VII. RAPHAEL
RAPHAEL
(grinning) I can't wait to hear what word the other guys pick for me.
MICHELANGELO
Raph is somewhere between a realist and a pessimist. There's probably a word that means that, but I don't know what it is.
DONATELLO
(long pause) "Cynic".
LEONARDO
If you asked me awhile ago, I'd say "dark". (smiling) Or maybe "albatross".
DONATELLO
Mikey looks at our situation, where we are and all, and sees all the great parts of it. Raph looks at it and sees all the problems.
RAPHAEL
For the longest time, I didn't think there was something wrong with me. I figured there was something wrong with everyone else. Y'know, didn't they realize how lousy everything was? Why were they all goofy happy all the time?
MICHELANGELO
It's kinda mean to say, now that he really ain't much like this anymore. But for awhile, early on, Raph figured there was two points of view - his own and the wrong one. There wasn't any room for compromise with Raph.
DONATELLO
He's got what people call an "anger-management problem", but back then, he'd deny it. Oh, he wouldn't deny he had a lot of anger; he would just deny that it was a problem.
LEONARDO
Raph probably had the wrong weapons for a guy with his temper. I was always worried he'd lose his temper, stab a guy in the heart, and we'd have a murder on our hands. Luckily, he got himself under control before that ever happened.
RAPHAEL
(spinning his sai in his hands) I dunno. I've grown pretty attached to my sai. Leo's worried that I'll stab some guy to death one night, but I think my training's set. I've never cut a guy except in self-defense.
LEONARDO
His attitude finally did got the better of him one night. It...well, it wasn't pleasant.
MICHELANGELO
Raph and me were partnered up on patrol this one night. It'd been pretty quiet, but then we came across these guys - eighteen, nineteen. They were trying to pawn off some crack to some young kids - and I mean young. Junior high. It was like, c'mon, how low can you go? We went in to bust it up, y'know, and hopefully scare 'em straight.
RAPHAEL
I lost it. (sighing, head in hands) No other way to put it.
MICHELANGELO
I was sort of finishing up on one guy. Y'know, I had knocked him down and knocked him around a bit. He finally stumbled to his feet and scurried off. That's the way we normally did it. I turned around, and saw that Raph had the other guy flat on his back. Raph was straddling the other guy's chest, and was slamming both his fists into his face, over and over. I sort of said, "Raph?" and he didn't answer - just kept wailing on him. I finally walked over. Raph had knocked the guy unconscious - he was bleeding pretty bad around the head and face. But Raph never stopped wailing on him. I must've stood there in shock for about half a minute, thinking he'd stop. But he didn't.
RAPHAEL
I...I literally had no idea what I was doing. I guess I had just let my anger completely consume me, and this guy was just a handy target. I finally felt Michelangelo pulling me off him, and that actually just pissed me off more. I was all set to start in on him, too, until I saw the look on his face. (pause) I've never seen him look scared before. We'd been in all sorts of jams before, and Mikey'd always put a brave face on it. But right then, he was scared to death. (pause) And he was scared of me. (pause) That sort of...it's like I became aware of myself again. Suddenly, I thought, what's wrong? I looked down at my hands, and they were all bloody. (pause) I...think if you'd asked me then how my hands got that way, I wouldn't've been able to tell you. I turned back and looked at that guy, and saw what I had been doing. And it was like, I did that? (pause) And then I got scared, too.
MICHELANGELO
I went to a pay phone 'n' called 911, had 'em send an ambulance around. Then I sort of led Raph back to the lair. He was kinda in this daze.
RAPHAEL
You read books or see movies and you hear people saying, "I didn't know what I was doing." I was thought that was such a load of crap. It sounded like such a cop out. Then it happened to me. (pause) Mikey had to sort of steer me home. I kept looking down at my bloody hands. After years of insisting that I could handle it, I now had indisputable evidence that I couldn't.
