VIII. LIFE UNDERGROUND
MICHELANGELO
As time went on, our section of the sewer kinda changed. Before, it was just an abandoned tunnel that five freaks decided to hole up in. Later on, it looked more like...well, kinda like a home.
DONATELLO
We didn't really have a set boundary to where the "sewer" ended and where "our home" began. We just kept expanding outward from the place we first set up.
LEONARDO
I can't remember who first called our home "the lair", but it stuck. (smiling) It sounds like a Raph phrase, so I'll blame him.
MASTER SPLINTER
The area where I had first lit a fire ended up being the ideal place for that. The smoke from the fire would dissipate into a main sewer line, and thus would neither stay in our living area, nor indicate our position to people on the surface.
RAPHAEL
We called that the "main room" or the "family room" - where we always built the fire. Then we built...(frowning) Lemme think. Geez, it's already getting hard to remember. I know the kitchen - or what used to be the kitchen - used to be right next to the main room.
LEONARDO
Splinter painted a few paintings just for us, and did a few calligraphy pieces. We hung those on the walls, and that gave it feel more like a home.
MICHELANGELO
We used to prepare food right on the fire. There was a water main there, so we could get water when we needed to. So we had this sort of makeshift kitchen next to the main room, where we kept our bowls and plates and food.
DONATELLO
Once we started getting appliances, it became apparent that the original kitchen wasn't going to work. There was only one outlet there. So we set up the kitchen one more room down. The old kitchen became our study room, and we used the one outlet there for light.
LEONARDO
There was a fairly large level space further down from the main room, and that became our dojo.
MASTER SPLINTER
The room most certainly was not ideal for a dojo. The floor was concrete, of course, which is most unsuitable for the feet and legs. (smiling) Especially mine. And the ceiling was a bit lower than I would have liked. But it was the best possible area available.
DONATELLO
At least twice, I leapt up during a sparring match, and while bringing my bo around, caught it on the ceiling. That hurts the wrists quite a bit.
MICHELANGELO
It was very roomy - we could all practice in there with no problem. And it wasn't far from the main sluice. That might sound kinda disgusting. Well, it is kinda disgusting, but it meant there was at least a bit more airflow there, so we weren't sweltering in the still air.
MASTER SPLINTER
We discovered some electrical outlets in the sewer, and I was quite surprised to find that they were live. I was worried that the power company, or whoever owned the outlets, would notice any heavy power usage, but I decided it was worth the risk to attempt to use a little electricity. With the money I received, I asked Mitake to purchase some things for us - some lights, to begin with.
MITAKE
It was a bit strange. I thought the sewers were an extremely temporary resting place for Yoshi and his charges. But as he started to ask me to buy him things, I realized that he was going to be staying there for the long haul.
DONATELLO
I remember the first electrical thing we got were Christmas lights. It was January, and so every store had strings of those small white lights for like a buck. We had Mitake buy...I think it was thirty strands. We kept ten in reserve, and strung up twenty. All around our family room, the kitchen, the dojo, and the walkways between.
MICHELANGELO
The idea originally was to unplug them when we went to bed, but they were dim enough that we could sleep with them on. So we left them on all the time.
LEONARDO
I remember the first night we had those lights. I couldn't fall asleep. I just stared at them. I can't really explain it, but they excited me. It was like the first step in being a real person - having electric light just like everybody else in New York, even if it was just Christmas lights.
RAPHAEL
Once the lights were up, we didn't need the candles so much anymore. Splinter still likes to light them when he paints - he says it centers him - but we weren't relying on them just to see. That was really cool.
MASTER SPLINTER
As the money accumulated, I next asked Mitake to buy us some used appliances.
MICHELANGELO
I remember when we got our first oven. We were so stoked - dude, pizza every night! But then we realized we couldn't just shove it down a manhole - it was too big. We had to wait until a dry patch of weather, and then Mitake had to deliver it all the way over to one of the exit sluices. We put it on a little wooden frame with casters, and pushed the darn thing several miles to get it home. (smiling) We really wanted that oven. And we did celebrate with pizza that night. Really late, though.
DONATELLO
Mitake, Casey - April, you too - everyone had their ears to the ground for us. Whenever somebody was getting rid of something, they immediately thought, "Could the mutants use this?"
MITAKE
An old friend of mine was buying a new refrigerator because the power kept cutting out to his old one. I asked if I could have it, which he thought was a bit strange, but he did give it to me.
RAPHAEL
We had to get the fridge down the same way. Compared to the fridge, the oven was a piece of cake.
MICHELANGELO
We were marching along, rolling the fridge along the walkways. I remember we were all singing some goofy song we were making up. "We're gonna have....coooold fooooood..."
DONATELLO
Oh, my God, I completely forgot about that! (smiling, eyes closed) "We're gonna have...coooold fooooood...."
LEONARDO
We were turning a corner when one of the casters on the platform broke, and the fridge started slipping off the platform. We all grabbed for it, but it ended up in the sluice. Along with Mikey and Don.
DONATELLO
Mikey and I fell into the sluice along with the fridge. It wasn't too deep - somewhere between two and three feet - but that almost makes it worse, because the less water, the more raw sewage there is in there.
LEONARDO
I sent Raph back to the lair to get some rope and some old pallets.
MICHELANGELO
Leo told us to hop out, but I decided against it. I knew someone was going to have to tie the rope around the fridge, and that would mean getting back in. I just hopped up on the fridge, banged my heels against it, and started singing that "cold food" song again.
