Professor Snape and Hermione pulled Ralph and Tina to the side of the road. "What are we doing this for?" asked Professor Snape.

"It's all apart of my deviant plan," said Hermione. "When the cops come by, they'll see these schmucks and arrest them, thinking they're us. And we'll get off scott free! Now let's get back to camp. Last one there's a rotton egg!"

Hermione and Snape ran back to the camp as fast as they could. Since neither of them were very athletic, it took them two hours to run the three miles back to camp. Hermione opened the door to her tent. She was out of breath and wanted to get to sleep. "I hope McGonagall doesn't give me any trouble," she thought. She looked inside the empty tent. Where was everyone? She ran back out by the fire.

Professor Snape came running over. "Where is everyone? My entire group of students is missing!"

"I can't find any of the girls either," she hesitated a moment. "Oh God! I knew this would happen!" she cried, and then she actually started crying.

"What the deuce are you talking about?" asked Snape in a very feeble attempt to console her. He obviously wasn't that reassuring.

"Don't you see?" she said. "The got eaten by--"

"THE GRIM!" shouted Trelaweny.

Snape and Hermione looked up. "Umm, Trelawney, I don't think you were supposed to be in this story," said Hermione.

"I'm not?" she said, sounding rather confused. "Hmm, well that's too bad. Actually, I'm here on a romantic weekend getaway."

"Romantic weekend getaway?" spat Snape.

"Hey hoh!" shouted a male's voice. He put his arm around Trelawney and waved at Snape.

Snape looked over at Voldemort, "Voldy! You dog!"

"Dog? You mean -- THE GRIM? He's here? We're all going to DIE!" said Trelawney as she fell dramatically to the ground.

"Oh, my dear Sybil!" said Voldemort. "Long time no see, Severus. How come I didn't get a Christmas card from you this year?"

"Oh, well I figured that since I wasn't a Death Eater anymore and all, well, that would put a bit of a damper on things," explained Snape.

"That cuts me deep, Sevvy!" said Voldemort. "Anyway, I expect a damned good Arbor Day present."

"How about a Peach Tree?" said Snape.

"Oh lovely! It would look lovely next to the swing in my backyard."

"The one next to the waterfall? That'd be beautiful!" said Snape.

"Bingo!" said Voldemort. "Well, I've got to get down to business. Sybil won't be young and sexy forever, come on Gorgeous, let's get back to the camp. See you, Severus!"

"Bye bye now!" said Snape.

"Bye bye now?" said Hermione questioningly. "What was that all about?"

"Ah! Never mind," said Snape. "Just some random insanity to keep the readers on their toes. So back to what you were saying before."

"Oh that!" said Hermione as she started crying again. "They must have been eaten by bears!"

"Bears?" said Snape. "Muggle creatures, I guess. I think I have a plan. Follow me, it would be safer if we stayed in one tent."

Hermione followed Snape back to his tent. Snape waved his wand, and suddenly the inside of the tent turned into a beautiful room with a roaring fire, a bearskin rug, and dimly-lit candles. A CD player was playing some Luther Vandross and rose petals were spread over a plush bed with red satin sheets.

"Umm, it's a very pretty room," said Hermione. "But I'm going to try and get some sleep now so I can forget all about those bears."

"Whoa!" said Snape. "Not like that!" He waved his wand and suddenly she was wearing pajamas that probably came out of Christina Aguilera's dresser. She sighed and hopped into bed.

Professor Snape got into the bed too and dimmed the lights even more. After awhile of just lying there, he turned to Hermione. "So, if you really liked Ralph, why did you leave him in the middle of the road? Sure he was a bastard, but he wasn't really guilty of anything."

Hermione turned back to him. "Well, honestly, I never really liked Ralph. I just wanted to make you jealous."

Snape felt a sudden swell of pride, but also a sudden swell of anger. "You're such a quintessential girl. You could just be honest with things instead of making everything so contorted."

"I'm sorry," she said, picking up a bottle of essential oils. "But just out of curiosity, how is any of this supposed to repel bears?"

"It's not," said Professor Snape. "I just wanted to be comfortable when I died."

"Well, that's rather disconcerting, but at least you won't have to die a virgin," said Hermione.

Snape didn't say anything.

