Pointless & Sugar Induced.
Krista and Sara were sitting on the balcony of their co-owned apartment overlooking the bustling harbour of Athens, Greece. Sara inhaled deeply, relishing the smell of the salt carried on the air.
"Mmmm... I could get used to this, the sea, sand and I'm chilling in the AC, Pina Colada in hand, with out a care in the world!" She made a show of nestling deeper into the cream colored leather sofa, recently purchased from no less than The BRICK. Krista laughed at her long time friends pronounced antics.
"Cheers B. I'll drink to that. Say, where is Leo? He's supposed to pick me up at...yikes, 7:00, and its 6:30. What am I gonna wear?"
Leo was Krista's newest fling. As this girl had outdated Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera at least three times over, it was safe to say that she had commitment issues.Hey! Julian, I DO NOT have "commitment issues...no, don't you give me that limpid smile...hey, what did I say? Hmph. You are so dead. Do you hear me? The deadest man in Deadonia! (Crash, Bang, Smack, Clang!!!!) Ouch, yes well, as I was saying (Krista, put that skillet down!) There were issues. Sara got up and wandered into her friends' room.
"Geez Krista, lets see...the little Gucci dress, the little Gucci dress, or the little Gucci dress? He loves it on you, he told me."
"Har har ha- wait a minute, when did you guys talk? He doesn't even know you exist! What the-"
"I met him on my way back from the market last week. I just...didn't mention it."
Krista glared darkly at her friend,
"All right, where'd you put his suitcases?"
Sara rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'm sorry okay?" She turned back to the closet. "So, where's he taking you?"
"Oh, nowhere special...just the um...you know, Gianni's, but anyway yes, so what should I wear?"
Sara whirled around.
"He's taking you where? Gianni's? Lucky bitch!"
Krista stuck her tongue out at Sara. She took out a white halter top and short jean skirt. Stuck shortly on shoes, she decided on sensible. That meant mostly dancing, light contact. It also meant black stilettos.
Then, as Krista was fussing over the curling iron with Sara the doorbell rang. Simultaneously five bodies fell from the ceiling onto Krista's neatly made bed.
"What the hell?" She said, startled.
Slowly and surely, the small group rose to their feet.
"Hey there, Krista." Gandalf said smiling. "Wonderful establishment you've got going here."
"Yeah, well..."
But suddenly, Sara, having heard the racket, walked in.
"Omigosh! Santa! Oh no wait. It's just you Gandalf. Well I'll be going then..."
"Wait right there!" Gandalf snapped. "And for Pete's sake, who is this Santa character. Some damn kid at the Athens Community Mall slammed down my knee, introduced himself and started rambling off a list of demands while we were having A&W's."
"I can vouch." Added Legolas methodically.
"Don't bother." Sara said calmly. "You won't be staying long enough to plead any case."
"Oh and I suppose your just all High and Mighty now right? Ohh, I own a house! Ohh I have a job! Ohh I'm just queen of everything!" Legolas snapped. "Just rub my unemployment in my face why don't you."
"Well here's the thing about that Legolas," Sara replied, still very calm, "in order to be unemployed you have to had some kind of job at some point. You're just useless." She smiled. "In fact, I think it's safe to say that you are a parasite on the economy."
"Um...Would someone remember PLEASE that the doorbell rang?" Krista snapped. "My date is getting cold."
"It's 25 degrees outside for Pete's sake and why on Earth haven't you let him in yet?" Sara asked. "My mistake of the past will be leaving shortly anyway."
Legolas looked ready to throw an equally horrible comment right back, when Aragorn, getting very anxious, stopped him.
Krista was downstairs quickly and she opened the door just as Leo was ringing again.
"There you are! Geez, how long does it take a person...?"
"Relax Leo. Let's go."
"But I..."
"Forget it, later, alright?"
Leo looked puzzled. "Are you part of a Mafia family?"
"Er...yes. Now let's go, quickly. The don's getting anxious."
She ran past Leo to his car.
Leo stared up at the house a last time. "Creepy." He said.
Meanwhile, inside the house, things probably would have been safer if a don was getting anxious inside.
"Well you know what you are?" Legolas was yelling. "You are a controlling, manipulative, self-serving malcontent who actually takes pleasure in the suffering of others!"
"I do not take pleasure in the suffering of others! I happen to be a very nice person. It's just when whiny, conniving rich boys like you waltz in like you're the greatest gift this world's ever seen, demand you get your way, brag endlessly and then, when all your...ahem...hard work screws you over come crying to me and expecting me to pay your bills and your rent and do your laundry, well then I get a little angry."
