::Note from Lams:: Okay, here it is! The final chapter of this insane, insane little story of mine. So since it is the last time and all, I have to give on last HUGE thanks to everyone who reviews this. Seriously, it totally makes my day when I see that I've actually got some reviews. Yeah, I had absolutely NO idea that my story would turn out this way. It was supposed to be a nice little camping trip, and suddenly everyone is gay and the Power Rangers are running around. I'm not sure how that happened, but I kind of like it. This isn't my best chapter, but you needed closure, oh and.
REALLY REALLY BIG THANKS TO She-who-must-not-be-named666 and KeithUrbanFan!
I've been putting off my writing and I'd have never gotten around to posting this if it wasn't for them reminding and encouraging me to put something up. Everyone, check out their fics. They're some of the best out there! Do it or I'll send Colin Creevy's ghost after you!
Where Are They Now? - First Annual Hogwarts Camping Trip Edition Because I'm every so certain you're just dying to know what happened to all our happy campers after they left the hotel that day, I will reveal what they all went on to do.
Luna Lovegood - After Luna graduated from Hogwarts, she worked briefly for the Quibbler. However, she found she made more money selling her brownies to her co-workers. During her time at the Quibbler, the sales hit an all-time high, probably because the journalists were all high and the stories were zanier than ever. Luna left the Quibbler at the age of 20 and inadvertently became a Chicago mob boss. From there, she came to own all of Chicago, and eventually took over the world. Currently, her Majesty lives on a llama farm with her pet iguana, Jub-Jub.
Minerva McGonagall - After the wedding of Draco and Harry, Minerva gained a realization of her biological clock which she had been ignoring for years. She wanted a baby really badly and decided to look up a surrogate father to help her. She went to the Surrogate Father store and browsed through many potential candidates, but didn't find any to her liking. The manager suggested that maybe he could contact someone who used to work there. He was the best they ever had. The manager called up the guy on the phone and he accepted. McGonagall went back to her house anxiously and put on her best baby making clothes, waiting for this mystery man to show up. The doorbell rang, and instead of the sexy sex machine she was expecting, Severus Snape stood at the door, who was almost as scantily clad as she was. They both gaped at each other for a couple of seconds, threw up, gaped again, threw up again... yeah, it went on like that for a couple of hours. They finally agreed to pretend that entire event never happened. McGonagall lost all desire to have children that day. She spent the rest of her life teaching at Hogwarts, but had to carry a barf bag around with her at all times because she would toss her cookies whenever she so much as heard about Professor Snape.
Lavender Brown - After using Voodoo magic on Dumbledore during the camping trip, Lavender discovered that she was a Voodoo Priestess in a past life and quit school to follow her dream to practice Voodoo on people. She opened a small Voodoo shop in the Louisiana bayou. One day, a perky young blonde came into the store. She had hopes of becoming a mega-superstar with a recording career. She was going to try and start off her career by auditioning for the Mickey Mouse club that weekend. Lavender thought she was rather pathetic, after all, who would waste their money on CDs by a girl that couldn't even sing, play any instruments, or write her own songs? But she performed some magic on her, and sure enough, that little girl got her role on the Mickey Mouse club and eventually got her recording career, with a little breast augmentation, courtesy of Lavender Brown. After her work with Britney Spears, Lavender gained legions of untalented celebrity cliental, such as Justin Timberlake, Jennifer Lopez, and Hilary Duff. However, after it was discovered that she was responsible for Hilary Duff's fame, an angry mob went to brutally murder her, only they found her dead. She had killed herself for unleashing the evil of Hilary Duff onto the world, but honestly, if you were responsible for that, wouldn't you kill yourself too?
Lucius Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson Malfoy - True to their words, they got married shortly after Draco did. They started a revolution of sexual freedom and became icons for the rest of the world. With their newly-found fame and fortune, they decided to do what all bored celebrities do: open a second-rate restaurant. They went in on it with some other wizard and non-wizard celebrities, such as Harry Potter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sasquatch, Will Ferrel, Colin Farrel, Scottie Pippin, a Sadaam Hussein look-alike, and George W. Bush. They named it Unkle Penguin's Slaughter-Your-Own Dinner Shack. It was a big success, at first. High-profile celebrities all came in to murder their own dinners and eat them. They all got a glossy, high-quality picture of them covered in the blood of their dinner as an added bonus for dining there. However, the restaurant came to a tragic end the day Courtney Love came in to stab a cow. Thinking Courtney was Sadaam Hussein, George W. Bush stabbed her. Then the fake Sadaam stabbed Colin Farrel because he was jealous of his beautiful hair. Suddenly, everyone was stabbing everyone else. Seeing this as their opportunity for revolution, the cows picked up machine guns (don't ask me how) and started shooing everybody. Lucius, Harry, and Pansy got out okay, but otherwise there were no survivors, well, except for the cows, who became soldiers in Luna Lovegood's army.