DONATELLO
I joined Mikey on the fridge, and told him I really hoped I could fix this thing after all we went through to get it. I mean, imagine lugging a huge heavy thing miles to your home, falling in the sludge, and then finding out you couldn't make it work. Luckily, it ended up being a pretty easy fix.
RAPHAEL
I got back with the rope and pallets, we heaved that fridge out of there, and managed to get it back to the lair. Leo and I rinsed it off outside the lair while Don and Mike hit the showers.
MICHELANGELO
I remember showering the sewage off, so I guess Don had already built the shower by then.
RAPHAEL
It's not like we needed to shower every day. We lived in a sewer, for God's sake. But you get sewage on ya, trust me, ya want a way to get it off.
LEONARDO
We must have planned on how to build that shower for a week - how it would work, where to put it.
DONATELLO
The actual building of the shower wasn't hard at all. We attached a grating over a sluice. I put in a small water heater nearby, and attached a nozzle with a couple of levers - one for heat, one for water pressure. Instant shower.
MASTER SPLINTER
Donatello's shower worked extremely well. The water heater was somewhat small, and so I had to learn to shower quite a bit quicker than I was accustomed to.
MICHELANGELO
I was showering in it once, and must have been really zoning out. I took a step away from the nozzle, and almost stepped right off the side. (smiling) About a week later, Don and Raph had installed a railing around it.
MASTER SPLINTER
Once I had begun selling my paintings, and starvation no longer seemed an immediate concern, we began to settle somewhat more into a routine.
DONATELLO
We get up early. Six, six thirty. If we had a late patrol, we'd get to sleep until seven or so.
RAPHAEL
From the get-go, Sensei trained us hard. No slacking. Up early, work hard, study hard, to bed early.
LEONARDO
Right after we'd get up, we'd stretch out, then do tai-chi. That was sort of a warm-up. Then karate. Then weapon training. Then sparring. Then we ran this sort of obstacle course that we set up through the sewers.
MICHELANGELO
It was something we all worked on. It was fun. You know, leap across this sluice, climb this rope, and so forth.
RAPHAEL
Every once in awhile, one of us would get an idea to expand it, or make it more difficult. Most of my ideas were shot down - too potentially dangerous. (shrugging and smiling) They probably were.
DONATELLO
After we ran the course, we showered and had a quick lunch. Then it was study time.
MASTER SPLINTER
I had never taught academics before - only martial arts. For a year or so, I had to teach them collectively, regardless of their skill level - something I did not approve of, but I couldn't think of another way. After some time, they could start teaching themselves, and I could let them continue at their own pace.
LEONARDO
Raph had a tough time of it. You could tell he dreaded the afternoons.
RAPHAEL
It pissed me off. Splinter would teach us something, and I'd be like, "Huh?" No clue. Sensei coulda been speaking Swahili. But the others were all like, "OK, got it, next." I felt so stupid, because it seemed like every little thing had to be explained to me. The others...well, they tried to hide it, but you know they were impatient. Like, why do we have to wait for this moron to catch up?
DONATELLO
Actually, I give Raph a ton of credit. He's on the same grade level as Leo and Mike, but he got there by sheer determination. He had to work twice as hard to learn half as much.
MASTER SPLINTER
I do believe it likely that Raphael has a learning disability of some sort, but he compensates extremely well. He often has to learn a different way of learning things than the others, but always he finds a way.
RAPHAEL
(grinning) I ain't too bright, apparently, but I'm stubborn and work my tail off. And if you do that enough, you can learn enough to keep up with the smart ones.
LEONARDO
Donatello was the other way around. Splinter couldn't teach him fast enough.
DONATELLO
Sometimes, I could make the leap to the end of the lesson. He'd start setting up a math concept, and suddenly I'd see it clearly all the way to the end.
MASTER SPLINTER
It was only a few months before Donatello was on his own. He would finish textbooks in a day or so. I had problems getting enough material for him to learn.
DONATELLO
That's when I started itching to go to the library. (smiling) I figured I could just get a ton of books and just suck them dry. Sometimes, though, I'd finish up, and there'd be no more books to start. When that happened, I'd sit in with Raph - try to help him out.
RAPHAEL
I appreciated that. Donny's great at explaining stuff in different ways - which I like, because if you give me four or five ways to get something, I can usually latch onto one of them. But at the same time, it makes me feel even dumber. I mean, he can afford the spare time to try to help me out.
MICHELANGELO
After studying, it was time to do our chores. For me, that'd mean starting dinner, and the others would start cleaning or whatever. We'd have dinner, do the dishes, then, if we weren't going on patrol, it was personal time. Whatever we wanted to do. Generally, I'd go boarding, Donatello would go tinker on his workbench, Raph would smack his ball around with his hockey stick, and Leo would practice with his swords.
LEONARDO
Early on, Splinter used to tell us a story, or read us one. Even after we all knew how to read, we all loved sitting around the candles listening to him tell stories. I kinda miss him doing that now.
DONATELLO
Splinter should read storytime over at the library. When he reads, you completely lose yourself.
RAPHAEL
We didn't have a TV - well, we did for a bit. Didn't work too well. Only got two channels, and neither of them were very clear. And Splinter wasn't a fan. He thought it was distracting to our lessons. I thought that was a cop-out - I didn't suck at math because of the TV, right? I sucked at math 'cause I sucked at math. But Splinter didn't want it around. So we had to make do with the radio.
