Title: The Arts As We See It
Author: Ivory Tower
Dislcaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all things good in Harry Potter
Lucius walked in on Narcissa as she was sorting through her evening gowns.
"Have you found a fourth person, yet," he asked his wife.
"Well, yes and no."
Lucius felt his temper rise a notch. Here it was, the day of that silly ballet Narcissa had begged him to take her to see, and she couldn't even give him a straight answer. Draco, sensing an argument, stood in the doorway of his parents' bedroom.
"If you can't find a fourth person, do I still have to go?"
"Yes," hissed Narcissa. "I want you to have a thorough education in the arts."
Lucius lit up a cigarette. "Then let us take him to a museum, instead."
Narcissa frowned at her son and husband until Draco slunk off, and Lucius decided to be a bit nicer.
"Who did you find," he asked, fervently hoping it was not his mother-in-law.
Narcissa eliminated another gown from the remaining seven. "Why don't you invite Severus?"
Lucius began to laugh and choked on cigarette smoke. "Narcissa, do you honestly think that Severus will want to waste an evening watching ballet?"
"He is your friend. You should do something nice for him."
"I am trying, but you seem determined to make me do otherwise."
Narcissa glared at her husband. "We need a fourth person!"
"Has it ever ocurred to you that Severus may have other plans?"
"I don't care! I want to see that show, and we need four people!" Narcissa's eyes gleamed ferociously, as they always did when preparing to fight to have her own way. "That man never leaves his house unless it's to go and get some horrid thing for one of those potions of his."
Lucius took a deep drag off his cigarette. If he had to suffer an evening of froofy nonsense, he would at least have company. Besides, it would be highly amusing to see Severus' expressions throughout the program.
"I'll owl him express," assented Lucius, and left Narcissa to ponder over her various evening gowns.
Snape frowned as he Apparated to the theatre. He hated large places filled with people. Come to think of it, he wasn't entirely too fond of nonsensical shows either. Lucius was Snape's friend, and the letter he'd owled had been rather urgent. Snape knew Narcissa quite well, which meant that Lucius would catch seven different shades of hell if his wife did not get to attend the show. They had reserved four seats, and needed four people to gain access to the event. Appearently, it was a very popular show. Knowing Narcissa, it was a fripperish romance, thought Snape with a grimace.
After scanning the crowd, Severus located a brigade of blonds which his eyes soon confirmed to be the Malfoy family. Joining them, he noticed that Draco looked bored out of his mind, and rather sulky. His expression changed into one of shock when he saw the Potions Master approach. Lucius brightened.
"Severus, glad you could make it."
"Do they serve liquor at this event," responded Snape grumpily.
"Don't be silly," said Narcissa.
Snape tried not to leer at Narcissa's tight red evening gown. He almost asked her how she'd managed to fit into so tight a dress. Obviously, she was waiting for him to compliment her beauty. With a restrained sigh, Snape tried not to sound like an overly-charismatic ass kisser when he told Narcissa she looked lovely.
"And so does Lucius," he added, monotone.
Narcissa let out a laugh. Lucius threatened to cane Severus for that one. Draco gave his professor a strange look. Snape never made jokes at school.
All too quickly they filed into the theatre, took their seats, and waited for the show to begin. When the lights dimmed and the first ballerina danced onto the stage, Snape rounded on Lucius like a rattle on a muskrat.
"You did not inform me that this was to be *ballet*!"
"Slipped my mind," replied Lucius in a bored tone.
Draco looked a tad nauseated when male dancers joined the female dancers.
"Those tights leave nothing to the imagination," commented Lucius. Leaning towards Narcissa, he whispered, "Is that the reason you were so determined to come?"
"Shhh," hissed Narcissa harshly.
"Lucius, you are exposing your son to perversion. Men in pink tights with bulging genitals," remarked Snape.
Both Draco and Lucius snickered. Narcissa gave the three a cold look. Snape leaned back and blew his hair out of his face. Lucius rested a finger beneath his bottom lip.
"They need to jump higher. Perhaps if I shoved my cane up their asses..."
