Okay folks, I know I've kept you waiting for quite some time with this. This had several reasons, and I hope you forgive me.

I've moved into another flat and had to get everything arranged there, then I took a little holiday a couple of weeks ago (and this has been the last holiday for this year…*sigh* - But I've seen Iron Maiden, Metallica and Placebo live!), and most of my free writing time went into Morgan D.'s challenge.

By the way, my response to her challenge, Pack Issues, the nice little fic that suddenly grew longer than The Last Marauder won't be up here on my profile (at least not till I know what happens in OoP), but only on Morgan D.'s Hogwarts Letters Site. If you want to read it (about which I'd be more than glad) then you can find the link on my profile page.

Well, and when I had the challenge finished I found it a bit harder to get back to writing this story here, so it took a tad bit longer to get this out.

Thus said, I think I stop boring you with news about my life.

This is the last chapter before the release of OoP (duh!), but I guess the book won't be lasting long for me so I should be back with a new chapter within a fortnight. Posting patterns are hopefully back to normal from now on.

Thanks to everybody who stuck with me so far, despite all my delays and non-posts. I haven't abandoned the story, and from now on it should become better. No personal A/N this time, I'll try to cover them next chapter.

So all that's left for me to say is:

Enjoy!

Falling Apart

An eerie silence settled over the hospital room after Remus' soft spoken words.

Richard looked dumbfounded at the revelation, still trying to process the fact that the man who had caused his younger son so much pain and grief six years ago had done the unthinkable and broken out of Azkaban.

Janus looked equally baffled, but the professional part of his brain was already beginning to interweave this new piece of information into the ever-increasing puzzle he had been dealing with for the past weeks.

Dumbledore had an unreadable expression on his face, even to those who had gotten to know him better during the past years. Remus blushed, his earlier anger all but forgotten at the reaction his confession had provoked, and stared at his bare feet that were dangling over the edge of the bed. He didn't dare to look up into his old mentor's face now that he had confessed his one big treason against the man who had removed so many obstacles for him in the past. Remus knew Dumbledore well enough by now to be sure that it wouldn't take him longer to figure out the circumstances that had led to Sirius becoming an animagus.

But he also knew that this would not free him from the duty of an explanation, for Dumbledore as well as for his father and brother. Time for tabula rasa.

"What?"

Janus was the first to gain speech again, though he clearly wasn't back on the peak of his eloquence yet.

"Fuck…but how? Why? And how come you know?"

He was getting better at it, though he was still gasping like a fish out of water in between the sentences. Not that Remus really cared, he was still angry enough to pound at Janus if he only had the physical strength to do so.

Remus was slightly startled when he felt a hand on his arm and upon looking up from the floor found that Richard had gotten up from his chair and now stood by his side, one of his hands gently resting on Remus' arm.

"How about we get you settled back to bed completely before we do anything else? You look ready to collapse again."

Remus only nodded and allowed himself to be pushed back fully onto the bed, back into the sitting position he had been in earlier. He was glad for the interruption and the chance to gather his thoughts, but this didn't buy him nearly as much time as he would have liked.

Dumbledore turned slightly in his chair so that he was facing Remus again, and Richard took up position on the other side of Remus' bed. Only Janus remained standing, his shoulder leaning against the wall so that he was looking straight at Remus. Richard gestured for him to sit down as well, but Janus ignored his father.

Even when Richard glared at him in a patronizing manner that would have extremely annoyed both adult Lupin sons under normal circumstances, Janus only crossed his arms in front of his chest defiantly and glared back at his father.

Dumbledore interrupted the tense silence that once more had begun to settle over Remus' hospital room.

"It seems that both of you", he glanced from Remus to Janus and back again, "have something of interest and importance to share with us. If you don't mind, Remus, I'd really like to know how Mr. Black managed to become an animagus without anybody else noticing, and especially how come that you obviously did know it."

Remus sighed and closed his eyes tightly, willing down all the unwelcome emotions that threatened to resurface again. Lying here in the hospital bed because he was hardly able to hold himself upright for more than ten minutes was already embarrassing enough, especially with his family and Professor Dumbledore present, he didn't need to add an emotional outbreak to his current list of humiliations.

But somehow he had the feeling that he had already lost that fight.

After a moment, when he was half sure that he would at least not burst into tears straight away, he opened his eyes again and looked at the three men in the room, finally settling his gaze on his father. It would be more easy if he looked at Richard while telling the story.

"There's not really that much to tell. James, Peter and...Sirius", Remus swallowed heavily and tried to will down the huge spectre of emotions that was running amok inside of him right now, "they found out about me being a werewolf in my first year already, after Easter."

Remus still looked straight into his father's eyes and saw Richard nod. This was no secret, Richard as well as Janus and Dumbledore had known that Remus' lycanthropy had not remained a secret from his close friends. Nobody had been happier than Richard that Remus seemed to have found some friends who really stuck to him, no matter what. Remus ran a hand through his hair and continued.

"It was a lot easier afterwards. I didn't have to lie to them anymore, that had been the hardest thing. Now they knew where I went once a month and Merlin only knows why, but they didn't turn their backs on me. They wanted to stay my friends and they wanted to help me wherever they could. They took care that nobody else realized what was wrong with me, they backed up my excuses, took care that I received my homework and my assignments when I was in the hospital wing, heck sometimes they took their playing nursemaids so seriously that it was downright annoying. But they knew that they couldn't help me when it came to the actual transformations. They couldn't be with me then, I'd have hurt or killed them and they all knew that. Not as humans."

Remus tiredly pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

"They didn't tell me about it. I guess they knew that I'd have done everything in my power to stop them had I known what they were working on, but I just didn't realize. They did all their researches and preparations at times around the full moon or when I was working on other assignments, or sometimes in the dead of the night. For three whole years they kept it a secret. A small miracle as such, James and Sirius were always too excited about their schemes to keep them secret from Peter or me, and Peter usually blurted things out by accident. But not this one, that they were quite careful with. I didn't realize anything amiss. And then, at the beginning of our fifth year, they showed me what they had been working on. James, Peter and Sirius had become animagi so that they could be with me during my transformations."

Remus looked at his hands and gave that information a couple of moments to sink in. Quite surprised he realized that his father had taken one of his hands in his own and even now was making no movement to let go. But even despite this physical reassurance, Remus didn't dare look up into his or Dumbledore's face to confront their reactions.

"That's been bloody illegal!"

Janus. Who else would point out this as the first reaction to his story. Remus shook his head and met his brother's eyes, trying to hide how bad he was really doing at the moment. Instead he shot his brother a pointed glare, trying to put as much loathing in it as he could. Remus had not forgotten that Janus had kept Sirius' escape a secret from him. If his stupid brother would have for once just seen his family as his priority then they wouldn't be in this situation right now. Then Harry could still be safe.

"Of course that's been illegal, Janus. Thanks for pointing it out. What should I have done? Pressed charges against them?"
Janus just waved him off and tried to remain looking dignified. Well, if he wanted to pout because his little brother had been involved in the breaking of the law, Remus could not help him. Merlin knew there were more important things to think about at the moment.

"What forms did they adopt?"

Dumbledore. That was it, now Remus had to face it. He had betrayed the old wizard's trust for so many years, and now that he was already in enough trouble as it was because he had been stupid enough to let Harry get kidnapped, now Remus also had to confront Dumbledore with the extend of his betrayal. But if he already did that, he'd look into Dumbledore's eyes while doing so.

Slowly, Remus raised his head again and shifted his gaze over to the old headmaster. Dumbledore was sitting in his hospital chair, his eyes turned onto Remus. There was no emotion which Remus was able to read in those pale blue orbs behind the half-moon spectacles, but Remus knew Dumbledore well enough to know that he was able to hide what he was thinking and feeling very well.

"James was a stag. Peter was a rat, small enough to escape the branches of the Whomping Willow and to open the passage for the others. And Sirius was...Sirius is a big black dog. Huge, with shaggy fur and pale blue eyes. Looks a lot like the grim, actually."

