A big hello to everybody out there who has stuck with me so far. You're awesome, I know that my random and irregular updating is not so easy to bear. Here is chapter – where exactly are we now? 19? 20? – well anyway, here is the next chapter. Without further ado. I know that the last chapter was a bit strange, but it just needed to be like that.

I hope, as always, that you enjoy it, and as always I appreciate every review. Not long to go now, promise.

Enjoy!

Healing Wounds

Hearing was always the first sense to come back, not matter for what reason he had been unconscious this time. It was no different today. Remus heard an indefinable mass of low and overlapping noises from farther away, maybe even from outside. As he drifted a bit closer to consciousness, he was able to discern more clearly between the sounds he was hearing.

The sound of somebody walking over tiled floor, the sound of a curtain being drawn and a window being closed, but closest of all was the sound of somebody breathing somewhere to his right.

None of those sounds could he immediately connect to an old, seemingly deserted mansion, the shuffling of many booted feet on damp stone floor or to the sound of curses being shouted in a desperate attempt to escape with their lives, no matter how faint the hopes were.

Where did all those thoughts come from?

Remus didn't know, he only knew that it was important, that something had happened and he needed to tell somebody about it. Something with Janus and him, something to do with Harry.

Those thoughts felt like the vivid memory of a livid nightmare. But was it?

A big part inside of him screamed that it wasn't, that it had really happened, but he really didn't think...no. Surely it had only been a dream.

He needed to focus on getting more awake, then he could surely start to make sense of it all. Maybe somebody was there who could shed some light onto it all.

"It's good to see you awake again, Remus. It's starting to get a frighteningly regular development that has me sitting next to your bed, waiting for you to wake up. Believe me that this time you will stay here until you are declared completely healed, even if that means I'll have to tie you to the bed. Do you understand me?"

Remus smiled upon hearing the calm voice, or at least he thought he smiled. He could not tell for sure whether he had gained control over his facial muscles again just yet. For a moment he concentrated on breathing, then attempted to bring out an answer.

"How...did you...?"

"Know that you are awake?", Richard finished for him. "Remus, I've sat by your bedside so many times that I can very well tell when you are awake and when not."

Remus felt his hand being squeezed and he struggled to open his eyes. His father was sitting next to his bed, looking at him with a smile forced onto his face. He was sitting in one of the uncomfortable looking chairs of the Hogwarts infirmary wing – which would answer the question as to where he was, though not how he had come here – and he didn't look all too well. Definitely as if he had seen better times. He was unshaved and had dark rings under his eyes that told about a couple of sleepless nights at least. In Remus' eyes he looked shockingly old all of a sudden, a thought that burned itself into his brain with a frightening presence.

On Richard's lap, his face buried in the folds of Richard's slightly crumpled robes and his small arms wrapped around his grandfather's waist as far as they would go, was Harry. He seemed to be fast asleep, his breathing deep and even, and apart from a bandage on his left arm and a couple of band aids he appeared to be unharmed. Richard was soothingly stroking up and down Harry's back under his shirt.

Remus' mind was still not working with its usual capacity yet, but seeing his godson very obviously alive and relatively fine – at least he was not seriously injured if he was not lying in a hospital bed –made his heart sag in relief. Harry was alive, he was still there, Remus had not lost him. Everything else they would deal with when the time came, but the most important thing was that his child was still alive.

Remus struggled into a sitting position, wincing slightly as his sore and stiff body protested against the movement, but despite the pain he never took his eyes off his sleeping godson's form.

"How is he?"

Richard followed Remus' gaze towards the child in his lap, running his free hand through Harry's messy black hair and smiling fondly.

"He had a broken arm and a lot of bumps and bruises. Some small scratches as well, he was cold and had not eaten properly. But Madam Pomfrey fixed him up all right, he was physically fine after some potions, a bit of sleep and some food."

Richard sighed and paused for a moment, which told Remus that there was more to the story. He looked at his father, a worried frown on his face. Richard looked back, tightening his hold on Harry's lithe form.

"He's been pretty disturbed, Remus. Not that it wasn't to be expected, not after being kidnapped like that. What happened wasn't easy for him to deal with and he was worried about you to top it all."

"How long was I out?"

"Slightly more than three days. Madam Pomfrey said that it was not unusual after all you've been through during the past week, but of course that was a bit harder to understand for Harry." He sighed again and continued to run his hand in slow soothing circles under Harry's shirt. Harry sighed lowly and buried himself deeper into the folds of Richard's robes but didn't wake up.

"He's been extremely clingy ever since he woke up again. He didn't want to be left alone and he didn't want to leave your side. I've never seen that child so worried. He was so scared that you would not wake up, no matter how often I told him that you would be all right and were only sleeping deeply. He simply didn't understand why you didn't react when he talked to you or tugged at your hand. He started screaming and squirming, threw tantrum after tantrum whenever I tried to take him out of here.