Draco snickered into his hand. Snape smirked, trying very hard not to lose his composure. Narcissa discreetly kicked her husband.
"I give up. Why is he dancing around the women with a bow and arrow," Snape wanted to know.
"He's trying to demonstrate his manliness, I suppose," offered Lucius
"Well, he has failed."
"He's Cupid, you two idiots! Now be quiet!"
Snape, Draco, and Lucius smirked and were quiet until the next act.
"Do any of these dancers ever split their tights in the back," inquired Lucius. Narcissa slapped his hand.
"Why do they even bother wearing tights? You can measure their ass cracks with perfect precision from here, even. They might as well twirl about naked."
"Nude ballet. Severus, you amaze me."
"Shut up, both of you! Lucius, you're a bad influence on your son!"
"I beg to differ, dear. I am not the one leaping about in sequined white tights."
"Why are you staring so intently at the men," asked Snape.
"These women are too thin and flat-chested for my tastes. Besides, it's getting difficult to tell the difference."
"Well, if you get too confused just look at their crotches."
"Severus!" Narcissa was shocked. Draco was hitting the side of his chair he was laughing so hard. Narcissa give him a harsh look until he quieted down.
They watched the show in silence until one of the male dancers picked up a female and spun around with her. Snape flattened himself against his seat.
"Is his hand where I think it is?"
Lucius studied the complex dance move at length. "Yes, one of his hands is propped between her legs."
Snape looked over at Draco. "Under normal circumstances the woman would never allow a man she'd just met to touch her there."
Lucius smirked. "This is a very dirty ballet." Narcissa buried her face in her hands.
When the intermission was announced, Lucius and Snape raced outside to light cigarettes.
"How much longer is this going to last," Snape demanded.
Lucius shrugged, and suddenly looked a tad sheepish. Narcissa marched towards them with a wrathful expression. Draco silently tailed her, giving his father a look that said "you're really going to catch it".
Glaring at her husband, Narcissa informed him that he was an immature embarassment to her and the Malfoy name. After this evening she wouldn't be able to hold up her head for a month! Also, Lucius was a disgraceful father with an utter lack of respect for his wife.
"I would hit you, but you've already made enough of a spectacle for one evening, Lucius Malfoy!" Narcissa then rounded on Snape, stamped on his foot, and called him a greasy, introverted pervert who wouldn't recognize good taste if it bit him on his ugly, hooked nose. Narcissa then seized Draco's hand and stomped back inside. Draco knew better than to protest, and fervently hoped none of his schoolmates were around. Lucius and Snape exchanged looks.
"I guess we've upset her," said Snape.
"She's always high strung. She'll get over it," said Lucius, though he didn't sound very confident.
"No more sexual jokes."
"No more comments about tights."
"Agreed."
They were just in time for the next scene. Apparently, the lady and her lover were in a garden setting, basking in the romantic blissfulness of life. A subdued Lucius and Snape watched with remote interest when, quite abruptly, a naked man tore across the stage. It was so sudden that at first no one caught it. Then, the realization that it had indeed happened kicked in. Lucius and Snape exchanged glances to confirm to each other that they were not crazy, then they looked back at the stage. Simultaneously, Lucius, Snape, and Draco realized that the naked man was *not* part of the act.
Draco was sprawled in his chair, helpless with laughter. When Snape overheard an elderly witch exclaim "Merciful Merlin!" he, too, became overcome with laughter. Lucius laughed a deep and throaty laugh that Narcissa hadn't heard in years. She regarded her husband, surprised, then she, too, began to titter.
When the show finally ended, Severus thanked the Malfoys for a most amusing evening. Before Disapparating, Snape took Draco aside.
"Mr. Malfoy-Draco-I would appreciate it if you would not tell anyone at Hogwarts that I attended a ballet."
"I won't say anything if you won't," replied Draco.
Snape smiled a rueful smile, nodded, and held out his hand. "Agreed."
They shook hands, and turned to go their separate ways when none other than Professor Albus Dumbledore walked up to them.
"A most entertaining show, wouldn't you gentlemen agree," he said, blue eyes twinkling.