This said, Remus felt most of the tension leave his body and fell backwards into his pillows. He had said what he needed to say for the moment, everything else would be saved until he and Dumbledore were alone. That was, in case Dumbledore still wanted to hear anything Remus had to say. Remus would not be too surprised if it was not like that at all. But at the moment he really didn't want to think about that. He didn't have the strength or will to worry about Dumbledore's reaction at the moment. Harry was out there and if Sirius had him...Remus didn't want to think about it. Sirius had betrayed his best friend to Voldemort, heck he had even delivered Harry into that madman's clutches once already, he would not care a bit about the boy's wellbeing. It could already be too late while he was lying here in St. Mungo's, worrying about Albus Dumbledore's opinion of him. It had been – Remus quickly did some maths – something around sixteen hours since Harry had been abducted. Give or take two or three hours. It could already be too late. That thought ached more than anything Remus had felt during the past years. Ever since Harry had come to live with him he had not felt that sad and terrified anymore. Without Remus being aware of it, he had not only granted Harry a place in his life and in his heart, but he had allowed the child to become the one single most important thing in his entire life. The thought that something had happened to him, that he might even be dead, slammed into Remus' awareness like an iron fist. Breathing became more and more difficult, and though he tried to, all the air seemed to have vanished from the room.

"Remus?"

Remus tried to turn his head into the direction of his father's voice, but the only effect was that the room started to spin and that he felt very light-headed all of a sudden. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to will down his nausea and vertigo. The voices around him suddenly became hectic and confusing, though Remus heard the words he could not make any sense of them or react to them.

"Remus? Remus, what's wrong?"

"He's hyperventilating."

"Janus, call a doctor. Hurry!"

"Remus? Can you hear me? Say something, please. Remus!"
"What is happening here? Please leave the room everybody, I need to look after my patient."

"Dr. Waters, I will definitely not leave my son alone now."

"Then move aside and don't stand in our way. Mr. Lupin, can you hear me?"
Remus thought that after this question (had the doctor been talking to him or to his father?) somebody slapped him on the cheeks twice or so, but it could as well have only been his imagination. Things were everything but clear for him at that moment. He did realize that somebody forced a potion down his throat, but then everything went black as consciousness fled.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Harry jumped in surprise as he heard steps on the corridor, nearing the room he was being held in. Ever since he had woken up, he had been alone and not seen a living soul. Also, Harry didn't really know for how long he had been in that cold room with its clammy stone walls and floor and nothing for company except from his stuffed lion. It was still light outside, though it seemed to be getting darker, but for a seven year old, terrified child this was not really something he could use as a source of information.

Harry's first thought was that it was Remus, coming to bring him home and he nearly jumped to his feet and called out to his godfather right then. But if that was Remus coming down the corridor, he'd have surely called out for him by now, wouldn't he? Harry didn't know why, but instead of running to the door he climbed back onto his cot and pulled his knees up to his chest.

And if it wasn't Remus who was coming for him? What if it was someone else, someone bad? Like the bad men he had seen in his dreams? They had made the other people in his dream scream in pain, just like the man who had taken him had done to his godfather.

Harry pressed Rory tightly against his chest.

Maybe those steps weren't heading for his room at all. Maybe whoever was walking down the corridor would not stop in front of his door, but walk by and leave him alone. Remus would surely come for him soon, all Harry had to do was wait and hope he'd be left alone until then.

The steps were right in front of his door now, and Harry's breathing hitched and his hands started to tremble as the person on the other side of the door stopped. Right in front of Harry's door. There was a clinking sound, and then the door on its rusty hinges swung inwards, slowly. The figure of a man appeared in the doorway, dark and threatening against the light that came from the corridor. Harry could not say for sure whether this had been the man who had taken him away from his home last night, he looked somewhat like him, but Harry wasn't sure.

The man made a step towards Harry's cot. The trembling child did his best to skid away from him, but there wasn't very much room for Harry to skid into, and the man was blocking the only way to the door.

The man stopped directly in front of the frightened child who was huddled in the corner of the cot and looked down at Harry with a smirk on his face.

"Get up!"

Harry flinched at the barked out command, but didn't move. Even if he had wanted to, his legs were trembling so hard that Harry could not have moved them.

"I said get up!"

Harry bit his lower lip and slowly shook his head. He couldn't, didn't the man realize that?

When the man spoke again, his voice was low, but filled with a fierce venomous quality that sent shivers down Harry's spine. Never in his entire life would he forget that voice.

"Are you deaf or just too stubborn for your own good? Come with me now or you'll regret it. Do you understand? Now, get up!"

Again, Harry shook his head. By now, his whole body was trembling, but he just couldn't do what the man said. For one, Remus had told him over and over again never to go with strangers, no matter what they told him. But, even more important, his body just wouldn't obey. All that his arms and legs did was shivering violently, and heart was pounding so fast that Harry thought the man had to hear it, too.

Harry didn't know what reaction to expect from the man, but it definitely had not been the sudden blow that threw his head to the side and knocked his nose quite painfully against the stone wall. His glasses slid down from his left ear, and where the man's hand had hit his cheek Harry's face felt as if it was burning.

Never, never in his entire time with him had Remus slapped Harry. Not even when Harry had made him really angry, like when he had tried to read the cursed book in the store. Remus had gotten mad with him sometimes, and he had even shouted at him a then, but he had never hit him. And neither had his grandpa or his aunt Serena and uncle Janus.

Eyes wide open, Harry stared at the stranger. His left hand was holding his aching cheek and there were tears running down his face. Suddenly, hands roughly gripped for the collar of his jumper and pulled Harry up to his feet, dragging him towards the door. Harry did the only thing he could think of and struggled against the man's hold as much as he could. But to no avail. The stranger was twice his size and much, much stronger, for him was the child's struggle just a minor annoyance.

Not really knowing why, Harry began to scream for help, for the only person who could make everything better.

"Remus!"

"Shut up!"

"Remus!"

Suddenly, the man crouched down until he was at eye-level with Harry, pulling him so close that their noses were nearly touching. His eyes, icy blue or cold grey in the dim light, bore into Harry with such a force that his crying started anew.

"Now listen to me, you little nuisance. If you hope for your precious Remus", he spat the last word out with disgust "to come for you then you are badly mistaken. The werewolf is lucky if he's still alive, and even if he survived he'll never find you here. So shut up and come with me, or I'll have to hurt you as well."
The man got up from his crouch again and without another word continued to drag Harry across an uncomfortably dark corridor. Harry didn't struggle anymore against his hold, too scared that the man would hit him again and too occupied to process what he had just heard. Remus wouldn't come? Remus couldn't come because he was hurt? But Remus had to come for him, or how else was Harry supposed to get back home? And there was nothing Harry wanted more at the moment than being home again, safe in his godfather's arms.

Harry wanted to grip for Rory, seeking at least a little comfort in the presence of Remus' present and with a tremendous shock he realized that he didn't have his stuffed animal anymore. He had lost his beloved stuffed lion, back in the room he had been in earlier.

Now Harry really was alone. And Remus wouldn't come for him.

The man dragged Harry down another corridor.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Remus realized with quite some glee that Janus was nervous. His big brother, usually the incarnation of calm and ordered behaviour was nervous because of a two and a half year old child. And knowing that Harry's presence would keep Janus from making any rude comments – or at least hoping it would – Remus did nothing to hide how much this amused him.

Truth be told, Remus himself had been nervous as hell around Harry as well, during the first two or three days, but by now Harry was living with him for nearly two months and Janus still hadn't gotten used to it.

