Hey all! Here's just a short little thing I wrote for Issei. Hope you guys like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Please Save My Earth, the manga (Saki Hiwatari) or the anime (Viz and Saki Hiwatari). Please do not sue me.
MY NAME IS ISSEI
BY: CECILE LI
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My name is Issei.
I am Enju.
I love Jinpachi.
I love Gyokuran.
It's a never-ending cycle. There's never been a day when I've never felt the ache of unrequited love. I've always pined after him and I always will.
Sakura. She was the beautiful reincarnation of Shusuran. Sometimes, when I look at her, I see myself reflected back. It's the same hair. It's the same quiet beauty.
We're engaged. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm engaged to her when I love another man. Jinpachi.
But it's Shusuran. It's Shu. It's my best friend.
She worried about leaving me alone on the moon. She needn't worry. I died soon afterwards.
What was I doing during my last hours? I was scribbling in my creamy white notebook that Gyokuran gave me. I was laughing maniacally. I hated Shusuran for leaving me all alone. I hated Gyokuran for being an idiot and never realizing I loved him. I hated Mokuren for receiving all of Gyokuran's love. I hated Sarjalim for making my life so cruel. I was reincarnated into a bitter baby.
They all said I was such a pretty baby; I should have been born a girl. They don't know. They don't know that because of my cruel life, Sarjalim granted my last wish. I knew I was being foolish, but I didn't care. I didn't want my next life to be cursed like mine.
I am Issei, but I am Enju. I am bound to my previous life. I cannot move forward, yet I cannot return to the past.
Shusuran has always been there for us, hasn't she? She's always wiped our tears, made us laugh, smiled at us. Shusuran is Sakura. Sakura is Shusuran. They're the same aren't they?
I shouldn't love Jinpachi. He's the same as Gyokuran, forever dreaming of the Kichess Mokuren. He'll grieve over the lost love, if he ever had her. He'll never change. He'll be handsome, golden, beautiful, engraved in my memory.
Alice is afraid to be Mokuren. She's intimidated by her. She secretly longs to be Mokuren for Rin, but she can't. Jinpachi pushes her to Mokuren. He wants Mokuren so much and Alice can't satisfy his wish. Alice cries because her past life didn't cry enough. Alice cries and cries, sings and sings, and this time, Shion doesn't stop her. He helps hers, holding her tightly almost as if she'll slip away again.
They've all learned from their past mistakes. I haven't. Yet.
One day, we'll all grow up. One day, I'll learn to be able to let go of my past. One day, I can truly love Sakura. One day, I can stop being Enju and start being Issei. One day, I will stop loving Jinpachi.
He'll always be in my heart, a faint remembrance of the impact of the moon life, but it won't be that significant anymore. Maybe, he'll at last disappear from my life, and maybe Enju can finally rest. Maybe the beautiful aching girl called Sakura can finally be happy. Maybe the soul called Issei can finally return to his body.
I'm lost in a swirl of emotions, golden and silver. They curl around me, little nymphs smiling and dancing around me. Their laughter echoes and vibrates into a whisper. They twist around me, whirling faster and faster. A memory finally reaches its destination, an open box waiting for its owner to return. A padlock has waited patiently for more than it has remembered. It sighs as it captures its long lost memory. Jinpachi Ogura fades away, his happy face disappearing into the lock. He's gone forever. Feelings, once they leave, they will never come back.
Bye, Jinpachi.
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