Weiß Kreuz and its characters belong not to me, nor its original stories.... Anything written here is not intended for commercial use and if harm is done and one feels offended, I will take this away from here (and put it somewhere else)......

Note: I decided to put my fragments of My Family into one story. I lost one review... but I think it's better to put this way so people would understand the time line better. However, the chapter numbering will not change. The "chapters" revolve around Nagi's world, surroundings, and thoughts, while the "fragmented pieces" revolves other characters.

Now that I have made it clear... on with the ficcie..... ^__^

Fragmented Pieces of My Family 2: Broken

He left Schuldig at the basement, among countless cars, in the middle of still air, heavy of poison and smoke. Let Schuldig be angry, he told himself as he made his way to the elevator. But why should he bother about that little child? Why did he care so much about Nagi? Why did he ask me not to do anything about that stupid essay? He took his way to the elevator, watching every step he took as he kept his head down.

The elevator was closing as Crawford looked up and saw the red head looking back at him from where he stood. Those eyes seemed like they wanted to fight me. What for? To protect Nagi from me? Don't you understand that I want to protect our existence? He drew out a sigh. This is far more complicated that how I imagined.

The scene still lingered in his mind. Nagi stood before the class, reading his stupid essay. And those voices in his head were still echoing, "I want them to love me…."

Have I not loved you enough, Nagi? Have I not loved you enough by not giving you false security, false hopes?


The elevator reached the seventh floor and the elevator doors opened. Crawford fixed his glasses to its place and walked out from the lift. He gave a slight nod to some employees who were waiting for the elevator. They gave polite greetings in almost the same time. These people, although they seemed to respect him, he knew too well that they only feared him. The real truth was that they hated him to death. Why trusting everything to a foreigner if there were many native Japanese who would sacrifice their lives to be in his position.

He headed straight to his office and sat on his leather chair. Ever since Takatori's death Schwarz was assigned to take care of another Eszet's supply of income. This man, Nakama-san was not a politician, so Eszet didn't pay attention as much as the way they did towards Takatori. But this man was a good smuggler. He smuggled both goods and persons. The man provided many ways for Eszet to play dough in Japan.

He looked at several folders of documents. He had to check them out and then take whatever steps necessary for each problem. His job in that office was to make sure that every operation worked. He only needed to concentrate enough about the operations and he would see what he needed to do. It was not really a hard job. It was actually too easy for him. This job had no challenge.

But this afternoon he found that he couldn't concentrate enough to focus on what the future would bring for the business. He kept on going back and forth to that little boy. Nagi. He remembered his eyes then. They were the same eyes that he saw once long ago.



He found that little boy on one afternoon as he visited one of Eszet's hands, Amamiya Kaoruko. He hesitated as he took his way towards the little chapel. It had been so long since the last time he visited a church, leave a lone attend a mass. He had even stopped celebrating Christmas and Easter. He had stopped since he lost everything dear in his life.

The chapel along with its neighboring buildings formed a dramatic silhouette against the crimson sky. Its slender bell tower stood higher than anything else visible, and the evening breeze brought soft sounds from the bell. A small wind vane turned along with the sound of the bell.

What a strange thing to be put on a church rooftop!

As he came to the door he heard a soft voice singing from inside the building. It was a voice of a child, singing just like a little cherubim worship its creator. The words came into his ears like whispers of an angel.

"Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Quien Dios tiene, nada le falta. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Solo Dios basta…. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Quien Dios tiene, nada le falta. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Solo Dios basta…. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante –"

The voice fell into silence as the door creaked open. There was a boy standing before the altar. He looked so small, bathing in evening twilights that went through the glass works. The child turned his face; and to Crawford everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. There was a cat in the child's hands. It purred and snuggled even deeper in the child's hold.

"You sang that song?" was the only words that could come out from his lips.

The little boy looked up to him and he nodded. Crawford was not sure whether the nod was meant to salute him or to say yes. They didn't seem to matter anymore. He was drowned into the big round eyes before him. There was something there. Something so strong. Something so deep. It's like this child held so many things in his hand.