Remus' older brother had seen Harry for the first time slightly less than a week after Harry had arrived. Back then, Remus had understood that Janus was nervous. Both of them were not very experienced when it came to handling small children, Janus even less than Remus. And back then, Harry had been wary around Janus, just like he had been around Richard. But, even though Harry still wasn't the world's most active and talkative child, things had improved when he was around Richard and especially when he was around Remus. Remus, Richard and Janus were the three people Harry's world consisted of at the moment, with the slight problem that one third of this world was trying to stay away from him as far as possible. Janus was avoiding any confrontation with the toddler, just as if the child carried a contagious disease. And Janus really wondered why Harry still did behave as if Remus' brother was a stranger?

At the moment, Harry was contently kneeling in front of the low sofa-table, playing with his miniature-magical-creature-set, one of the many parts of the 'Richard Lupin spoils his newly acquired grandchild' campaign. And his father really thought Remus would not realize what this was all about, Remus thought with a bemused smile.

From the kitchen Remus could see Harry chasing the unicorn across the table, while the dragon (Richard had tried to teach Harry that it was a Common Welsh Green, but the child had not been particularly interested in that piece of information) was flying around Harry's head.

Remus smiled, then looked up at his brother. Janus was sitting on the other side of the kitchen table, eying Harry warily and ready to jump up and pretend being busy as soon as Harry would make only a move towards the kitchen.

"He doesn't bite, you know?"
Janus raised an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't be too sure. Oscar Delaines' two year old nephew bit him in the calf last Christmas. Got a nice little infection from it. You can't even imagine what kind of germs those little kids have in their mouths. No surprise, actually, not if they're trying to eat literally anything that crosses their way and isn't fast enough to escape."

Remus laughed.

"Janus, Harry is two and a half. He's a little kid, not a monster. You're bigger than him, stronger and a lot faster. It's ridiculous that you're scared of him."

"I'm not scared!" Janus rose himself to full height on his chair. "I just don't know what to do with him. It's been quite some time since I've been his age, you know? How am I supposed to know what to do?"
"Really. There's no manual for handling little children, I knew just as much as you do when he arrived here. And if I had behaved like you, it would have stayed like that. It's not that difficult, Janus. Harry likes to paint, or to play around with those blasted charmed animals dad saw the need to give him. Though I'd be thankful if you could take him outside for a moment so that I can chase them together and lock them back in their box again. I'm fed up with stepping on miniature fire-scorpions first thing in the morning. Barefoot.

Childproof or not, I'll have a word with dad about his spoiling attempts. He could at least be a little more subtle with it. Janus, are you listening to me?"
Janus was staring at Remus with a completely thunderstruck expression on his face, not having heard the last part of Remus' little speech at all.

"You want me to take the child into the garden? Now? Alone?"

Remus laughed out loud.

"I'd be thankful if you would take him away from the animals for a moment, yes. Out in the garden, Janus, I didn't ask you to take him home and baby-sit him for a week, just to watch him in the garden for twenty minutes or so. I'll be close enough for you to call me. I'll fetch his jacket and shoes and he'll be out there on his own in no time. All you have to do is walk with him and watch that nothing happens. Come on Janus, it's not that difficult."

"But...what if he starts talking, or asking questions? I don't understand this udu-ada-baby-syllable language."
"Harry is capable of speaking quite clearly, you know?"

Janus sighed.

"And if he starts crying?"

Remus shrugged confusedly.

"Why should he start crying all of a sudden? He won't, Janus. Harry is a very silent child. And in case he really falls and gets a scratched knee or something like that, just...just give him a hug, or do the old 'shall I blow it better' parenting number. Just act on instinct once, but please try and get to know him. I don't want you to be wary around Harry until he's old enough to graduate. Please?"

And before Janus had the time to protest, Remus was already on his way into the living room, Harry's outdoor-clothing in his hand and a smug and superior grin on his face. Janus sighed and got up. He'd go out there with Harry if Remus forced him to, but if the child started crying, or only showed a trembling bottom lip, then he'd call Remus out to calm him. No doubt Harry was a cute child, but cute or not he was a child. And that was the one group of humans Janus Lupin just didn't mix with.

Remus came to a halt in front of where Harry was crouching, and when the child looked up and saw the jacket and the shoes his godfather was carrying his green eyes lightened up.

"Outside?"
Remus nodded.

"Yes Harry. How about you go and play outside for half an hour or so? Together with Uncle Janus?"

The enthusiasm in Harry's expression immediately died away when he heard just whom should accompany him outdoors and he eyed Janus with as much childish wariness as he could muster. But as it was his upbringing, Harry didn't complain or contradict, he merely showed a lot less enthusiasm when Remus put his warmer clothing on him.

Janus himself was not faring a lot better. Inwardly, he had already planned on how to spend the twenty minutes Remus had been talking about without getting involved in a major catastrophe like the ones only small children could produce, and now his little brother was already talking about 'half an hour or so'. How on Earth was he supposed to spend half an hour with a small child about whom he knew next to nothing?

And it wasn't as if he could just start up a conversation with the child. Though it was a funny idea. 'Hey Harry, what do you think about the Dragons this season? Don't you agree that buying the Russian chaser has increased their chances to win the cup this year?'

The kid probably didn't even know what Quidditch was, and from everything Remus had said Harry didn't know that much about the magical world in general. Which meant that most of Janus' conversation potential was ruled out.

With a start Janus realized that Remus had finished tying Harry's shoes and that the child was standing near the back door, completely equipped with a scarf, gloves and woollen cap, eying him expectantly. As did Remus, who was standing next to Harry, one hand protectively on the child's shoulder. Janus quickly grabbed his jacket and scarf from the nearby armchair and went over towards the two.

He gave Harry what he hoped was an encouraging smile, but this only led to Harry clinging closer to Remus' trouser leg. Remus smiled and gently steered Harry towards the backdoor.

"Have fun, pup. Why don't you show your Uncle Janus the rabbit burrow we found last week?"

Harry nodded, though it was still obvious that he wasn't all too excited about the idea of spending time with Remus' brother. The child reluctantly walked out of the back door and Janus followed suit. As he passed his grinning brother, he decided a little glare would be in order.

"Uncle Janus?" he hissed, still not completely believing what he had just heard. Remus just shrugged and grinned some more.

"Don't let him get his clothes all too muddy if possible, after the rain yesterday the ground must still be soaked. And if he gets too cold, just bring him back in, all right?"

Janus just shook his head and went outside where Harry was standing and obediently waiting for Janus to join him. Pulling himself together, Janus went over towards the child and stretched out his hand. Reluctantly, Harry took it.

"All right Harry, do you want to show me the rabbits?"
Harry just shrugged, but started walking towards the small forest nearby.

Harry indeed showed Janus the rabbit burrow he and Remus had discovered a week earlier. What the child didn't know was that the rain from the day before had literally soaked the forest floor around it and formed a huge poodle of mud. Janus was watching out that Harry didn't stumble and fall and while doing so didn't pay enough attention to his own footing. Janus didn't see the root sticking out in his way and stumbled straight over it. Luckily, Janus let go off Harry's hand before he fell into the mud, so that he at least didn't pull the child with him.

The next thing Janus realized was that he was sitting on the forest floor, covered in mud and ice-cold water from head to toe. Harry was standing near the poodle of mud, staring open mouthed at Janus with what could only be described as plain panic on his face. That probably shocked Janus most.

He couldn't remember being at Harry's age very well, but Janus was convinced that if his father or any other adult had been clumsy enough to stumble and bathe himself in mud, he would have surely laughed his head off, not stared at him as if he feared to be blamed for his mishap any moment.

Janus imagined what he had to look like, all dignity and composure completely forgotten, mud dribbling from his hair across his face and down his clothes (not to mention under his clothes as well), and he just couldn't help it. He started to laugh, loud and long, about what he had to look like and what Remus would say once he got to know about this.

Harry stared at him as if he had lost his mind, but after a short moment of hesitation a slight smile spread across his face.

"Oh, you think this is funny, don't you?"
At first, Harry immediately stopped laughing. He shouldn't have started at all, he should have known that he'd get into problems for it. But then he saw the enormous grin on Janus' face and relaxed a bit. His Uncle Vernon would not have grinned like that if he had been about to scold and punish Harry, and the child only hoped that this would be the same with Janus. Remus had said it was okay for him to go play with Janus, and Remus hadn't lied to him so far.

