DISCLAIMER: I own them all, every last one of them. MY characters, I mean
my original characters. By no means do I own the cast of ER, if I did I
wouldn't be writing fan fiction.
Sorry the chapter took so long...hopefully it will be worth it.
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CHAPTER 13- The Letter
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"Hey, Carter, welcome back."
"Yeah, welcome back."
"Are you feeling better?"
"How was your time off?"
"It was deathly boring," Carter answered Susan, who had asked the last question. As he had walked through the front doors back into County's ER at 8:30 in the morning, the staff had greeted him with welcoming acclamations. Everyone wanted to know how he was feeling, and how he was doing. It was really very annoying to Carter; he just wanted to move on with his life. It wasn't as if it had been a highly traumatizing event in his life.
God knew that he had experienced worse things. Much worse.
He stood there in the Chairs area of the ER, and listened to the noise and bustling of the doctors, complaints of the patients, and the carping of their families. Carter was genuinely glad to be back. He made his way through the chaos and to the lounge area, where he changed into his white coat. Stowing his things in his locker like he had done so many hundreds of times before, he turned and left the area to tackle the day.
In the Admit area, Carter found Luka running the board, his usual surly look about him. He was glancing over a piece of paper, a letter, wearing a blank expression on his face. He glanced up quickly and, spotting Carter, got up from his seat, smiling.
"Hey Carter," he said, "welcome back. How are you feeling?" Carter shrugged.
"I'm doing fine, still a little pain, but I'll get over it," he answered. He turned his attention on the letter in Luka's hand. "What's the letter?"
"Oh, that," Luka said. He folded the letter and slid it back into its envelope, tucking it into the pocked of his white coat. "I'm going to go back to Africa." Carter raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" he said, nodding his head slowly. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Kisangani, I'm leaving at the end of the week," Luka told him. He gave Carter a more serious look. "You should really think about going back." Carter had wanted to go back to Africa. He didn't quite know why, but something about it made him want to go back, even if it did mean risking his life through the civil wars going on there.
"I was thinking about it," Carter responded after a short pause. "I just need to find a time to do it." Luka nodded, understanding.
"That can be tough," he agreed. "Especially working in a place like this. I think that Weaver is on the warpath against me right now for it." Carter couldn't help but laugh.
"When is Weaver not on the warpath against somebody? Right now, it just happens to be you," he said, as Luka snorted. A familiar sound made them look up to find Weaver walking toward them, cane clicking aginst the floor as she came. She wore an expression of annoyance on her face as she approached the two of them.
"Speak of the devil," Luka muttered under his breath as Kerry approached them, a stern look on her face.
"Hey, this hospital is not paying you to sit around and chat, there are patients to see. Let's focus on patient care, not gossip, leave that for the nurses," she said, free hand on her hip. The two doctors nodded, mostly to prevent Kerry from exploding even further. They stood up, and Luka wrote something on the board. Carter turned to grab one of the triage patients, but Kerry stopped him. "Carter, could I speak with you for a moment?" Carter turned back.
"Sure, Dr. Weaver," he answered, as Kerry gestured toward a more empty part of the ER where they wouldn't be easily overheard. They stopped, and Weaver turned toward him.
"I got a phone call today concerning the young Miss Knight, your Pedes patient," she said, as if clarification was necessary. Carter nodded apprehensively.
"SCCS?" he asked. Kerry nodded. "And?"
"And they are sending a representative over on October 4th to come and retrieve her, and take her back to Ohio." Carter was silent. That was only two weeks in the hospital. He had wanted Grace to stay there longer, she was his closest reminder of Lucy, and he knew that he would miss her once she was gone. Rationally, though, it was nearing time for her to be discharged. She couldn't stay there in the hospital forever. He nodded.
"Okay," Carter said, blowing a gust of air out of his mouth. "Well, today's the first of the month, so we should tell her." Kerry nodded.
"Do you want to do it?"
"Yeah," Carter said, nodding. "Yeah, let me tell her." There was a short pause. "She's gonna need to go to physical therapy, she needs to learn how to use crutches."
"Oh, right, the broken leg," Kerry said. She nodded. "I can call and see when they can get her in for that. Anything else?"
"No, I don't think so," Carter said, thinking back. "I know that she is still having a little bit of trouble standing up on her own, and her abdomen still gives her pain sometimes, but we can give her painkillers for that."
"Okay," Kerry nodded. She looked over her shoulder at the chaos of the ER, then turned back to Carter. "Well, I'll give you more information on the time and place to meet the representative, the man on the phone said something about some things he needed to get to you."
"Yeah," Carter said, scratching his nose. "Apparently, Barbara Knight left some things for me after she died, They are bringing them to me." Kerry gave him a sympathetic look.
"Oh," she said. There was a short pause, then she spoke again. "SCCS also said something about a package in the mail for you, wanted to know if you had gotten it yet. John, is this something I should be concerned about?" Carter shook his head.
"No, it shouldn't be," he said, trying to convey assurance in his voice. In the back of his mind, though, Kerry had raised a new issue. What if this package, its contents, really was something he should be worried about. He crushed the possibility. Barbara Knight probably just wanted him to have an article that had belonged to Lucy, like a photograph or card or something. He brushed it out of his mind.
"Okay," Kerry said, nodding. She glanced around the ER. Carter followed her gaze. They caught Chuny's eyes.
"Hey, we're gonna need one of you," she said, calling from the admit desk. "We have a 34 year old male coming in, fell off of a balcony."
"ETA?"
"Three minutes."