MICHELANGELO
I found this old clock radio, and brought it back to see if Don could get it working again. It took him a while to fix it up, but he got it going finally. He didn't fix the clock part, so it never did tell time - it just said 10:37 all the time. We used to listen to it quite a bit, especially during chore time and personal time. Of course, we never agreed much about what to listen to. I wanted rock, Raph liked classic rock and metal, Donny wanted jazz, Leo wanted that new age stuff, and Splinter preferred classical.
DONATELLO
We usually ended up listening to the oldies station, since none of us had a really gripe with it. But I did get to work on fixing up little radios for all of us, so we could listen to whatever we wanted when we were in our rooms.
MICHELANGELO
Our living area kept getting bigger, but we always have stayed two to a room. That was Splinter's idea.
MASTER SPLINTER
I thought that they would feel more secure if they had someone else sleeping near them. My room was not that far away, either.
RAPHAEL
We paired up - Leo and Don were in one room, and Mikey and me were across the hall. I don't remember why it was like that, but that's the way it's been since. Even now, that's how we are. Seems a bit strange. I mean, Mikey and I are almost complete opposites - he's the optimist, I'm the pessimist. But it's worked out pretty good - we get along OK.
DONATELLO
It's never been a problem. Sure, there's times I want to be alone, but there were plenty of places to go in the lair where I could be alone if I really wanted to.
LEONARDO
Splinter slept on this beat-up futon. It was in pretty bad shape, but it sure beat what we had.
DONATELLO
Beds aren't cheap, and Splinter wasn't making enough to really buy us all beds. So we sort of had to jerry-rig something for all of us.
RAPHAEL
We found a bunch of old rags next to some warehouse - I mean, there must have been a ton of them. Splinter had us bring them back to the lair. We tossed the really messed-up ones, and washed the rest of them the best we could. Then Donny built these smallish wooden frames, we filled each one up with rags, placed an old sleeping bag on top, then an old blanket on top of that. Believe it or not, that's what we slept on.
LEONARDO
They weren't the most comfortable things in the world, but it certainly was better than sleeping on the concrete, which we had to do at first.
MICHELANGELO
To be honest, I kinda miss them now. I could sleep on my back, sort of burrow my shell down into the rags, but keep my head, arms and legs up. Can't do that on a regular bed, so sleeping on my back's out now.
DONATELLO
There were kinda lame, but it worked well. It was warm enough. The sewers tend to be pretty stable, temperature-wise. It's like forty-five, fifty degrees down there year round. The few times it got really cold, we just got in the sleeping bags.
RAPHAEL
We didn't have any clothes for several years. We spent our early days running around naked as the day we were...mutated. (laughing) And why not? No one could see us. Our shells hide everything, anyway.
MICHELANGELO
When we started heading topside, Splinter insisted we start wearing clothes. Made sense - when in Rome 'n' all. But it sure felt weird, 'cause none of us were used to it. It was sort of like walking around with a shirt over your face.
LEONARDO
When it came to clothes, as always, it was all about economy. Whenever we needed clothes, we hit the thrift stores.
RAPHAEL
Let's just say whatever clothes we get aren't gonna be the hippest things. But who cares, y'know? People were gonna stare at us no matter what we put on, anyway.
DONATELLO
Extra large T-shirts fit around our shells. They're a bit long, but we can tuck them in. It's the jeans that are ridiculous. I mean, no one makes a pair of jeans with a 34-inch waist and a 24-inch inseam. So we have to chop them short just past the knees. Or we wear shorts, which on us don't look that short.
RAPHAEL
We don't look much "better" in our clothes than out of them. I mean, it's not like people aren't going to realize we're mutants just because we've got clothes on. It's almost like a concession to humans - "Yeah, we'll wear clothes because you do." But we've gotten used to it.
LEONARDO
Splinter was making decent money from his paintings, but it was irregular, and there was no way of knowing if he'd suddenly be unable to sell more. So we tended to hoard what we had, and spend as little as possible.
RAPHAEL
Mr Li let us come in to his store and do our grocery shopping just before he closed, when the fewest folks were around.
MICHELANGELO
Splinter used to do all the shopping, but with me doing more and more of the cooking, I started going with him. Soon we were all going.
LEONARDO
We were like kids at the grocery store...well, I guess we were kids at the grocery store! Y'know, "Buy me this, buy me that". Splinter was pretty firm, though - if we whined too much, we didn't come back the next time.
MICHELANGELO
Saving money was always key, so we grew up eating on the cheap. Plus, Splinter wasn't sure what our digestive systems would take. Mostly anything, as it turns
out, but we tended to play it cheap 'n'safe. Fruits, vegetables, cereal, rice, pasta. Dinner was chicken or pizza, usually, or pasta. Once in a while, I'd go nuts and cook steak, or bake a cake or something.
DONATELLO
As money's gotten a bit better, we've expanded our menu somewhat. A few times, we've even gone out to eat - to hell with people staring. But I'd still rather have Michelangelo's pizza than anything else in the world.
LEONARDO
Sewer living wasn't that bad. The only time it really became a problem was during those heavy rainstorms several years back.
MICHELANGELO
Man, that was horrible. It rained nonstop for, what, a month?
