As soon as Aeryn walks into the room, I know something's up. I don't know how. Maybe it's intuition. Maybe it's because I know her. Or maybe it's the dark circles under her eyes and the fact that she looks like a train just hit her.
"Did Rose finally get to sleep?" I ask her, breaking off my conversation with Zhaan.
Aeryn nods, but I don't think I've seen her blink since she walked in. "She's got a DRD with her," she says.
I glance at Zhaan, who's looking back at me with one of those "Do you see what I see?" expressions. "Aeryn, maybe you should try to get some rest," Zhaan suggests. She opens her mouth to say more, but Aeryn cuts her off.
"Oh, no. I can't sleep. Because every time I try to sleep, she cries. She's an insomniac. She doesn't sleep. When she does, it's in five hundred microt increments. I can't function that way! She won't stop. I love her, but she won't stop. And she doesn't behave like this for you, John. She doesn't like me. She's doing this to torture me. You know, when I was with the Peacekeepers, they demanded everything I had and they went so far as to deem me irreversibly contaminated, but they gave me time to *sleep*! I don't have that now and it's driving me frelling insane!" She blinks.
Oh, wow. This is bad. Yeah, raising a newborn is tough. We know that. In the four days since we've had Rose, Aeryn and I have had to take shifts with her so we have time to eat and shower and sleep, or just be around other people. But Aeryn's right, I haven't had a hard time with Rose. She doesn't seem happy about that.
I gently take her hand in mine, and I swear she whimpers a little. "Aeryn, honey, I will watch Rose. You sleep," I say.
"I can't. Because every time I close my eyes I think I hear her crying," Aeryn says. "Which is usually because she needs to be changed or fed or held. I have barely slept in four solar days. I don't think I remember how."
"I can give you something to aid you," Zhaan offers.
"What if she needs me?"
"Then I will handle it, Aeryn," I say, squeezing her hand. "You're no good to her if you're too tired to even blink."
"But I *can't*."
I feel bad for her. I really do. We both knew it would be hard, but I didn't think this was part of it. Part of me feels guilty for getting off easy on this. I look over to Zhaan, changing the plan. "Can you keep an eye on the baby? I'm going to go with Aeryn," I tell her.
"I think it's best you do," Zhaan says, frowning at Aeryn. "She needs her rest."
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," mumbles Aeryn, rubbing at her eyes. She looks five. "I'm tired, not deaf. And I'm here."
She's not making too much sense, but she's blinking. This is better. I start leading Aeryn out of command, half dragging her with me. "If something happens, call us," she calls back to Zhaan.
"Don't call us!" I say.
I look back, and Zhaan nods at me in agreement.
"Don't tell her that!" Aeryn says, stumbling a little as she walks. "If Rose needs us, we should be there."
"Zhaan can handle anything that girl throws at her. You are going to have to lighten up a little, babe." I slow my pace so she's not struggling to keep up, and slide my arm around her waist to keep her with me. It also serves to keep her from falling over.
She snorts at that. "This is all your fault anyway, Crichton," she tells me.
Oh, sure. It always comes around to the guy. "It takes two, you know."
"I've passed the point where I care. You're never touching me again. Ever. Fluids can stay right where they are, because... no," she says. Uh oh, she's picking up speed in her words. Here come another ramble. I'm mentally preparing myself. "I'm amazed any body-breeding species survived this long. I would have thought that somewhere along the line they would realize that it's insane, and it really frelling hurts, and you never sleep once the baby is born. No one told me that. Why didn't you tell me that?"
She doesn't wait for me to answer. That would be where I tune her out. She's still going on about something, but any snippet of her speech that I hear seems to be far off from her original point. It's rude to just ignore her, yeah, but I'm more concerned with getting her to wonderfully empty quarters as far away from ours as we can get. Not that Aeryn would notice where we're going, but I'm not taking any chances.
Man, this would have been a great science experiment in school. The Effects of Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression on Ex-Peacekeeper Fugitive Moms. I'll hit myself later for thinking that.
I think we're far enough now. We've been walking a while and Aeryn's still talking. As I close the door to the room, I start hearing her again. "-And all I want to do is sleep for more than a straight arn. Is that so much to ask?"
"No, it's not," I say.
"Am I a bad mother?"
She might as well have three heads right now because I wouldn't look at her any more strangely than I already am. "How can you think that?" I say. I sit her down on the bed, kneeling by her so I can look her in the eye.
"Because I can't handle this. She starts crying, and the first thing on my mind is how long I've slept. Look at me, John. I'm tired, I'm babbling, and I'm... I'm losing it," she says. I think she's halfway to crying.
I rise from my position and sit next to her. I wrap my arm around her, and she collapses against me. "You are a great mom. You haven't slept in four days because you're more worried about her than you are yourself," I say quietly. "You're thinking of sleep but it doesn't stop you from taking care of her."
"Why doesn't she act like this for you? You're coherent," Aeryn tells me, saying "coherent" like it's some kind of insult.
"It's not that Rose doesn't like you. She depends on you more than she does me. Middle of the night, she starts crying, it takes you a microt to be by her. Maybe I just get her at the good times. By the time I take over, you've taken care of everything. She loves her mama. All babies do. Especially when they've got good ones. If Rose doesn't already know that, she's going to learn quick."
"Mm. You're good to me," she says distantly.
"You deserve it."
She doesn't answer. I look over at her, finding her fast asleep against my shoulder. It's about damn time. She needs it.