Harry was about to find out during the next minutes that rabbit holes were quite uninteresting if there was a huge poodle of mud nearby, that Janus didn't particularly mind if somebody laughed when he fell into aforementioned poodle, but that he also didn't like being the only one who was all wet and dirty.

Within moments, Janus and Harry had started a nice little mud-battle, and after ten minutes the only way to tell the difference between them was looking at their height. Janus, much to his delight, also found out that Harry was extremely ticklish and that he had a very contagious laugh.

Baby-sitting wasn't all that difficult, Janus decided. Okay, maybe next time he'd have to look for a way to spend the time without getting the child all dirty because otherwise Remus would get an ulcer, but so far being around the child wasn't half as bad as Janus had expected it to be.

When they had finished throwing mud at each other, both completely wet and dirty, sitting on a fallen log and trying to catch their breaths, Janus realized that Harry was shivering. He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, cleaned it with a quick spell and wiped away the dirt and water from the child's face as good as possible. With quite a shock he realized that Harry's lips had turned a bluish shade, as had the skin under his fingernails.

"Are you cold?"
Harry bit his lower lip and nodded shyly, as if he was expecting to get scolded for admitting that he was freezing. Janus just shook his head. So far, he had thought that Remus was exaggerating a bit whenever he talked about the circumstances Harry had lived in during the past year, but as he saw the child's reluctance to admit that he was cold, and as he remembered the look of panic on Harry's face when he had fallen into the mud, Janus thought that maybe his little brother had been right about the muggles who had raised Harry.

But right now it was important to get the child warm and dry again. Not only would Remus throw a fit if Harry got sick from the first time he was left alone in Janus' care, but also because Christmas was approaching rapidly and Harry should not spend it lying in bed with pneumonia.

Janus pulled out his wand and raised it at Harry, intending to perform a simple drying charm. He didn't think anything unusual about it, he was so used to magic that this simple charm seemed nothing out of the ordinary for him. But Janus had forgotten that Harry had not been raised in a wizarding home and that he was still a bit sceptical concerning everything magical, especially if somebody was waving a wand at him.

Upon seeing the wand, Harry immediately tried to scoot away from Janus as fast as possible. Janus frowned, then looked at his wand and suddenly he understood.

"Hush, Harry. I'm not going to hurt you, all right? I'm just going to dry your clothes and warm you up a bit. It won't hurt, I promise."

Reluctantly, Harry nodded, but he still eyed Janus' wand warily. Janus performed the two charms and put his wand back into the holster on his right wrist.

"Feeling warmer, little one?"

Janus himself didn't quite know why he chose to use that particular endearment for Harry, especially since only this morning he had been convinced that it would be best to stay as far away from the child as possible. Endearments had not been part of the plan, heck he hadn't even wanted to talk to the child at all. But Harry just had his way of sneaking into peoples' hearts and Janus was already realizing that despite all his resolve, he was starting to like the child.

Little one had been his own nickname, years and years back. His mother had never used it, but his father had, despite the fact that he had been the older one of the two brothers, and also despite the fact that he had always (and still did up to this day) towered his little brother by at least half a head. The name had stuck with him until Janus had been about nine years old and had felt too old and grown up to be called like that. But Harry was only two and a half years old, he surely wouldn't mind for quite some time to come.

Harry only shrugged as a response to Janus' last question, obviously not overly concerned about Janus' use of the nickname for him, but Janus could see that Harry was still shivering slightly. Janus quickly unwrapped his own scarf from his neck, dried it and charmed it warm. The scarf was long enough to cover half of Harry's face and most of his upper body.

"Better?" Janus asked as he had tucked the child in as good as possible.

Harry nodded and smiled slightly from underneath the dark blue wool of the scarf that covered his chin and mouth.

"Yes."

"Good."

Janus looked around, scanning whether they had left nothing lying around.

"I'd say we chased away the rabbits with all the ruckus we made. You'll have to show me some other day, maybe when it's a bit warmer."
"'Kay."

"So, how about we head back home, get you into a nice hot bath and convince Remus to make us some of his hot chocolate? Sounds good?"

He stretched out his hand to Harry, and instead of verbally answering the question the child took the offered hand and started to walk back into the direction of Remus' house.

The pair of them made quite a sight as they emerged from under the trees. Both were covered in dirt and mud from head to toe, and the small child was wrapped up in Janus' huge (and dirty) scarf that his upper body appeared to have twice its normal width. Halfway towards the house, Harry's pace grew more hesitant and he fell back behind Janus. Concerned, the older man turned towards the child and crouched down in front of him.

"Hey, what's wrong little one?"

"Uncle Janus?"

Despite himself, Janus smiled. He guessed that Remus had only talked about him as 'Uncle Janus', thus convincing the child that it was perfectly alright to call him like that. He was a little surprised that Harry was willing to call him that, after all from what Remus had said Harry didn't have that many positive associations with the word 'uncle'. And up to this afternoon, Janus had been firmly convinced that he'd not get closer to the child, under no circumstances. He already had enough family members with whom he didn't necessarily get along.

But now that he heard Harry say it, he didn't mind it as much as when Remus had teased him with the word uncle this afternoon. Uncle Janus. It had a certain ring to it, Janus had to admit.

"Yes Harry?"

The child nervously fidgeted with the rim of his dirty jacket and tried to rub away the mud stains on his jeans.

"Remus..."

Janus framed Harry's face with his hands and did his best to smile encouragingly. This time at least, Harry didn't immediately cower away from him.

"Are you worried what Remus will say because we're dirty?"

Harry nodded, his eyes turned towards the floor.

"Hey, little one. Remus won't get angry about it, okay? Did you have fun this afternoon?"

Another shy smile was playing around Harry's lips as he nodded.

"You looked funny."

Janus laughed.

"Yes, I guess I did. So, we had fun this afternoon and got ourselves a bit dirty. So what? The clothes can be washed and if we dry and warm ourselves up a bit, we won't get sick either. It's alright, okay?"

"'Kay."

Harry tried to stifle a yawn but failed miserably.

"Tired, little one?"

"Hmmm."

"Come on, I'll carry you."

Before Harry could protest, Janus had lifted the little child up into his arms and started walking back towards the house. Just as they entered the back garden, Remus stepped out of the back door and looked at them, his expression lost somewhere between worry and exasperation. It clearly wasn't the first time that he had left the house to have a look out for his overdue brother and godson. He took in their dirty and dishevelled clothing, the fact that Harry was tiredly clinging to Janus' neck and raised a tawny eyebrow in question.

"You've been away for more than an hour, I was starting to worry. And what has happened to your clothes? Did you crawl into the rabbit burrow?"

Janus laughed.

"No, but the place has been flooded. I...well, I kind of stumbled, and the little one thought it was funny to see me dripping wet with mud. So I showed him just how funny it is."

Remus just shook his head.

"The 'little one'?" There was a definite note of sarcasm in Remus' voice as he thought back to the way Janus had been behaving only slightly more than an hour ago
Janus shrugged.

"Harry doesn't mind it. Oh, and by the way, thanks for promoting me to 'Uncle Janus'. He's taken up on that one."

Remus laughed.

"It could have been worse than that, I could have told him your second name. There are awfully funny nicknames that can be made of Frederick, you know?"

"Oh yes, I do know. Well, I'm not the most experienced person in those matters, but Harry is freezing and I wouldn't mind taking a hot shower, either. We'd better get him inside before he gets sick and I get blamed for it until doomsday."

"Right. Just try not to make the house too dirty, alright?"

Obediently, Janus stepped out of his boots and made his way upstairs towards the bathroom. Carefully and not just a little bit hesitantly he undressed the sleepy child who was still clinging to him, while Remus was filling the bathtub with warm water. When Janus put Harry into the tub, the child for the first time seemed to realize Remus' presence. He smiled shyly and was rewarded with a warm smile in return.