MASTER SPLINTER
It is most difficult and most painful when one's foundation is shaken. Raphael began his long journey back to us that night.
RAPHAEL
When we got back, Mikey went straight to his room - he knew I'd have things to discuss with Sensei. I just sat down in front of Splinter - didn't even bother washing my hands first. I sort of took a deep breath and said, "Sensei, you're right. I got a problem." That was my first step. (sighing) Anger management. The hardest enemy I've ever fought has been myself. How pathetic is that? (smiling) But I'm winning.
MASTER SPLINTER
I had tried to harnass his anger before, but as he did not believe he had a problem, he did not make a true effort to do so. From that night on, he at last became committed to getting himself under control.
RAPHAEL
I think my major problem was that I'd blow up, and I didn't think it was any big deal. After that night, it seemed obvious that it probably was a big deal. Sensei started getting me to always question my moves, and question my motives. I have to continually ask myself, "Is this the right thing to do? Is this causing problems?" It took awhile, but it's almost second nature now.
DONATELLO
After that night, things started calming down at home. Before, when we'd be sparring, and he'd lose a bout, he'd flip. He'd yell, stomp around, the whole bit. Once he tried tackling Michelangelo when he was heading back to his neutral corner. Splinter would tell him to get himself under control, and he'd calm down a bit, but the next match he lost, it was the same routine. Afterwards, though, it was different. If you beat him, you can still see him get angry, but he'll just walk over to a wall, slam his fists into it, sit there for a few seconds, then turn around, smiling, and say "Good match, Don." (smiling) Which at first scared me more than the tantrums. I thought he was planning to stab me in my sleep.
MICHELANGELO
He's gotten more mellow as we've gotten older. Thankfully.
RAPHAEL
Splinter's great at channeling the anger. He says I can't just ignore it, but let it out in constructive ways. (grinning) Sometimes there's not a constructive way available, which is why I hit the wall so much. But usually it just means working myself to collapse building stuff with Donny.
DONATELLO
Splinter stuck him with being my assistant, mainly. Some of the stuff that I wanted to build needed four hands. Or he would do the heavy work while I did the small precision work.
RAPHAEL
I wasn't overjoyed doing it at first, but it did calm me down somewhat. I wasn't great at using tools when we started, but I've gotten quite a bit better. Sensei thinks it's not just the physical stuff, but having something to focus on, that helps push the anger aside. Could be. And when I finish something big - the kitchen set-up, the shower, whatever - yeah, I'll admit, I eat up the kudos with a spoon.
DONATELLO
At first, I wasn't sure it was going to work out. I thought if anything went wrong, he'd just go ballistic and start breaking everything with the hammer or something. But it hasn't. Apparently, it actually does calm him down.
LEONARDO
We don't know what the source of his anger was, but I do know what the main target was. Me.
MICHELANGELO
Oh, yeah, Leo and Raph had issues. (grinning) More issues than National Geographic.
MASTER SPLINTER
As is ordinarily the case, there were actually problems on both sides. Raphael has a tendency to rebel against authority. And Leonardo could not abide someone questioning his authority. Neither in and of themselves would have been that problematic. But combined, they caused much friction in our lives.
RAPHAEL
(shrugging) I was the rebel of the family. I guess every one has one. I got a kick out of saying "no". To Splinter, it wasn't that much of a problem. Partially because he had a lot of experience with dealing with people, so he could let the little stuff go. But when he laid down the law, you knew it. I couldn't get away with anything on Splinter's watch. Leo, on the other hand, didn't know how to react to any of it. He just couldn't take it.
LEONARDO
Raph would question every one of my decisions. And for no other reason than to question it. (sighing) It was aggravating beyond belief.
RAPHAEL
(shrugging) What can I say - I liked pushing his buttons.
