::Note from Lams:: Okay, this is going much slower than I had intended. Actually, I think there will be two more chapters after this and then I'll be done. I need to finish off the "Morning After" segment, and then I'm thinking of doing a "Where are they now?" kind of thing, just to close all the many holes in the plotline. Though there really isn't much of a plot anyway. Anyway, sorry this is longer than I had promised. I'm sure you were all excited for this to end, haha! Well anyway, you've only got 2 chappies left, not too terribly bad I suppose. Thank you all of you who read and review! You all win my hero of the day award. So here goes, the third to last chapter of this crazy story.
The next morning, Harry and Draco woke up in their hotel room. "Good morning, darling!" said Harry to Draco.
"Good morning!" replied Draco. "Oh! My head is killing me!"
"It's called a hangover," said Harry. "And I think everyone probably has one after last night, let's head down the continental breakfast. I can't wait to get an old bagel, some prepackaged cereal, and orange juice out of a machine!"
Meanwhile, in a nearby room, Severus Snape slowly got up from his bed and placed his hands on his head. "Maybe it's the hangover talking," he thought, "but I'm hearing water running." He got up to investigate, as well as to pop some pills and drink some coffee. As he walked over towards the bathroom, he could distinctly hear some singing coming from inside.
"You look so fine, I want to break your heart and give you mine."
Severus's eyes widened in a such a shocked expression that his composed nature would never normally allow. "I know that voice," he thought. "Granger! She's in my shower!"
Down in the breakfast area of the hotel, Dumbledore and McGonagall were already up and getting their breakfast.
"If you ask me, Minerva," said Dumbledore. "Rush Hour 2 is much better than the first Rush Hour."
McGonagall put some cream into her coffee, "I disagree, Albus. The only funny moments in the second one were recycled jokes from the first one."
Dumbledore reached out and slapped the cream from her hand. "LIES!!! The recycled jokes were only part of the humor, and they were MUCH funnier the second time around!"
McGonagall stood up abruptly and shoved Dumbledore, knocking him into the table behind him. "Want to make something of it, huh, punk?"
"Hey! I'm trying to eat Rice Krispies here!" said the elderly man Dumbledore hit as he flew into the table behind him. "How can I watch CNN if you're jabbering?"
"SH----UT UP!" said Dumbledore, who flipped over the old man's table.
"My... my cereal!!!" said the old man. "You will pay! Power Rangers, assemble!" The old man held out some buckle thing and shouted "Tyrannosaurus!" And suddenly, the man turned into the Red Power Ranger. Four more figures burst into the hotel lobby and made a mad dash towards Dumbledore.
Possibly the greatest battle the world has ever seen took place that day. McGonagall and Dumbledore took on the five legendary original Power Rangers. It would have probably gone on forever, the epic battle that it was, only Goyle came down five minutes after it started.
"Hey!" he said. "Would you stop fighting! I think you all forgot about the true meaning of continental breakfast. It's a time where complete strangers can sit around in a hotel lobby together, enjoying a good danish and not speaking to one another. For shame!"
Dumbledore and the Red Ranger looked at each other, tears in their eyes. "Oh! He's so right!" exclaimed Dumbledore, as he hugged the old Power Ranger. "I know, I know! I was so wrong!" said the Red Ranger. "Noo!" said Dumbledore. "I was the one who was wrong!"
McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "This is very touching and all, but can we please just eat our breakfast now?"
Back in Snape's hotel room, Severus stood completely still. Had he done the unthinkable, with Granger? He couldn't remember anything after his second Bloody Mary from the previous evening. He shuddered to think about it anymore. And there was Hermione, singing away in his shower. He had to do something!"
"It's a question of lust, it's a question of trust, it's a question of not letting what we've built up crumble to dust!" she sang.
"A Question of Lust, huh, Miss Granger?" said Professor Snape. "It's a good Depeche Mode song, but not the best."
Hermione froze in the shower. "What is HE doing in here?" she thought. "Oooh! Maybe he wants to sleep with me, hehe!" And with that idea lingering on her mind, she shut off the water, draped a towel over he body, and walked out of the shower, trying her best to look incredibly seductive.
"Severus, you dog," she said. "You certainly are brave to come waltzing into my bathroom like this. And I agree with your Depeche Mode statement, but you'll have to admit You Look So Fine is one of the best Garbage songs.
"Actually, I do agree with that," said Snape. "... wait a minute. YOUR bathroom? You are clearly in my hotel room."
"No way!" said Hermione. "I distinctly remember... um... well actually I don't really remember anything. You see, for some reason, the entire night was a blur to me. I didn't even have anything to drink, I only ate brownies. My first sound memory is this morning when I woke up next to you. I thought I was dreaming, so I went to take a shower to get some clarity, but I guess it was real, wasn't it?" Hermione paused a moment. "Did we... you know? Because that would suck if I had no recollection of it. You must remember! Tell me!"