"Oh yeah! You'd just love everyone here to feel sorry for you. Oh yeah, I'm Sara, I'm such a victim! You had no problem with my being wealthy until the money ran out. You're a total gold-digger!"
"Gold-digger! Yeah right. At least when you were rich you didn't show up at my house in the middle of the night begging me to pay off your gambling debts!"
"I've told you a hundred times: archery competitions are not gambling! I needed money because I tripped over YOUR designer bag, might I add and crushed some guy's bow!"
"Well, you never did look where you were going. You'd think your eyes were in the back of your head. That's why I always had lights on when you came over. I wouldn't want a hospital bill on me too. But then, you could never accomplish anything that would require darkness anyway!"
"I've told you, I hate watching scary movies! They creep me out!"
"Well you could at least turn off the damn VCR, but then, it's never been all scary movies."
"What are you implying?" Legolas said darkly, his voice suddenly dropping a good three octaves.
"Oh, you know exactly what I'm implying. Remember the coat rack incident?"
His eyes went wide. "You swore you'd never mention that again! How could you..."
"Oh keep your shirt on. I already told everyone anyways."
Gimli cracked up just thinking about it.
"Well fine. I don't have to stand here and take this! You are completely malicious! I'm leaving!"
"See ya! Oh, by the way, watch out for coat hangers jumping out at you again. Who knows, maybe this one's out to get you as well!"
He stomped down the stairs, and slammed the door shut.
"Well good going." Gandalf snapped. "Couldn't you two act like adults for five minutes?"
"He started it." Sara said.
"You started it." Gandalf said.
"It's just being in the same room or something. It sets me off."
"He does get very irritating." Added Gimli.
"You guys are so stupid. Why do I even bother?"
Anyways, the rest of that night didn't go too far. They talked about politics for another four and a half minutes and then sat down to The Price is Right. Yeah!! When Krista returned home from Gianni's around two, they were all either fast asleep or watching another mindless game show.
"Hey! Why are they still here?" She asked.
"Don't look at me. I've been saying that for the past three years! Face it, they'll always be here."
"That is such a scary thought it makes me sick." Krista snapped. "Oh, I see Mr. Sunshine left."
"Yeah, he probably had to go have another facial done or something. He's got more beauty products than I do, I'll bet."
"Har har. Seriously, why are they still here? Didn't Gandalf say anything?"
"We talked about Mad Cow Disease for four minutes and watched the Price is Right. That's it.
"Whatever then. Turn the news on. Maybe we can have some sort of intelligence here.
Sara flipped to channel eight for the two-o'clock news. They were just wrapping up a story on the dangers of dwarf tossing.
Then, the news anchorman went on: "This just in, a fight outside a nightclub downtown has resulted in the arrest of one man aged around twenty-five. It started apparently from an argument over... (The anchorman tried not to smile)...which was the best Golden Girl from the TV show Golden Girls. Right, well then, one of those men, this guy right here is now in custody at the 7th precinct downtown."
Sara and Krista laughed.
"What a loser!" Sara said, "Golden Girls? What is wrong with some people?"
"Psycho." Krista said.
But at that very moment, the news flashed a picture: it was Legolas.
"Omigosh." Krista said. "I can't believe it!"
Sara groaned, "of course! I should have known!"
"So he's in jail right now."
"Looks that way."
"He'll need someone to bail him out, or he'll be there all night."
"Yeah. Hmmm. Oh well, I'm going to bed. Later."
"Shouldn't we help him?" Krista said.
"No."
"C'mon."
"No! I can't stand him! I paid to get him out of trouble lots, but this time he's on his own!"
"That's mean."
"No, but you know what would be mean? If we went down to the station to see him, and then didn't bail him out!"
"Maybe..."
"Wait a minute." Sara said smiling. "If I did go bail him out, I'd have something over on him forever! Okay, let's go."
They didn't bother to wake up anyone else, just locked the door and hopped into a cab. They arrived at the precinct about twenty minutes later. After another twenty minutes of fending off unwanted advances from the on-duty jailer, they sat down across the glass from legolas. Krista picked up the phone.
"Golden Girls Legolas?"
He glowered menacingly at her.
"Shut. Up. That guy had no IDEA what he was talking about!"
Sara smirked.