MASTER SPLINTER
The fact that two of my charges were fighting amongst themselves I found most disheartening. I felt such tension within our family would certainly be detrimental, and could actually prove fatal. I attempted to talk to each of them in turn, hoping to get them to understand the importance of harmony in their lives. I could get them to make temporary truces, but I was unable to diffuse the underlying tension, and so the hostilities would return soon afterwards. (sighing) This was the one area in my parenting where I feel that I had truly failed. I believed that this was a problem I should be able to solve, and yet I could not find a solution.
DONATELLO
We spar every day, for practice, and there was always tension when it came time for Leo and Raph to square off. Sometimes, some simmering feud between the two would boil over. Leo and Raph got into a few fights. Most would be over quickly - a few smacks, and then they'd retreat to their neutral corners, but one was a knock-down, drag-out fight. They were on the floor wailing on each other. Splinter had to break that one up. One of the few times I ever heard Splinter yell.
MICHELANGELO
Leo and Raph were rolling on the floor, punching each other, and there's Splinter, trying to break it up, shouting, "Stop it! Immediately!" Just watching them made me feel...strange. Not just unhappy, but something else. I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Later that night, when I was trying to get to sleep, it hit me. Working the streets like we did, we came across a lot of families that were heavily messed-up. And I realized, this is what these families gotta deal with every night. This type of fighting. I was kinda worried. What if my family ended up like that? (shrugging, smiling) Didn't, though.
DONATELLO
That night, Splinter sent us all to separate areas for awhile - not just Leo 'n' Raph, Mike 'n' me, too - to cool down, and to think about what had happened.
RAPHAEL
I always thought that was bogus. Yeah, "time out for Raphael". I guess I was supposed to think about what we had done, but I rarely did. Well, I did, but I would imagine me winning the fight rather than trying to discover a way for it not to happen next time. I spent most of my "time-outs" seething.
LEONARDO
At first, I had to calm down, to center myself, like Splinter taught us. It took a lot of time, but I finally managed it. When I was finally calm, I saw the situation more clearly, sort of like from outside. I could see us arguing, Raph and me, but from an outside viewpoint, it didn't make any sense. It was so damn petty, you know? Why were we fighting? Why were we letting our little differences overshadow all we had in common?
RAPHAEL
I didn't want us to fight, really. But in a way, I did, I guess. When we were arguing, it was like... (pause) I don't know. The best answer I can come up with is that it's like I dragged him down to my level. When we fought, Leonardo was angry and hostile, just like me. Maybe misery likes company.
LEONARDO
I remembered a history book of Splinter's that he had me read. It said nations often crumble not due to force from without, but due to decay from within. And I wondered if this little feud of ours was keeping us from being as strong as we could be.
RAPHAEL
So I was sitting up on the ledge, probably grinding my teeth, and I hear this "Raph?" I look up, and there's Leonardo. And he's...well, he wasn't really crying or anything, but it looked like he was about to. And suddenly all my anger sort of vanished. Just the way he looked weirded me out. I mean, I liked pushing his buttons and all, but I wasn't looking to...mess him up, or anything. It sort of hit me - I did this to him. Leo's a great leader, and a great guy, and because of what I'm doing, he's not anymore.
LEONARDO
I had thought of all this stuff to say. I was going to be logical, I was going to argue, I was going to beg. But when I saw him there, it all left me. I must have stared at him for some time, and finally all I said was, "Raph, let's not fight anymore." That's all I could think of to say. But apparently, that was the right thing to say. Raph sort of looked back at me for a bit, then he came over and said, "All right."
RAPHAEL
I don't know who said "I'm sorry" first. The real surprise is that I don't care. We both said it. We hugged, and that was that.
LEONARDO
It's not like suddenly everything was better, and we never fought again. But we never came to blows after that.
MASTER SPLINTER
In a way, I suppose I am happy that I was unable to solve this problem for them, as it forced them to solve it themselves. The fact that they did makes me most proud.
RAPHAEL
I still have smart-assy comments for Leonardo, but usually I just mutter them to myself now. If there really is something worth pointing out, I...well, I try to be nice about mentioning it. (smiling) Sometimes I'm good, and sometimes I'm not.