"Actually, Miss Granger, I was somewhat inebriated myself. I don't remember anything myself," responded Snape. "Besides, I have more class than to seduce an underage girl who is obviously intoxicated, especially one who's been dying to sleep with me as it is."
"Oh my!" she exclaimed. "I could be carrying your child right now!"
"What!" spat Snape, who was obviously sickened by the thought of it.
"What shall we name him, Sevvy, I have a feeling it's a boy. Hmm, Severus Junior sounds good to me. For now on, I'm eating for two! Wanna get some breakfast with your baby's mama?" squealed Hermione.
"What are you talking about!" demanded Snape, but that domineering Hermione had once again dragged him by the arm and lead him down the elevator to get some breakfast.
"Yummy yummy!" said Draco as he and Harry entered the lobby. "I can't wait to get my banana nut muffin!"
"You would pick something as gay as a banana nut muffin, wouldn't you? You raging homosexual!" said Pansy Parkinson who was standing by the entrance.
"Pansy!" exclaimed Draco. "We've been over this a million times, you and I could never work out. I never meant to hurt you, I just need to be who I am inside."
"Right, like I'm interested in YOU," said Pansy. At that moment, a disheveled-looking Lucius Malfoy turned the corner. "Now that," she said nodding in Lucius's direction, "is more my cup of tea. He has all the sex appeal you did, only much more rich, mature, and experienced." She waved at Mr. Malfoy and winked. He winked back and made a purring noise at her.
Draco didn't say anything, he just passed out onto the ground.
"Speak to me, my love!" said Harry, trying to get Draco to wake up. "Blast! It isn't working, I guess I'll just leave him here," he said as he went through the line. He ran into Goyle, who was eating a lot even for him. "What's up, Goyle?" asked Harry. "Anything wrong?"
"It's.... it's. Harry, have you seen Ron anywhere by any chance?" asked Goyle.
Ron was standing in a hotel room, jumping on the bed and wearing a pair of pink rhinestone, novelty sunglasses and singing Crocodile Rock at the top of his lungs. He fell and collapsed into the bed, and looked next to him.
"I want to thank you so much!" said Ron. "You've made me feel like I'm alive again."
"Don't mention it," said Elton John as he held Ron's arm.
"Yeah, it's us forever, Ronny!" said R Kelly. "If you told me yesterday that I would be in a polygamous relationship with a rather old gay superstar and a little red-headed boy, I would have been like 'Yo, that is whack!' But now I don't know how I could do without it. Little girls are nothing compared to this."
"Yeah, ever since Draco's little speech to me and Goyle yesterday, I've totally lost all my inhibitions," said Ron. "Oh! But how am I going to break the news to him that it's over?"
"Yeah," said Elton John. "I need to break up with Crabbe too."
Suddenly, the Queer Eye guys burst through the door. "We've got a plan for you guys that is totally fabulous!" said Carson.
"Really?" said R Kelly. "You're going to break up with Crabbe and Goyle for my boyfriends?"
"No," said Jai. "But we do have tickets for 'Cats.' Who wants to go?"
Everyone looked around and thought it over, for maybe a split second. Then they all dashed down to the Queer Eye car and took off to the play.
Harry turned to Goyle. "No, I haven't seen Ron anywhere."
"Oh," said Goyle, looking rather disappointed. "Well, if you do, let me know, okay?"
"Ooooh! I get to push the button!" said Hermione as she raced towards the elevator and pressed the down button. She and Snape got inside and she reached for the first floor button.
"Hold it a minute," said Snape. "You got to push the outside button, I get to push this one."
"You really that upset over who gets to push the button?" said Hermione. "That's so childish!"
"Really?" said Snape. "Well if it's so childish, you'll have no trouble letting me press the button."
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Hermione as she reached for the button. "I so called dibs on the button pushing!"
Snape pushed her hand away. "Well you got the first one!" he shouted. "It's my turn to take this one!"
"Oh yeah?" said Hermione. "Well, you'd better be nice to me, unless you forgot I'M CARRYING YOUR CHILD!"
At that moment, Cornelius Fudge walked past the open elevator and gave a disgusted look to Hermione and Snape. Snape let go of Hermione's arm. "This isn't what it looks like, sir," he said. But as he released his grip, Hermione dived for the button. With that, the door shut. Cornelius Fudge stood gaping at the elevator as he heard a string of explicit language coming from Professor Snape.
Inside the elevator, Snape reached for the buttons. "I cannot believe you, Miss Granger!" he said flatly. "Shouting those flagrant, blasphemous lies right in front of Cornelius Fudge. And even worse, deceiving me into letting you press the button!"