And as soon as you feel up to it again you will have a long talk with him about why he shall not kick his grandfather."

Remus could not hide the smile on his face, though what Richard had said about Harry's behaviour worried him.

"He kicked you?"

Richard nodded, his free hand rubbing a spot on his upper thigh.

"Yes, he did. I simply wanted to take him out into the fresh air for a while, but he refused to go. So I picked him up, but he screamed and yelled like a hooligan and kicked me hard. He even tried to bite me, and I only refrained from giving him a lecture because he was already crying so hard."

Richard looked back at his son, a sad look on his face.

"It will take a lot of time to get him over this. Albus tried to talk to him twice already, but Harry completely blocked him out, and no matter what we tried, none of us could get through to him either. We're all hoping that he'll be a bit more open about it with you."

Remus nodded, looking sadly at his godson. As glad as he was to have him back – especially since he had already considered him gone – it hurt to think about what the child had been through. But suddenly another thought shot through his mind and he sat up a bit straighter despite the pain and stiffness in his whole body.

"What happened to Janus? How is he?"

Richard's face fell and for a moment Remus thought that the unthinkable had happened. The image of Janus' bleeding form was lividly etched to the back of his eyelids. How could he have forgotten about that, even if only for one moment?

And why did his father look so shaken and sad all of a sudden? What if...but no. It simply could not be. Janus could not be...

"It was a pretty close call, I can tell you. He lost a lot of blood until help arrived and brought you all here. Madam Pomfrey said he was lucky to have made it until then, and the first night was touch and go for most of the time. But it got better over the course of the day and he woke up in the evening.

Serena took him home yesterday, we both were afraid Madam Pomfrey would strangle him otherwise. Those two were constantly yelling at each other, you know what your brother is like with doctors and hospitals. Janus was accusing her of making him feel worse on purpose, she was threatening to sedate him, he was calling her a mean old bat, she was calling him a spoilt brat, and so it went back and forth for the entire day. A small wonder that you didn't wake up from their constant shouting matches.

He's still condemned to bed-rest, though how Serena bears with him and his moods remains a mystery to me. But give it another days and he'll be his old self again."

Remus nodded, though he had not really heard the last part of Richard's words at all. Janus was all right, Harry was all right, that was all that mattered at the moment. He sank back into his pillow again, allowing his exhaustion to take over. But his curiosity was stirred.

"What happened? The last thing I remember is when that Cutting Spell hit Janus, after that everything is a bit fuzzy."

Richard shifted Harry slightly in his lap and turned a bit towards Remus.

"No small wonder that you don't remember anything, they knocked you out pretty good. Pure luck, that's what saved you all in the end. After that portkey took Janus and you, I contacted Professor Dumbledore. And that's when the pure luck sets in. He received word from somebody he knew, somebody who from all he told had spied on the Death Eaters during the first war already. That person was called to that mansion, and Dumbledore had a tracking spell on him. As he said as a 'precaution for such occasions', and I don't really want to know what's behind this. The short version is that he tracked him down to Little Hangleton and we went there with half of the Ministry's Auror capacities."

Remus was startled to see tears forming in his father's eyes as he looked at him. He reached for Richard's hand to squeeze it, but his father didn't seem to notice.

"They didn't want me to go with them at first, but I didn't give in and so they forced me to stay behind and wait outside until they had declared the scene safe. It was...those were the most horrible twenty minutes of my life, I can tell you. When they finally allowed me in there, they were just about to portkey Janus away. There was all this blood, and so many people standing around Harry and you, and nobody let me through or told me anything...I was so worried, Remus. Please don't ever do that to me again, I was beside myself with worry when the two of you were gone so suddenly. I...", his voice broke and with a twisted grin Richard bit his lip and turned his eyes towards the ceiling. "Sorry, I really hoped not to get all soppy with you to top it all, I already bawled my eyes out when Janus woke up again. Guess I'm getting a bit weak at my old age."

There was nothing Remus could think of which he could respond to that. He didn't like to think about his father getting older, even if it was only in jest, and he really didn't want to think about what his father getting older could possibly lead to. So instead he remained silent and gave Richard enough time to regain his composure. It seemed to help because his smile wasn't all that shaky anymore when he turned it on his son again.

"I love you, child. And I would really appreciate it if you and your brother wouldn't get yourself into any kind of mortal danger anymore. I'm not ready to lose you, not now and not anytime in the future."

Remus suppressed the urge to tell his father that life was dangerous and without guarantees, instead he smiled shakily at him. "Will try to do, promise. I love you too."

Remus wanted nothing as much right now than to close his eyes and fall asleep on the spot, but there were still too many questions whirling around in his head.

"Dad, what happened after I was unconscious? What about Voldemort and the Death Eaters? What about Lucas? And...Sirius was there as well, and Peter... What...?"