"Yeeahh...and you know soo much more. Alright, we have to get out of here. Now. That guy is looking at me again. How much is your bail anyways?"
Legolas looked down at his hands, almost afraid to tell her.
"Three hundred fifty."
Sara went white.
"WHAT???????? Three hundred-"She took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. But once we are out of here, you're a dead man, do you hear me Legs?"
The next day, or I guess, five hours later, Sara was grumbling about the 350 that she'd lost.
"Ya know Krista, I'm too soft. I'm a pushover! I can't believe I actually agreed to pay for that. He's like those kids at your brothers' school; they NEVER seem to understand that money doesn't grow on trees!!!!!!"
"Meh, you did "the right thing". No worries."
"Yeah, wait till we get audited!"
"Till we get what?"
"Audited? You know...was I the only one paying attention in financial management? I don't believe this."
"Hey, where did Legolas go?"
"Who knows who cares?"
"What's this?" Came Gandalf's voice suddenly.
"We're just talking about Legolas."
"Oh. So what you're trying to say is that Legolas got put in jail last night and Sara had to bail him out and now she's mad at him."
"That's creepy." Sara said. "How do you know all this?"
"I prefer to sleep with one eye open."
"Yuck." Krista said. "Let's forget we ever heard that!"
As the girls were battling unwanted images in their heads, something crashed downstairs. Okay fine...more like shattered.
Then a voice trailed upstairs, "uh oh. They are gonna be so mad at us."
It took like five seconds for the two of them to get downstairs to see Legolas and Gimli standing over a shattered TV. On it as always, the little yellow sticky that said: May 16: Drop off TV at repairman's so it can be traded in and we can get RICH! It was so sad. Krista looked from the red faces of the two guys to the shattered TV and back again. Then again. And once more. Finally, she forced a single word through clenched teeth. "Run."
"What the heck happened here?" Sara screamed at them. "What you just walked right into the TV? In it's closed TV case? In the other room?"
"Well here's the thing..." Legolas began before breaking out into a dead run. "Gimli, run for it!" He yelled behind him.
Gimli followed him, and within a couple of seconds, they heard the door slam.
"Now where did they go?" Sara asked.
"Nowhere that could be less safe than here." Snapped Sara. "Well they'll turn up eventually. When they realize how stupid and useless they are."
"We should go find them. They could get mugged. And dragged back to a warehouse full of black market stuff and..." Krista's voice trailed off dramatically.
"...And maybe then they get a new TV for us." Sara replied, "After they're mugged I mean."
"Shut up. I'm going to bed then. If they show up, fine, if not fine."
"Agreed. Me too."
Several hours later, Sara stumbled out of her room and made her way downstairs. She frowned.
"Uh...why is there sand all over the floor?" Sara asked. "And-omigosh-what happened to my house? It's like a tent now!"
She looked around at their new surroundings.
"Why does this look familiar to me?" Sara muttered. Turning around, she spied the door to the tent. "Wherever I am- there's the ocean! Yay, maybe we can use this trip to tan! On second thought, tanning might be a bad idea, as there are arrows flying EVERYWHERE! Okay, we're definitely not in Kansas anymore!" Sara said. "Then where am I? And where's Krista? Um...okay, it's sandy, there's an ocean, and people are shooting arrows at each other. That guy's wearing armour and carrying a sword...so...yeah I still have no idea. Maybe we're in one of those re-enactment things, like they do with the Civil War." But just then, she was interrupted by the arrival of a...well, whatever. He was over six feet tall, had blonde shoulder-length hair and wearing armour and a very short toga.