"I should have known all along," said Hermione. "It's like my mom always told me, 'Hermione, never get involved with a mysteriously sexy Potions teacher. He'll only knock you up, break your heart, and try to push every elevator button!" Suddenly, the elevator lurched to a halt.
"What was that?" said Snape.
"The elevator!" said Hermione. "It's stuck!"
The next morning, Harry and Draco woke up in their hotel room. "Good morning, darling!" said Harry to Draco.
"Good morning!" replied Draco. "Oh! My head is killing me!"
"It's called a hangover," said Harry. "And I think everyone probably has one after last night, let's head down the continental breakfast. I can't wait to get an old bagel, some prepackaged cereal, and orange juice out of a machine!"
Meanwhile, in a nearby room, Severus Snape slowly got up from his bed and placed his hands on his head. "Maybe it's the hangover talking," he thought, "but I'm hearing water running." He got up to investigate, as well as to pop some pills and drink some coffee. As he walked over towards the bathroom, he could distinctly hear some singing coming from inside.
"You look so fine, I want to break your heart and give you mine."
Severus's eyes widened in a such a shocked expression that his composed nature would never normally allow. "I know that voice," he thought. "Granger! She's in my shower!"
Down in the breakfast area of the hotel, Dumbledore and McGonagall were already up and getting their breakfast.
"If you ask me, Minerva," said Dumbledore. "Rush Hour 2 is much better than the first Rush Hour."
McGonagall put some cream into her coffee, "I disagree, Albus. The only funny moments in the second one were recycled jokes from the first one."
Dumbledore reached out and slapped the cream from her hand. "LIES!!! The recycled jokes were only part of the humor, and they were MUCH funnier the second time around!"
McGonagall stood up abruptly and shoved Dumbledore, knocking him into the table behind him. "Want to make something of it, huh, punk?"
"Hey! I'm trying to eat Rice Krispies here!" said the elderly man Dumbledore hit as he flew into the table behind him. "How can I watch CNN if you're jabbering?"
"SH----UT UP!" said Dumbledore, who flipped over the old man's table.
"My... my cereal!!!" said the old man. "You will pay! Power Rangers, assemble!" The old man held out some buckle thing and shouted "Tyrannosaurus!" And suddenly, the man turned into the Red Power Ranger. Four more figures burst into the hotel lobby and made a mad dash towards Dumbledore.
Possibly the greatest battle the world has ever seen took place that day. McGonagall and Dumbledore took on the five legendary original Power Rangers. It would have probably gone on forever, the epic battle that it was, only Goyle came down five minutes after it started.
"Hey!" he said. "Would you stop fighting! I think you all forgot about the true meaning of continental breakfast. It's a time where complete strangers can sit around in a hotel lobby together, enjoying a good danish and not speaking to one another. For shame!"
Dumbledore and the Red Ranger looked at each other, tears in their eyes. "Oh! He's so right!" exclaimed Dumbledore, as he hugged the old Power Ranger. "I know, I know! I was so wrong!" said the Red Ranger. "Noo!" said Dumbledore. "I was the one who was wrong!"
McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "This is very touching and all, but can we please just eat our breakfast now?"
Back in Snape's hotel room, Severus stood completely still. Had he done the unthinkable, with Granger? He couldn't remember anything after his second Bloody Mary from the previous evening. He shuddered to think about it anymore. And there was Hermione, singing away in his shower. He had to do something!"
"It's a question of lust, it's a question of trust, it's a question of not letting what we've built up crumble to dust!" she sang.
"A Question of Lust, huh, Miss Granger?" said Professor Snape. "It's a good Depeche Mode song, but not the best."
Hermione froze in the shower. "What is HE doing in here?" she thought. "Oooh! Maybe he wants to sleep with me, hehe!" And with that idea lingering on her mind, she shut off the water, draped a towel over he body, and walked out of the shower, trying her best to look incredibly seductive.
"Severus, you dog," she said. "You certainly are brave to come waltzing into my bathroom like this. And I agree with your Depeche Mode statement, but you'll have to admit You Look So Fine is one of the best Garbage songs.
"Actually, I do agree with that," said Snape. "... wait a minute. YOUR bathroom? You are clearly in my hotel room."
"No way!" said Hermione. "I distinctly remember... um... well actually I don't really remember anything. You see, for some reason, the entire night was a blur to me. I didn't even have anything to drink, I only ate brownies. My first sound memory is this morning when I woke up next to you. I thought I was dreaming, so I went to take a shower to get some clarity, but I guess it was real, wasn't it?" Hermione paused a moment. "Did we... you know? Because that would suck if I had no recollection of it. You must remember! Tell me!"
"Actually, Miss Granger, I was somewhat inebriated myself. I don't remember anything myself," responded Snape. "Besides, I have more class than to seduce an underage girl who is obviously intoxicated, especially one who's been dying to sleep with me as it is."