I gently lay her down, pulling the blanket over her, and I kiss her lightly on the forehead. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
"Did Rose finally get to sleep?" I ask her, breaking off my conversation with Zhaan.
Aeryn nods, but I don't think I've seen her blink since she walked in. "She's got a DRD with her," she says.
I glance at Zhaan, who's looking back at me with one of those "Do you see what I see?" expressions. "Aeryn, maybe you should try to get some rest," Zhaan suggests. She opens her mouth to say more, but Aeryn cuts her off.
"Oh, no. I can't sleep. Because every time I try to sleep, she cries. She's an insomniac. She doesn't sleep. When she does, it's in five hundred microt increments. I can't function that way! She won't stop. I love her, but she won't stop. And she doesn't behave like this for you, John. She doesn't like me. She's doing this to torture me. You know, when I was with the Peacekeepers, they demanded everything I had and they went so far as to deem me irreversibly contaminated, but they gave me time to *sleep*! I don't have that now and it's driving me frelling insane!" She blinks.
Oh, wow. This is bad. Yeah, raising a newborn is tough. We know that. In the four days since we've had Rose, Aeryn and I have had to take shifts with her so we have time to eat and shower and sleep, or just be around other people. But Aeryn's right, I haven't had a hard time with Rose. She doesn't seem happy about that.
I gently take her hand in mine, and I swear she whimpers a little. "Aeryn, honey, I will watch Rose. You sleep," I say.
"I can't. Because every time I close my eyes I think I hear her crying," Aeryn says. "Which is usually because she needs to be changed or fed or held. I have barely slept in four solar days. I don't think I remember how."
"I can give you something to aid you," Zhaan offers.
"What if she needs me?"
"Then I will handle it, Aeryn," I say, squeezing her hand. "You're no good to her if you're too tired to even blink."
"But I *can't*."
I feel bad for her. I really do. We both knew it would be hard, but I didn't think this was part of it. Part of me feels guilty for getting off easy on this. I look over to Zhaan, changing the plan. "Can you keep an eye on the baby? I'm going to go with Aeryn," I tell her.
"I think it's best you do," Zhaan says, frowning at Aeryn. "She needs her rest."
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," mumbles Aeryn, rubbing at her eyes. She looks five. "I'm tired, not deaf. And I'm here."
She's not making too much sense, but she's blinking. This is better. I start leading Aeryn out of command, half dragging her with me. "If something happens, call us," she calls back to Zhaan.
"Don't call us!" I say.
I look back, and Zhaan nods at me in agreement.
"Don't tell her that!" Aeryn says, stumbling a little as she walks. "If Rose needs us, we should be there."
"Zhaan can handle anything that girl throws at her. You are going to have to lighten up a little, babe." I slow my pace so she's not struggling to keep up, and slide my arm around her waist to keep her with me. It also serves to keep her from falling over.
She snorts at that. "This is all your fault anyway, Crichton," she tells me.
Oh, sure. It always comes around to the guy. "It takes two, you know."
"I've passed the point where I care. You're never touching me again. Ever. Fluids can stay right where they are, because... no," she says. Uh oh, she's picking up speed in her words. Here come another ramble. I'm mentally preparing myself. "I'm amazed any body-breeding species survived this long. I would have thought that somewhere along the line they would realize that it's insane, and it really frelling hurts, and you never sleep once the baby is born. No one told me that. Why didn't you tell me that?"
She doesn't wait for me to answer. That would be where I tune her out. She's still going on about something, but any snippet of her speech that I hear seems to be far off from her original point. It's rude to just ignore her, yeah, but I'm more concerned with getting her to wonderfully empty quarters as far away from ours as we can get. Not that Aeryn would notice where we're going, but I'm not taking any chances.
Man, this would have been a great science experiment in school. The Effects of Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression on Ex-Peacekeeper Fugitive Moms. I'll hit myself later for thinking that.
I think we're far enough now. We've been walking a while and Aeryn's still talking. As I close the door to the room, I start hearing her again. "-And all I want to do is sleep for more than a straight arn. Is that so much to ask?"
"No, it's not," I say.
"Am I a bad mother?"
She might as well have three heads right now because I wouldn't look at her any more strangely than I already am. "How can you think that?" I say. I sit her down on the bed, kneeling by her so I can look her in the eye.
"Because I can't handle this. She starts crying, and the first thing on my mind is how long I've slept. Look at me, John. I'm tired, I'm babbling, and I'm... I'm losing it," she says. I think she's halfway to crying.
I rise from my position and sit next to her. I wrap my arm around her, and she collapses against me. "You are a great mom. You haven't slept in four days because you're more worried about her than you are yourself," I say quietly. "You're thinking of sleep but it doesn't stop you from taking care of her."
"Why doesn't she act like this for you? You're coherent," Aeryn tells me, saying "coherent" like it's some kind of insult.
"It's not that Rose doesn't like you. She depends on you more than she does me. Middle of the night, she starts crying, it takes you a microt to be by her. Maybe I just get her at the good times. By the time I take over, you've taken care of everything. She loves her mama. All babies do. Especially when they've got good ones. If Rose doesn't already know that, she's going to learn quick."
"Mm. You're good to me," she says distantly.
"You deserve it."
She doesn't answer. I look over at her, finding her fast asleep against my shoulder. It's about damn time. She needs it.
I gently lay her down, pulling the blanket over her, and I kiss her lightly on the forehead. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.