Richard silenced his son with a shake of his head and a finger across Remus' lips, an action that made him look quite odd the way he had to bent from his chair to reach him.

"Not now, Remus. There are answers for all those questions, but not now. I don't know the answers myself, for the most part. From all I know, Lucas is alive and well, and the rest is in the hands of the Ministry and Professor Dumbledore for the time being. That's all the answers you need right now, leave the rest for later, all right?"

Remus nodded mutely. Those answers didn't satisfy his curiosity, but he knew that if his father had his mind set on not telling him then he was fighting a hopeless struggle to pursue the questions any further. Richard watched him worriedly, as if searching for the right words to ask what was on his mind. After a long moment, he finally did, in his usual direct and open way.

"Remus, what happened between Janus and you?"

Remus looked up, seemingly startled. How did his father know that something had happened at all? He simply could not imagine Janus telling their father about it, not at all.

"What do you mean?"

"Remus, I know you and your brother better than the two of you think. And I know that Janus is behaving extremely strange whenever your name is mentioned. This is going on ever since he woke up and I simply can't get rid of the feeling that something happened after that portkey took you away. What was it?"
Remus closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to fight out the image that was surfacing over and over again. The expression on Janus' face as he had raised his wand and pointed it at him simply didn't vanish again, no matter how hard he tried. He swallowed hard and shook his head, indicating his father that he could not talk about it now. It took a moment until he trusted his voice enough again to speak.

"I can't...I...please don't ask me that now, Dad. That is something I'll need to talk to Janus about first." He shook his head again. "But not today."

His eyes fell back on Harry, who was slowly beginning to stir in Richard's lap. Richard smiled.
"Good. The little one was starting to get heavy."

Harry rubbed his face into his grandfather's robes for a moment, then lifted his head and looked at Richard from those incredible green eyes. Richard smiled and bent down to give Harry a kiss on the forehead.

"Hello sweetheart. Slept well?"

Harry shrugged and cuddled close to his grandfather's comforting warmth again for a moment.

"Look who woke up a couple of minutes ago."

Obediently Harry turned around and his mouth dropped open as he saw Remus sitting up in his bed, wide awake and smiling at him.

"Hello pup."
That was all it took to send Harry scrambling off his grandfather's lap and over to where Remus was sitting on his bed. The already huge smile on his face widening even further, Remus stretched out his arms and lifted him over into his lap.

Harry cuddled close into this godfather's arms and Remus could feel the small shoulders shaking with the sobs that wrung free from him. Remus held him as close as he could, his face pressed into the mop of black hair and muttering sweet nothings under his breath.

"You came for me." Harry finally whispered, and the honest conviction that he had expected nothing else from his godfather brought the tears into Remus' eyes.

"Yes. I'm sorry that it took me so long to get you, pup. I'm so sorry. I wanted to come to you earlier, but I simply could not. I'm sorry, pup. So sorry."

There were tears running down Remus' face now, but Harry only sighed and cuddled closer to his godfather, for the moment content to be in Remus' arms.

"I'll never let anybody take you again, I promise. I'm so sorry pup."

He felt a hand on his arms and upon looking up found that Richard had gotten up from his chair. He squeezed his arm again and gestured towards the door.

"I'll leave the two of you alone for a while. I'll floo over to Janus and tell him that you are awake again. You'll be all right with Harry for a while?"
Remus nodded, now himself taking up the slow soothing strokes along Harry's back.
"Sure Dad, just go. We'll be all right."

Remus didn't even hear Richard leave the room, his attention was immediately drawn again to the still crying child in his arms. Gently he shifted himself and Harry into a more comfortable position and slowly rocked him back and forth.

"It's all right, Harry", he whispered into his godson's ear, "everything will be all right again, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you, never again."

Harry nodded into Remus' shoulder but refused to let go off his neck. Remus tried to pry the child's grip loose a little and pressed a kiss on his forehead. Harry indeed leaned back a little, but he refused to look into Remus' eyes. Remus gently wiped away the tear-tracks on Harry's cheeks with his thumbs and lifted his head up a bit so that he could look into Harry's emerald eyes.

"What's wrong, pup?"

Harry was silent for a moment, his chin wobbled slightly as if he was forcefully pushing back new tears. When he finally spoke, his voice was very low and timid.

"I lost Rory."

Just that. I lost Rory. Those three words, spoken with the conviction that he had done something bad and expected punishment for it. Remus felt something clench inside of his chest and quickly pulled the child close again.

"Oh Harry, that's not so bad."

"Yes it is", Harry sobbed. "You gave him to me and I lost him."

