of a woman now, really—intervened that I escaped with both my life and the jewel. Please keep it safe."
I'm coming…
Here Kagome stopped, and turned full, tear-brimmed eyes to her soul's half. "And…please, give my ashes to the well. I want to be able to see Souta and mama and Jii-chan, but I want to stay here too, here, where I have so many memories. This is the only way."
Wait for me, just a little longer…I'll be there soon, wait, please wait.
Kikyou nodded. Kagome smiled, her eyes coming to rest on the rising sun. "Last night was the new moon. He would be turning back into a hanyou, now. And in her last breath, whispered a name that passed easily through her lips even though she had not spoken it since his death.
"Inuyasha…"
Kikyou performed the ceremonial rites herself, carefully placing the urn filled with ashes in the sacred well, burying it deeply in burial soil. She stayed, looking into the well, long after even Kaede had hobbled away, supported by more than one villager. One sentence rang through her mind, through and through.
"I don't wonder anymore why you are still here."
Her eyes were empathetically sorrowful. She did not wonder because she has gone through it too. He left her too. He lied to her too, even though it was a lesser lie. He shunned her love too, even though it was not unrequited. Many other people had left her, but his leaving had hurt the most.
No, neither of them had ever truly wanted his death. Only his love, only his eyes, so guarded and expressive at once, to turn tender and caring around them. Only him.
Kikyou's bitter laughter filled the clearing. "We always insisted that we were different. 'I am Kikyou, you are Kagome.' Eventually, we are the same, with only one difference…"
You never lost his trust. Even though he left you, even though he hurt you over and over again, hitting the same, familiar wound that never hurt any less, you still trust him, and he's there, waiting for you.
There is no room for such a one as I in this love of yours.
From that day on, the name Kikyou was heard of many times, but no one ever saw her. Many wondered where she had gone, after the death of her reincarnate. Some thought that she had died of sorrow, others believed that Kagome had dragged her to death with her, jealous of her presence on the earth. Still others hopefully proclaimed that she must have finally found peace. The years passed, and the names of Kagome, Kikyou, and Inuyasha faded into derelict memories.
Only Kaede knew. She had seen many years and many heartbreaks, and she had loved both women. Kikyou as her elder sister, Kagome as her younger. She visited their grave daily, and prayed for Kagome's and Kikyou's soul, finally joined in their love for one hanyou, finally reunited with him.
She died a month later, and many mourned.
A/N: Phew. Finally. I finally finished it! - This little idea has been knocking around in my head since before spring break. -.-;;; Yep, I'm a really big procrastinator.
Anyway, this one has a lot of special, unique thingamajigs that I've never done before. First, the POV is mostly blurred between Kagome and Kikyou. That was done on purpose to show that Kagome and Kikyou really aren't that different (as stated…), that there is really only one difference between the two.
Second, it's a lot less intimate towards the characters. I tend to go for angst a lot, but whenever I reread this one, it's not as emotional as my other angst fics until the end (then again, that might be because I got used to the words, and I just need a break from it to feel the emotion). The way I wrote it was objective and intimate at the same time, also done slightly on purpose (by the time I figured out what I was doing, it was a little too natural to shake off, and since it went pretty well with the plot, I figured, hey) in that it lets you feel the characters emotions, but still not quite become one with the character. In other words, it gives the reader more space to make their own decisions.
Third, it's a bit, just a tad, more philosophical/spiritual because I came up with the plot after rereading about the time Kagome helped put Mayu's soul to rest (after the Thunder Brothers), and since Kikyou is pretty much a restless soul, I wondered if Kagome could do the same to Kikyou. Eventually, it turned into this little one-shot (which I'm about as equally proud of as my Never Again, my pride and joy, and my rough draft for Harry Potter—hehheh, sorry Neha, haven't finished it yet).
Please RR! -