Krista was first aware of voices. Strange, that they were speaking in a language she didn't understand...oh, no wait, that English...yeah, it was a long day. Slowly she opened up her eyes, and was instantly blinded by the sun. Wait...the sun? In her bedroom? Wow, those sleeping pills really did strange things to the brain, maybe she should lay off them for a while. 'Ouch. Dammit, that's gonna be one hell of a migraine. Struggling to get up, she cleared her head of any remaining sleep. Looking around she was not exactly surprised to find not her room, but a stone floor. Here we go again she thought wryly. She got to her feet and began to readjust her hair. "Stupid Ponytail, why can't it just slide? That's the biggest knot I've ever seen. OW!" Only then was she aware of the presence of other people in the room. Slightly disturbed, an older man stepped forward. He surveyed her with a regal air, and walked a circle around her, taking in every aspect of her appearance. "Hey! Geez. What were you a vulture in another life or something? Quit that!" He resumed his regal air and looked down his nose at her. "I am Priam, I rule over all of Troy. May I inquire as to who you are, and why you look like some sort of clown?" Krista narrowed her eyes dangerously. "The last person I met who called me a clown when I was wearing Dolce and Gabbanna, ended up in the hospital with a fractured skull, two black eyes, and missing teeth. Now, what was that about my dress?" The second man stepped forward. "Father, she is obviously confused. I'll take her to Andromache, she'll know what to do with this girl, and perhaps we can find another living for her, other than as a prostitute." At this last comment, Krista went very still. "Excuse me? What did you call me? I must've hit my head harder than I thought, because I could have sworn you just called me a whore!" The young man shifted uncomfortably under her piercing glare. "Ah...well...it's just that uh...only...uh courtesans...cut their hair short and dye it yellow...no offence meant of course..." He quailed as she stared at him. "For your information," She gritted through clenched teeth, "My hair is naturally this color, and this is NOT short. And I'll thank you to keep anymore of your uniformed opinions to yourself thanks."
The younger person looked shocked, then angry. "Father! She just snapped at me! Make her stop!"
"Oh stop whining ya little brat." The king replied sharply. "Now," he said walking back to Krista, "tell me stranger, who are you and where are you from?"
"That's none of your damn business!"
"I'm beginning to think that she might be a spy from Greece. Perhaps we should arrest her now." Said one of the other pretentious people standing in the room.
Krista got up quickly, figuring this wasn't the time for pride, "uh...no...no! I'm not a spy! I swear! I'm from...wait a minute...did you say Greece?"
"Of course," answered Priam. "You know, the country WE ARE AT WAR WITH! You've heard of it, I'm sure." He added with a hint of sarcasm.
Krista narrowed her eyes and silently counted to ten. "Sarcasm accomplishes nothing Priam." Then it hit her. Greece was at war with somebody. The country she lived in was currently at war with somebody. I should really have picked up a newspaper this week, she thought. How did I miss this completely?
"Well," snapped Priam, "we're waiting. Who are you? You have thirty seconds to explain yourself or you will be arrested."
Krista thought fast, if she said she was from Greece, she'd be in major trouble. "I'm Krista Schafer, from...uh...Canada."
"Where is this Can-a-da?" He said.
She narrowed her eyes. "Canada. You know, beavers...hockey...Tim Hortons? Is any of this ringing a bell? North American country, founded in 1867? International peacekeepers?"
Their ears perked up at the word peacekeepers.
"Peacekeepers, eh?" Said Priam. "What is your business in Troy, then?"
"Well, obviously, there's some...uh...and a lot of...welll...wait, did you say Troy?"
"Yes, Troy."
"Troy."
"Yes Troy."
"Troy."
"Yeeeeeeessss! Do you want it writing or something for crying out loud? Troy! The empire of Troy! We're only the greatest empire ever thank you very much."
"Troy."
"Aaaaaargh! Alright, you can stay, just go...get something to eat...rest...just don't bother me anymore!" Priam stormed out of the room mumbling to himself. Just as he was about to clear the door way, the girl called after him; "ROME"S BIGGER!"
Meanwhile...
Sara's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Oh. My. God. He's hott. The man drew his sword and shoved it under her nose. "Alright Trojan spy. Whatever you've been sent here to do, whatever you've seen- dies with you now! I will not have spies in my camp. Especially a woman!"
Sara, surprised, looked down and realized she was leaning over a table with a few maps and attack plans. Hmmmm, she thought, that could look sorta bad.
"Uh...here's the thing..." She stood taller and felt more confident as she realized that they were off on some other adventure. (She's gonna kick Elrond's a$$ when they get home) "I'm gonna ignore that last comment because I realize this could look kinda bad. But I swear, I'm not a Trojan spy, I don't even know what I'm doing here or where I am!" Wait a minute...did he say Trojan...Trojan...Troy! Omigosh, Troy! Thankfully both her and Krista and forced against there will to take a class on Grecian literature (hurl) and thus read The Iliad. "Well this just plain sucks." She said out loud.
The hot blonde guy was getting pretty mad. He drew his sword and said in a demanding voice, "I swear female or not I'll kill you if you try anything!"
"Oh whatever." Sara snapped. "You can be mad all you want, but it won't stop me from doing anything. I'm here and there's nothing either of us can do to change it." She started to sit down in the chair beside the table.