Remus did not think that he could ever look at the stuffed lion again without thinking about what had happened to Harry and him during the past days, but Harry obviously loved his stuffed animal far more than Remus had initially thought. If it had survived the trip home stuck to the inside of his robe, then they could surely clean it up and give it back to the child, no matter if the animal gave Remus the creeps or not. Right now it was important that Harry felt comfortable, and if he needed the lion for it, fine by Remus. He sat up a bit straighter and tried to find out where his robes had been put, but he didn't see them. Harry sobbed again and Remus' attention was quickly drawn away from his search.

"Harry, we've found Rory. I've had him with me when we came for you. I don't know where exactly my robes have been put, but as soon as I find them I'll give Rory back to you."

"You found him?" Green eyes which were still glassy from crying looked up at Remus, disbelief evident in them. "You found Rory?"

Remus smiled warmly. "Yes, we did. It's all right, Harry, the only thing that matters now is that you're back again."

With a sigh Harry cuddled back against Remus' chest, but this time Remus felt the tension slowly leave Harry's body.

"I love you, pup."

Harry shifted around a bit and rubbed his face deeper into Remus' infirmary shirt. "Love you, too. Please don't ever let the bad men take me again. Don't leave me alone."

"I won't, Harry. I promise."

Remus did not know how long Harry had been sleeping on Richard's lap before he himself had woken up, but the child still seemed to be extremely tired, or rather exhausted. No small wonder if Harry had indeed been this worried about him for the past days, then Remus could imagine that he had not gotten all that much rest. Harry had a tendency to neglect himself a bit if there was something bothering him, something Remus had already noticed before the events of the past weeks. It might be an unusual trait in a seven year old child, and actually Remus did not know where it came from, but if Harry cared about somebody, he cared deeply, and if he was worried about that person then he hardly thought about anything else. Remus remembered only too well how Harry had behaved slightly more than a year ago when Remus had caught a rather bad virus and had been out cold for a day with a high fever, and sick with a lower fever for a couple of days more. Remus didn't remember all that much from that first day when his fever had been at its highest, but the days afterwards Harry had spent all his time when he was not in school sitting up with him, playing games, talking or just watching him sleep. Back then Janus and his father had not managed to lure him out of his bedroom very often, not until Harry had been convinced that Remus was fine again, and if he had behaved like that – or even worse – during the past days Remus could imagine very well what his father had been through. He'd have his talk with Harry about kicking Richard later, Remus decided.

Right now he was actually rather hungry...

While Remus was still sitting in his bed contemplating how he would manage to get hold of something to eat without waking Harry up again, the solution to his problems walked through the aisle between the beds towards his bed. Madam Pomfrey had already heard that her patient was awake again and she was quite glad about it. Compared to his brother, Remus Lupin was a saint when he was under her care, and the many dealings she had had with him during his school time had left her with quite a soft spot for the man.

So she was smiling as she stepped beside the bed and saw him sitting with Harry in his arms.

"Ah, so you've finally decided to wake up again, Mr. Lupin."

Remus cocked his head to the side and smiled back at the nurse.

"A person can only survive for so long without any food, you know?"

The nurse merely received a raised eyebrow as an answer to that, but the message was clear even without the need for her to use words. First another examination, then they could talk about food. And as he was lying in her infirmary – which officially labelled him as 'sick' – food would not consist of anything other than nourishing broth or soup with toast for quite a while to come. For those who were able to read her, Madam Pomfrey was able to produce protesting groans with merely such a raised eyebrow. Remus shuddered at the thought of what she could do if she used both eyebrows.

But this time Remus fought down his urge to groan, knowing that he could just as well send Harry if he woke up again or his father if he came back to organize him a house elf without the nurse realizing. He had not been a Marauder for nothing, and one of the main Marauder principles was to have at least one co-conspirator.

For a couple of minutes Madam Pomfrey waved her wand over Remus, wrote things down on a sheet of parchment, until she finally nodded and finished the examination.

"Well, it seems that your body took back most of the rest you needed but didn't give yourself. Another couple of days of taking it low, then you should be fine again. There were slight after-effects of the curses that hit you, but the worst part is dealt with now. A bit of rest is all you need now."

There it was, her favourite word. Rest. A Sickle for every time Remus had heard it from the nurse and he could buy his own hospital for treatment.

"I'm sure that a bit of food would do no harm, either. And could we maybe skip the soup-phase, just for once?"

Remus did his best to look pleading, and after a moment Madam Pomfrey shook her head with a smile.

"There is nothing wrong with eating soup, Mr. Lupin, it's nourishing and not too heavy. But as I am a bit afraid that deep down inside you might be just a bit more similar to your brother than is good for my nerves, I'll ask a house-elf to bring something more substantial. But only if you promise not to yell around my infirmary, Merlin knows that this room has had enough of that during the past days."

"Positively no yelling from my side, I promise. Thank you."