"Hi Harry."
"Hi."
"Did you have fun this afternoon?"
Harry smiled and nodded.

"Uncle Janus fell."

Remus laughed.
"Yes, he told me as much. Did he look funny?"

"Yes. Made me muddy."

Harry shyly glanced at the dirty heap of clothes on the bathroom floor and thus missed Remus' bemused smile.

"I can see that. Let's try and get that mud off of you again, alright? Head back, here comes the water."

Harry put his head back as Remus poured a can of water over his muddy hair. Remus grabbed for the shampoo bottle, then looked at Janus who was kneeling beside the tub and handed the bottle over to him.

"Here, you wash his hair. I'll go and fetch some of his clothes and search something for you to wear."

Janus eyed the bottle in his hand suspiciously, which made Remus grin.

"Janus, really. Washing shouldn't be that much of a new concept for you. Just try to get off all the bits that don't belong on Harry and watch that he doesn't drown. And you need something to wear because, as we both know, cleansing charms are neither your nor my strength. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

And with this, Remus turned and left the room. Janus shook his head. Trust Remus to go the whole way to make him get acquainted with the child.

"Alright Harry, let's see if we can get you clean again."

Janus carefully poured some shampoo onto Harry's hair and began foaming it up.

No problem there, Janus thought. This was ridiculously easy, come to think of it. All you had to do was keep the child occupied and tire it out until it was too tired to protest against being put in the bathtub. Ha, if his father would just once more complain about how exhausting he had been as a child, he'd have the perfect answer for him. Taking care of children was easy, he should have known that his father was exaggerating.

"Ouch!"

Janus nearly let the can of water with which he had just rinsed the shampoo out of Harry's hair fall into the tub in surprise. Harry was sitting in the tub, his eyes pressed tightly closed and a pained expression on his face. There were tears running down his cheeks, along with the water from his head.

"Harry, what's wrong?"
"Ouch! Hurts!"

"What Harry? Where does it hurt? You'll have to tell me, otherwise I can't do anything about it."
"Ouch!"

Harry started crying harder, his hands clamped tightly over his face. Janus was close to panicking right now. He tried to pry Harry's hands away from the child's face, but even when he managed to pull a hand away, there was nothing unusual about it that Janus did notice. But then why was Harry crying?

"Harry? Come on, tell me what's wrong?"

The only answer he received was another wailing sob, and that was enough for Janus to do the only thing he could think of: call for help.

"Remus! Remus, come here!"

Moments later Remus appeared in the doorframe, some children's clothes in his hand and a worried frown on his face. Seeing his panicking brother kneeling next to a crying Harry, Remus immediately put the clothes aside and knelt down next to Janus.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, he...he just started crying. I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Harry? What's wrong with you?"
Remus ran a hand over Harry's hair and when he realized that all the shampoo had run over his face he grabbed the can out of his brother's hand.

"The soap got in your eyes, right?"
Harry nodded weakly.
"Alright, we'll wash it out in no time. Just put your head back again, okay pup?"

Remus carefully poured the water over Harry's face and washed away the soap, carefully cleaning especially the area around his eyes. Then he took up a washcloth and ran it across the child's still tightly closed lids.

"Try opening them up, Harry."

Harry did, but immediately closed them again. There were still tears streaming down his face, but after opening and closing his eyes for a couple of times the pain seemed to lessen. Other than being a little red, there was nothing unusual about his eyes.

"Better, Harry?"

"It stings."

"I know, but that'll go away."
Remus smoothed a hand over Harry's now clean hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up and into some warm clothes now."

Harry nodded and within minutes, Remus had him cleaned up and wrapped in a large fluffy towel. Janus was glad that Remus had taken over again and only when Remus lifted Harry up and carried him out of the room did Janus leave his position on the floor and started to get ready for his own shower.

Remus returned a moment later with a pair of jeans over one arm and some other items in his other hand. He deposited them on the toilet seat.

"The jeans might be too small, but nothing that a small lengthening and widening charm can't correct. The other clothes should fit. I'll take Harry downstairs into the kitchen while you shower."

Remus turned to leave the bathroom again but Janus' hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"I'm sorry."
Remus frowned.

"Whatever for?"
"Harry. I didn't mean to...he just started crying. I should have paid better attention. I'm sorry."

"Janus, Harry just got some shampoo in his eyes. It's not as if you had tried to drown him in the tub or something like that. Things like that just happen, you didn't do it on purpose. It has happened to me as well, a couple of times. If it is any relief for you, he's sitting in his room, already demanding the hot chocolate his Uncle Janus has promised him. And now, better take a shower before that mud in your hair becomes as hard as concrete and never washes out again."

Janus nodded and shrugged off his shirt while Remus closed the door behind him.

Maybe, Janus thought, maybe there was a bit more to parenting than he had thought half an hour ago. He couldn't remember when he had last felt so helpless like when the crying Harry had been sitting in front of him. And if there was one thing Janus didn't like, then it was feeling helpless. Absolutely not. Maybe mixing with the child had not been such a good idea after all.

Twenty minutes later, Janus was seated at Remus' kitchen table, across from his brother and with Harry's high chair to his right, a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of him. He and Remus were both listening to Harry's recount of this afternoon's events. Remus had been right, for a two and a half year old Harry was able to speak quite clearly and much, but Remus said he guessed that was because his aunt and uncle had only reacted to him whenever he had expressed clearly what he wanted.

But even though, Janus would have only understood half of Harry's story had he not been present during the mud-bath that afternoon.

Janus watched his little brother as he listened to the child's short sentences that were only interrupted by the sound of a biscuit being chewed from time to time.

Remus watched Harry attentively, a fond smile on his face. He was watching Harry's every move as if to memorize the moment, just as if the next minute the Ministry would burst into the house and take him away again and he wanted to create some positive memories before that.

Remus had changed since Harry was living with him, Janus realized. He seemed even more calm than he had been before, more centred. He was smiling far more often than he had during the past year and seemed to be more at ease with what had happened. Though Janus was sure that there was still a lot of grief for his dead friends and the one who had betrayed them, the thought that Remus had been able to give Harry a better home and a lot more love than the child would have had with his muggle relatives seemed to have taken a huge weight off Remus' shoulders.

What had changed most about him were the eyes. Formerly, before the curse had claimed Remus his eyes had been hazel, but ever since the first moon cycle after he had been bitten they had become amber, their gleam various degrees of soft or feral, depending on the form of the moon. The wolf's eyes, and for nearly eighteen years they had reminded Janus every day that his little brother wasn't completely human anymore.

During the past year, especially when Janus had first seen Remus after Voldemort's downfall, those amber eyes had been dull and lifeless, without expression and hope. And only now that Harry was finally living with Remus had his eyes gained their old sparkle back. Especially when he looked at Harry.

A hand that waved in front of his eyes made Janus look up. Remus was looking at him, an eyebrow raised and a slight grin on his face.

"Janus? What's wrong with you? You've been staring at me for minutes."

Janus quickly shook his head and looked at Harry. The child had sunk down in his chair, a bit of chocolate smeared on his upper lip, and his eyes nearly closed.

"I've just been thinking that taking care of Harry is good for you. You've changed since he's here."

Remus smiled and looked back at Harry, carefully taking the child's empty mug out of his reach and placing it on the table.

"That's what I've been fighting for all this time. It's been a hard year, but Harry made it worth it. And now I'm just looking forward to a little peace and quiet with him. Getting used to family life."

Janus laughed.

"A little peace and quiet? Remus, I don't want to smash your hopes, but that child threw mud at me this afternoon. I don't think that 'peace and quiet' is an appropriate expression for that."

"I'm fairly convinced that Harry didn't start throwing mud at you."
Janus raised an eyebrow.

"You're biased, Remus. Just because he's the cute child and I'm the adult you automatically assume that it was me who started it."

