Disclaimer: ABC network owns the show, JK Rowling owns the characters
Drew Carrey: We're back to Whose Line, where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Yes, the points are like Divination class it doesn't matter. (Audience laughs, contestants nod in agreement) Let's go onto a game called Weird Newscasters! This is for all four of you!
All of them get up, set up 2 stools.
Drew: Ron, you are the anchorman, and Draco is your co-anchor. Draco, you are Ozzy Osbourne on a bad day. (Draco gives psycho look) Harry, you are the sports caster and you are a...oh God...ha ha ha...a Jamaican sex God in the bedroom as you speak (audience laughs, wolf whistles and hollers, Harry gives seductive grin, girls swoon). And Hermione, you are the weatherman, a tough football coach trying to motivate your team for the big game (Hermione puts on scowl) and go when the music starts.
Newscaster's music plays
Ron: Hello and good evening and welcome to the 4:44 news. I'm Arson Carson, and the top story tonight, my red hair just keeps getting more vibrant (audience laughs, drew laughs) and here is my co-anchor with more on this story, Dick Wiener, Dick? (Audience whoops with laughers, so do Drew, Harry and Hermione)
Draco (talking like Ozzy Osbourne No offense to any Ozzy lovers out there): we-we well this if F---ing nuts, I tell you, I try so f---ing hard to do f-- -ing good but all I F---ing get is s---. SHARON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience howls with laughter
Ron: Now here's the sports report with Sexy Sam, Sexy?
Harry in Jamaican accent: Well, today man, we gonna win. It's great conditions today. The last game was bump bump in the night (while he says this, he makes a humping motion, audience laughs.) It was rough and dirty, but this time it gonna be a smooth and easy game. (Harry runs over to Drews desk and grabs Drew, and rubs him, Drew moves away, and Harry gets on desk, pretends to hump it, audience laughs, Drew laughs,) Yes dis balls coming, coming, coming, gone! (Harry gets off desk, returns to place) Back to you man.
Ron, with worried expression on face: Interesting. Now onto the weather with Rachel Raper, Rachel?
Hermione with tough look on her face: Now lookie here (points to imaginary chart) this cold front is coming from here and is gonna attack here (points to another spot) But The warm front is gonna smash it up! It will bring heavy showers, real heavy, WE...NEED...TO...PREPARE! NOW GET OUT THERE AND WIN, WIN, WIN!!! YEAH! Back to you, Arson.
Audience and Drew and Harry laugh hysterically.
Ron: Join us again 5:55 news, until then, I'm Arson Carson saying, I need to dye my hair!
Draco: Sharon!
Buzzer sounds, laughing continues
Drew: A thousand points to everyone and a thousand more to Sexy Sam for that wonderful play.
Harry: It was nothin' man.
Drew: All right onto our next game...
Please review the story! Thanks!
Drew Carrey: We're back to Whose Line, where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Yes, the points are like Divination class it doesn't matter. (Audience laughs, contestants nod in agreement) Let's go onto a game called Weird Newscasters! This is for all four of you!
All of them get up, set up 2 stools.
Drew: Ron, you are the anchorman, and Draco is your co-anchor. Draco, you are Ozzy Osbourne on a bad day. (Draco gives psycho look) Harry, you are the sports caster and you are a...oh God...ha ha ha...a Jamaican sex God in the bedroom as you speak (audience laughs, wolf whistles and hollers, Harry gives seductive grin, girls swoon). And Hermione, you are the weatherman, a tough football coach trying to motivate your team for the big game (Hermione puts on scowl) and go when the music starts.
Newscaster's music plays
Ron: Hello and good evening and welcome to the 4:44 news. I'm Arson Carson, and the top story tonight, my red hair just keeps getting more vibrant (audience laughs, drew laughs) and here is my co-anchor with more on this story, Dick Wiener, Dick? (Audience whoops with laughers, so do Drew, Harry and Hermione)
Draco (talking like Ozzy Osbourne No offense to any Ozzy lovers out there): we-we well this if F---ing nuts, I tell you, I try so f---ing hard to do f-- -ing good but all I F---ing get is s---. SHARON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience howls with laughter
Ron: Now here's the sports report with Sexy Sam, Sexy?
Harry in Jamaican accent: Well, today man, we gonna win. It's great conditions today. The last game was bump bump in the night (while he says this, he makes a humping motion, audience laughs.) It was rough and dirty, but this time it gonna be a smooth and easy game. (Harry runs over to Drews desk and grabs Drew, and rubs him, Drew moves away, and Harry gets on desk, pretends to hump it, audience laughs, Drew laughs,) Yes dis balls coming, coming, coming, gone! (Harry gets off desk, returns to place) Back to you man.
Ron, with worried expression on face: Interesting. Now onto the weather with Rachel Raper, Rachel?
Hermione with tough look on her face: Now lookie here (points to imaginary chart) this cold front is coming from here and is gonna attack here (points to another spot) But The warm front is gonna smash it up! It will bring heavy showers, real heavy, WE...NEED...TO...PREPARE! NOW GET OUT THERE AND WIN, WIN, WIN!!! YEAH! Back to you, Arson.
Audience and Drew and Harry laugh hysterically.
Ron: Join us again 5:55 news, until then, I'm Arson Carson saying, I need to dye my hair!
Draco: Sharon!
Buzzer sounds, laughing continues
Drew: A thousand points to everyone and a thousand more to Sexy Sam for that wonderful play.
Harry: It was nothin' man.
Drew: All right onto our next game...
Please review the story! Thanks!