With a smile Madam Pomfrey turned around and left Remus' bedside to ask for food being brought up. Of course she had not been entirely serious, she knew Remus well enough to say for sure that he would not yell around the room, yet the memory of his brother was still vivid in her mind. She shook her head. Sometimes, adults were far worse than small children. She had seen eleven year olds take serious treatments far braver than Janus Lupin had been when she had asked him to take a simple potion. Were it not for the slight but undeniable physical similarities, she might have doubted that those two men were related at all. But she would be glad if none of them became her patient again, Remus because she liked him far too much to see him being sick, and Janus because he was probably the worst patient she had encountered in her entire career.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Two hours later Remus had eaten a hearty meal that had not contained any soup whatsoever – but a piece of chocolate cake for dessert, which had lightened Remus' mood remarkably – and Harry had gone home with his grandfather after he had woken up. Reluctantly, but this time no kicking had been involved when Richard had finally picked him up and carried him towards the fireplace, which Remus decided to take as a good sign. Richard had not closed the curtains around Remus' bed again when he had left, so Remus could immediately see who came to visit him as the infirmary doors opened and Albus Dumbledore entered the room. Remus sat up straighter in his bed and put aside the book he had been reading.

"Hello, Albus."

Dumbledore smiled and pulled up a chair to sit down next to Remus' bed.

"Hello Remus. It's a relief to see you awake again, I have to admit. How are you feeling?"

Remus shrugged slightly. "All right, I think. Still a bit queasy, but Madam Pomfrey said that'll pass. I'm more worried about Harry."

Dumbledore nodded, a sad smile on his face.

"Yes, I know, he has been very disturbed before you woke up. I don't know if your father told you, I tried to talk to him a couple of times but unfortunately he refused to talk about what had happened. But he's strong, Remus. Extraordinarily so. He has to be, considering what he still might have to face later in his life. But I'm sure that if we give him enough time, he'll get over this. He has you and your family, he has people to hold on to. Give him time."

"I know, I just can't stand to see him like that. Do you remember how long it took us to get all the insecurities the Dursleys left in him out again? I don't want him to go through something like that again."

Both men silently sat there for a moment, thinking about what Harry had been through and would still have to go through. After a while Remus shook his head. He didn't want to think about that now. He would take things as they came, do his best to help Harry get over what happened, but first he himself needed to understand what that was. And for that, he needed some answers. Dumbledore seemed to sense the change because he quickly changed the topic.

"I trust your father did not answer all the questions you surely have earlier."

Remus smiled. "That's right. The bottom line of what he told me was 'everything is all right, don't you worry'. I was hoping that you could give me the answers I need."

"What questions do you want to have answered?"

Inwardly, Remus shook his head. Always the cryptic and wise old wizard, that man would never change.

"What happened after I got knocked out would be a good start. Dad told me that Ministry Aurors arrived a short time afterwards, but he was a bit hazy considering the details. What happened to Voldemort and all the Death Eaters that were there? And what role Sirius played in all this also confused me to no end."

Dumbledore nodded and leaned back in his chair, hands folded in his lap.

"I had thought as much. To answer your first question, it was a lot of luck that had us arriving at the Riddle House just in time."

"Dad said so, but that still doesn't explain anything. He said something about a tracking charm, but I really don't know what to make of that."

"When that portkey took you and your brother away, your father immediately called me. But while we still were at your brother's house another message reached me. That was the luck I was talking about, had not somebody else been called to the same place we probably would not have known where to start the search for you."

Remus thought for a moment, but the answer was already clear to him. There simply was no other explanation.

"Severus sent you the warning, didn't he?"

"You don't seem all that surprised."

Remus smiled. "I am, believe me. But maybe not for the reasons you expected me to be. Don't forget that I was in the Order during the war, Albus. We all knew that there was at least one Death Eater working on our side, passing on information to you. It was the only thing that made sense. And it didn't take a genius to figure out who it could be. I never asked for confirmation because it was not my place to pry, but I suspected it all along."

"Then why are you surprised?"

"Because until you just confirmed it to me, I had always thought that he'd value his life a bit more than that. There are no warm feelings between him and me, that is no secret, but I know that he is both powerful and intelligent. No matter how close he and his family were always straying to the Dark, I had always thought that this would prevent him from selling out his soul to Voldemort."

Dumbledore looked out of the window for a long moment, then he turned back his gaze and shook his head.

"Sometimes circumstances interfere. But to answer your question – yes, it was Severus who sent me the warning. He was aware that something was going on for quite some time, but the Death Eaters don't trust him. Because just as you suspected him, the Death Eaters also knew that somebody was passing on information to our side. Lucius Malfoy held him very short on information, but they value his skills too much to completely do without him."

Remus nodded. "That's why the called him to be present at Voldemort's resurrection."

"Indeed. And if they had managed to bring Voldemort back that night, the Dark Lord would have been the one to judge about Severus' integrity.