"Did you?"
"Yes, but that's not the point..."

Remus shook his head.

"Just give up, Janus. You've lost. I don't know what gave you the idea to start throwing mud at my godson in the middle of winter, but somehow you've finally broken the ice. He's not as shy and uncomfortable around you anymore like he was before. Not entirely comfortable, but it's a step."

"I'm not good with children."
Remus just looked at him and smiled knowingly.

"You'll learn it. That is", he glanced uncomfortably at Janus, "if you want to. I'd be glad if you wanted to spend time with Harry."

"But?"
Remus frowned.

"But what?"
"Your sentence sounded as if there was a 'but' about to come."

Remus shrugged.

"I know that you helped me during the past year because Dad asked you to. I might not have been at my best a year ago, but I'm not stupid, Janus. I know that we didn't really get along, and that during the past year we've only been around each other when it was because of the custody case. But I'd be glad if you wanted to spend some more time with Harry, even now that you've not promised Dad."
"Remus, I'm nearly twenty-seven years old. I think I can very much decide on my own what I do and what I don't, I don't need Dad to tell me.

Harry is a cute kid, but I'm not really comfortable around small children. Just give it some time and we'll see what comes out of it, okay?"

Remus nodded.

"Okay. Right now I should maybe take the pup upstairs in his bed. Whatever you did to him, it has sure tired him out."

Janus grinned as he watched his brother struggle the sleeping Harry out of his high chair and carry him up the stairs. Harry seemed to be sleeping so deeply that he didn't even realize that he was being moved around. Minutes later, Remus came back down just as Janus had finished packing up his stuff and was about to leave homewards.

"Dad suggested to celebrate Christmas here. Will you come?"

"Do I have to crawl around in the forest again?"
"Not unless you want to."

Janus thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Alright. But I'll bring a spare set of clothes, just to be on the safe side."

"If you think. Bye Janus, and thanks again."
"Nothing to thank me for. Bye Remus."

As Janus left the house and apparated home, Remus looked after him with a grin on his face. He'd give his brother another two weeks maximum before he would fall just as hard for Harry as Remus himself and Richard had.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

As consciousness slowly returned, Remus had a hard time to suppress a groan. He didn't really remember what had happened that had knocked him out cold again, but slowly being so weak and helpless became embarrassing. Not to mention the fact that his head was feeling as if he had held it on the rails of Platform 9 ¾ while the Hogwarts Express had passed through.

Merlin, how he only wanted to get out of this blasted hospital and get Harry back, simply return to his normal life.

Harry.

How long had he been unconscious? Where was Harry? Maybe the others knew something more about Harry's whereabouts by now, that would at least be something worth the effort of opening his eyes.

"Remus? Are you awake?"
Slowly, Remus turned his head towards the direction from which his father had called him and opened one bleary eye.

"Dad?"

A chair was moved next to his head and the mattress bent lightly as Richard leaned his arms onto it.

"I'm here, Remus. How are you feeling?"

Remus thought for a moment, but as his vocabulary didn't hold an appropriate word to describe just how bad he was feeling, he didn't answer that question. Maybe he should have listened some more on the various occasions when Janus had been swearing like a sailor.

"What happened?"
"You had some kind of fit and hyperventilated. Dr. Waters says you've had far too much stress since you've woken up and your body protested against it."

Suppressing another groan, Remus opened his other eye and tried to get accustomed to the brightness in the room. The first thing he saw clearly was his father's face to his left, an immense amount of concern in his green-brown eyes. It hurt Remus nearly physically to see how much his father worried about him. Again. It seemed that ever since that blasted wolf had bitten him all those years ago, his father had not had a chance to stop worrying about him. And it seemed that no matter how desperately Remus tried to change this, he only made things worse, again and again.

Weakly, Remus pushed his hands against the mattress and tried to lift himself into a sitting position, but he soon had to realize that he didn't have enough strength to sit up on his own. A frustrated growl escaped his throat. God, how much he hated to be this helpless, he really did.

Hands on his shoulders gently pressed him down onto the mattress again. Remus looked up at his father, words of protest already on his lips, but every thought of contradicting the older man died when he got a look at his eyes. With quite a shock Remus realized that whatever it was that kept his father upright, it wouldn't last long anymore. Richard Lupin had visibly reached the end of what he could bring up the strength to take.

"Remus, please."

For the moment, Remus allowed his father to press him back onto the bed. He wasn't sure he'd have the strength to stay upright for long, anyway.

"How long have I been out?"
"A little more than an hour."

"Albus? Janus?"

"Janus has returned to the Ministry, he said there was something he needed to check and to bring their information about Black up to date. Albus has gone with him, trying to find out what they're doing to find Harry."

Slowly, Remus nodded, somewhat relieved that his next confrontation with Albus Dumbledore, inevitable as it was, had been postponed a little. If he already had to face the consequences of his betrayal, he'd prefer to do so with enough strength to stand on his own feet.
"No news?"
Richard shook his head.

"No, nothing about Harry. Janus didn't say much about how Black escaped from Azkaban, either. He just said that he's been gone for quite some time now, something around ten days. The Ministry will know about his animagus form by now, but Harry is gone for quite some time already, Merlin only knows where he's taken the little one to by now."

Again, Remus struggled to get himself into a sitting position. He couldn't just keep lying here while Harry was somewhere out there, alone and terrified in the hands of the man who had already delivered the child's parents to certain death.

Again, Richard's hand pressed him back onto the mattress, forceful this time and without his previous concerned gentleness.

"For Merlin's sake, Remus! Keep lying in that bed or I swear I'll fetch the doctor and let him sedate you!"

Remus looked up, startled, and found that his father was glaring furiously at him.

"Dad, you don't understand. I have to..."
"You have to do nothing right now, Remus! Got me? Nothing except from getting some rest."

"I can't just lie around here and do nothing!"

Richard got up so suddenly that his chair fell backwards and hit the tiled floor with a loud clattering sound. Even to somebody who didn't know Richard Lupin as well as his son did it was obvious that he was furious now, pacing up and down Remus' room. Remus caught himself trying to remember when he had last seen his father like this, but as much as he thought back, he could not recall any occasion in the past years when his father had lost his temper with him.

Richard ran his hands through his hair in frustration, a gesture both Janus and Remus had internalized as well over the years.

"Yes you can and you will. Whether you like it or not, Harry is gone and at the moment it's not in your hands to try and find him again. Leave that to Janus and the people at the Ministry and for once in your life think about yourself for a change!"

"Dad, I can't just sit back and wait. Harry could be hurt..."
"Don't you think I know that?"
Remus flinched back as his father paced over next to the bed again and glared down at him, shouting out the words.

"Don't you think I know that he's out there, alone, in the hands of a ruthless madman? That he could be hurt, even dead by now? I know that, Remus, and there is nothing more that I'd want than to change this and bring the little one back, right here, right now. But I can't. You can't."

"I have to try."

"No!"

Remus could be stubborn if he wanted to, but he began to realize that he was fighting a losing battle here.

"You bloody well don't have to try, Remus. You can't even sit up on your own at the moment, how do you think you could be of any help in trying to find Harry right now?"
"I..."

"No, Remus. I know that you're worried about Harry, but you have to understand that it's out of your hands at the moment. All you have to do at the moment is seeing to it that you get well again."
"I'm not important right now, dad. It's Harry..."
"No!"

Richard had come to a halt next to Remus bed and looked down at his younger son with a piercing glare that interrupted any movement of getting up Remus might have planned.

"Remus, you don't seem to understand the obvious here. You've been hurt, you need time to get better again. You are worried about Harry, we all are. But I'm worried about you, as well.

Do you even begin to understand how close you've come to dying yesterday? Have you just wasted one single thought on that?