"Okay, thanks Chuny," Kerry said. She rubbed her forehead. "Carter, try not to get too caught up with this patient. I know she means something to you, and to a few other staff members here, but don't get too attached to her. She'll be gone soon." Carter sighed.
"I know, I know," he said, groaning. "You don't have to tell me that, Kerry." She gave him a skeptical look.
"I think I do," she said. She glanced over her shoulder and, after giving Carter one last look, she went off to grab a trauma gown and wait for the ambulance.
Carter stood, still taking in what Kerry had told him, letting the full effects of the words hit him. He knew he shouldn't be getting attached, as Kerry put it, to Grace, but he couldn't help it. She was Lucy's child, after all, and in a way, being around the child helped him to cope with the guilt that still lingered with him, even after the years had gone by. The little girl was a comfort, and a sweet child, and he would miss her when she went back to her foster parents in Ohio. Carter looked down at his hands, and let out his breath. Hearing the chaos of the ER, he looked up.
"Carter, this is a tough one. Could you give us a hand?" Kerry shouted to him. Carter's head jerked over at her, and, grabbing a trauma gown and gloves, he dashed over to the gurney.
"Give me the bullet," he said, quickly surveying the man's injuries visually as the paramedic rattled of the patient's stats.
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Carter had been told earlier that Grace was scheduled for physical therapy at 1:00 sharp, so Carter arrived at her room at 12:50 so that he could take her down to the session. He walked down the hall of the Pedes floor as he had so many times in the last week, and pushed open the door of the child's room.
"You're back!" Grace said happily, smiling ear-to-ear. Her bed was propped into a sitting position, and the remnants of her lunch tray still sat on her lap table, waiting for the nurse to collect them. Carter couldn't help but smile with her.
"Yep, I'm here," he said, grabbing her chart from the counter of the room and pulling up a chair to sit at the child's bedside. She gave him a hug.
"I missed you, I was afraid that you weren't coming back." She looked at Carter and gave him a look of portending fear, like she would be scared if he left her again.
"I missed you too, kiddo," Carter said, smiling at her. "How are you feeling?"
"Better. Did you come to take me to my therapy?" Carter nodded, glancing around the room. His eye caught onto a bunch of Get Well Soon balloons and a small stuffed dog on the girl's bedside table.
"Who sent you those?" he asked, gesturing his head in the direction of the balloons. Grace looked at them.
"The Thompsons did. Aren't they nice? I was happy to get something like that from somebody."
"Your foster family?"
"Yep," she said, nodding. Carter looked at her, and took a short breath.
"Well, I have some good news for you, Miss Knight," he began. The child was listening intently.
"What is it?"
"The Summit County Child's Services office called from Ohio this morning," he began, using a steady voice. "Someone is going to come on October 4th to take you back home." Grace nodded slowly, as if trying to decide how she felt about the whole thing.
"Oh," she said. "How long am I gonna have here?"
"Three days." She nodded.
"Okay." There was a short pause. Carter glanced at his watch. He had four minutes to get Grace up to the eighth floor for physical therapy.
"Uh, oh," He said, standing up. "We are going to be late for your therapy session."
"Are you taking me?"
"Yes I am," he said, bringing the wheelchair to her bed and helping her into it. He wheeled her out the door. He checked to see that no nurses were around, then he smiled at Grace. "Okay," he said. "We are going to make a dash for the elevator. Are you ready?"
"Okay," she said, holding on tight, a playful look on her face. Carter leaned forward and ran forward, pushing the wheelchair in front of him. He heard Grace laughing, as he ran down the long hallway to the elevator. Approaching their destination, he slowed to a walk, hitting the button for the elevator. "That was fun," she said, still giggling.
"Yeah, it was," Carter agreed, smiling, as he pushed the wheelchair into the elevator.
After he had delivered the child safely to the therapist, Carter arranged for a nurse to pick her up after the hour was finished, and went back down to the ER. He wandered over to the Admitting Desk, and checked out the board. There was a moderate number of patients, three of which were his. Kerry had ended up taking the man who fell off of the balcony; it turned out that he had been drunk and incontinent.
Making rounds again to visit a man with chest pain, a woman with PID and a teenager who was bitten by his pet snake, as well as treating a college student with food poisoning, he returned to the desk to fill out his patient charts. He met Abby at the desk, sitting doing notes and eating a bagel. She glanced sideways at him as he sat down on a stool.
"Hey, Carter," she said, "How are you doing?"
"I'm just fine, thank you," he answered, "and yourself?"
"How was your time off?" she asked him, ignoring his question completely. She turned and gave him a look, eyebrows slightly raised, expecting an answer.
"Unproductive," he said, filling in a patient chart. "I lied on the couch watching reruns of Third Rock from the Sun and Friends and slept for three days straight."
"Sounds good to me," she said, wrapping up her work and giving a stack of patient charts to Frank, who groaned.
"Just keep my work coming," he said sarcastically, shoving the stack onto the counter.
"Well, Frank, it is what they pay you to do," Abby told him matter-of- factly. Frank shot her a dirty look, then noticed Carter sitting at the counter and filling out his notes.
"Dr. Carter, something came for you today in the mail," he said, retrieving something from under the desk. Carter looked up from his notes.
"What?" he said, now paying attention to what was being said. Frank thrust a large brown mailing envelope into Carter's hands.
"Take it," Frank said as the phone rang and he left to answer it.
Carter just sat there for a moment. The return address on the envelope was from the Summit County Children's Services office in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. Why on earth hadn't they sent the thing to his apartment? He wanted to see this, needed to read what was inside. He stacked his half-finished notes on a corner of the desk.