"So this is Troy right?" She asked.
Krista and Sara were sitting on the balcony of their co-owned apartment overlooking the bustling harbour of Athens, Greece. Sara inhaled deeply, relishing the smell of the salt carried on the air.
"Mmmm... I could get used to this, the sea, sand and I'm chilling in the AC, Pina Colada in hand, with out a care in the world!" She made a show of nestling deeper into the cream colored leather sofa, recently purchased from no less than The BRICK. Krista laughed at her long time friends pronounced antics.
"Cheers B. I'll drink to that. Say, where is Leo? He's supposed to pick me up at...yikes, 7:00, and its 6:30. What am I gonna wear?"
Leo was Krista's newest fling. As this girl had outdated Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera at least three times over, it was safe to say that she had commitment issues.Hey! Julian, I DO NOT have "commitment issues...no, don't you give me that limpid smile...hey, what did I say? Hmph. You are so dead. Do you hear me? The deadest man in Deadonia! (Crash, Bang, Smack, Clang!!!!) Ouch, yes well, as I was saying (Krista, put that skillet down!) There were issues. Sara got up and wandered into her friends' room.
"Geez Krista, lets see...the little Gucci dress, the little Gucci dress, or the little Gucci dress? He loves it on you, he told me."
"Har har ha- wait a minute, when did you guys talk? He doesn't even know you exist! What the-"
"I met him on my way back from the market last week. I just...didn't mention it."
Krista glared darkly at her friend,
"All right, where'd you put his suitcases?"
Sara rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'm sorry okay?" She turned back to the closet. "So, where's he taking you?"
"Oh, nowhere special...just the um...you know, Gianni's, but anyway yes, so what should I wear?"
Sara whirled around.
"He's taking you where? Gianni's? Lucky bitch!"
Krista stuck her tongue out at Sara. She took out a white halter top and short jean skirt. Stuck shortly on shoes, she decided on sensible. That meant mostly dancing, light contact. It also meant black stilettos.
Then, as Krista was fussing over the curling iron with Sara the doorbell rang. Simultaneously five bodies fell from the ceiling onto Krista's neatly made bed.
"What the hell?" She said, startled.
Slowly and surely, the small group rose to their feet.
"Hey there, Krista." Gandalf said smiling. "Wonderful establishment you've got going here."
"Yeah, well..."
But suddenly, Sara, having heard the racket, walked in.
"Omigosh! Santa! Oh no wait. It's just you Gandalf. Well I'll be going then..."
"Wait right there!" Gandalf snapped. "And for Pete's sake, who is this Santa character. Some damn kid at the Athens Community Mall slammed down my knee, introduced himself and started rambling off a list of demands while we were having A&W's."
"I can vouch." Added Legolas methodically.
"Don't bother." Sara said calmly. "You won't be staying long enough to plead any case."
"Oh and I suppose your just all High and Mighty now right? Ohh, I own a house! Ohh I have a job! Ohh I'm just queen of everything!" Legolas snapped. "Just rub my unemployment in my face why don't you."
"Well here's the thing about that Legolas," Sara replied, still very calm, "in order to be unemployed you have to had some kind of job at some point. You're just useless." She smiled. "In fact, I think it's safe to say that you are a parasite on the economy."
"Um...Would someone remember PLEASE that the doorbell rang?" Krista snapped. "My date is getting cold."
"It's 25 degrees outside for Pete's sake and why on Earth haven't you let him in yet?" Sara asked. "My mistake of the past will be leaving shortly anyway."
Legolas looked ready to throw an equally horrible comment right back, when Aragorn, getting very anxious, stopped him.
Krista was downstairs quickly and she opened the door just as Leo was ringing again.
"There you are! Geez, how long does it take a person...?"
"Relax Leo. Let's go."
"But I..."
"Forget it, later, alright?"
Leo looked puzzled. "Are you part of a Mafia family?"
"Er...yes. Now let's go, quickly. The don's getting anxious."
She ran past Leo to his car.
Leo stared up at the house a last time. "Creepy." He said.
Meanwhile, inside the house, things probably would have been safer if a don was getting anxious inside.
"Well you know what you are?" Legolas was yelling. "You are a controlling, manipulative, self-serving malcontent who actually takes pleasure in the suffering of others!"
"I do not take pleasure in the suffering of others! I happen to be a very nice person. It's just when whiny, conniving rich boys like you waltz in like you're the greatest gift this world's ever seen, demand you get your way, brag endlessly and then, when all your...ahem...hard work screws you over come crying to me and expecting me to pay your bills and your rent and do your laundry, well then I get a little angry."