MASTER SPLINTER
After the few days of heavy rain, I began to worry. Upon hearing the radio station forecast nothing but rain for the foreseeable future, I decided that it would be prudent to take some precautions.
DONATELLO
Sensei had Mitake get us a ton of sandbags. Literally, a ton. Actually, it might have been two tons. We had to try to carry them one by one through the sluice back to the lair - which was a nightmare, because the water was already on its way up.
RAPHAEL
Ever slog through water up to your knees carrying a huge sandbag? (smirking) I can't recommend it.
MICHELANGELO
We started sandbagging all of our entrances, almost all the way to the top. The only way out was to crawl to the top of the tunnel and squeeze your way out.
LEONARDO
Master Splinter gave us some money, and told us to stock up on we called "emergency food". That was stuff we didn't need to refrigerate or really even prepare. Lots of trail mix, granola bars, fruit and vegetables, that sort of thing. We came back with bags and bags with it, just in case. It ended up being just enough, barely.
RAPHAEL
I was like, come on, what are we doing this for? It took a few days, but I found out, all right.
MICHELANGELO
At the end of the first week, if we wanted to go topside, we'd have to either wade through waist-deep water, or crawl along the top of the sewer tunnels. By the end of the second week, we could only get out by swimming...and we were looking at some mondo currents. It wasn't really swimming - we basically jumped in the sluice and tried to grab the ladder as we swept by. If you missed, you ended up five blocks down.
DONATELLO
Splinter finally said "enough" and sandbagged the entrance all the way to the top. We had to block off our shower and bathroom, too, since they emptied out onto the sluice.
RAPHAEL
I'll admit it if no one else did: I was worried. Not really for me - we can handle ourselves in water pretty good. But Splinter can't. Worse came to worst, we would've had to try to swim out of there, and we didn't know if Splinter could handle that. We would've had to swim out carrying him, and I didn't know if I could do that, either.
LEONARDO
It was a bit like sealing yourself into a box underwater. Air still got in, but not much - it got pretty stuffy in there. And everything leaked. Lots of the Christmas lights shorted out.
MICHELANGELO
I woke up one morning yelling, because a leak had appeared over my bed while I was sleeping.
DONATELLO
We decided to consolidate. We brought our sleeping bags and Splinter's futon in the main room. It was just that and the kitchen. And to get to the kitchen, we had to leap over sandbags, wade through the study room, and then leap over more sandbags. Basically, we sat in the main room listening to the radio and talking.
LEONARDO
We still did tai chi every morning, and we added some meditation exercises afterwards, but that was it - no sparring, no weapons training.
DONATELLO
We needed something to help pass the time besides just staring at the radio. So I turned the radio to the classical station, and Splinter would tell us stories, like he used to when we were first mutated.
MASTER SPLINTER
I had forgotten how much my sons enjoyed hearing stories. I told as many stories as I could remember - ancient Japanese stories, historical stories, stories my sensei had told me.
LEONARDO
Splinter was resting after one of those marathon storytelling sessions, and Michelangelo said, "I don't suppose any of you want to hear a story I made up."
MICHELANGELO
I'd been writing stories in my head for years, but I'd never written one down, or told anyone about them. But I was going nutzoid. I love my family and everything, but I was getting tired of being stuck in the main room with them 24/7. Sensei's stories took my mind off things, but he couldn't talk forever. So finally I got up the nerve. I thought about it for a couple days, then just told it.
DONATELLO
Mikey was no Splinter, mind you, but his story was good. It was about a classic Japanese samurai that found himself in New York somehow. I remember getting pretty involved in it. After he was done, we lay on our backs, chatting about it - you know, how would the story go if they guy had done this instead of that.
RAPHAEL
It was kinda cool to see Mikey being creative like that.
MASTER SPLINTER
I was pleasantly surprised hearing Michelangelo's story. He showed much promise, and from then on, I made an effort to encourage my sons' creativity whenever the opportunity arose.
MICHELANGELO
We finally heard on the radio that the rain had stopped. Not that you'd know it where we were. It took a full day before everything stopped leaking, and over a week before the levels in the sewer got back to normal. But we could at least brave heading back out again.
MASTER SPLINTER
The damage from the flood was thankfully less than I had feared. I did lose the painting I had been working on, and many of our lights were ruined.
DONATELLO
We had to rebuild Mikey's bed, and most of the lights were shot, but a lot of things just needed drying off. We had puddles in some rooms for weeks.
RAPHAEL
We had to bail out the study room. Leo would dip this bucket into the room, hand it to me, who handed it to Splinter, who handed it to Donny, who handed it to Mike, who dumped it into the sluice outside the entrance. Then we'd hand the bucket back to Leo. Over and over again. It took hours - boring as hell.
MICHELANGELO
We started singing every song that came on the radio, trying to break the monotony. That "bye bye Miss America" song came on, and we were hosed - too many words. We just started making up words to it, laughing, almost spilling the water as we passed the bucket along.
RAPHAEL
Finally got that room empty and almost dry, and our first job after that was plugging all the leaks in that ceiling.
MICHELANGELO
Our study desk was kinda warped after that, but y'know, so what? We could still study at it.
LEONARDO
We moved all the sandbags to an extra room down the way, just in case we needed them again. Thankfully, we never did.
DONATELLO
There's a few human platitudes that come to mind - "you can get used to anything" and "after a while, you'll miss everything". True on both counts - we got used to the sewer, and in a way, I do miss it.