"Hey, Frank, what's open?" He wanted to be alone, and didn't want to risk someone else watching him in the lounge.
"Exam 4." Carter waved his hand in thanks as he carried the envelope into the exam room. He closed the door behind him and shut the blinds, sitting on the empty bed, feet up on the chair at the bedside. He held the brown envelope in his hands for a moment. All he could do was stare at it. It must have been some kind of letter, he decided, but couldn't bring himself to open the envelope. He wasn't quite sure what he was afraid of, but he couldn't shake a strange feeling of foreboding. Everyone he knew in connection with the envelope, except for the attorneys who had sent it to him, was dead.
A sudden paroxysm came over him, a strange impulse, and he tore the envelope open, taking a breath. He overturned it, letting its contents fall onto the bed beside him. A thick envelope tumbled out, and another note fluttered onto the bed beside it. Carter set the brown envelope down and picked up the note. It was covered with untidy handwriting, scrawled in black ink.
"Dr. John Carter,
"Our offices, in connection with the Summit County Children's Services board, could not locate your home address, so we were forced to mail this to your workplace. I hope it has not caused too much of a problem.
"Enclosed is a sealed envelope, presumably a letter from the late Ms. Barbara Knight. It was left for you. Because it is written material, we ask that you disclose any relevant information to our offices immediately. It is a strange request, but we ask it in all such cases.
"Our office is open from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm, you'll find the phone number at the foot of this page. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Vincent J. Black, Black & Black Associates"
Carter turned the note over, there was nothing written on the reverse side, but he found a phone number written on the bottom of the page. He snorted. It was just like a lawyer to be too lazy to locate his home address. He put the note aside and turned his attention to the envelope lying at his side. He picked it up gingerly, as if it would deteriorate if he handled it roughly.
Carter's mind went blank. His hands began to tremble slightly as the envelope seemed to grow heavy in his hands. The front of the envelope was addressed to him, John Carter, M.D., to be mailed to the hospital. The return address was handwritten, to Ms. Barbara Knight, 1674 Forest View Drive, Richfield, Ohio. It sported a stamp of the American flag, value at 34 cents. It lacked the postal ink that signified it had been mailed. Carter stared at the envelope, and, slowly and carefully, he opened it.
With trembling hands, he slid out no less than seven sheets of stationery, filled with straight, elegant handwriting, and unfolded them. He began to read the letter:
"Dear John,
"You have no idea how strange this is to be writing something so personal to you. I met you only once, but I feel as if I have known you longer. I would like to keep a correspondence with you, but I'm sure that you would like nothing better than to forget about me now. I suppose it was painful to talk with me when we met years ago, but it hurt me to talk to you as well. I get comfort from it, but it still hurts.
"My daughter died just three years ago, but it seems like so much longer. She used to call me every two or three days, and without those phone calls to sustain me, the time has passed so unbelievably slowly. When Lucy left me, she left behind her most precious gift. I am talking, of course, about her daughter Grace. You don't know her, but that is what brings me to write to you in the first place. There is so much to say, so I will start from the beginning.
"When Lucy first began at Cook County, she was nervous. She didn't know where she fit into the scheme of things. She told me that all of the staff there were such a tight-knit group, and she hoped to fit in somehow. She was assigned to work with you then, Dr. Carter. She began to adapt. Lucy spoke of you frequently, of how the two of you were constantly arguments.
"This next part is probably the only part of the story that is clearer to you than it is to me. I understand that, during the early winter of that year, you and Lucy had some sort of fling.
Carter closed his eyes briefly, tearing his gaze away from the page. How could he have forgotten that? It had been the night after they had been caught in Exam 6. Carter had given her a ride back to her dorm, and one thing had led to another...nothing at all had ever happened after that. They both feared for their careers. He turned his attention back to the paper in his hand, picking up where he left off.
"She told me that it was only once, and you agreed not to continue the relationship for professional reasons. Though it was only one time, Lucy found out later that she had become pregnant.
"Oh, my God," Carter breathed. He continued reading, hooked by the story.
"She told me as soon as she found out, and we had to decide what to do. Lucy was adamant about not giving up her child, and she knew that she could raise it alone. She used to say that after watching me be such a capable single mom, she didn't see the need for a partner at all. I think that was the stubbornness talking. We decided to keep the baby, and I would watch the child during the last year that Lucy was at school, when she could get a job wherever she matched, and take the baby with her.
"It was hard for her at first, to face you and everyone else in the ER and keep her secret. The first trimester of her pregnancy went very well. She avoided caffeine, which she said was difficult to do because of the hours she worked. She stopped her Ritalin. She tried as hard as she could to avoid endangering cases without arousing suspicion. She tried hard herself not to get sick.
"Of course, she had to get prenatal care somewhere, so she went to Mercy Hospital. She made sure that the records were confidential, and that nobody who knew her was there. She had several ultrasounds, and hid the printouts. Lucy found out in her second trimester that she was carrying a girl.
"She began to gain weight, and she showed slightly at the end of the school year. Thank goodness that she was a late bloomer in that respect. She told colleagues at work that she was putting on the pounds because of the food she ate. She was careful to maintain a healthy diet throughout the pregnancy, though. The minute school got out, she came back home, and I helped her prepare for the baby. That summer, when she really was showing, she was in my care, and far enough away from anybody she knew to risk being caught.
"We planned a Cesarean Section for mid-August, when the baby would be at 38 weeks, so that Lucy could go back to school without suspicion. A couple of weeks into July, though, the little girl showed her face to the world for the first time.
