Disclaimer: I own nothing! the O.C. belongs to FOX

Seth shot straight up. The haunting images of Ryan on the bathroom floor had been forever haunting his dreams. He just couldn't understand why Ryan had killed himself. According to Riley, Ryan was clinically depressed. He must be a really good actor, Seth thought bitterly. He couldn't help but partly blame himself for Ryan's death. If only he had paid closer attention, if only he had heard Ryan's words better, if only he had paid closer attention, maybe he would've seen signs. Then Ryan wouldn't be dead.

Riley had convinced him that it wasn't his fault. She and Jake were there, at the funeral, trying to convince Seth, Summer, his parents, and Marissa that it wasn't their fault. A lot of Ryan's past had come out when he died. The abuse, the depression, the nights in the hospital, the death, the drugs and girls and shootings. Seth knew Ryan had a crappy past, but he never thought it was as bad as it really was.

Jake and Riley had been arrested the day after the memorial service. Turns out Riley was a big time dug dealer, and Jake was her right hand man. Sandy had bailed them out as a thank you for everything, and they split. Seth suspectes that Marissa had a way to contact Riley, but she always denied it. Seth shook his head and got out of bed. Something pulled him to the pool house. Seth hadn't been in there since the night of Ryan's death, a month ago. A month. It had been a month since Ryan had slit his wrists. He couldn't believe it. It wasn't getting any easier. Ryan was his best friend, his buddy, his brother, his first true friend.

Seth stepped outside and closed the door behind him. Seth walked silently into the pool house. To his surprise, the light was on. Seth carefully peered through the door. Marissa sat on Ryan's bed, crying silent tears. She wore Ryan's gray hoodie that he gave her the night before his death. Seth walked in and met Marissa's gaze. He silently walked towards the bed and sat next to Marissa. The both stared straight ahead. Seth's silent tears had started, just as they did every night for the past month.

Marissa looked up as Seth walked through the door. She was shocked. She had been in there every night for the past month. Every night she would sneak out and sleep in Ryan's bed. It was one of the few places she felt safe. She was hurt, bad. It wasn't getting better, but it wasn't getting worse. Being there made Marissa feel. Everywhere else, she was numb.

Marissa, Seth, and Summer were their own clique. They were close, brought together by the death of a loved one they all held so dear in their hearts. They were close when Ryan was alive, but now, it was like it was them against the world.

It was 1:45 am when Sandy and Kirsten entered the pool house. They too couldn't sleep, plagued by the memory of Ryan's dull, dead eyes. Before Ryan's death, Kirsten and Sandy had talked about work, and complained to each other. Now, they hardly ever talked. Sandy never realized how much of an influence Ryan held over him and his wife until it was too late. Sandy and Kirsten sat on the floor, their backs leaning against the back board.

Sandy sighed and stared off into space, lost in his thoughts of happier times. Kirsten was fighting a losing battle against her tears. She took one look at Seth and Marissa and the battle was over. The tears fell freely. She didn't even care enough to stop them. Not this time, not now, not here.

Summer walked into the pool house about and hour later. She wanted to talk to her best friend, but her friend wasn't answering. Summer knew exactly where Marissa would be. She had seen Marissa asleep on Ryan's bed on the numerous occasions that she visited the pool house late at night. She walked in and sat next to Seth, leaning her head on his shoulder. Summer missed his smile, hell, she missed her smile. She hadn't been able to smile since that fateful night. 5 people sat in a room that once belonged to a person they all held dear, crying. Crying for the death of a loved one, for the loss of innocence, and mostly because it was the only time they could.

Suddenly, Summer started to chuckle. The chuckle turned into full on laughter. The other 4 in the room stared at her, wondering what the hell was so funny. Summer became aware of the eyes on her. She stopped her laughter long enough to explain.

" I was just remembering the time Ryan first tasted caviar." She simply stated, than returned to her laughter."

Seth cracked a smile at the memory. " I will never forget that face he made as long as I live."

And so the flood gates opened, and the healing process began. The rest of the night, the 5 people shared their favorite Ryan moments. They laughed and cried all night, and through most of the next day. That night, Seth fell asleep with dry eyes, and Summer fell asleep with a smile on her face. That night, Marissa felt pain, and as Kirsten and Sandy were getting into bed, Sandy turned to his wife.

" How was your day today?"