His vision blurred and he knew he would see something. There would be future with this little child. This must be the child they were talking about; the child who owned great power inside his lithe body. The child wanted so much by Eszet.

Suddenly the cat hissed and jumped of from the child's hand. The boy snapped and screamed as he loosened his hold from the animal. Crawford stepped back.

A pair of dark brown eyes looked at him. They were trembling. And the little boy mumbled, "The cat hates you," and then he ran to follow it.



The cat hated me….

He hated me….

Perhaps he still does….


Crawford threw his pen on the table and lay back on the leather chair. Slowly he hummed, "Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Quien Dios tiene, nada le falta. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Solo Dios basta…. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Quien Dios tiene, nada le falta. Nada de turbe. Nada te espante. Solo Dios basta…."

Don't let anything worries you, don't let anything frightens you. Those who hold on to God will always be fulfilled. Don't let anything worries you. Don't let anything frightens you. Only God helps you.

He didn't know why he sang the song. He had heard it long ago, even before he met the Japanese boy. He remembered his mother used to hum the tune for him when he felt sad. Or was it somebody else? He Couldn't remember clearly.

Did Nagi understand the meaning when he sang that song? He had only understood Japanese then. He had not even been able to write kanji properly.
Crawford just realized how many years it had passed ever since he took the child away from under the ruin of that old church. How long he tried to put the pieces together desperately while no one ever helped him, while what Rozenkreuz did was worsened the whole situation. Schuldig and Farfarello never seemed to care about that boy either.

But broken porcelain could not be mended into a new. You would still be able to see cracks under its glaze. Just like what he did to Nagi. He only put them together and put layers of numbness around the child's feeling. A fragile coat for a little soul. A shell to protect him from others. A sheer protection he put to harden the little boy so that he would be able to take care of himself. He tried to make him stronger a little by a little. He tried. He did try.

Hate was always better than a feeling of despair. That was the only thing he knew to survive. That was the only thing he could do to make him survive. He knew no other way for they had failed him long before.

He hated his job. He hated his life. He hated Takatori and Eszet. He hated this new person Nakama too. He hated the world and the universe. He hated everything. The only things he had not yet managed to hate were Schuldig, Nagi, and Farfarello.

But those whom he loved and those who loved him would always find early deaths. Those who cared for him suffered until the end of their lives. Those who helped him were played like strings in God's hands until its thread became twisted and entwined and they stopped moving.

And since he loved the three dearly in his heart, and because he didn't want them to die yet, he would always try to make them hate him. And he would hurt them until they were strong enough not to feel any pain. So they would live and live on. And they would survive this wicked world. And let him be the only one broken when they had to separate.

His grips tightened as he tried not to scream. How he wanted to let go of everything. But it was not yet the time. They were not yet ready. He was not ready either. He had to try again and again until he dissolved completely into the fun of hurting. So he as well would not miss anyone nor be missed by anyone when he's gone.

"… I'm sorry, Nagi… but I have to… I have to…."

****** to be continued ******

OK... that's another chapter. I'm such a s--l--o--w person... not to mention moody too..... Crawfie's plot has been around my head for quite a while... but I just could not write it down properly. Before I came out with this version, I had to erase like 15 paragraphs because after reading it once again... they just didn't make sense at all!

I included several hints of Dramatic Collection1: The Holy Children. I used Yuki Scorpio's translation as my reference. But I cannot resist to change several facts here and there.... This fic is definitely turning slightly more AU... the real fact is that Nagi did not kill his father but his mother... and I made Nagi's first time of meeting Crawford at Sister Amamiya a few years earlier.... But what the hell!! I still love to write it.

Thank you for reading the ficcie up until now.... Review if you find it suit your taste... Tell me if you find it worse than before... Tell me if you despise it.... I will gladly read whatever you write for me.... Ja ne!! ^___^ \/

PS: the song Nada de Turbe is a Taize song... it's sung over and over again in a Taize prayer. I hope I didn't give wrong translations.... Sorry for putting such loaded religious stuff into the fic... I hope none of you felt offended.....