MICHELANGELO
As time went on, our section of the sewer kinda changed. Before, it was just an abandoned tunnel that five freaks decided to hole up in. Later on, it looked more like...well, kinda like a home.
DONATELLO
We didn't really have a set boundary to where the "sewer" ended and where "our home" began. We just kept expanding outward from the place we first set up.
LEONARDO
I can't remember who first called our home "the lair", but it stuck. (smiling) It sounds like a Raph phrase, so I'll blame him.
MASTER SPLINTER
The area where I had first lit a fire ended up being the ideal place for that. The smoke from the fire would dissipate into a main sewer line, and thus would neither stay in our living area, nor indicate our position to people on the surface.
RAPHAEL
We called that the "main room" or the "family room" - where we always built the fire. Then we built...(frowning) Lemme think. Geez, it's already getting hard to remember. I know the kitchen - or what used to be the kitchen - used to be right next to the main room.
LEONARDO
Splinter painted a few paintings just for us, and did a few calligraphy pieces. We hung those on the walls, and that gave it feel more like a home.
MICHELANGELO
We used to prepare food right on the fire. There was a water main there, so we could get water when we needed to. So we had this sort of makeshift kitchen next to the main room, where we kept our bowls and plates and food.
DONATELLO
Once we started getting appliances, it became apparent that the original kitchen wasn't going to work. There was only one outlet there. So we set up the kitchen one more room down. The old kitchen became our study room, and we used the one outlet there for light.
LEONARDO
There was a fairly large level space further down from the main room, and that became our dojo.
MASTER SPLINTER
The room most certainly was not ideal for a dojo. The floor was concrete, of course, which is most unsuitable for the feet and legs. (smiling) Especially mine. And the ceiling was a bit lower than I would have liked. But it was the best possible area available.
DONATELLO
At least twice, I leapt up during a sparring match, and while bringing my bo around, caught it on the ceiling. That hurts the wrists quite a bit.
MICHELANGELO
It was very roomy - we could all practice in there with no problem. And it wasn't far from the main sluice. That might sound kinda disgusting. Well, it is kinda disgusting, but it meant there was at least a bit more airflow there, so we weren't sweltering in the still air.
MASTER SPLINTER
We discovered some electrical outlets in the sewer, and I was quite surprised to find that they were live. I was worried that the power company, or whoever owned the outlets, would notice any heavy power usage, but I decided it was worth the risk to attempt to use a little electricity. With the money I received, I asked Mitake to purchase some things for us - some lights, to begin with.
MITAKE
It was a bit strange. I thought the sewers were an extremely temporary resting place for Yoshi and his charges. But as he started to ask me to buy him things, I realized that he was going to be staying there for the long haul.
DONATELLO
I remember the first electrical thing we got were Christmas lights. It was January, and so every store had strings of those small white lights for like a buck. We had Mitake buy...I think it was thirty strands. We kept ten in reserve, and strung up twenty. All around our family room, the kitchen, the dojo, and the walkways between.
MICHELANGELO
The idea originally was to unplug them when we went to bed, but they were dim enough that we could sleep with them on. So we left them on all the time.
LEONARDO
I remember the first night we had those lights. I couldn't fall asleep. I just stared at them. I can't really explain it, but they excited me. It was like the first step in being a real person - having electric light just like everybody else in New York, even if it was just Christmas lights.
RAPHAEL
Once the lights were up, we didn't need the candles so much anymore. Splinter still likes to light them when he paints - he says it centers him - but we weren't relying on them just to see. That was really cool.
MASTER SPLINTER
As the money accumulated, I next asked Mitake to buy us some used appliances.
MICHELANGELO
I remember when we got our first oven. We were so stoked - dude, pizza every night! But then we realized we couldn't just shove it down a manhole - it was too big. We had to wait until a dry patch of weather, and then Mitake had to deliver it all the way over to one of the exit sluices. We put it on a little wooden frame with casters, and pushed the darn thing several miles to get it home. (smiling) We really wanted that oven. And we did celebrate with pizza that night. Really late, though.
DONATELLO
Mitake, Casey - April, you too - everyone had their ears to the ground for us. Whenever somebody was getting rid of something, they immediately thought, "Could the mutants use this?"
MITAKE
An old friend of mine was buying a new refrigerator because the power kept cutting out to his old one. I asked if I could have it, which he thought was a bit strange, but he did give it to me.
RAPHAEL
We had to get the fridge down the same way. Compared to the fridge, the oven was a piece of cake.
MICHELANGELO
We were marching along, rolling the fridge along the walkways. I remember we were all singing some goofy song we were making up. "We're gonna have....coooold fooooood..."
DONATELLO
Oh, my God, I completely forgot about that! (smiling, eyes closed) "We're gonna have...coooold fooooood...."
LEONARDO
We were turning a corner when one of the casters on the platform broke, and the fridge started slipping off the platform. We all grabbed for it, but it ended up in the sluice. Along with Mikey and Don.
DONATELLO
Mikey and I fell into the sluice along with the fridge. It wasn't too deep - somewhere between two and three feet - but that almost makes it worse, because the less water, the more raw sewage there is in there.
LEONARDO
I sent Raph back to the lair to get some rope and some old pallets.
MICHELANGELO
Leo told us to hop out, but I decided against it. I knew someone was going to have to tie the rope around the fridge, and that would mean getting back in. I just hopped up on the fridge, banged my heels against it, and started singing that "cold food" song again.