LEONARDO
Raph sort of...held his comments in check. Occasionally, he'll have some smartass comment, but I've learned to let the stray ones go. When he does object to something I did, there's usually a reason for it. Not him just being contrary. I promised to listen when he spoke, and I've done my best to do that.
RAPHAEL
About three months after that happened, Leo was out with mutant flu, and he asked me to lead the other two out on patrol. Rat bastard. (pause, smiling) Sorry, Splinter.
MICHELANGELO
I had a feeling there was something to that. Not that Raph can't lead, but I think he wanted Raph to see what it was like.
RAPHAEL
At first, I was all, "Yeah, I'm in charge!" About five minutes later, with Mike and Don looking at me with this, "So, what'da we do now, fearless leader" look in their eyes... Yeah, I start getting this feeling that maybe it ain't so great being in charge. I hadn't really thought out everything I'd have to do. I kinda had to fake it.
DONATELLO
Raph wasn't bad as leader at all - a bit hesitant, but that was to be expected. But he looked really worried. Like he had no idea if he was going to last the night.
LEONARDO
They came back from patrol, and I was napping. Raph nudged me awake, and I said, "What? What is it?" He just stared at me for a minute, then said, "I hate you, y'know that?" Then he smacked me lightly on the head and left.
MICHELANGELO
Casey sort of understands where Raph's coming from - they're kinda like brothers under the skin. It was him that gave him the hockey stick and practice balls.
DONATELLO
Raph can't make fun of anyone's hobby, ever. He stands in front of a wall and hits the ball against it, over and over. For hours.
RAPHAEL
I can't explain why it's fun, but it is. I just start smacking the ball against the wall with my stick, and then catching it on the rebound. Leo gets into that "selfless state" while doing martial arts, but I think the closest I've come is playing hockey. I suddenly realize it's hours later. (pausing) I sort of wish I could get into that state while fighting. It must be amazing.
RAPHAEL
(grinning) I can't wait to hear what word the other guys pick for me.
MICHELANGELO
Raph is somewhere between a realist and a pessimist. There's probably a word that means that, but I don't know what it is.
DONATELLO
(long pause) "Cynic".
LEONARDO
If you asked me awhile ago, I'd say "dark". (smiling) Or maybe "albatross".
DONATELLO
Mikey looks at our situation, where we are and all, and sees all the great parts of it. Raph looks at it and sees all the problems.
RAPHAEL
For the longest time, I didn't think there was something wrong with me. I figured there was something wrong with everyone else. Y'know, didn't they realize how lousy everything was? Why were they all goofy happy all the time?
MICHELANGELO
It's kinda mean to say, now that he really ain't much like this anymore. But for awhile, early on, Raph figured there was two points of view - his own and the wrong one. There wasn't any room for compromise with Raph.
DONATELLO
He's got what people call an "anger-management problem", but back then, he'd deny it. Oh, he wouldn't deny he had a lot of anger; he would just deny that it was a problem.
LEONARDO
Raph probably had the wrong weapons for a guy with his temper. I was always worried he'd lose his temper, stab a guy in the heart, and we'd have a murder on our hands. Luckily, he got himself under control before that ever happened.
RAPHAEL
(spinning his sai in his hands) I dunno. I've grown pretty attached to my sai. Leo's worried that I'll stab some guy to death one night, but I think my training's set. I've never cut a guy except in self-defense.
LEONARDO
His attitude finally did got the better of him one night. It...well, it wasn't pleasant.
MICHELANGELO
Raph and me were partnered up on patrol this one night. It'd been pretty quiet, but then we came across these guys - eighteen, nineteen. They were trying to pawn off some crack to some young kids - and I mean young. Junior high. It was like, c'mon, how low can you go? We went in to bust it up, y'know, and hopefully scare 'em straight.
RAPHAEL
I lost it. (sighing, head in hands) No other way to put it.
