The Opinions of Severus Snape

By Veggie-runt and her friend

Author's Note: Again with the note! Arg...I feel somewhat sick...oh well! Hope this chapter fills your house with the gift of laughter. Enjoy!

"Miss Granger, for goodness sake, sit down!" Do I have to get her restraints? She won't sit still for one bloody second! The restraints might not be a bad idea...

"Do you always smile like that? It is quite frightening, and it kind of looks like you're-""What I am thinking is none of your business!"

"Okay professor, I just thought you might want to talk, you know, about your personal affairs... you look so preoccupied!" Damn, she's got my feelings nailed!

"Again, my personal business is of no matter to you." I softened my tone "I just wanted to say that I lov- love BASKETBALL, and potions, and certain professors and a girl with fluffy brown hair who's really smart-" I realized that I was rambling and broke off, hoping I hadn't said too much.

"Okay sir, I can't wait for our first real game, I'm gonna hex the hell out of those losers- I mean- uh..." she grinned sheepishly. "Sorry professor."

"That's quite alright, you're beaut- I mean..." my cheeks reddened, I wouldn't want to see my reflection. It must be painfully obvious that I'm blushing, since my skin is so pale.

"Professor? What were you saying?" She tilted her head to one side. Gosh, it just gets under my skin when she does that!

"Drink some of this." I pour some Truth Serum mixed with some other potion that makes a person tell the truth about their feelings about people.

Just as I was about to give it to Hermio-sweet-ne, Damn Dumblebutt came bursting in the room.

"Well, hello Severus, Miss Granger. Oh what's that? I'm parched." He grabs the goblet from me, and drinks it all down. I wince, this is defiantly going to be brutal.

"Granger, out, NOW!" She scurries from the room.

"I love the Muffin Man." Albus says seriously.

"The Muffin Man?" I question.

"Oh yes, the Muffin Man." Determined to find who this 'Muffin Man' is I asked "Who's name is Gilderoy Lockhart?"

"Yeah, Muffin Man is his cutey name! He's so sexy! And the way we-"This had to stop. "NO MORE! I don't need this information!" I take a drink from the goblet beside me. Then it came to me: That goblet had the truth serum!

"So Severus, who's your honey-bunny, hmm?" Damn that old coot to eternal hell! Can't he keep his mind from wandering?

"Let's see...uh...well, they call one the 'hexmaster' and the other the 'taskmaster' and they both are sexy as hell" Smooth Sevvy, Suave Sevvy, Sevvy Kickin' some Dumble- butt (I must've added some alcohol to that drink hmmm...)!

"Yes, but what are their names?" he questioned. "That's what I call them" man, I am a kick-booty liar!

"Oh right, I got it, their names are sacred, I understand you man. Love can do weird things to a man, like make him desire kinky-""ALRIGHT, I GET IT!" Deep breathing, in with the good (Minerva) and out with the bad (Albus and the muffin-stuffer).

"Headmaster, I am busy...with...cleaning." I grab a frilly apron and tie it on, and force a smile. "So if you don't mind..."

"Right, I'll be off...to make muffins!" He dashed out the door. Silly old man will probably want his lovey-dovey muffin man to teach next year, just so they can be close. Oh well! Not my problem.

Then, when I had just started cleaning my office, I found a lump in my apron. I tried to smooth it out, but it wouldn't. So, naturally, I looked to see why it was like that. I then found a note:

Dear Severus,

I can't help loving you, so I decided I

should write to tell you. You know, not

everyone hates you, despite what you

think. Don't try to look for me, at this time

(your time I mean) I will not know my feelings.

Just wait, and stay happy. I love your smile!

Love, your Buttcup

Who knew someone loved me? I mean, I sure didn't. I wonder who it could be...I sat down to think about who my Buttcup was, and before I knew it, it was time for the basketball game to begin.