"Oh my!" she exclaimed. "I could be carrying your child right now!"
"What!" spat Snape, who was obviously sickened by the thought of it.
"What shall we name him, Sevvy, I have a feeling it's a boy. Hmm, Severus Junior sounds good to me. For now on, I'm eating for two! Wanna get some breakfast with your baby's mama?" squealed Hermione.
"What are you talking about!" demanded Snape, but that domineering Hermione had once again dragged him by the arm and lead him down the elevator to get some breakfast.
"Yummy yummy!" said Draco as he and Harry entered the lobby. "I can't wait to get my banana nut muffin!"
"You would pick something as gay as a banana nut muffin, wouldn't you? You raging homosexual!" said Pansy Parkinson who was standing by the entrance.
"Pansy!" exclaimed Draco. "We've been over this a million times, you and I could never work out. I never meant to hurt you, I just need to be who I am inside."
"Right, like I'm interested in YOU," said Pansy. At that moment, a disheveled-looking Lucius Malfoy turned the corner. "Now that," she said nodding in Lucius's direction, "is more my cup of tea. He has all the sex appeal you did, only much more rich, mature, and experienced." She waved at Mr. Malfoy and winked. He winked back and made a purring noise at her.
Draco didn't say anything, he just passed out onto the ground.
"Speak to me, my love!" said Harry, trying to get Draco to wake up. "Blast! It isn't working, I guess I'll just leave him here," he said as he went through the line. He ran into Goyle, who was eating a lot even for him. "What's up, Goyle?" asked Harry. "Anything wrong?"
"It's.... it's. Harry, have you seen Ron anywhere by any chance?" asked Goyle.
Ron was standing in a hotel room, jumping on the bed and wearing a pair of pink rhinestone, novelty sunglasses and singing Crocodile Rock at the top of his lungs. He fell and collapsed into the bed, and looked next to him.
"I want to thank you so much!" said Ron. "You've made me feel like I'm alive again."
"Don't mention it," said Elton John as he held Ron's arm.
"Yeah, it's us forever, Ronny!" said R Kelly. "If you told me yesterday that I would be in a polygamous relationship with a rather old gay superstar and a little red-headed boy, I would have been like 'Yo, that is whack!' But now I don't know how I could do without it. Little girls are nothing compared to this."
"Yeah, ever since Draco's little speech to me and Goyle yesterday, I've totally lost all my inhibitions," said Ron. "Oh! But how am I going to break the news to him that it's over?"
"Yeah," said Elton John. "I need to break up with Crabbe too."
Suddenly, the Queer Eye guys burst through the door. "We've got a plan for you guys that is totally fabulous!" said Carson.
"Really?" said R Kelly. "You're going to break up with Crabbe and Goyle for my boyfriends?"
"No," said Jai. "But we do have tickets for 'Cats.' Who wants to go?"
Everyone looked around and thought it over, for maybe a split second. Then they all dashed down to the Queer Eye car and took off to the play.
Harry turned to Goyle. "No, I haven't seen Ron anywhere."
"Oh," said Goyle, looking rather disappointed. "Well, if you do, let me know, okay?"
"Ooooh! I get to push the button!" said Hermione as she raced towards the elevator and pressed the down button. She and Snape got inside and she reached for the first floor button.
"Hold it a minute," said Snape. "You got to push the outside button, I get to push this one."
"You really that upset over who gets to push the button?" said Hermione. "That's so childish!"
"Really?" said Snape. "Well if it's so childish, you'll have no trouble letting me press the button."
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Hermione as she reached for the button. "I so called dibs on the button pushing!"
Snape pushed her hand away. "Well you got the first one!" he shouted. "It's my turn to take this one!"
"Oh yeah?" said Hermione. "Well, you'd better be nice to me, unless you forgot I'M CARRYING YOUR CHILD!"
At that moment, Cornelius Fudge walked past the open elevator and gave a disgusted look to Hermione and Snape. Snape let go of Hermione's arm. "This isn't what it looks like, sir," he said. But as he released his grip, Hermione dived for the button. With that, the door shut. Cornelius Fudge stood gaping at the elevator as he heard a string of explicit language coming from Professor Snape.
Inside the elevator, Snape reached for the buttons. "I cannot believe you, Miss Granger!" he said flatly. "Shouting those flagrant, blasphemous lies right in front of Cornelius Fudge. And even worse, deceiving me into letting you press the button!"
"I should have known all along," said Hermione. "It's like my mom always told me, 'Hermione, never get involved with a mysteriously sexy Potions teacher. He'll only knock you up, break your heart, and try to push every elevator button!" Suddenly, the elevator lurched to a halt.
"What was that?" said Snape.
"The elevator!" said Hermione. "It's stuck!"