MICHELANGELO
I was sort of finishing up on one guy. Y'know, I had knocked him down and knocked him around a bit. He finally stumbled to his feet and scurried off. That's the way we normally did it. I turned around, and saw that Raph had the other guy flat on his back. Raph was straddling the other guy's chest, and was slamming both his fists into his face, over and over. I sort of said, "Raph?" and he didn't answer - just kept wailing on him. I finally walked over. Raph had knocked the guy unconscious - he was bleeding pretty bad around the head and face. But Raph never stopped wailing on him. I must've stood there in shock for about half a minute, thinking he'd stop. But he didn't.
RAPHAEL
I...I literally had no idea what I was doing. I guess I had just let my anger completely consume me, and this guy was just a handy target. I finally felt Michelangelo pulling me off him, and that actually just pissed me off more. I was all set to start in on him, too, until I saw the look on his face. (pause) I've never seen him look scared before. We'd been in all sorts of jams before, and Mikey'd always put a brave face on it. But right then, he was scared to death. (pause) And he was scared of me. (pause) That sort of...it's like I became aware of myself again. Suddenly, I thought, what's wrong? I looked down at my hands, and they were all bloody. (pause) I...think if you'd asked me then how my hands got that way, I wouldn't've been able to tell you. I turned back and looked at that guy, and saw what I had been doing. And it was like, I did that? (pause) And then I got scared, too.
MICHELANGELO
I went to a pay phone 'n' called 911, had 'em send an ambulance around. Then I sort of led Raph back to the lair. He was kinda in this daze.
RAPHAEL
You read books or see movies and you hear people saying, "I didn't know what I was doing." I was thought that was such a load of crap. It sounded like such a cop out. Then it happened to me. (pause) Mikey had to sort of steer me home. I kept looking down at my bloody hands. After years of insisting that I could handle it, I now had indisputable evidence that I couldn't.
MASTER SPLINTER
It is most difficult and most painful when one's foundation is shaken. Raphael began his long journey back to us that night.
RAPHAEL
When we got back, Mikey went straight to his room - he knew I'd have things to discuss with Sensei. I just sat down in front of Splinter - didn't even bother washing my hands first. I sort of took a deep breath and said, "Sensei, you're right. I got a problem." That was my first step. (sighing) Anger management. The hardest enemy I've ever fought has been myself. How pathetic is that? (smiling) But I'm winning.
MASTER SPLINTER
I had tried to harnass his anger before, but as he did not believe he had a problem, he did not make a true effort to do so. From that night on, he at last became committed to getting himself under control.
RAPHAEL
I think my major problem was that I'd blow up, and I didn't think it was any big deal. After that night, it seemed obvious that it probably was a big deal. Sensei started getting me to always question my moves, and question my motives. I have to continually ask myself, "Is this the right thing to do? Is this causing problems?" It took awhile, but it's almost second nature now.
DONATELLO
After that night, things started calming down at home. Before, when we'd be sparring, and he'd lose a bout, he'd flip. He'd yell, stomp around, the whole bit. Once he tried tackling Michelangelo when he was heading back to his neutral corner. Splinter would tell him to get himself under control, and he'd calm down a bit, but the next match he lost, it was the same routine. Afterwards, though, it was different. If you beat him, you can still see him get angry, but he'll just walk over to a wall, slam his fists into it, sit there for a few seconds, then turn around, smiling, and say "Good match, Don." (smiling) Which at first scared me more than the tantrums. I thought he was planning to stab me in my sleep.
MICHELANGELO
He's gotten more mellow as we've gotten older. Thankfully.
RAPHAEL
Splinter's great at channeling the anger. He says I can't just ignore it, but let it out in constructive ways. (grinning) Sometimes there's not a constructive way available, which is why I hit the wall so much. But usually it just means working myself to collapse building stuff with Donny.