Lord Voldemort- Voldemort, who was quite powerful after sacrificing Colin Creevy, went to take over the world. However, he was no match for Luna Lovegood and her cow army, so he died.
Parvati Patil - Parvati started her own fashion line, only using saran wrap and duct tape. It was incredibly popular with wizards and Muggles alike. She made a bundle of money and decided to invest it in the stock market. On her sister, Padma's advice, she put all of her money into Unkle Penguin's Slaughter-Your-Own Dinner Shack and lost all of her money the day after the massive deaths took place. After becoming really poor, she moved in with Padma and borrowed some money to make a machine that converted baby's gurgling into English. She made a lot of money and was rich again. She eventually married Ralph Nader and went around talking about carrot juice and why cars are the devil.
Ron Weasley - Ron went on to realize he wasn't really gay. He spent the rest of his days chasing after random women, pretending that he was a pimp or something. But despite all his best efforts to tap some ass, Ron Weasley died a virgin. Boo hoo!
Rubeus Hagrid - Hagrid actually lived a fairly normal life. He married Madame Maxine and had a bunch of oversized children. He got bored with teaching Care of Magical Creatures at Hogwarts, so he decided to sign up to be on MTV's the Real World. The other people on the show were confused by his presence. They already had the gay one, the naive one, the bitch, the jock; what the hell was he supposed to be? He didn't follow any of the stereotypical Real World cliche personalities. Realizing their error in doing something that wasn't completely cliche, MTV took him off the Real World and instead put him on Say What Karaoke. He did such a stunning performance of "Like a Virgin" that they asked him to host TRL. Suddenly, Hagrid-mania took off. 12 year old girls everywhere started buying Tiger Beat magazine to get posters of him that they could hang all over their rooms. However, his stint at TRL ended when they realized that he was old and married. They said they already had John Norris on the MTV staff, and if they had anyone else over the age of 30, the building would explode, so they had to fire him. Hagrid then took a job on the View and went on to write a variety of best-selling cookbooks.
Crabbe and Goyle - Crabbe and Goyle didn't see each other again for 10 years. They accidentally bumped into one another while moshing at a Frankie Goes to Hollywood concert. Their eyes met and they realized how foolish they were for being apart all these years. They got married on the spot. They bought a small house in the country and took in stray animals. Blah! This is short, but it's all I've got.
Albus Dumbledore - Dumbledore went on to run Hogwarts until he decided to join the cast of Friends. Only, by the time he joined, Friends was over, so he decided to join Will and Grace instead. He was cast as Jack's sugar daddy love interest. Dumbles was only on the show for one season, but he made a good enough impression to get cast in critically acclaimed films. He even won an Oscar for his work in "Kiss My Grits," a celebrated movie about the plight of unattractive waitresses. However, he made a fatal mistake when he made his acceptance speech. He said that this movie was really a pile of dog poop, with no merits or value whatsoever. The script was dumb, but all the Hollywood elitists ate it up anyway because it was indie. Now, there's nothing Hollywood elitists hate more than being called on how much of pseudo intellectuals they are, so needless to say, Dumbly never got another job in Hollywood. However, he worked in Compton writing the scripts to bad pornos.
Fred and George - They went on to make a bunch of really successful movies. They decided they would study the Kabbalah, not because they believed any of it, but because it was the trendy new Hollywood religion. George married my sister (I had to put that one in for ya, Lyssers!) and Fred married some other chick. They made a lot of money and life was good. And I'm ending this now, cause to tell the honest truth, I'm sick of writing this way. I need dialogue!