"Grace Elizabeth Knight was born at 8:06 am on the morning of July 15, 1999. She weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces, and measured 19 inches in length. When her birth certificate was filled out, you were filled in as the father. She felt too nervous to tell you just yet.
"Lucy was so scared that she was too young, thought that she was too immature to take good care of the little girl. It was the first time that I ever saw her doubt her own abilities. She was so terrified, John, that she would screw it all up. She cried after she was born, she cried for her daughter, she loved her so much but didn't want to fail. I knew she wouldn't. Lucy loved Grace too much to mess up.
"Lucy spent precious time with her daughter before returning to medical school in the fall. She had worked to get back to her fighting weight, so nobody noticed a thing. It was soon time for her to go back to Chicago. She hated leaving Grace behind, and I think that she wanted me to move to Chicago, get an apartment that we could share, so she could go to medical school and still see her daughter every day. She never asked me, though. I think she felt guilty about me stopping my life for her. I offered to move, but she told me that it was ridiculous to do so. Now I wish that I had.
"I know it pained her to leave. She promised to come back as soon as she got a decent amount of time off. But that day at the airport, when she kissed Grace good-bye, she cried. She hated to leave, but she wanted so much to finish medical school. So she got on the plane to Chicago.
"She called me daily after that, whenever she had time. She asked how Grace was, and she wanted to know how I was holding up. I swear! It's like she thought I was an old woman. I was 44 years old! But that's beside the story.
"She wanted to come home for Christmas. I think she knew that that would be impossible. She wasn't supposed to take time off. She had a difficult case with a patient that Christmas, though, a Valerie Page who had heart problems. After she died, something about Lucy changed. She had to come back to see Grace. She still hadn't told you, but she felt relieved that she was no longer under your supervision.
"So she asked for some time off. She had a little trouble, saying there was a family emergency, and eventually Dr. Weaver gave her a week, as long as Lucy would be willing to make the time up later. So she flew back to Cleveland to visit.
"When she saw Grace in my arms at the airport, she cried. She was so upset that she had to leave her child behind, so she seriously thought about taking her back with her. I talked her out of that. I told her that she'd never be able to concentrate on her work if Grace was always there with her. She said she couldn't concentrate anyway.
"So Lucy had a bonding time with her daughter that week. She went out and took Grace everywhere that was important to her, although she was too young to understand anyway. Sometimes, Lucy would just sit in a chair holding the child, looking out the window at the small, ice-covered lake. She never let that little girl out of her sight.
"Leaving broke her heart again. She promised to come back as soon as she could. We were sure that we would see each other at her graduation that June, and Lucy said that she would tell you then, once she was out of med school.
"Needless to say, that never happened. Grace never felt her mother's embrace again.
"John, I can't imagine the shock you will feel reading this letter, if I ever get up the courage to send it. I know that you are still trying to deal with the aftershock of your own attack. Some scars never heal, though, difficult as that is. I speak to you as a grieving mother, I know the pain. But I also know the joy in new life, the joy that Grace has brought to my life. I cannot imagine how I would have ever gotten through these times without her.
"Lucy is gone, as difficult as it is to write those words, but she lives on through her little girl. And as long as she is remembered, she will never die.
"Thank you, John, for listening.
"Yours sincerely,
"Barbara Knight"
Carter looked up from the letter in his hand. He couldn't believe the words that it contained. His eyes frantically read over the letter again. Surprised, Carter felt two tears running down his cheeks. His mind raced.
So Grace was his daughter. His and Lucy's child, she was a part of both of them. Oh, God, Carter thought, How could this happen? But he had a daughter.
He had a daughter, a sweet little five-year-old girl. She was a part of him. A part of Lucy. And she was sitting up on the fifth floor that very moment. He wanted to run to her. But he couldn't.
He simply didn't know what to do, his mind was racing, he was confused, and, most of all, shocked. He had a daughter. This changed everything.
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So I know that most of you are not shocked at all, but that's okay. It wasn't a big mystery to begin with to you...
But how will everyone else react? Will Carter even tell people? Stick around for the next part to find out.
I know it's taken forever, but I rewrote that stupid letter five times. Every time that I reread it, I found more things wrong with it. I finally left it as it was.
Thanks for sticking around!! This is definitely not the end of the series, merely, a new beginning. I will try to make some of the plot go faster, to keep you all entertained, as a few of you seem to have gotten bored with this plot.
REVIEWER FEEDBACK!!!
MeligurlJO- Thanks again for being my most faithful reviewer. I'm really glad that you have stuck around, and glad that you took the time to give your feedback. Thank you so much!
Nina- All of the medical terms come from different places. I volunteer at a hospital, and run errands for the ER when they need me. It's just stupid stuff like mailing things, but I pick stuff up there. Also, sometimes I just watch the show, write down terms I don't know and look them up later. My dad is a doctor too, so I just ask him and he knows most of the stuff. If you could, please e-mail me a list of the terms you would like to know and I will do my best to explain them. Thanks!
EMSchick- yeah, I know the thing about the needle, it was a stupid mistake. I'm glad you took the time to review, thanks!
Jane McCartney- In answer to your questions: Dakota Fanning? Definitely not, her hair is too light and the face is all wrong...I still haven't found a picture that could help you accurately visualize my picture of Grace. And I know Carter is great with kids, that was a personality flaw. I try to be as accurate as I can, though, and I hope I don't do that again.
Twin*muse- Thank you for all of your reviews, I'm glad that you liked the story. I like the name too, lol! Keep reading!
CARTERJOHN- You were right, but I didn't want to say anything until I had revealed it in the plot of the story. Thank you for reading!
Dshortklutz- Here are your answers! I hope you stick around and read more, thanks for your reviews.