DONATELLO
I joined Mikey on the fridge, and told him I really hoped I could fix this thing after all we went through to get it. I mean, imagine lugging a huge heavy thing miles to your home, falling in the sludge, and then finding out you couldn't make it work. Luckily, it ended up being a pretty easy fix.
RAPHAEL
I got back with the rope and pallets, we heaved that fridge out of there, and managed to get it back to the lair. Leo and I rinsed it off outside the lair while Don and Mike hit the showers.
MICHELANGELO
I remember showering the sewage off, so I guess Don had already built the shower by then.
RAPHAEL
It's not like we needed to shower every day. We lived in a sewer, for God's sake. But you get sewage on ya, trust me, ya want a way to get it off.
LEONARDO
We must have planned on how to build that shower for a week - how it would work, where to put it.
DONATELLO
The actual building of the shower wasn't hard at all. We attached a grating over a sluice. I put in a small water heater nearby, and attached a nozzle with a couple of levers - one for heat, one for water pressure. Instant shower.
MASTER SPLINTER
Donatello's shower worked extremely well. The water heater was somewhat small, and so I had to learn to shower quite a bit quicker than I was accustomed to.
MICHELANGELO
I was showering in it once, and must have been really zoning out. I took a step away from the nozzle, and almost stepped right off the side. (smiling) About a week later, Don and Raph had installed a railing around it.
MASTER SPLINTER
Once I had begun selling my paintings, and starvation no longer seemed an immediate concern, we began to settle somewhat more into a routine.
DONATELLO
We get up early. Six, six thirty. If we had a late patrol, we'd get to sleep until seven or so.
RAPHAEL
From the get-go, Sensei trained us hard. No slacking. Up early, work hard, study hard, to bed early.
LEONARDO
Right after we'd get up, we'd stretch out, then do tai-chi. That was sort of a warm-up. Then karate. Then weapon training. Then sparring. Then we ran this sort of obstacle course that we set up through the sewers.
MICHELANGELO
It was something we all worked on. It was fun. You know, leap across this sluice, climb this rope, and so forth.
RAPHAEL
Every once in awhile, one of us would get an idea to expand it, or make it more difficult. Most of my ideas were shot down - too potentially dangerous. (shrugging and smiling) They probably were.
DONATELLO
After we ran the course, we showered and had a quick lunch. Then it was study time.
MASTER SPLINTER
I had never taught academics before - only martial arts. For a year or so, I had to teach them collectively, regardless of their skill level - something I did not approve of, but I couldn't think of another way. After some time, they could start teaching themselves, and I could let them continue at their own pace.
LEONARDO
Raph had a tough time of it. You could tell he dreaded the afternoons.
RAPHAEL
It pissed me off. Splinter would teach us something, and I'd be like, "Huh?" No clue. Sensei coulda been speaking Swahili. But the others were all like, "OK, got it, next." I felt so stupid, because it seemed like every little thing had to be explained to me. The others...well, they tried to hide it, but you know they were impatient. Like, why do we have to wait for this moron to catch up?
DONATELLO
Actually, I give Raph a ton of credit. He's on the same grade level as Leo and Mike, but he got there by sheer determination. He had to work twice as hard to learn half as much.
MASTER SPLINTER
I do believe it likely that Raphael has a learning disability of some sort, but he compensates extremely well. He often has to learn a different way of learning things than the others, but always he finds a way.
RAPHAEL
(grinning) I ain't too bright, apparently, but I'm stubborn and work my tail off. And if you do that enough, you can learn enough to keep up with the smart ones.
LEONARDO
Donatello was the other way around. Splinter couldn't teach him fast enough.
DONATELLO
Sometimes, I could make the leap to the end of the lesson. He'd start setting up a math concept, and suddenly I'd see it clearly all the way to the end.
MASTER SPLINTER
It was only a few months before Donatello was on his own. He would finish textbooks in a day or so. I had problems getting enough material for him to learn.
DONATELLO
That's when I started itching to go to the library. (smiling) I figured I could just get a ton of books and just suck them dry. Sometimes, though, I'd finish up, and there'd be no more books to start. When that happened, I'd sit in with Raph - try to help him out.
RAPHAEL
I appreciated that. Donny's great at explaining stuff in different ways - which I like, because if you give me four or five ways to get something, I can usually latch onto one of them. But at the same time, it makes me feel even dumber. I mean, he can afford the spare time to try to help me out.
MICHELANGELO
After studying, it was time to do our chores. For me, that'd mean starting dinner, and the others would start cleaning or whatever. We'd have dinner, do the dishes, then, if we weren't going on patrol, it was personal time. Whatever we wanted to do. Generally, I'd go boarding, Donatello would go tinker on his workbench, Raph would smack his ball around with his hockey stick, and Leo would practice with his swords.
LEONARDO
Early on, Splinter used to tell us a story, or read us one. Even after we all knew how to read, we all loved sitting around the candles listening to him tell stories. I kinda miss him doing that now.
DONATELLO
Splinter should read storytime over at the library. When he reads, you completely lose yourself.
RAPHAEL
We didn't have a TV - well, we did for a bit. Didn't work too well. Only got two channels, and neither of them were very clear. And Splinter wasn't a fan. He thought it was distracting to our lessons. I thought that was a cop-out - I didn't suck at math because of the TV, right? I sucked at math 'cause I sucked at math. But Splinter didn't want it around. So we had to make do with the radio.