DONATELLO
Splinter stuck him with being my assistant, mainly. Some of the stuff that I wanted to build needed four hands. Or he would do the heavy work while I did the small precision work.
RAPHAEL
I wasn't overjoyed doing it at first, but it did calm me down somewhat. I wasn't great at using tools when we started, but I've gotten quite a bit better. Sensei thinks it's not just the physical stuff, but having something to focus on, that helps push the anger aside. Could be. And when I finish something big - the kitchen set-up, the shower, whatever - yeah, I'll admit, I eat up the kudos with a spoon.
DONATELLO
At first, I wasn't sure it was going to work out. I thought if anything went wrong, he'd just go ballistic and start breaking everything with the hammer or something. But it hasn't. Apparently, it actually does calm him down.
LEONARDO
We don't know what the source of his anger was, but I do know what the main target was. Me.
MICHELANGELO
Oh, yeah, Leo and Raph had issues. (grinning) More issues than National Geographic.
MASTER SPLINTER
As is ordinarily the case, there were actually problems on both sides. Raphael has a tendency to rebel against authority. And Leonardo could not abide someone questioning his authority. Neither in and of themselves would have been that problematic. But combined, they caused much friction in our lives.
RAPHAEL
(shrugging) I was the rebel of the family. I guess every one has one. I got a kick out of saying "no". To Splinter, it wasn't that much of a problem. Partially because he had a lot of experience with dealing with people, so he could let the little stuff go. But when he laid down the law, you knew it. I couldn't get away with anything on Splinter's watch. Leo, on the other hand, didn't know how to react to any of it. He just couldn't take it.
LEONARDO
Raph would question every one of my decisions. And for no other reason than to question it. (sighing) It was aggravating beyond belief.
RAPHAEL
(shrugging) What can I say - I liked pushing his buttons.
MASTER SPLINTER
The fact that two of my charges were fighting amongst themselves I found most disheartening. I felt such tension within our family would certainly be detrimental, and could actually prove fatal. I attempted to talk to each of them in turn, hoping to get them to understand the importance of harmony in their lives. I could get them to make temporary truces, but I was unable to diffuse the underlying tension, and so the hostilities would return soon afterwards. (sighing) This was the one area in my parenting where I feel that I had truly failed. I believed that this was a problem I should be able to solve, and yet I could not find a solution.
DONATELLO
We spar every day, for practice, and there was always tension when it came time for Leo and Raph to square off. Sometimes, some simmering feud between the two would boil over. Leo and Raph got into a few fights. Most would be over quickly - a few smacks, and then they'd retreat to their neutral corners, but one was a knock-down, drag-out fight. They were on the floor wailing on each other. Splinter had to break that one up. One of the few times I ever heard Splinter yell.
MICHELANGELO
Leo and Raph were rolling on the floor, punching each other, and there's Splinter, trying to break it up, shouting, "Stop it! Immediately!" Just watching them made me feel...strange. Not just unhappy, but something else. I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Later that night, when I was trying to get to sleep, it hit me. Working the streets like we did, we came across a lot of families that were heavily messed-up. And I realized, this is what these families gotta deal with every night. This type of fighting. I was kinda worried. What if my family ended up like that? (shrugging, smiling) Didn't, though.
DONATELLO
That night, Splinter sent us all to separate areas for awhile - not just Leo 'n' Raph, Mike 'n' me, too - to cool down, and to think about what had happened.
RAPHAEL
I always thought that was bogus. Yeah, "time out for Raphael". I guess I was supposed to think about what we had done, but I rarely did. Well, I did, but I would imagine me winning the fight rather than trying to discover a way for it not to happen next time. I spent most of my "time-outs" seething.
LEONARDO
At first, I had to calm down, to center myself, like Splinter taught us. It took a lot of time, but I finally managed it. When I was finally calm, I saw the situation more clearly, sort of like from outside. I could see us arguing, Raph and me, but from an outside viewpoint, it didn't make any sense. It was so damn petty, you know? Why were we fighting? Why were we letting our little differences overshadow all we had in common?