Harry and Draco - Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy ended up living rather normal lives, compared to the rest of these people. They moved to Gotham City, where Draco donned a black suit and Harry wore a red one. They went around, fighting bad guys with their not so super, super hero powers. However, they kept their identities a complete secret. Their endevours inspired a highly successful comic book series. And from there, movies and TV shows were made about the twosome. To the world, they were crime fighters and partners to the end. Only, the rest of the world was unaware of the true meaning of the word "partners." After awhile, they got bored of saving the world from crime and evil, so they let the Powerpuff Girls take over. They decided instead, that they would join a troupe of urban dancers. They all got dancin' nicknames. Draco was "Whitey McBlondehair," and Harry was "Mack Daddy VonFlaminghomosexual." They were great, they even appeared in the movie "You've Got Served." Never seen it? Eh, don't worry, I haven't either. After awhile, they settled down and adopted 1 child and raised her back in merry old England. Her name was Ermionehay Apesnay and she had really weird hair. It was kind of bushy, yet kind of greasy all at the same time. Who her biological parents were, they never knew, but she was always referencing "Hogwarts, A History," and plotting to get the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts.
Hermione Granger - After the camping trip ended and everyone went home, Hermione wrote a bunch of letters to Snape, hoping he would write back. Only, she never got a single letter in return. She was heartbroken. The next couple years at Hogwarts sucked for her, Snape didn't even look at her. She wanted to die, it was so awful. As she was boarding the carriages at the end of her 7th year, she scanned the teachers who were bidding them all farewell in hopes to see Snape, but he wasn't there. As the carriages went off down the road, she could have sworn she saw Snape standing in the window of one of the towers, watching them leave. During the next couple of years, she put on a lot of weight and drank a lot of butterbeer. Finally, she ran into Dobby the House Elf, who reminded her of S.P.E.W. That renewed her zest for life, so she got some psychiatric help for her unhealthy fascination with Severus Snape. And from there, she took her organization worldwide. It gained a lot of followers and a lot of opposition. Hermione also became an strong supporter of women's rights and was very open about her decision to never marry...
Severus Snape - After the camping trip, Severus waited to hear from Hermione. Only, he never recieved so much as a single letter from her. He wasn't the type to initiate communication, but after awhile, he couldn't bear it anymore, so he wrote to her but never recieved a reply. At school, he couldn't stand to look at her. Sometimes he could hear her laugh in class, and it killed him. How could she have gone on with her life, how could she laugh? Naturally, this put him in an exceptionally foul mood, so he would assign double homework. He stayed inside the day she left Hogwarts forever. He would need his space, so he watched them leave from an upper tower. Years later, while walking the corridors of Hogwarts, he stumbled into the quarters of Dobby the House Elf, quite by accident. Inside, he found not only his letter to Hermione, but all the ones she had tried to send to him. He knew that she was now president of the S.P.E.W. movement. There would be a big rally the next day in Hogsmede. He would have to go, have to tell her that all those years of anguish had been a big misunderstanding.
Hermione and Sevvy - Hermione met Snape again at a S.P.E.W. rally. She was speaking to her primary House Elf Advisor, Dobby, when he arrived. At first, she didn't want to speak to him, after all those years of therapy, but she eventually caved in when he showed her the letters. He explained it all to her and she threw her arms around him, wondering how she could have doubted him. They both turned their attention towards Dobby. (Wow, this is getting way too serious, I've got to make it a little more zany.) Dobby looked up at them and knew his scheme had been found out. He wanted Hermione to stay away from Snape so he could manipulate her easier. His goal was to enslave the wizards, but under harsher conditions than the House Elves. But it was too late now, Dobby stole the one ring from Frodo Baggins, so now, he could rule them all. He started cackling menacingly, but just then, the Power Rangers and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles appeared out of nowhere, and tried to take down Dobby. But Dobby had allies too. Out of nowhere, the Gummi Bears and Xena, Warrior Princess jumped out and attacked the Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles. It was an epic battle that went on for years. The battle was ended when Gollum attacked Dobby for the ring. The struggled for awhile, but got knocked into the air by one of the Megazords. They each flew into one of Xena's pokey breast plates and got stabbed right through. The ring was destroyed afterwards and Hermione and Snape started a new organization, called "Enslave the House Elf Bastards," together. They did get married. They had one child, but decided to give their child to a gay couple after reading an article about how hard it was for gay wizards to find any wizard children to adopt. But anyhow, they had a lovely and wonderful marriage, the best that could be had.
::Ending Note:: Blaaaaaahhhhh, not a good ending, but oh well, it's all over now. Pretty please review! And check out my other fics. I really will update my back to school one soon and I'll probably write a brand spanking new one soon. Thanks so much again for reading this loony fic of mine!