~FIN~
Author: Ivory Tower
Dislcaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all things good in Harry Potter
Lucius walked in on Narcissa as she was sorting through her evening gowns.
"Have you found a fourth person, yet," he asked his wife.
"Well, yes and no."
Lucius felt his temper rise a notch. Here it was, the day of that silly ballet Narcissa had begged him to take her to see, and she couldn't even give him a straight answer. Draco, sensing an argument, stood in the doorway of his parents' bedroom.
"If you can't find a fourth person, do I still have to go?"
"Yes," hissed Narcissa. "I want you to have a thorough education in the arts."
Lucius lit up a cigarette. "Then let us take him to a museum, instead."
Narcissa frowned at her son and husband until Draco slunk off, and Lucius decided to be a bit nicer.
"Who did you find," he asked, fervently hoping it was not his mother-in-law.
Narcissa eliminated another gown from the remaining seven. "Why don't you invite Severus?"
Lucius began to laugh and choked on cigarette smoke. "Narcissa, do you honestly think that Severus will want to waste an evening watching ballet?"
"He is your friend. You should do something nice for him."
"I am trying, but you seem determined to make me do otherwise."
Narcissa glared at her husband. "We need a fourth person!"
"Has it ever ocurred to you that Severus may have other plans?"
"I don't care! I want to see that show, and we need four people!" Narcissa's eyes gleamed ferociously, as they always did when preparing to fight to have her own way. "That man never leaves his house unless it's to go and get some horrid thing for one of those potions of his."
Lucius took a deep drag off his cigarette. If he had to suffer an evening of froofy nonsense, he would at least have company. Besides, it would be highly amusing to see Severus' expressions throughout the program.
"I'll owl him express," assented Lucius, and left Narcissa to ponder over her various evening gowns.
Snape frowned as he Apparated to the theatre. He hated large places filled with people. Come to think of it, he wasn't entirely too fond of nonsensical shows either. Lucius was Snape's friend, and the letter he'd owled had been rather urgent. Snape knew Narcissa quite well, which meant that Lucius would catch seven different shades of hell if his wife did not get to attend the show. They had reserved four seats, and needed four people to gain access to the event. Appearently, it was a very popular show. Knowing Narcissa, it was a fripperish romance, thought Snape with a grimace.
After scanning the crowd, Severus located a brigade of blonds which his eyes soon confirmed to be the Malfoy family. Joining them, he noticed that Draco looked bored out of his mind, and rather sulky. His expression changed into one of shock when he saw the Potions Master approach. Lucius brightened.
"Severus, glad you could make it."
"Do they serve liquor at this event," responded Snape grumpily.
"Don't be silly," said Narcissa.
Snape tried not to leer at Narcissa's tight red evening gown. He almost asked her how she'd managed to fit into so tight a dress. Obviously, she was waiting for him to compliment her beauty. With a restrained sigh, Snape tried not to sound like an overly-charismatic ass kisser when he told Narcissa she looked lovely.
"And so does Lucius," he added, monotone.
Narcissa let out a laugh. Lucius threatened to cane Severus for that one. Draco gave his professor a strange look. Snape never made jokes at school.
All too quickly they filed into the theatre, took their seats, and waited for the show to begin. When the lights dimmed and the first ballerina danced onto the stage, Snape rounded on Lucius like a rattle on a muskrat.
"You did not inform me that this was to be *ballet*!"
"Slipped my mind," replied Lucius in a bored tone.
Draco looked a tad nauseated when male dancers joined the female dancers.
"Those tights leave nothing to the imagination," commented Lucius. Leaning towards Narcissa, he whispered, "Is that the reason you were so determined to come?"
"Shhh," hissed Narcissa harshly.
"Lucius, you are exposing your son to perversion. Men in pink tights with bulging genitals," remarked Snape.
Both Draco and Lucius snickered. Narcissa gave the three a cold look. Snape leaned back and blew his hair out of his face. Lucius rested a finger beneath his bottom lip.
"They need to jump higher. Perhaps if I shoved my cane up their asses..."