When I found you in your study, I thought I had lost you. If you were no werewolf, you'd be dead by now, insane at best! Have you just the slightest idea what I've gone through ever since Claire called me up and told me that you didn't answer her calls? I've been worried sick that I might lose you, Remus. I'm still worried about you. Just an hour ago, you've collapsed again, in case you've already forgotten, and I for one won't sit by and watch you drive yourself into exhaustion again.

If I have to petrify and tie you to the bedposts to keep you in here, then I'll do it. But I'm royally fed up with worrying about you, Remus. I've reached the limit of what I can take. So for Merlin's sake just once in your life stop thinking that you are the one who has to do everything! Just for once think about how the people around you have to feel about things. You're not the only one who doesn't particularly like the momentary situation. You're not the only one who is worried for Harry. Janus is, Albus is, I am. We all have to manage this situation somehow, not only you. So for once in your life try to look past your own self pity and understand that you're not the only one who is suffering right now.

Because I for one don't have any strength left to catch you again. I just can't, I'm sorry."

And with this, Richard turned around and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He left Remus lying on the bed, staring at the spot where his father had stood only moments ago.

Now this was something new. Richard had rarely lost his temper in the past, he had always made out his problems with himself rather than burdening his sons with them, even by the time Janus and Remus were adults themselves. It was rare that Richard admitted to be overtaxed by something, and even rarer that he lost his patience and calm demeanour and started shouting. Though Remus and Richard didn't seem very much alike at first sight, this was a trait of character both shared. The past day must truly have stressed the seemingly endless patience with which Richard bore things until it snapped.

With a groan, Remus sank further back into his pillow.

Great, he thought. He had always tried not to be selfish, but somehow he just never seemed to manage it. He always pulled others with him, and now he had finally hit rock bottom. Not only had Sirius managed to take Harry and Remus had not been able to protect his godson, but he had also disappointed Dumbledore's trust in him and had his father close to a nervous breakdown. And it was all his fault.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

After the doctor had convincingly assured him that Remus' seizure had been nothing serious, only a signal of his brother's body that it had been stressed beyond what it could take and that he would be fine again once he allowed himself to rest, Janus had apparated back to the Ministry. Not after he had been forced to answer his father's and Professor Dumbledore's questions about how Black had escaped from Azkaban, how Janus knew this for a fact and how long ago this had been. Really, those two had behaved just as if Janus had not said that he wasn't allowed to reveal the precise circumstances of Black's escape. Janus hat told them how long Black had been on the run by now, nothing more, but that had already been enough to make his father's eyes blaze over with fury because Janus had withheld that vital information from both him and Remus, and Dumbledore had smiled somewhat sadly before he had excused himself and apparated to the Ministry himself, to speak to Minister Fudge, as he had said.

Come to think about it, it was nearly scary how precise Lucas had been in his prediction concerning the reactions Janus' revelation would provoke.

With a sigh, Janus climbed the last staircase and started walking down the corridor towards his and Lucas' office. He'd rather not think about his partner right now, not while he still had maybe twenty seconds of relative peace.
If Janus knew Lucas as well as he thought – and after all those years of working together so closely, Janus would say that Lucas was the person he knew best – then his partner was still fuming with anger. He had been against telling his family and Dumbledore about Black, not because he had personally disapproved of the idea, but because it went against Ministry regulations. Now, Janus had never been the one to know the rule-book by heart and follow it always, and Lucas had learned to live with that over the years. Most of the times, they had been successful, and though the two Unspeakables had been reprimanded about their methods more than once, there had never been serious consequences if Janus or Lucas hadn't exactly followed Ministry guidelines while investigating their cases. But so far, none of them had crossed the one firm border Janus had broken down today.

The vow to keep everything about their work a secret which was to be kept from literally everybody else except the respective Unspeakable's partner was the rule of importance in their field of profession. So far, Janus and Lucas had stuck to it as if their life depended on it. Not only because mostly they were working on cases they wouldn't want to burden their friends and family with, but also because that was basically what the whole Department was all about. If somebody wanted to work for the Ministry and boast about what kind of dangerous field work they did, then they became Aurors.

Though it was basically no secret who was working at the Department of Mysteries, the exact workings of that Department as well as the kind of jobs the Unspeakables were doing had to be kept a secret. It would be pretty senseless to have an elite crime-fighting unit about whom the opposite side knew practically everything. Creating this extreme mystery about the Unspeakables and their work also served to keep up their general reputation as extremely skilled wizards who were not necessarily limited by the same restrictions and moral guidelines like the Aurors were.

And this evening, Janus had for the first time since he had joined the Department broken his vow of silence. Even worse, he had done so deliberately without even listening to Lucas as his partner had tried to convince him otherwise.

Janus knew for a fact that if their roles had been reversed and it had been Lucas blurting out the facts about Black's escape, he would be seething with anger and his partner could be glad to get out of this affair with nothing but a (metaphorical or literal) black eye. It wouldn't have mattered to him whether Lucas' family had been involved in it or not. So far, Janus had taken the rule of secrecy extremely serious.

There had been times when tonight's moral dilemma simply would not have presented itself to Janus, but the older Lupin son had changed a lot during the past years, especially concerning his family. He didn't really know whether it had been merely Harry's arrival in their family and the immense speed with which the little child had wormed his way into all their hearts, including the one of the normally level-headed and rational Janus Lupin. He didn't know whether the time he had spent with Harry, his own slowly increasing relationship with his younger brother and the changes he had seen Harry bring out in Remus had influenced him that much that he had reconsidered his own view on family life and his relationships so far, but somehow it hadn't taken that long after Remus had been granted custody for Janus to stop his ever changing affairs and start something serious on his own.

Little Harry had changed a lot in Janus' life, though he had not wanted to admit it at first, and today Janus found himself with a wife and a daughter of his own, an idea he would have laughed about only four years ago. But even though he might not want to admit it openly, but somehow Janus had become a family person, and the thought that Harry was out there, alone, probably hurt or even worse had been enough to make him forget what up to some time ago had been the most important part of his life. Fuck the bloody Ministry rules, he had to tell them about Black and his escape, anything that could help bringing the little one back was worth the trouble.

Not knowing where Harry was and if he was still alive was a horrible feeling, and Janus didn't even want to contemplate what it had to feel like for Remus, who was still a bit closer to the child. Janus knew that if it was Julia who had been kidnapped, he'd be going ballistic by now. The thought of somebody hurting his little princess was enough to tear him apart between fury and fear, and Harry was nearly as close to him as his own child. Not quite, but still important enough to justify the means Janus had taken.

The problem was, Janus knew that Lucas would not exactly think along the same lines right now.

So Janus was in absolutely no hurry to get into his office and thus into Lucas' proximity again. But as this could hardly be avoided for any longer, Janus decided that he'd better get over with it. There were many things that could be said about Janus Lupin, but not that he was a coward.

Taking a last deep breath and steeling himself for what was about to come, Janus opened the door and entered their office.

Their secretary Maggie was not sitting in her chair in the small antechamber of their office, but that was nothing really unusual. Maggie was often to be found in other parts of the Department, or in the Archive to search out older case-files. Janus wasn't particularly worried about Maggie, his sole focus of worry was his partner behind the next door. But as there was no reason for him to delay the confrontation any further, not with Maggie being absent from the office, Janus stepped over towards the office door and opened it up in what he hoped was a determined and self-confident way. The sight that greeted him was not at all what he had expected to see.

There was Lucas, his partner, standing behind his desk. That as such was no surprise, and also the fact that he didn't look up upon Janus' entrance wasn't extraordinary. Lucas didn't need to look up to see who entered the office, except from Janus nobody ever did so without knocking. The only sign telling that he had noticed his partner's presence in the room was the hardly noticeable hardening of his features and the scowl that seemed to deepen on his face.

But what had surprised Janus were the boxes standing on his and Lucas' desks, boxes that were in the process of being filled with parchment and files from their shelves and desks. Janus' half of the office was nearly empty by now, the only remains being the personal items that were not part of their actual work.