MICHELANGELO
I found this old clock radio, and brought it back to see if Don could get it working again. It took him a while to fix it up, but he got it going finally. He didn't fix the clock part, so it never did tell time - it just said 10:37 all the time. We used to listen to it quite a bit, especially during chore time and personal time. Of course, we never agreed much about what to listen to. I wanted rock, Raph liked classic rock and metal, Donny wanted jazz, Leo wanted that new age stuff, and Splinter preferred classical.
DONATELLO
We usually ended up listening to the oldies station, since none of us had a really gripe with it. But I did get to work on fixing up little radios for all of us, so we could listen to whatever we wanted when we were in our rooms.
MICHELANGELO
Our living area kept getting bigger, but we always have stayed two to a room. That was Splinter's idea.
MASTER SPLINTER
I thought that they would feel more secure if they had someone else sleeping near them. My room was not that far away, either.
RAPHAEL
We paired up - Leo and Don were in one room, and Mikey and me were across the hall. I don't remember why it was like that, but that's the way it's been since. Even now, that's how we are. Seems a bit strange. I mean, Mikey and I are almost complete opposites - he's the optimist, I'm the pessimist. But it's worked out pretty good - we get along OK.
DONATELLO
It's never been a problem. Sure, there's times I want to be alone, but there were plenty of places to go in the lair where I could be alone if I really wanted to.
LEONARDO
Splinter slept on this beat-up futon. It was in pretty bad shape, but it sure beat what we had.
DONATELLO
Beds aren't cheap, and Splinter wasn't making enough to really buy us all beds. So we sort of had to jerry-rig something for all of us.
RAPHAEL
We found a bunch of old rags next to some warehouse - I mean, there must have been a ton of them. Splinter had us bring them back to the lair. We tossed the really messed-up ones, and washed the rest of them the best we could. Then Donny built these smallish wooden frames, we filled each one up with rags, placed an old sleeping bag on top, then an old blanket on top of that. Believe it or not, that's what we slept on.
LEONARDO
They weren't the most comfortable things in the world, but it certainly was better than sleeping on the concrete, which we had to do at first.
MICHELANGELO
To be honest, I kinda miss them now. I could sleep on my back, sort of burrow my shell down into the rags, but keep my head, arms and legs up. Can't do that on a regular bed, so sleeping on my back's out now.
DONATELLO
There were kinda lame, but it worked well. It was warm enough. The sewers tend to be pretty stable, temperature-wise. It's like forty-five, fifty degrees down there year round. The few times it got really cold, we just got in the sleeping bags.
RAPHAEL
We didn't have any clothes for several years. We spent our early days running around naked as the day we were...mutated. (laughing) And why not? No one could see us. Our shells hide everything, anyway.
MICHELANGELO
When we started heading topside, Splinter insisted we start wearing clothes. Made sense - when in Rome 'n' all. But it sure felt weird, 'cause none of us were used to it. It was sort of like walking around with a shirt over your face.
LEONARDO
When it came to clothes, as always, it was all about economy. Whenever we needed clothes, we hit the thrift stores.
RAPHAEL
Let's just say whatever clothes we get aren't gonna be the hippest things. But who cares, y'know? People were gonna stare at us no matter what we put on, anyway.
DONATELLO
Extra large T-shirts fit around our shells. They're a bit long, but we can tuck them in. It's the jeans that are ridiculous. I mean, no one makes a pair of jeans with a 34-inch waist and a 24-inch inseam. So we have to chop them short just past the knees. Or we wear shorts, which on us don't look that short.
RAPHAEL
We don't look much "better" in our clothes than out of them. I mean, it's not like people aren't going to realize we're mutants just because we've got clothes on. It's almost like a concession to humans - "Yeah, we'll wear clothes because you do." But we've gotten used to it.
LEONARDO
Splinter was making decent money from his paintings, but it was irregular, and there was no way of knowing if he'd suddenly be unable to sell more. So we tended to hoard what we had, and spend as little as possible.
RAPHAEL
Mr Li let us come in to his store and do our grocery shopping just before he closed, when the fewest folks were around.
MICHELANGELO
Splinter used to do all the shopping, but with me doing more and more of the cooking, I started going with him. Soon we were all going.
LEONARDO
We were like kids at the grocery store...well, I guess we were kids at the grocery store! Y'know, "Buy me this, buy me that". Splinter was pretty firm, though - if we whined too much, we didn't come back the next time.
MICHELANGELO
Saving money was always key, so we grew up eating on the cheap. Plus, Splinter wasn't sure what our digestive systems would take. Mostly anything, as it turns
out, but we tended to play it cheap 'n'safe. Fruits, vegetables, cereal, rice, pasta. Dinner was chicken or pizza, usually, or pasta. Once in a while, I'd go nuts and cook steak, or bake a cake or something.
DONATELLO
As money's gotten a bit better, we've expanded our menu somewhat. A few times, we've even gone out to eat - to hell with people staring. But I'd still rather have Michelangelo's pizza than anything else in the world.
LEONARDO
Sewer living wasn't that bad. The only time it really became a problem was during those heavy rainstorms several years back.
MICHELANGELO
Man, that was horrible. It rained nonstop for, what, a month?