I had placed a tracking charm on Severus a couple of weeks ago, so that I would be able to locate him in case things got dire, but unfortunately it took some time until we could actually track him down. Lucius Malfoy was very thorough in his preparations, Severus had to change means of transportation more than once."

"I'm just glad that you did come in time."

A slight smile spread around Dumbledore's mouth. "Yes, but your father was certainly not very enthusiastic about having to wait for so long. Only understandable."

Another thought struck Remus.

"Then it was Severus who slipped Janus our wands?"

"Indeed he was. Severus knew that if he got the chance, he had to try and prevent them from resurrecting Voldemort. And slipping the wands back to your brother was the most inconspicuous way to do so, especially as he was sure that there was nothing else he could do short of pointing his own wand at Lucius Malfoy and thus blasting his cover. In all the chaos that resulted afterwards, it was hard enough for the other Death Eaters to try and get things back under their control. They didn't have the time to worry about who slipped Janus the wands then, we will see what comes out of it now."

"So Severus escaped?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"He did not get arrested, no. As soon as the Aurors arrived and the anti-apparition wards were taken down by Lucius Malfoy he apparated to Hogsmeade, then came to the castle immediately. He was actually here by the time Harry, you and your brother were brought here."

"Good. I'll talk to him later, when I'm up and about again."

Remus swallowed hard and tried to force himself to calm a bit. Of course he had needed to know under which circumstances exactly they had been able to escape, but there was one thing that was nagging at him far more intensely. A question he needed an answer to, but he dreaded what kind of answer it would be. For five years he had tried to live with a truth that was extremely hard to bear, and now that he had finally come to terms with the betrayal that had taken place in his circle of friends everything he had believed in seemed to be turned upside down again.

"Albus", Remus swallowed again and forced his voice to sound less shaky than it did just now, "what about Peter and Sirius? Ever since I've woken up the question how they fit into all this has been nagging at me and I can't come up with an answer." Tears threatened to fill his eyes but Remus blinked them away.

"Why is Peter still alive?"

Dumbledore's gaze unfocussed for a moment, and when he looked at Remus there was a deep sadness in his blue eyes.

"He isn't."

Remus closed his eyes and bit his lip, waiting for his former headmaster to explain. An aching feeling started to spread in his chest and stomach, the sudden feeling of loss which he could not quite explain. He had lived with the thought of Peter being dead for five years now, had learned to live with the thought that his friend had been killed, but still it seemingly only took one moment of seeing him again – alive and under very strange circumstances – to let all those feelings flare up again.

"He was still alive when he was found in the Riddle House, but whatever happened to him that night drained the life out of him. He died two days later, despite Severus' attempts to find out enough about that rite and the potion to save him. There had never been such a case like his before, and there was simply not enough time to save him. There is still much we don't know and unfortunately those of the Death Eaters who would have been able to explain evaded capture. But Peter definitely was alive until a couple of days ago, which means that something of what we thought to be the truth about the night Voldemort fell does not add up."

Remus nodded. "The part where Sirius killed Peter and all those muggles."

"Yes. The muggles are definitely dead, but Peter did not die that night. You know that they never found his body."

"Only his finger, yes. But from all I know, that was no small wonder considering what the scene looked like."

"Peter was missing a finger. Strangely, there was no indication that he suffered from any other serious injury, which I would have expected even if the curse had not killed him. A devastation such as the one that night, it cut off his finger but didn't harm him in any other way? That indeed sounds strange."

Remus considered this for a moment, then he frowned. "Yes, but there's another thing which is worrying me more."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and Remus continued. "Even if Sirius did not kill Peter that night, then why on Earth should he hide for more than five years? And from whom did he hide? Running away at first I could understand, but why didn't he come to me, or to you?"

"Maybe he was afraid that Sirius would find him and kill him as well."

Dumbledore's tone told Remus immediately that the older man didn't believe in that explanation, either.

"He would have heard about Sirius' capture, there was no way he would not. It was all over the media, everywhere in Great Britain and even beyond. And still, why didn't he come to me or to you for help? Why not tell us that Sirius had tried to kill him and ask for protection? We all knew Peter was no magical match for Sirius, he knew it as well. Why did he vanish for more than five years and the next time he shows up is at a Death Eater assembly the night they try to bring Voldemort back? Even if Voldemort somehow possessed him, it just doesn't make sense."

Dumbledore averted his eyes and shook his head.

"Maybe we should wait with this conversation until you feel better."

Remus quickly shook his head and sat up straighter, not taking his eyes off of Dumbledore. "No, I'm fine, Albus. And I need to know. Now is as good as any moment, especially since Harry is not here now. What is it that you don't want to tell me?"

Dumbledore sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Peter carried the Dark Mark."

It felt as if somebody had forcefully punched Remus in the stomach.

"What?"

