Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Transformers!!!!!!!! But I do claim the plot! Please no stealing!!

The Essays of Daniel Thor

Fifth Installment: It's a Kodak Moment!

"Oye." Demolisher sighed as he reviewed his journal. "It's been one chaotic week! I hope my next assignment doesn't turn out as weird as this one did." Demolisher wearily flipped on his computer and headed to the web site to check out his next assignment.

"Ping! Assignment delivered. Proceed to administrations to receive next assignment." The computer told him.

"Yipee." Demolisher yawned sarcastically. "I wonder what Cindy will have in store for me now."

"Welcome to Cheesey Burger, home of Heartburn on a Bun. May I take your order?" A gruff bass voice startled Demolisher nearly out of his armor. That was not the sweet and charming Cindy! In her place sat a slob of a man with a stained uniform, a pimpled face and greasy hair. The man on the monitor burped rudely and scratched his bulging stomach absent-mindedly. "Whoops! Forgot! I don't work there no more. It's hard to remember when you go from one minimum wage job to another about every week, ya know what I mean." The man yawned. "So, what can I do you for?"

Demolisher stared blankly at the screen, his left optic twitching slightly. With hesitation his mind finally told his fingers to react and type something. "I...uh...um...need the next lesson." His fingers numbly scribed his thoughts.

"Oh, what lesson are you on?"

"Uh...number two?"

"Oh...I don't do that kind of stuffs. Hold on while I call my manager." The man picked up a phone on the desk. "Yes, please get me Mr. Scamman. Tell him I'm having difficulties with serving a customer." The phone was slammed down upon the receiver. "He'll be here in a few minutes. Care for some online Robo Smash?"

"You kidding?" Demolisher was really having second thoughts about his new hobby.

"That is, unless you're chicken..." The man crooned.

"Bring it on!" Demolisher grabbed his joystick greedily. "I'm gonna whip you cross the galaxy!"

"Yeah? I'd like to see try!"

"Oh hoh...you think you're something, huh? Huh?!" Demolisher was locked in game phase. He pushed buttons rapidly, trying to blow up the competitor's robot that battled him on the computer.

"Frank! What the bleep you think you're bleepin' doing? I ain't paying you to bleeping sit there on your bleep and playing bleeping bleep games all bleeping day! Now do you want my bleeping help or not?" An angry voice, obviously the manager's, broke the game war.

"Uh, yes sir. I need to know how to send a customer lesson two."

Mr. Scamman sighed and rubbed his temples hard, trying to remember everything that they had taught him in therapy. "Did you look in the bleepin' file marked 'Lesson Two'?"

"Oh..."

"That's what I thought." Mr. Scamman quickly exited the vicinity.

"You're just lucky that he intervened or else I woulda beat you!" Frank whispered.

"Yeah right! In your dreams!" Demolisher retorted.

"Heh." Frank smirked. "Whatever. I'll be sending you your lesson now."

"Thanks much!" Demolisher returned. The green Autobot sighed as he rolled across the room in his wheelie chair and flopped down unto his recharge bed. He laid his head back on his arms. "Now, in the mean time..." He closed his optics with pleasure and began counting tank tracks as he drifted off to recharge.

"Demolisher!!" A voice whined, dragging the unwilling mech away from his much deserved sleep.

"What?!" Demolisher groaned as he rolled off of his bunk.

"I...um...need your help." The voice squirmed.

"With what?" Demolisher's voice began to take on an impatient tone as he pushed the button to open his door. He gasped then immediately stifled his giggling at the sight. Poor, poor Cyclonus. What a fool! Demolisher later learned that the copter butt had been welding parts together for some new band instruments when he accidentally pressed a wrong switch on the handheld welder and made the laser come out the back end. Before he could regain control of the laser welder he had added some new chrome to his armor and welded most of his joints together. How he had managed to hobble down the hallway, that's a mystery the mech cared not to venture into to.

"Are you sure you want my help? You could make a very useful lawn ornament. Who knows? Your trendsetting might even attract you a pretty little femme." Demolisher joked.

"Oh, hah! Hah! Just get me unstuck, would ya?!" Cyclonus whined through the right half of his mouth since the left part was welded shut.

"Okay, but just wait a minute, I'm sure I have a camera around here somewhere..." Demolisher disappeared into his room and rummaged around.

Cyclonus's optics strayed wearily as he waited for the only trustable, near medic the team had to come to his aid. Just then he heard sneaky footfalls from down the hallway. "Um...Demolisher, could you hurry up?" He began to tremor as images of whom it might be played through his mind.

"Just a minute! I'm sure it's here somewhere..." There were more rustlings.

The footsteps grew louder. "Demolisher!!!" Cyclonus grew more panicked.

"Hold your horses!!"

"I don't have any!!!!!"

"Well see? That's your problem."

"What's going on here?" Cyclonus nearly had a spark attack when Starscream's grading voice spoke up from behind him.

"Nothing. Nothing at all!!" The copter bot sure whished that he could fly away at that point and time.

"Hmph. It seems you're a little 'stuck' aren't you?" Starscream noted.

"So? What's it to you?!" Cyclonus's trigger finger twitched, even though it was nowhere near a gun.

"Nothing. But this would make a great photo op." Starscream reached inside a compartment in his armor and pulled out a small camera. "Say 'wheeze'!"

"It's 'CHEESE'!!!!!" Cyclonus strained to move.

"Whatever. You know, I actually sort of like you still. That way you're not flying around and getting in everybody's way." Starscream began snapping photos.

"RRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cy's rage built.

"I've found it!" Demolisher returned triumphant from the rummaging spree. He held up his camera and began taking pictures.

"You guys are no fun." Cyclonus sighed in defeat.

"Really? That's too bad because we're having a blast!" Starscream smiled. He turned to his fellow photographer. "So what do you plan to do with him?"

Demolisher scratched his head. "Well, I suppose I should fix him. Otherwise Megatron might be mad."

"That's a shame. I actually like him better this way." Starscream looked sad.

Demolisher handed his camera to the seeker. "Just because we're repairing him doesn't mean we can't have a little fun. You take the pictures, I'll get the paint."

"Paint? What do you need paint for?" Cyclonus's optics followed the green mech.

"I believe in earth terms it's called a makeover. I saw this really neat earth style called a clown. It'd look good on you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The scream echoed off the bases walls.

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A/n: Well, sorry that it wasn't the longest chapter but I really, really, really have writers block, so sorry if this chapter sucked. I was in the mood for craziness so I decided to update. Hope you like. Plz review!

(oh, and if you didn't get it. Mr. Scamman is pronounced 'scam-man'. Get it?)