Next chapter in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned!
Snapdragon
Sorry the chapter took so long...hopefully it will be worth it.
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CHAPTER 13- The Letter
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"Hey, Carter, welcome back."
"Yeah, welcome back."
"Are you feeling better?"
"How was your time off?"
"It was deathly boring," Carter answered Susan, who had asked the last question. As he had walked through the front doors back into County's ER at 8:30 in the morning, the staff had greeted him with welcoming acclamations. Everyone wanted to know how he was feeling, and how he was doing. It was really very annoying to Carter; he just wanted to move on with his life. It wasn't as if it had been a highly traumatizing event in his life.
God knew that he had experienced worse things. Much worse.
He stood there in the Chairs area of the ER, and listened to the noise and bustling of the doctors, complaints of the patients, and the carping of their families. Carter was genuinely glad to be back. He made his way through the chaos and to the lounge area, where he changed into his white coat. Stowing his things in his locker like he had done so many hundreds of times before, he turned and left the area to tackle the day.
In the Admit area, Carter found Luka running the board, his usual surly look about him. He was glancing over a piece of paper, a letter, wearing a blank expression on his face. He glanced up quickly and, spotting Carter, got up from his seat, smiling.
"Hey Carter," he said, "welcome back. How are you feeling?" Carter shrugged.
"I'm doing fine, still a little pain, but I'll get over it," he answered. He turned his attention on the letter in Luka's hand. "What's the letter?"
"Oh, that," Luka said. He folded the letter and slid it back into its envelope, tucking it into the pocked of his white coat. "I'm going to go back to Africa." Carter raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" he said, nodding his head slowly. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Kisangani, I'm leaving at the end of the week," Luka told him. He gave Carter a more serious look. "You should really think about going back." Carter had wanted to go back to Africa. He didn't quite know why, but something about it made him want to go back, even if it did mean risking his life through the civil wars going on there.
"I was thinking about it," Carter responded after a short pause. "I just need to find a time to do it." Luka nodded, understanding.
"That can be tough," he agreed. "Especially working in a place like this. I think that Weaver is on the warpath against me right now for it." Carter couldn't help but laugh.
"When is Weaver not on the warpath against somebody? Right now, it just happens to be you," he said, as Luka snorted. A familiar sound made them look up to find Weaver walking toward them, cane clicking aginst the floor as she came. She wore an expression of annoyance on her face as she approached the two of them.
"Speak of the devil," Luka muttered under his breath as Kerry approached them, a stern look on her face.
"Hey, this hospital is not paying you to sit around and chat, there are patients to see. Let's focus on patient care, not gossip, leave that for the nurses," she said, free hand on her hip. The two doctors nodded, mostly to prevent Kerry from exploding even further. They stood up, and Luka wrote something on the board. Carter turned to grab one of the triage patients, but Kerry stopped him. "Carter, could I speak with you for a moment?" Carter turned back.
"Sure, Dr. Weaver," he answered, as Kerry gestured toward a more empty part of the ER where they wouldn't be easily overheard. They stopped, and Weaver turned toward him.
"I got a phone call today concerning the young Miss Knight, your Pedes patient," she said, as if clarification was necessary. Carter nodded apprehensively.
"SCCS?" he asked. Kerry nodded. "And?"
"And they are sending a representative over on October 4th to come and retrieve her, and take her back to Ohio." Carter was silent. That was only two weeks in the hospital. He had wanted Grace to stay there longer, she was his closest reminder of Lucy, and he knew that he would miss her once she was gone. Rationally, though, it was nearing time for her to be discharged. She couldn't stay there in the hospital forever. He nodded.
"Okay," Carter said, blowing a gust of air out of his mouth. "Well, today's the first of the month, so we should tell her." Kerry nodded.
"Do you want to do it?"
"Yeah," Carter said, nodding. "Yeah, let me tell her." There was a short pause. "She's gonna need to go to physical therapy, she needs to learn how to use crutches."
"Oh, right, the broken leg," Kerry said. She nodded. "I can call and see when they can get her in for that. Anything else?"
"No, I don't think so," Carter said, thinking back. "I know that she is still having a little bit of trouble standing up on her own, and her abdomen still gives her pain sometimes, but we can give her painkillers for that."
"Okay," Kerry nodded. She looked over her shoulder at the chaos of the ER, then turned back to Carter. "Well, I'll give you more information on the time and place to meet the representative, the man on the phone said something about some things he needed to get to you."
"Yeah," Carter said, scratching his nose. "Apparently, Barbara Knight left some things for me after she died, They are bringing them to me." Kerry gave him a sympathetic look.
"Oh," she said. There was a short pause, then she spoke again. "SCCS also said something about a package in the mail for you, wanted to know if you had gotten it yet. John, is this something I should be concerned about?" Carter shook his head.
"No, it shouldn't be," he said, trying to convey assurance in his voice. In the back of his mind, though, Kerry had raised a new issue. What if this package, its contents, really was something he should be worried about. He crushed the possibility. Barbara Knight probably just wanted him to have an article that had belonged to Lucy, like a photograph or card or something. He brushed it out of his mind.
"Okay," Kerry said, nodding. She glanced around the ER. Carter followed her gaze. They caught Chuny's eyes.
"Hey, we're gonna need one of you," she said, calling from the admit desk. "We have a 34 year old male coming in, fell off of a balcony."
"ETA?"
"Three minutes."
"Okay, thanks Chuny," Kerry said. She rubbed her forehead. "Carter, try not to get too caught up with this patient. I know she means something to you, and to a few other staff members here, but don't get too attached to her. She'll be gone soon." Carter sighed.