It wasn't eloquent, it wasn't even necessary for him to hear it repeated, but still Remus thought that maybe he had not heard correctly.
"On Peter's left forearm was a Dark Mark, just like the one Severus carries. He was a Death Eater."

Remus shook his head vividly. "No, that can't be true. Not Peter. It just doesn't make sense, Albus. Sirius was working for Voldemort, if Peter was also a Death Eater it simply would not make sense. The would have both worked for the same side, then why should Sirius have killed Peter? Or tried to kill him, or whatever...", Remus hesitated as he saw the look in Dumbledore's eyes. He knew what the only possible answer that would clear up his confusion was, but he refused to believe it. It could not be, they could not possibly have been that mistaken. "Albus, if Peter was a Death Eater then...then nothing makes sense. Absolutely nothing we know about that Halloween-night makes sense anymore."

Dumbledore got up from his chair and walked over towards the window. For a long moment he stood there with his arms crossed behind his back and looked out onto the Hogwarts grounds. Remus could only guess what was going on in the older man's mind, nevertheless he felt a sickening feeling in his stomach that the next part of the conversation would reveal something he did not want to hear. Something he already knew, but to hear it spoken aloud would make it true, and then Remus would have to accept the consequences, including facing his own failures.

"The first day after he was found in the Riddle House, Peter was still strong and lucid enough to talk and answer questions", Dumbledore said, his eyes still turned towards the window. Slowly he turned around and looked at Remus. "He was officially interrogated, under Veritaserum. I requested that Cornelius let me be present as a witness, and the Minister agreed."

Remus swallowed, but his throat was dry. "What did he say?"

Dumbledore sank down in his chair again, suddenly looking very old and fragile. There was an expression on his face which Remus had never seen before.

"We were not only wrong about Peter getting killed that night. That was only a small detail we were wrong about, compared to everything else we believed. We were wrong about nearly everything we believed to be the circumstances under which James and Lily got killed."

Remus didn't want to hear what was about to come next, he'd rather stop the conversation, hide in his house for the next couple of years and keep on believing the 'truth' he had learned to live with for so many years now. But Dumbledore continued mercilessly.

"Peter was behind it from the very beginning. He confessed that he became a Death Eater nearly a year before Voldemort fell. He was the one who passed on all the information about James' and Harry's whereabouts, he was supposed to deliver them into Voldemort's hands. Sirius indeed helped him there, but not the way we thought he did."

Remus only raised an eyebrow, feeling too weak to speak.

"Peter said that Sirius approached him after I suggested the Fidelius Charm. Sirius thought it would be the perfect decoy to let everybody believe him to be the Secret Keeper when in fact it was Peter."

"They switched?" Remus didn't recognize his own voice, but he felt the words leave his mouth, his tone unbelieving. They had not told him, Sirius had not told him that, he had never known...

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, they did. Sirius was willing to be the target for any possible Death Eater attempt to locate James' and Harry's location and thought the secret safe with Peter at the same time. He would know nothing, he could tell nothing, no matter what they did to him. He had no idea that with that he only played into Voldemort's hands and Peter could deliver the Dark Lord what he wanted on a silver platter."

"Oh god." Remus was glad that he was sitting in his bed because he didn't know if his legs would have been able to support him anymore. "They never told me. I never knew."

"Nobody did, Remus."

Remus closed his eyes and breathed in deeply a couple of times to stop the world from spinning in front of his eyes.

"What else?"

Dumbledore watched him concernedly for a moment, but then continued.

"Peter gave away the secret to Voldemort on Halloween. About what happened after that he of course could only tell what he knew. Voldemort killed James and Lily, but then vanished as the curse against Harry rebounded on him. The Death Eaters who were present fled the scene. Peter said that he wanted to go into hiding immediately, that he knew it would only be a matter of time until Sirius drew the conclusions and searched him out. But unfortunately for Peter, Sirius was a lot faster than he had anticipated. He cornered him in that street in London.

It's interesting, though I didn't notice it at first either, but Peter stated that Sirius accused him of having killed James, Lily and Harry. That's when he decided to place the blame on Sirius, because after all nobody knew they had switched Secret Keepers. He shouted loudly how Sirius could have done that and then blew up the whole street, including the muggles. He cut off his own finger, changed into a rat and escaped through the sewer. From what it looks like, Sirius didn't kill anybody, it was all Peter's doing."

Remus shook his head, not daring to believe what he had just heard. There were simply too many implications, so much wrong that had been done over the past years if what Dumbledore had just told him was true. A tear was rolling down his cheek, but Remus didn't even realize. If Dumbledore did, he didn't comment on it.
"But...but Sirius was there, and he was laughing. There were the pictures, the ones in the paper afterwards. Everybody said he was laughing, that he was mad...why didn't he just say it if he didn't kill those people? He was in Azkaban for more than five years, why did he never tell anybody about it? Why?"