Draco snickered into his hand. Snape smirked, trying very hard not to lose his composure. Narcissa discreetly kicked her husband.
"I give up. Why is he dancing around the women with a bow and arrow," Snape wanted to know.
"He's trying to demonstrate his manliness, I suppose," offered Lucius
"Well, he has failed."
"He's Cupid, you two idiots! Now be quiet!"
Snape, Draco, and Lucius smirked and were quiet until the next act.
"Do any of these dancers ever split their tights in the back," inquired Lucius. Narcissa slapped his hand.
"Why do they even bother wearing tights? You can measure their ass cracks with perfect precision from here, even. They might as well twirl about naked."
"Nude ballet. Severus, you amaze me."
"Shut up, both of you! Lucius, you're a bad influence on your son!"
"I beg to differ, dear. I am not the one leaping about in sequined white tights."
"Why are you staring so intently at the men," asked Snape.
"These women are too thin and flat-chested for my tastes. Besides, it's getting difficult to tell the difference."
"Well, if you get too confused just look at their crotches."
"Severus!" Narcissa was shocked. Draco was hitting the side of his chair he was laughing so hard. Narcissa give him a harsh look until he quieted down.
They watched the show in silence until one of the male dancers picked up a female and spun around with her. Snape flattened himself against his seat.
"Is his hand where I think it is?"
Lucius studied the complex dance move at length. "Yes, one of his hands is propped between her legs."
Snape looked over at Draco. "Under normal circumstances the woman would never allow a man she'd just met to touch her there."
Lucius smirked. "This is a very dirty ballet." Narcissa buried her face in her hands.
When the intermission was announced, Lucius and Snape raced outside to light cigarettes.
"How much longer is this going to last," Snape demanded.
Lucius shrugged, and suddenly looked a tad sheepish. Narcissa marched towards them with a wrathful expression. Draco silently tailed her, giving his father a look that said "you're really going to catch it".
Glaring at her husband, Narcissa informed him that he was an immature embarassment to her and the Malfoy name. After this evening she wouldn't be able to hold up her head for a month! Also, Lucius was a disgraceful father with an utter lack of respect for his wife.
"I would hit you, but you've already made enough of a spectacle for one evening, Lucius Malfoy!" Narcissa then rounded on Snape, stamped on his foot, and called him a greasy, introverted pervert who wouldn't recognize good taste if it bit him on his ugly, hooked nose. Narcissa then seized Draco's hand and stomped back inside. Draco knew better than to protest, and fervently hoped none of his schoolmates were around. Lucius and Snape exchanged looks.
"I guess we've upset her," said Snape.
"She's always high strung. She'll get over it," said Lucius, though he didn't sound very confident.
"No more sexual jokes."
"No more comments about tights."
"Agreed."
They were just in time for the next scene. Apparently, the lady and her lover were in a garden setting, basking in the romantic blissfulness of life. A subdued Lucius and Snape watched with remote interest when, quite abruptly, a naked man tore across the stage. It was so sudden that at first no one caught it. Then, the realization that it had indeed happened kicked in. Lucius and Snape exchanged glances to confirm to each other that they were not crazy, then they looked back at the stage. Simultaneously, Lucius, Snape, and Draco realized that the naked man was *not* part of the act.
Draco was sprawled in his chair, helpless with laughter. When Snape overheard an elderly witch exclaim "Merciful Merlin!" he, too, became overcome with laughter. Lucius laughed a deep and throaty laugh that Narcissa hadn't heard in years. She regarded her husband, surprised, then she, too, began to titter.
When the show finally ended, Severus thanked the Malfoys for a most amusing evening. Before Disapparating, Snape took Draco aside.
"Mr. Malfoy-Draco-I would appreciate it if you would not tell anyone at Hogwarts that I attended a ballet."
"I won't say anything if you won't," replied Draco.
Snape smiled a rueful smile, nodded, and held out his hand. "Agreed."
They shook hands, and turned to go their separate ways when none other than Professor Albus Dumbledore walked up to them.
"A most entertaining show, wouldn't you gentlemen agree," he said, blue eyes twinkling.
~FIN~