"I know, I know," he said, groaning. "You don't have to tell me that, Kerry." She gave him a skeptical look.
"I think I do," she said. She glanced over her shoulder and, after giving Carter one last look, she went off to grab a trauma gown and wait for the ambulance.
Carter stood, still taking in what Kerry had told him, letting the full effects of the words hit him. He knew he shouldn't be getting attached, as Kerry put it, to Grace, but he couldn't help it. She was Lucy's child, after all, and in a way, being around the child helped him to cope with the guilt that still lingered with him, even after the years had gone by. The little girl was a comfort, and a sweet child, and he would miss her when she went back to her foster parents in Ohio. Carter looked down at his hands, and let out his breath. Hearing the chaos of the ER, he looked up.
"Carter, this is a tough one. Could you give us a hand?" Kerry shouted to him. Carter's head jerked over at her, and, grabbing a trauma gown and gloves, he dashed over to the gurney.
"Give me the bullet," he said, quickly surveying the man's injuries visually as the paramedic rattled of the patient's stats.
**********************
Carter had been told earlier that Grace was scheduled for physical therapy at 1:00 sharp, so Carter arrived at her room at 12:50 so that he could take her down to the session. He walked down the hall of the Pedes floor as he had so many times in the last week, and pushed open the door of the child's room.
"You're back!" Grace said happily, smiling ear-to-ear. Her bed was propped into a sitting position, and the remnants of her lunch tray still sat on her lap table, waiting for the nurse to collect them. Carter couldn't help but smile with her.
"Yep, I'm here," he said, grabbing her chart from the counter of the room and pulling up a chair to sit at the child's bedside. She gave him a hug.
"I missed you, I was afraid that you weren't coming back." She looked at Carter and gave him a look of portending fear, like she would be scared if he left her again.
"I missed you too, kiddo," Carter said, smiling at her. "How are you feeling?"
"Better. Did you come to take me to my therapy?" Carter nodded, glancing around the room. His eye caught onto a bunch of Get Well Soon balloons and a small stuffed dog on the girl's bedside table.
"Who sent you those?" he asked, gesturing his head in the direction of the balloons. Grace looked at them.
"The Thompsons did. Aren't they nice? I was happy to get something like that from somebody."
"Your foster family?"
"Yep," she said, nodding. Carter looked at her, and took a short breath.
"Well, I have some good news for you, Miss Knight," he began. The child was listening intently.
"What is it?"
"The Summit County Child's Services office called from Ohio this morning," he began, using a steady voice. "Someone is going to come on October 4th to take you back home." Grace nodded slowly, as if trying to decide how she felt about the whole thing.
"Oh," she said. "How long am I gonna have here?"
"Three days." She nodded.
"Okay." There was a short pause. Carter glanced at his watch. He had four minutes to get Grace up to the eighth floor for physical therapy.
"Uh, oh," He said, standing up. "We are going to be late for your therapy session."
"Are you taking me?"
"Yes I am," he said, bringing the wheelchair to her bed and helping her into it. He wheeled her out the door. He checked to see that no nurses were around, then he smiled at Grace. "Okay," he said. "We are going to make a dash for the elevator. Are you ready?"
"Okay," she said, holding on tight, a playful look on her face. Carter leaned forward and ran forward, pushing the wheelchair in front of him. He heard Grace laughing, as he ran down the long hallway to the elevator. Approaching their destination, he slowed to a walk, hitting the button for the elevator. "That was fun," she said, still giggling.
"Yeah, it was," Carter agreed, smiling, as he pushed the wheelchair into the elevator.
After he had delivered the child safely to the therapist, Carter arranged for a nurse to pick her up after the hour was finished, and went back down to the ER. He wandered over to the Admitting Desk, and checked out the board. There was a moderate number of patients, three of which were his. Kerry had ended up taking the man who fell off of the balcony; it turned out that he had been drunk and incontinent.
Making rounds again to visit a man with chest pain, a woman with PID and a teenager who was bitten by his pet snake, as well as treating a college student with food poisoning, he returned to the desk to fill out his patient charts. He met Abby at the desk, sitting doing notes and eating a bagel. She glanced sideways at him as he sat down on a stool.
"Hey, Carter," she said, "How are you doing?"
"I'm just fine, thank you," he answered, "and yourself?"
"How was your time off?" she asked him, ignoring his question completely. She turned and gave him a look, eyebrows slightly raised, expecting an answer.
"Unproductive," he said, filling in a patient chart. "I lied on the couch watching reruns of Third Rock from the Sun and Friends and slept for three days straight."
"Sounds good to me," she said, wrapping up her work and giving a stack of patient charts to Frank, who groaned.
"Just keep my work coming," he said sarcastically, shoving the stack onto the counter.
"Well, Frank, it is what they pay you to do," Abby told him matter-of- factly. Frank shot her a dirty look, then noticed Carter sitting at the counter and filling out his notes.
"Dr. Carter, something came for you today in the mail," he said, retrieving something from under the desk. Carter looked up from his notes.
"What?" he said, now paying attention to what was being said. Frank thrust a large brown mailing envelope into Carter's hands.
"Take it," Frank said as the phone rang and he left to answer it.
Carter just sat there for a moment. The return address on the envelope was from the Summit County Children's Services office in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. Why on earth hadn't they sent the thing to his apartment? He wanted to see this, needed to read what was inside. He stacked his half-finished notes on a corner of the desk.
"Hey, Frank, what's open?" He wanted to be alone, and didn't want to risk someone else watching him in the lounge.