"He was never given the chance, Remus. It's a long story, there will be investigations about what happened when he got arrested. Right now I don't know."

Remus was still shaking his head, but then something Dumbledore had said earlier struck him as odd.

"But if Sirius accused Peter of killing Harry...does that mean – does that mean he really thought Harry was killed as well?"

Dumbledore nodded. "From what it looks like, yes. It seems as if Sirius thought Harry died that night as well. Still thinks, from all that I know, though I can't answer the question why he thinks that. Only he can answer that, and his condition is not exactly stable at the moment. It's simply impossible to get a lucid statement out of him."

"Where is he? What happened to him after that night, last time I saw him he was lying bound up against the wall in that chamber..."

"He was still there by the time we arrived. He was taken in Ministry custody again, Cornelius wanted him brought back to Azkaban immediately."

Remus didn't know how much more of that he could take, but he simply needed to know.

"He is back in Azkaban?"

Dumbledore shook his head.

"As I said, Cornelius wanted him to be brought back. But Peter's confession revealed quite a bit about what happened to Sirius after the raid in Azkaban, and so he was brought to St. Mungo's for further examination."

Remus already had the next question on his lips, but Dumbledore seemed to guess so and spared him the effort of putting it into words.

"He has been memory-charmed quite a number of times. It must have started during his Azkaban imprisonment already, and thusly it is impossible right now to tell what he knew about Harry or not, nobody knows as of yet how much of what he says is his own thoughts and how much has been implemented into his brain by some outer force. We only know that somebody started tampering with his memory even before he broke out of Azkaban. But seemingly, five years in the presence of Dementors could not take away Sirius' strength of mind, somehow he evaded the Death Eaters during the raid, escaped on his own, and it took them some time to track him down again. By then they must have realized that he was about to break through the memory-charms, and so they simply added other layers of them. There were so many layers of memory charms on him that even the mind-healers could not clearly tell how many. In addition to that he was under Imperius for a longer stretch of time. Nobody is yet able to say what that did to his mind, but the healers are not very optimistic. There is the chance of a complete recovery, but from what they say it's a slim chance. Else, we'll have to wait and see. It might take some more months until there are results."

"That means he won't get his memory back?"

"Probably not, but as I said, nothing is sure at the moment. Unfortunately that also means he won't be able to tell us anything about what happened to him after the Azkaban raid, not yet. The other Death Eaters who were captured are still being interrogated, but for all that I know nothing has come out of this yet."

"Then", Remus swallowed as his voice broke and Dumbledore gestured for him to take all the time he needed to get his bearings again. With a couple of deep, shuddering breaths, he did. "Then it was Peter who attacked me and kidnapped Harry?"

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and silently looked at Remus for a moment, just as if he was contemplating whether to tell him or not. He took a deep breath and folded his hands in his lap.

"No, it was not Peter, that much we are sure of. That was Sirius. Under Imperius, and memory-charmed to the brink of a brainwash, but it was Sirius who kidnapped Harry and nearly killed you. To be honest, at the moment I think he actually wanted to kill you, and my guess would be that seeing Harry stirred something inside of him which was unharmed by the curses so far. It was not enough to make him break through the curses, but he got unsure, did not attack you again and instead conjured up dungbombs to hide his trace in case you had survived. But it was Sirius, that much I know as a fact already."

Again, Remus nodded, more slowly this time. He wanted to ask how Dumbledore knew, but he didn't ask now. If he said he knew it, then Remus was sure that he was not lying. There would be a time for that later. What Dumbledore had told him had exhausted him quite a bit, and right now he didn't want to hear anything anymore. Sleep was out of question, though. Not with all those thoughts swirling around in his mind, waiting to be digested.

Dumbledore looked at Remus for a long time, then he got up from his chair.

"I'll ask Madam Pomfrey to bring you a sleeping potion, Remus. You look as if you could do with some sleep now, you'll have enough time to think about everything later. But if I might offer a word of advice, try not to think all that much about it while you are still here in hospital. You still need rest and Harry needs you to be strong for him now. Save the brooding for some time later."

Remus nodded again. "Thank you, Albus. Thanks for being open with me."

"It's quite all right, Remus, I only wished that I could have given you different news, news which would not have turned the beliefs of several years upside down. If you still have questions when you wake up, just let me know. Good night, Remus."

"Good night, Albus."

As the old headmaster left, Remus caught himself thinking that he, too, wished that his world had remained on his normal axis and not spun out of control by what he had gotten to know about Sirius. If everything Dumbledore had said was true, and if they would find out what they needed to know to fill the gaps in their knowledge, then there was no way that Remus could ever forgive himself for believing in his friend's guilt for the murders. He did not even dare to hope for Sirius' forgiveness, even if his former friend ever recovered completely.