"Oh yeah! You'd just love everyone here to feel sorry for you. Oh yeah, I'm Sara, I'm such a victim! You had no problem with my being wealthy until the money ran out. You're a total gold-digger!"
"Gold-digger! Yeah right. At least when you were rich you didn't show up at my house in the middle of the night begging me to pay off your gambling debts!"
"I've told you a hundred times: archery competitions are not gambling! I needed money because I tripped over YOUR designer bag, might I add and crushed some guy's bow!"
"Well, you never did look where you were going. You'd think your eyes were in the back of your head. That's why I always had lights on when you came over. I wouldn't want a hospital bill on me too. But then, you could never accomplish anything that would require darkness anyway!"
"I've told you, I hate watching scary movies! They creep me out!"
"Well you could at least turn off the damn VCR, but then, it's never been all scary movies."
"What are you implying?" Legolas said darkly, his voice suddenly dropping a good three octaves.
"Oh, you know exactly what I'm implying. Remember the coat rack incident?"
His eyes went wide. "You swore you'd never mention that again! How could you..."
"Oh keep your shirt on. I already told everyone anyways."
Gimli cracked up just thinking about it.
"Well fine. I don't have to stand here and take this! You are completely malicious! I'm leaving!"
"See ya! Oh, by the way, watch out for coat hangers jumping out at you again. Who knows, maybe this one's out to get you as well!"
He stomped down the stairs, and slammed the door shut.
"Well good going." Gandalf snapped. "Couldn't you two act like adults for five minutes?"
"He started it." Sara said.
"You started it." Gandalf said.
"It's just being in the same room or something. It sets me off."
"He does get very irritating." Added Gimli.
"You guys are so stupid. Why do I even bother?"
Anyways, the rest of that night didn't go too far. They talked about politics for another four and a half minutes and then sat down to The Price is Right. Yeah!! When Krista returned home from Gianni's around two, they were all either fast asleep or watching another mindless game show.
"Hey! Why are they still here?" She asked.
"Don't look at me. I've been saying that for the past three years! Face it, they'll always be here."
"That is such a scary thought it makes me sick." Krista snapped. "Oh, I see Mr. Sunshine left."
"Yeah, he probably had to go have another facial done or something. He's got more beauty products than I do, I'll bet."
"Har har. Seriously, why are they still here? Didn't Gandalf say anything?"
"We talked about Mad Cow Disease for four minutes and watched the Price is Right. That's it.
"Whatever then. Turn the news on. Maybe we can have some sort of intelligence here.
Sara flipped to channel eight for the two-o'clock news. They were just wrapping up a story on the dangers of dwarf tossing.
Then, the news anchorman went on: "This just in, a fight outside a nightclub downtown has resulted in the arrest of one man aged around twenty-five. It started apparently from an argument over... (The anchorman tried not to smile)...which was the best Golden Girl from the TV show Golden Girls. Right, well then, one of those men, this guy right here is now in custody at the 7th precinct downtown."
Sara and Krista laughed.
"What a loser!" Sara said, "Golden Girls? What is wrong with some people?"
"Psycho." Krista said.
But at that very moment, the news flashed a picture: it was Legolas.
"Omigosh." Krista said. "I can't believe it!"
Sara groaned, "of course! I should have known!"
"So he's in jail right now."
"Looks that way."
"He'll need someone to bail him out, or he'll be there all night."
"Yeah. Hmmm. Oh well, I'm going to bed. Later."
"Shouldn't we help him?" Krista said.
"No."
"C'mon."
"No! I can't stand him! I paid to get him out of trouble lots, but this time he's on his own!"
"That's mean."
"No, but you know what would be mean? If we went down to the station to see him, and then didn't bail him out!"
"Maybe..."
"Wait a minute." Sara said smiling. "If I did go bail him out, I'd have something over on him forever! Okay, let's go."
They didn't bother to wake up anyone else, just locked the door and hopped into a cab. They arrived at the precinct about twenty minutes later. After another twenty minutes of fending off unwanted advances from the on-duty jailer, they sat down across the glass from legolas. Krista picked up the phone.
"Golden Girls Legolas?"
He glowered menacingly at her.
"Shut. Up. That guy had no IDEA what he was talking about!"
Sara smirked.