"Exam 4." Carter waved his hand in thanks as he carried the envelope into the exam room. He closed the door behind him and shut the blinds, sitting on the empty bed, feet up on the chair at the bedside. He held the brown envelope in his hands for a moment. All he could do was stare at it. It must have been some kind of letter, he decided, but couldn't bring himself to open the envelope. He wasn't quite sure what he was afraid of, but he couldn't shake a strange feeling of foreboding. Everyone he knew in connection with the envelope, except for the attorneys who had sent it to him, was dead.
A sudden paroxysm came over him, a strange impulse, and he tore the envelope open, taking a breath. He overturned it, letting its contents fall onto the bed beside him. A thick envelope tumbled out, and another note fluttered onto the bed beside it. Carter set the brown envelope down and picked up the note. It was covered with untidy handwriting, scrawled in black ink.
"Dr. John Carter,
"Our offices, in connection with the Summit County Children's Services board, could not locate your home address, so we were forced to mail this to your workplace. I hope it has not caused too much of a problem.
"Enclosed is a sealed envelope, presumably a letter from the late Ms. Barbara Knight. It was left for you. Because it is written material, we ask that you disclose any relevant information to our offices immediately. It is a strange request, but we ask it in all such cases.
"Our office is open from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm, you'll find the phone number at the foot of this page. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Vincent J. Black, Black & Black Associates"
Carter turned the note over, there was nothing written on the reverse side, but he found a phone number written on the bottom of the page. He snorted. It was just like a lawyer to be too lazy to locate his home address. He put the note aside and turned his attention to the envelope lying at his side. He picked it up gingerly, as if it would deteriorate if he handled it roughly.
Carter's mind went blank. His hands began to tremble slightly as the envelope seemed to grow heavy in his hands. The front of the envelope was addressed to him, John Carter, M.D., to be mailed to the hospital. The return address was handwritten, to Ms. Barbara Knight, 1674 Forest View Drive, Richfield, Ohio. It sported a stamp of the American flag, value at 34 cents. It lacked the postal ink that signified it had been mailed. Carter stared at the envelope, and, slowly and carefully, he opened it.
With trembling hands, he slid out no less than seven sheets of stationery, filled with straight, elegant handwriting, and unfolded them. He began to read the letter:
"Dear John,
"You have no idea how strange this is to be writing something so personal to you. I met you only once, but I feel as if I have known you longer. I would like to keep a correspondence with you, but I'm sure that you would like nothing better than to forget about me now. I suppose it was painful to talk with me when we met years ago, but it hurt me to talk to you as well. I get comfort from it, but it still hurts.
"My daughter died just three years ago, but it seems like so much longer. She used to call me every two or three days, and without those phone calls to sustain me, the time has passed so unbelievably slowly. When Lucy left me, she left behind her most precious gift. I am talking, of course, about her daughter Grace. You don't know her, but that is what brings me to write to you in the first place. There is so much to say, so I will start from the beginning.
"When Lucy first began at Cook County, she was nervous. She didn't know where she fit into the scheme of things. She told me that all of the staff there were such a tight-knit group, and she hoped to fit in somehow. She was assigned to work with you then, Dr. Carter. She began to adapt. Lucy spoke of you frequently, of how the two of you were constantly arguments.
"This next part is probably the only part of the story that is clearer to you than it is to me. I understand that, during the early winter of that year, you and Lucy had some sort of fling.
Carter closed his eyes briefly, tearing his gaze away from the page. How could he have forgotten that? It had been the night after they had been caught in Exam 6. Carter had given her a ride back to her dorm, and one thing had led to another...nothing at all had ever happened after that. They both feared for their careers. He turned his attention back to the paper in his hand, picking up where he left off.
"She told me that it was only once, and you agreed not to continue the relationship for professional reasons. Though it was only one time, Lucy found out later that she had become pregnant.
"Oh, my God," Carter breathed. He continued reading, hooked by the story.
"She told me as soon as she found out, and we had to decide what to do. Lucy was adamant about not giving up her child, and she knew that she could raise it alone. She used to say that after watching me be such a capable single mom, she didn't see the need for a partner at all. I think that was the stubbornness talking. We decided to keep the baby, and I would watch the child during the last year that Lucy was at school, when she could get a job wherever she matched, and take the baby with her.
"It was hard for her at first, to face you and everyone else in the ER and keep her secret. The first trimester of her pregnancy went very well. She avoided caffeine, which she said was difficult to do because of the hours she worked. She stopped her Ritalin. She tried as hard as she could to avoid endangering cases without arousing suspicion. She tried hard herself not to get sick.
"Of course, she had to get prenatal care somewhere, so she went to Mercy Hospital. She made sure that the records were confidential, and that nobody who knew her was there. She had several ultrasounds, and hid the printouts. Lucy found out in her second trimester that she was carrying a girl.
"She began to gain weight, and she showed slightly at the end of the school year. Thank goodness that she was a late bloomer in that respect. She told colleagues at work that she was putting on the pounds because of the food she ate. She was careful to maintain a healthy diet throughout the pregnancy, though. The minute school got out, she came back home, and I helped her prepare for the baby. That summer, when she really was showing, she was in my care, and far enough away from anybody she knew to risk being caught.
"We planned a Cesarean Section for mid-August, when the baby would be at 38 weeks, so that Lucy could go back to school without suspicion. A couple of weeks into July, though, the little girl showed her face to the world for the first time.
"Grace Elizabeth Knight was born at 8:06 am on the morning of July 15, 1999. She weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces, and measured 19 inches in length. When her birth certificate was filled out, you were filled in as the father. She felt too nervous to tell you just yet.