"Oh dammit, Snape! I made up the bears so I could act all afraid in the hopes you would console me and have your wicked way with me! This sex room was never part of the plan, but let me tell you, it's a welcome addition. Now are we going to get on with it or not?"

Snape looked at her, wide-eyed. "Sex room?"

"Oh, like I couldn't tell," said Hermione. "Seriously, the CD's playing "Love to Love You Baby, the extended sex mix for crying out loud!"

"I happen to like Miss Donna Summer," Snape said shortly. "Now get to bed."

Just then, a large figure's shadow moved across the wall of the tent.

"Wha... what was that?" said Hermione.

Snape rolled over sleepily, "It was probably a real bear. And it serves you right. That's the bad man coming to get you for being a deviant bitch. And I hope that bear eats you."

Hermione was really afraid now. She grabbed onto Snape's arm. "Oh!! Please don't let him eat me, I'm so afraid."

They sat silently looking at each other for a minute, but they were interrupted when the song on the CD player changed.

"Come Undone," said Hermione. "It's my favorite..."

"... Duran Duran song," finished Snape as he pressed his finger against her lips. "It's mine too."

The scene fades out from Snape and Hermione and suddenly it becomes the next morning. Dumbledore and the rest are in Dumbledore's tent.

"Oh icky!" said Parvati. "Someone farted in their sleep, A LOT."

Everyone looked towards Dumbledore, who put his finger to his lip and giggled in a very girly manner.

McGonagall, who was finally acting as she normally did, opened the tent and walked to the fire. "I suppose we had better put some breakfast on," she said.

"Yummy yummy!" said Dumbledore. "I could really go for some hot dogs right now."

"Hot dogs?" said McGonagall. "Have any of you seen Miss Granger of Professor Snape?"

Everybody shook their heads no.

"This is terrible news!" said McGonagall. "We must search for them at once!"

"Aww! But what about my breaky?" whined Dumbledore. He looked around at the other students and pointed at Crabbe. "Hey, you're a plump one, want to get in my belly?"

Crabbe backed away slowly.

"Oh no you don't, you sweet little morsel!" said Dumbledore, who walked closer to Crabbe, all the while wielding a gigantic fork. "Come to papa!"

Crabbe kept backing up and accidentally tripped over a tent. He went flying backwards and so did the tent.

"Good Lord!" exclaimed McGonagall. "What in the world is going on in there?"

Hermione shot up out of bed and saw the other students gaping at her. Snape slowly rose, rubbing his eyes, and upon realizing what was going on, he hastily covered Hermione with some blankets.

Ron looked very flushed and puked all over Pansy, who turned and puked all over Lavender, who puked on Parvati, who puked on Hagrid, who puked on Goyle, who puked on McGonagall, who puked on Luna, who puked on Dumbledore, who puked on Crabbe, who puked on the Grim, who ate it all.

Hermione and Snape just stood there with their mouths wide open, trying to find an explanation for what they were doing like that, but luckily for them, Harry's owl, Hedwig, swooped down at that very moment.

"Hey you all!" said Ron. "Harry and Draco have invited us to their wedding in San Francisco. It's today! They say we can spend the rest of the week at the Embassy Suites!"

"Anyone else up for getting out of this hellhole?" said Dumbledore.

Everybody's hand shot up.

"Great! We'll leave right away."

::Note from Lams:: Okay everybody. Either the next entry or the one after that will be the last in this story, so this is where your reviews really count. If you have any suggestions, say them now. Since the whole tent scene with Hermione and Snape wasn't 100% clear, I would like to know if you think they should have hooked up while they were in there, or if it would be better if I made it so they didn't actually do anything. Oh and then choose whether or not I should hook them up as a couple or not too. I honestly can't decide where I'm going with this, so any ideas would be very appreciated. Thank you all again so much for reading and reviewing this!

Oh! And Katt7 - I'm not sure that part in Aladdin ever actually happened. It was just a rumor that went around when I was a kid. Supposedly, it's somwhere around the scene where Prince Ali goes up to Jasmine's balcony, or maybe that was another one of those crazy moments. Yeah, I remember the star thing in the Lion King too. Those wily Disney folk! Creating the next batch of the nation's porn stars!