::Note from Lams:: Just so you know there IS some somewhat perverted humor in here. I've been getting more and more reviews that have said it's too gross lately. So I decided that I'd just let you know in here as well as in my summary so that you won't read the whole thing just to tell me how disgusting I am. It's humor, get over it. Pretty much every PG-13 comedy movie is full of this stuff. But just in case, I think I'll up the rating to R so everybody's happy and so I don't get any more reviews that say "Gross! This story is icky! My mommy says to stay away from you! You're a bad, bad little girl!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked down to the Great Hall. It was the last day of the school year. Like all of the other years Harry spent at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the year had been very eventful. During the winter holiday, Harry, along with some of the professors and other students solved the mystery of who killed Percy Weasley (My first fic, do check it out.) And of course, there was the annual brush with Lord Voldemort. Harry had only just been released from the Hospital Wing. Lord Voldemort cast a particularly nasty hex at Harry that caused him to shout irrelevant cliche sayings. Fortunately, Madam Pomfrey had restored Harry to being mostly normal. However, anytime someone said the word "snake," Harry still shouted out strange saying like he had Tourette's or something.

"Please take your seats, Students!" said Professor Dumbledore. The students all obliged and took their seats at their various house tables.

"Now, first I would like to thank you all for a wonderful year," began Professor Dumbledore. "Why, this year Lord Voldemort found his way into the school again, breaking the school record for the most consecutive years violent criminals have found their way into the school. Wait! Actually, it wasn't a wonderful year. In fact, it sucked. You suck. You're the suckiest bunch of suckers that ever sucked. I'm so out of here, you suckers!"

McGongall shot Dumbledore a disapproving glance from her position at the Professors' Table.

"Err... I was just kidding. You see, I'm slightly drunk," said Dumbledore. "As you can see, my liquor cabinet has been restocked since young Mr. Malfoy snuck in and drank it all."

"And may I say the rum was superb, Dumbly old sport!" said Draco Malfoy as he rose from the Slytherin table.

"Wooo!! Go booze!" shouted Professor Trelawney.

"Anyway," continued Dumbledore, "now is the time when I reveal who won the House Cup. Technically, Slytherin has the most points, but since I hate them, I'm now going to award some bonus points to Gryffindor so they can win instead. Hmm, 700 points to Hermione Granger of Gryffindor because she has an orange cat. 1500 points to Ron Weasley of Gryffindor because his mom sent me a Christmas card this year. And a million points to Harry Potter of Gryffindor because his name starts with the letter 'H.' So the winner of the house cup this year is -- GRYFFINDOR!"

Professor Snape looked positively appalled and the rest of the Slytherins were shouting cuss words at Dumbledore.

"No, YOU'RE the douchebag, Mr. Malfoy!" shouted Dumbledore back towards the angry Slytherins. "Yes, Miss Parkinson, I know you are but what am I? La la la la la la, I can't hear you!" said Dumbledore as he stuck his fingers into his ears.

Finally, the shouting subsided and the Great Hall was nearly silent with the exception of a few muttering Slytherins.

"Can you believe that old bat?" said Crabbe. "He completely cheated us out of the House Cup. What a snake!"

"I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!" shouted Harry.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Harry.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" asked Ron, jabbing Harry in the ribs.

"Ron, you stupid bastard! If you remembered anything, you would know Harry involuntarily shouts things when someone says S-N-A-K-E," said Hermione.

"Oh! I remember now," said Ron. "He shouts things whenever he hears the word snake."

"WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" shouted Harry.

"Ron, you are such a dumbass!" scolded Hermione as she slapped him a good one.

"So anyway, this concludes the year at Hogwarts," said Dumbledore. "Now, get into the carriages and get the hell out of here! Oh, except for those of you who are going on the First Annual Hogwarts Camping Trip. In which case, the list of students and chaperones are posted in the back."

"I nearly forgot all about the trip, I've been having so much fun with my studies!" exclaimed Hermione.

Harry and Ron both rolled their eyes. "Well I haven't been able to stop thinking about it," said Harry. "It's a whole week I won't have to spend with the Dursleys."

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about it either," said Ron. "All the money mum and dad had to pay... I hope they can afford it."

"Dammit Ron! Could you for once shut the hell up about being poor," snapped Hermione. "I mean think about it, your dad has a cushy government position, and yet you manage to be worse off than me. And I'm a Muggle born. Do you have any idea what the exchange rate from pounds to galleons is? Have you ever wondered WHY you are so damned poor? Your dad's got to have a taste for the hookers or something."

Ron's face grew red. To avoid any conflict, Harry quickly lead Ron and Hermione to the trip list posted on the back of the Great Hall. "Let's see who's going on this trip anyway."

First Annual Hogwarts Camping Trip
Trip Coordinator - Professor Albus Dumbledore

Boys List
Professor Snape - Chaperone
Harry Potter
Draco Malfoy
Colin Creevy
Gregory Goyle
Professor Hagrid - Chaperone
Ron Weasley
George Weasley
Fred Weasley
Vincent Crabbe

Girls List
Professor McGonagall -Chaperone
Lavendar Brown
Parvati Patil
Pansy Parkinson
Hermione Granger
Luna Lovegood