"Lucy was so scared that she was too young, thought that she was too immature to take good care of the little girl. It was the first time that I ever saw her doubt her own abilities. She was so terrified, John, that she would screw it all up. She cried after she was born, she cried for her daughter, she loved her so much but didn't want to fail. I knew she wouldn't. Lucy loved Grace too much to mess up.
"Lucy spent precious time with her daughter before returning to medical school in the fall. She had worked to get back to her fighting weight, so nobody noticed a thing. It was soon time for her to go back to Chicago. She hated leaving Grace behind, and I think that she wanted me to move to Chicago, get an apartment that we could share, so she could go to medical school and still see her daughter every day. She never asked me, though. I think she felt guilty about me stopping my life for her. I offered to move, but she told me that it was ridiculous to do so. Now I wish that I had.
"I know it pained her to leave. She promised to come back as soon as she got a decent amount of time off. But that day at the airport, when she kissed Grace good-bye, she cried. She hated to leave, but she wanted so much to finish medical school. So she got on the plane to Chicago.
"She called me daily after that, whenever she had time. She asked how Grace was, and she wanted to know how I was holding up. I swear! It's like she thought I was an old woman. I was 44 years old! But that's beside the story.
"She wanted to come home for Christmas. I think she knew that that would be impossible. She wasn't supposed to take time off. She had a difficult case with a patient that Christmas, though, a Valerie Page who had heart problems. After she died, something about Lucy changed. She had to come back to see Grace. She still hadn't told you, but she felt relieved that she was no longer under your supervision.
"So she asked for some time off. She had a little trouble, saying there was a family emergency, and eventually Dr. Weaver gave her a week, as long as Lucy would be willing to make the time up later. So she flew back to Cleveland to visit.
"When she saw Grace in my arms at the airport, she cried. She was so upset that she had to leave her child behind, so she seriously thought about taking her back with her. I talked her out of that. I told her that she'd never be able to concentrate on her work if Grace was always there with her. She said she couldn't concentrate anyway.
"So Lucy had a bonding time with her daughter that week. She went out and took Grace everywhere that was important to her, although she was too young to understand anyway. Sometimes, Lucy would just sit in a chair holding the child, looking out the window at the small, ice-covered lake. She never let that little girl out of her sight.
"Leaving broke her heart again. She promised to come back as soon as she could. We were sure that we would see each other at her graduation that June, and Lucy said that she would tell you then, once she was out of med school.
"Needless to say, that never happened. Grace never felt her mother's embrace again.
"John, I can't imagine the shock you will feel reading this letter, if I ever get up the courage to send it. I know that you are still trying to deal with the aftershock of your own attack. Some scars never heal, though, difficult as that is. I speak to you as a grieving mother, I know the pain. But I also know the joy in new life, the joy that Grace has brought to my life. I cannot imagine how I would have ever gotten through these times without her.
"Lucy is gone, as difficult as it is to write those words, but she lives on through her little girl. And as long as she is remembered, she will never die.
"Thank you, John, for listening.
"Yours sincerely,
"Barbara Knight"
Carter looked up from the letter in his hand. He couldn't believe the words that it contained. His eyes frantically read over the letter again. Surprised, Carter felt two tears running down his cheeks. His mind raced.
So Grace was his daughter. His and Lucy's child, she was a part of both of them. Oh, God, Carter thought, How could this happen? But he had a daughter.
He had a daughter, a sweet little five-year-old girl. She was a part of him. A part of Lucy. And she was sitting up on the fifth floor that very moment. He wanted to run to her. But he couldn't.
He simply didn't know what to do, his mind was racing, he was confused, and, most of all, shocked. He had a daughter. This changed everything.
********************************
So I know that most of you are not shocked at all, but that's okay. It wasn't a big mystery to begin with to you...
But how will everyone else react? Will Carter even tell people? Stick around for the next part to find out.
I know it's taken forever, but I rewrote that stupid letter five times. Every time that I reread it, I found more things wrong with it. I finally left it as it was.
Thanks for sticking around!! This is definitely not the end of the series, merely, a new beginning. I will try to make some of the plot go faster, to keep you all entertained, as a few of you seem to have gotten bored with this plot.
REVIEWER FEEDBACK!!!
MeligurlJO- Thanks again for being my most faithful reviewer. I'm really glad that you have stuck around, and glad that you took the time to give your feedback. Thank you so much!
Nina- All of the medical terms come from different places. I volunteer at a hospital, and run errands for the ER when they need me. It's just stupid stuff like mailing things, but I pick stuff up there. Also, sometimes I just watch the show, write down terms I don't know and look them up later. My dad is a doctor too, so I just ask him and he knows most of the stuff. If you could, please e-mail me a list of the terms you would like to know and I will do my best to explain them. Thanks!
EMSchick- yeah, I know the thing about the needle, it was a stupid mistake. I'm glad you took the time to review, thanks!
Jane McCartney- In answer to your questions: Dakota Fanning? Definitely not, her hair is too light and the face is all wrong...I still haven't found a picture that could help you accurately visualize my picture of Grace. And I know Carter is great with kids, that was a personality flaw. I try to be as accurate as I can, though, and I hope I don't do that again.
Twin*muse- Thank you for all of your reviews, I'm glad that you liked the story. I like the name too, lol! Keep reading!
CARTERJOHN- You were right, but I didn't want to say anything until I had revealed it in the plot of the story. Thank you for reading!
Dshortklutz- Here are your answers! I hope you stick around and read more, thanks for your reviews.
Next chapter in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned!
Snapdragon