Janus frowned. He had expected to find his partner extremely angry upon his return, maybe even a confrontation with their boss, the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement William Ryder. That he could have dealt with. But being greeted by eerie silence, his partner completely ignoring him but instead packing up what seemed to be everything they had been working on so far was not at all what Janus had expected.

"Lucas?"

Lucas looked up shortly, measured Janus from head to toe with his gaze and then returned to what he had been doing – placing files and reports into the last box on his desk.

Janus decided to try again.

"What are you doing here?"

Lucas let the stack of paper in his hands fall into the box with an extremely loud sound, then slowly turned around and looked Janus straight in the eyes.

"What does it look like?"

Great, Janus thought. Really great. If there was one thing he absolutely didn't like, then it was playing question and answers when things were serious.

"Well, it looks like you're packing everything in this office into boxes. What's this, are we fired?"
That had been the first idea to cross Janus' mind upon entering the office. Though he surely would not like losing his job, it wasn't a thought that scared him very much. He had not thought about this possibility when he had left the office to tell his family about Black's escape, but it seemed only a logical consequence to him. Janus wasn't that worried about losing his job because despite the fact that he liked his job at the Department of Mysteries and didn't necessarily want to lose it, a man with his skills and qualifications would not have problems in finding a new occupation. He only regretted that he had pulled Lucas into all this as well.

Lucas calmly finished packing the box and placed it next to the others on the floor. Then he leaned against his desk, his arms folded across his chest. His blue eyes pierced Janus with their glare.

"No, we're not fired. But that's the only good thing that can be said today."

Janus fully entered the room and left his position at the door. He sat down on his own desk and returned Lucas' glare nearly as hard as his partner had done.

"Then what is this all about?"
He gestured around the office as he spoke. Lucas might be angry as much as he wanted, but Janus finally wanted to know what was happening in his office. He didn't have time to do some redecorating, they needed to search for Harry. They just didn't have time for this.

Lucas on the other hand didn't seem to be as eager to get back to work as Janus was, on the contrary. He hid whatever was going on in his mind behind a mask of calm and patience, just as if he had all the time in the world. Lucas had to know that he was stressing his partner's patience, but he didn't seem to care all that much about it.

"You should know what this is all about, Janus. Merlin knows you should know. What did you expect would Ryder do if he got to know you've been blurting out details about your work to your family?"

"Fire me."

Within a moment, Lucas had crossed the room and come to a halt in front of where Janus sat, his balled fists and the way he bit his lower lip betraying just how close he was to losing his temper only to somebody who knew him very well.

"Listen Janus, to you this might be all fun and games, but believe me that I don't particularly like the situation we're in right now. You might consider it a great idea to break every rule in our department, one after another, but believe me that I'm royally fed up with that. Things would be even worse were it not for me."

Janus just shook his head, completely ignoring Lucas' threatening posture that would have made most people shut up immediately.

"Forgive me if I'm a bit thick today, but what is going on here? All I know is that when I left two hours ago, everything seemed to be in order, and now I come back and find you packing all the contents of our office into nice little cardboard boxes. It seems I'm missing some crucial steps here."

"We're out of it. Ryder has called us off from all the cases we were working on and has ordered all files to be brought into his office by six o'clock tonight. Do you have just the slightest idea for how long we'll be dealing with unlicensed apparition and other traffic issues because of the stunt you pulled this afternoon?"
Janus leaned back and cocked his head, seemingly unimpressed by Lucas' anger.

"And how does Ryder know? I've only just come back from the hospital."
Lucas didn't answer, but he didn't need to. The look in his eyes told Janus all he wanted to know. Janus had known the answer to his question even before he had asked it. Lucas had been the only other person who had known what Janus had been up to.

Janus shook his head in disbelief.

"You've told on me? You went to Ryder and told on me? Fuck Lucas, what's that all about?"
But if Janus was angry, so was Lucas, and both were men who didn't particularly like backing down in a confrontation.

"What that's all about? Excuse me, but I've been trying to save our jobs! I have told you before you left that you shouldn't be in those investigations at all. That you're not objective. But no, you just didn't listen to me. Instead you set off and started to commit some real idiotic stupidities. What else should I have done, tell me? Sit back and wait until you come back so that I can pick up the pieces of whatever catastrophe you've gotten yourself into now? I don't really think so."

"Lucas, you're my partner. I've trusted you and now you go and tell on me behind my back? I can't believe you did that!"

"I told you to let it be before you left. I told you not to go and tell Dumbledore and your family about the investigations. I told you to leave the search for Harry to people who weren't as involved as you are. I told you all that but you just didn't listen to me. So I went to Ryder and told him what you were up to save you from even more trouble.

Janus, don't you understand? If Ryder had gotten to know about all this by somebody else, then he'd have fired you. Both of us. This way we'll just have to deal with some serious repercussions, but in a couple of weeks it'll all be back to normal. You should thank me for that."

"Thank you for that?"
Janus jumped off the desk in one smooth movement, advancing on Lucas until his partner was backed up against the wall.

"I trusted you Lucas, and behind my back you go telling on me? And you have the guts to say that I should be thankful for that? Thankful for breaking my trust?"

Lucas pushed Janus back so forcefully that he stumbled, nearly losing his balance completely before he managed to steady himself on a nearby shelf.

"I broke your trust? Excuse me but who walked out of this office with the intent to place his family issues above the trust that's needed to work together? That was you, not me. We both knew what kind of work would expect us in this department, and if you suddenly feel that you're not cut out for what it might demand of you then you can leave anytime. But don't place the blame on me. I did what I thought was right."

Lucas angrily turned around and levitated the filled boxes onto one stack next to the door, but before he left he once more turned towards Janus.

"You'd better pack up the rest of those files and bring them to Ryder's office. And then you better take some days off and think about your priorities. I need to know that I can trust you, and at the moment I'm not sure I still can."

With this, Lucas levitated the boxes into the air and left the office, the stack of cardboard boxes floating behind him before Janus had the chance to repeat something. Lucas knew that such a behaviour made Janus more furious than most other things, but at the moment Janus didn't particularly care. There were more important things on his mind.

Dumbledore was meeting with Fudge at that moment, and the first thing he'd tell the Minister was that Black was an illegal animagus. From all that Janus knew, Fudge would immediately call Ryder into the meeting and inform him about this new development, so he needn't worry about hurrying to see his boss. And while he still had time, he'd better have a look at all the files about Black's case and the Azkaban raid again, for as long as he still could. There simply had to be some hint in the files, some clue as to where Harry had been taken. If Black had simply wanted to kill Harry, then he'd have done so in the house. There had been no need for him to take the child, not if he didn't have another plan for Harry. And that could mean that the child was still alive, and Janus would be damned if he gave up searching now. Ryder could call him off the case as much as he liked, but Janus had no intention to stop his investigations concerning Harry and Black. This was personal now.

Deciding that there was nothing to gain in standing and staring at the door, Janus went over towards his desk and looked what files Lucas still had left. All he needed were the reports of the Azkaban raid and of Black's arrest six years ago.

Janus sat down on his chair and with a flick of his wand cleared the white board on the far off wall which Lucas and he normally used to pin memos or other internal affairs information to and then slowly began to arrange all information from the files on the board. There had to be a connection somewhere, he just had to find out which. Somehow, it made sense, Janus only had to find out how. And he would not leave before he had done exactly that.

----------

Alright, I know that nothing really much happens in this chapter, but believe me when I say that it was kind of necessary to have the chapter the way it is. The next chapter will be a tad bit more difficult to write and read, but there will finally be some action in it.

So stay tuned for chapter 13 – "Remember the Wolf is a Hunter" – which will be up as soon as possible, somewhere during the next two weeks. It's not as if you wouldn't have (finally) something 'original' to read in the meantime.

Have fun with Order of the Phoenix everyone, I'm signing off until I've read the book so that I can be sure nobody spoils it for me. Should be back on Sunday evening *g* à hey, I waited 3 years for that book!