MASTER SPLINTER
After the few days of heavy rain, I began to worry. Upon hearing the radio station forecast nothing but rain for the foreseeable future, I decided that it would be prudent to take some precautions.
DONATELLO
Sensei had Mitake get us a ton of sandbags. Literally, a ton. Actually, it might have been two tons. We had to try to carry them one by one through the sluice back to the lair - which was a nightmare, because the water was already on its way up.
RAPHAEL
Ever slog through water up to your knees carrying a huge sandbag? (smirking) I can't recommend it.
MICHELANGELO
We started sandbagging all of our entrances, almost all the way to the top. The only way out was to crawl to the top of the tunnel and squeeze your way out.
LEONARDO
Master Splinter gave us some money, and told us to stock up on we called "emergency food". That was stuff we didn't need to refrigerate or really even prepare. Lots of trail mix, granola bars, fruit and vegetables, that sort of thing. We came back with bags and bags with it, just in case. It ended up being just enough, barely.
RAPHAEL
I was like, come on, what are we doing this for? It took a few days, but I found out, all right.
MICHELANGELO
At the end of the first week, if we wanted to go topside, we'd have to either wade through waist-deep water, or crawl along the top of the sewer tunnels. By the end of the second week, we could only get out by swimming...and we were looking at some mondo currents. It wasn't really swimming - we basically jumped in the sluice and tried to grab the ladder as we swept by. If you missed, you ended up five blocks down.
DONATELLO
Splinter finally said "enough" and sandbagged the entrance all the way to the top. We had to block off our shower and bathroom, too, since they emptied out onto the sluice.
RAPHAEL
I'll admit it if no one else did: I was worried. Not really for me - we can handle ourselves in water pretty good. But Splinter can't. Worse came to worst, we would've had to try to swim out of there, and we didn't know if Splinter could handle that. We would've had to swim out carrying him, and I didn't know if I could do that, either.
LEONARDO
It was a bit like sealing yourself into a box underwater. Air still got in, but not much - it got pretty stuffy in there. And everything leaked. Lots of the Christmas lights shorted out.
MICHELANGELO
I woke up one morning yelling, because a leak had appeared over my bed while I was sleeping.
DONATELLO
We decided to consolidate. We brought our sleeping bags and Splinter's futon in the main room. It was just that and the kitchen. And to get to the kitchen, we had to leap over sandbags, wade through the study room, and then leap over more sandbags. Basically, we sat in the main room listening to the radio and talking.
LEONARDO
We still did tai chi every morning, and we added some meditation exercises afterwards, but that was it - no sparring, no weapons training.
DONATELLO
We needed something to help pass the time besides just staring at the radio. So I turned the radio to the classical station, and Splinter would tell us stories, like he used to when we were first mutated.
MASTER SPLINTER
I had forgotten how much my sons enjoyed hearing stories. I told as many stories as I could remember - ancient Japanese stories, historical stories, stories my sensei had told me.
LEONARDO
Splinter was resting after one of those marathon storytelling sessions, and Michelangelo said, "I don't suppose any of you want to hear a story I made up."
MICHELANGELO
I'd been writing stories in my head for years, but I'd never written one down, or told anyone about them. But I was going nutzoid. I love my family and everything, but I was getting tired of being stuck in the main room with them 24/7. Sensei's stories took my mind off things, but he couldn't talk forever. So finally I got up the nerve. I thought about it for a couple days, then just told it.
DONATELLO
Mikey was no Splinter, mind you, but his story was good. It was about a classic Japanese samurai that found himself in New York somehow. I remember getting pretty involved in it. After he was done, we lay on our backs, chatting about it - you know, how would the story go if they guy had done this instead of that.
RAPHAEL
It was kinda cool to see Mikey being creative like that.
MASTER SPLINTER
I was pleasantly surprised hearing Michelangelo's story. He showed much promise, and from then on, I made an effort to encourage my sons' creativity whenever the opportunity arose.
MICHELANGELO
We finally heard on the radio that the rain had stopped. Not that you'd know it where we were. It took a full day before everything stopped leaking, and over a week before the levels in the sewer got back to normal. But we could at least brave heading back out again.
MASTER SPLINTER
The damage from the flood was thankfully less than I had feared. I did lose the painting I had been working on, and many of our lights were ruined.
DONATELLO
We had to rebuild Mikey's bed, and most of the lights were shot, but a lot of things just needed drying off. We had puddles in some rooms for weeks.
RAPHAEL
We had to bail out the study room. Leo would dip this bucket into the room, hand it to me, who handed it to Splinter, who handed it to Donny, who handed it to Mike, who dumped it into the sluice outside the entrance. Then we'd hand the bucket back to Leo. Over and over again. It took hours - boring as hell.
MICHELANGELO
We started singing every song that came on the radio, trying to break the monotony. That "bye bye Miss America" song came on, and we were hosed - too many words. We just started making up words to it, laughing, almost spilling the water as we passed the bucket along.
RAPHAEL
Finally got that room empty and almost dry, and our first job after that was plugging all the leaks in that ceiling.
MICHELANGELO
Our study desk was kinda warped after that, but y'know, so what? We could still study at it.
LEONARDO
We moved all the sandbags to an extra room down the way, just in case we needed them again. Thankfully, we never did.
DONATELLO
There's a few human platitudes that come to mind - "you can get used to anything" and "after a while, you'll miss everything". True on both counts - we got used to the sewer, and in a way, I do miss it.