"Yeeahh...and you know soo much more. Alright, we have to get out of here. Now. That guy is looking at me again. How much is your bail anyways?"
Legolas looked down at his hands, almost afraid to tell her.
"Three hundred fifty."
Sara went white.
"WHAT???????? Three hundred-"She took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. But once we are out of here, you're a dead man, do you hear me Legs?"
The next day, or I guess, five hours later, Sara was grumbling about the 350 that she'd lost.
"Ya know Krista, I'm too soft. I'm a pushover! I can't believe I actually agreed to pay for that. He's like those kids at your brothers' school; they NEVER seem to understand that money doesn't grow on trees!!!!!!"
"Meh, you did "the right thing". No worries."
"Yeah, wait till we get audited!"
"Till we get what?"
"Audited? You know...was I the only one paying attention in financial management? I don't believe this."
"Hey, where did Legolas go?"
"Who knows who cares?"
"What's this?" Came Gandalf's voice suddenly.
"We're just talking about Legolas."
"Oh. So what you're trying to say is that Legolas got put in jail last night and Sara had to bail him out and now she's mad at him."
"That's creepy." Sara said. "How do you know all this?"
"I prefer to sleep with one eye open."
"Yuck." Krista said. "Let's forget we ever heard that!"
As the girls were battling unwanted images in their heads, something crashed downstairs. Okay fine...more like shattered.
Then a voice trailed upstairs, "uh oh. They are gonna be so mad at us."
It took like five seconds for the two of them to get downstairs to see Legolas and Gimli standing over a shattered TV. On it as always, the little yellow sticky that said: May 16: Drop off TV at repairman's so it can be traded in and we can get RICH! It was so sad. Krista looked from the red faces of the two guys to the shattered TV and back again. Then again. And once more. Finally, she forced a single word through clenched teeth. "Run."
"What the heck happened here?" Sara screamed at them. "What you just walked right into the TV? In it's closed TV case? In the other room?"
"Well here's the thing..." Legolas began before breaking out into a dead run. "Gimli, run for it!" He yelled behind him.
Gimli followed him, and within a couple of seconds, they heard the door slam.
"Now where did they go?" Sara asked.
"Nowhere that could be less safe than here." Snapped Sara. "Well they'll turn up eventually. When they realize how stupid and useless they are."
"We should go find them. They could get mugged. And dragged back to a warehouse full of black market stuff and..." Krista's voice trailed off dramatically.
"...And maybe then they get a new TV for us." Sara replied, "After they're mugged I mean."
"Shut up. I'm going to bed then. If they show up, fine, if not fine."
"Agreed. Me too."
Several hours later, Sara stumbled out of her room and made her way downstairs. She frowned.
"Uh...why is there sand all over the floor?" Sara asked. "And-omigosh-what happened to my house? It's like a tent now!"
She looked around at their new surroundings.
"Why does this look familiar to me?" Sara muttered. Turning around, she spied the door to the tent. "Wherever I am- there's the ocean! Yay, maybe we can use this trip to tan! On second thought, tanning might be a bad idea, as there are arrows flying EVERYWHERE! Okay, we're definitely not in Kansas anymore!" Sara said. "Then where am I? And where's Krista? Um...okay, it's sandy, there's an ocean, and people are shooting arrows at each other. That guy's wearing armour and carrying a sword...so...yeah I still have no idea. Maybe we're in one of those re-enactment things, like they do with the Civil War." But just then, she was interrupted by the arrival of a...well, whatever. He was over six feet tall, had blonde shoulder-length hair and wearing armour and a very short toga.