RAPHAEL
I didn't want us to fight, really. But in a way, I did, I guess. When we were arguing, it was like... (pause) I don't know. The best answer I can come up with is that it's like I dragged him down to my level. When we fought, Leonardo was angry and hostile, just like me. Maybe misery likes company.
LEONARDO
I remembered a history book of Splinter's that he had me read. It said nations often crumble not due to force from without, but due to decay from within. And I wondered if this little feud of ours was keeping us from being as strong as we could be.
RAPHAEL
So I was sitting up on the ledge, probably grinding my teeth, and I hear this "Raph?" I look up, and there's Leonardo. And he's...well, he wasn't really crying or anything, but it looked like he was about to. And suddenly all my anger sort of vanished. Just the way he looked weirded me out. I mean, I liked pushing his buttons and all, but I wasn't looking to...mess him up, or anything. It sort of hit me - I did this to him. Leo's a great leader, and a great guy, and because of what I'm doing, he's not anymore.
LEONARDO
I had thought of all this stuff to say. I was going to be logical, I was going to argue, I was going to beg. But when I saw him there, it all left me. I must have stared at him for some time, and finally all I said was, "Raph, let's not fight anymore." That's all I could think of to say. But apparently, that was the right thing to say. Raph sort of looked back at me for a bit, then he came over and said, "All right."
RAPHAEL
I don't know who said "I'm sorry" first. The real surprise is that I don't care. We both said it. We hugged, and that was that.
LEONARDO
It's not like suddenly everything was better, and we never fought again. But we never came to blows after that.
MASTER SPLINTER
In a way, I suppose I am happy that I was unable to solve this problem for them, as it forced them to solve it themselves. The fact that they did makes me most proud.
RAPHAEL
I still have smart-assy comments for Leonardo, but usually I just mutter them to myself now. If there really is something worth pointing out, I...well, I try to be nice about mentioning it. (smiling) Sometimes I'm good, and sometimes I'm not.
LEONARDO
Raph sort of...held his comments in check. Occasionally, he'll have some smartass comment, but I've learned to let the stray ones go. When he does object to something I did, there's usually a reason for it. Not him just being contrary. I promised to listen when he spoke, and I've done my best to do that.
RAPHAEL
About three months after that happened, Leo was out with mutant flu, and he asked me to lead the other two out on patrol. Rat bastard. (pause, smiling) Sorry, Splinter.
MICHELANGELO
I had a feeling there was something to that. Not that Raph can't lead, but I think he wanted Raph to see what it was like.
RAPHAEL
At first, I was all, "Yeah, I'm in charge!" About five minutes later, with Mike and Don looking at me with this, "So, what'da we do now, fearless leader" look in their eyes... Yeah, I start getting this feeling that maybe it ain't so great being in charge. I hadn't really thought out everything I'd have to do. I kinda had to fake it.
DONATELLO
Raph wasn't bad as leader at all - a bit hesitant, but that was to be expected. But he looked really worried. Like he had no idea if he was going to last the night.
LEONARDO
They came back from patrol, and I was napping. Raph nudged me awake, and I said, "What? What is it?" He just stared at me for a minute, then said, "I hate you, y'know that?" Then he smacked me lightly on the head and left.
MICHELANGELO
Casey sort of understands where Raph's coming from - they're kinda like brothers under the skin. It was him that gave him the hockey stick and practice balls.
DONATELLO
Raph can't make fun of anyone's hobby, ever. He stands in front of a wall and hits the ball against it, over and over. For hours.
RAPHAEL
I can't explain why it's fun, but it is. I just start smacking the ball against the wall with my stick, and then catching it on the rebound. Leo gets into that "selfless state" while doing martial arts, but I think the closest I've come is playing hockey. I suddenly realize it's hours later. (pausing) I sort of wish I could get into that state while fighting. It must be amazing.