Krista was first aware of voices. Strange, that they were speaking in a language she didn't understand...oh, no wait, that English...yeah, it was a long day. Slowly she opened up her eyes, and was instantly blinded by the sun. Wait...the sun? In her bedroom? Wow, those sleeping pills really did strange things to the brain, maybe she should lay off them for a while. 'Ouch. Dammit, that's gonna be one hell of a migraine. Struggling to get up, she cleared her head of any remaining sleep. Looking around she was not exactly surprised to find not her room, but a stone floor. Here we go again she thought wryly. She got to her feet and began to readjust her hair. "Stupid Ponytail, why can't it just slide? That's the biggest knot I've ever seen. OW!" Only then was she aware of the presence of other people in the room. Slightly disturbed, an older man stepped forward. He surveyed her with a regal air, and walked a circle around her, taking in every aspect of her appearance. "Hey! Geez. What were you a vulture in another life or something? Quit that!" He resumed his regal air and looked down his nose at her. "I am Priam, I rule over all of Troy. May I inquire as to who you are, and why you look like some sort of clown?" Krista narrowed her eyes dangerously. "The last person I met who called me a clown when I was wearing Dolce and Gabbanna, ended up in the hospital with a fractured skull, two black eyes, and missing teeth. Now, what was that about my dress?" The second man stepped forward. "Father, she is obviously confused. I'll take her to Andromache, she'll know what to do with this girl, and perhaps we can find another living for her, other than as a prostitute." At this last comment, Krista went very still. "Excuse me? What did you call me? I must've hit my head harder than I thought, because I could have sworn you just called me a whore!" The young man shifted uncomfortably under her piercing glare. "Ah...well...it's just that uh...only...uh courtesans...cut their hair short and dye it yellow...no offence meant of course..." He quailed as she stared at him. "For your information," She gritted through clenched teeth, "My hair is naturally this color, and this is NOT short. And I'll thank you to keep anymore of your uniformed opinions to yourself thanks."
The younger person looked shocked, then angry. "Father! She just snapped at me! Make her stop!"
"Oh stop whining ya little brat." The king replied sharply. "Now," he said walking back to Krista, "tell me stranger, who are you and where are you from?"
"That's none of your damn business!"
"I'm beginning to think that she might be a spy from Greece. Perhaps we should arrest her now." Said one of the other pretentious people standing in the room.
Krista got up quickly, figuring this wasn't the time for pride, "uh...no...no! I'm not a spy! I swear! I'm from...wait a minute...did you say Greece?"
"Of course," answered Priam. "You know, the country WE ARE AT WAR WITH! You've heard of it, I'm sure." He added with a hint of sarcasm.
Krista narrowed her eyes and silently counted to ten. "Sarcasm accomplishes nothing Priam." Then it hit her. Greece was at war with somebody. The country she lived in was currently at war with somebody. I should really have picked up a newspaper this week, she thought. How did I miss this completely?
"Well," snapped Priam, "we're waiting. Who are you? You have thirty seconds to explain yourself or you will be arrested."
Krista thought fast, if she said she was from Greece, she'd be in major trouble. "I'm Krista Schafer, from...uh...Canada."
"Where is this Can-a-da?" He said.
She narrowed her eyes. "Canada. You know, beavers...hockey...Tim Hortons? Is any of this ringing a bell? North American country, founded in 1867? International peacekeepers?"
Their ears perked up at the word peacekeepers.
"Peacekeepers, eh?" Said Priam. "What is your business in Troy, then?"
"Well, obviously, there's some...uh...and a lot of...welll...wait, did you say Troy?"
"Yes, Troy."
"Troy."
"Yes Troy."
"Troy."
"Yeeeeeeessss! Do you want it writing or something for crying out loud? Troy! The empire of Troy! We're only the greatest empire ever thank you very much."
"Troy."
"Aaaaaargh! Alright, you can stay, just go...get something to eat...rest...just don't bother me anymore!" Priam stormed out of the room mumbling to himself. Just as he was about to clear the door way, the girl called after him; "ROME"S BIGGER!"
Meanwhile...
Sara's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Oh. My. God. He's hott. The man drew his sword and shoved it under her nose. "Alright Trojan spy. Whatever you've been sent here to do, whatever you've seen- dies with you now! I will not have spies in my camp. Especially a woman!"
Sara, surprised, looked down and realized she was leaning over a table with a few maps and attack plans. Hmmmm, she thought, that could look sorta bad.
"Uh...here's the thing..." She stood taller and felt more confident as she realized that they were off on some other adventure. (She's gonna kick Elrond's a$$ when they get home) "I'm gonna ignore that last comment because I realize this could look kinda bad. But I swear, I'm not a Trojan spy, I don't even know what I'm doing here or where I am!" Wait a minute...did he say Trojan...Trojan...Troy! Omigosh, Troy! Thankfully both her and Krista and forced against there will to take a class on Grecian literature (hurl) and thus read The Iliad. "Well this just plain sucks." She said out loud.
The hot blonde guy was getting pretty mad. He drew his sword and said in a demanding voice, "I swear female or not I'll kill you if you try anything!"
"Oh whatever." Sara snapped. "You can be mad all you want, but it won't stop me from doing anything. I'm here and there's nothing either of us can do to change it." She started to sit down in the chair beside the table.
"So this is Troy right?" She asked.