Disclaimer: everything you recognize does not belong to me.
Hey thanks to all of you who have been still reviewing which is 2 lol but thats ok as long as you still review now. Any suggestions for things that you would like to happen in the story? I would love to hear any. Chapter 3 is almost out as well as chapter 4 which i am almost done writing I had exams so it put it off just a lil. Well on with chapter 2 enjoy
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Chapter 2
"Anyone up for a game of exploding snap?" Madison asked.
"Umm...yeah ok." Sirius said urging the rest of them to play. No one wanted to think of what was wrong with James, except for Madison who was worried about what he might be doing. So the group played a few rounds of exploding snap and the guys explained new pranks that they were going to use, and ones they had to talk about with James.
James walked out of the compartment and hastily made it to the washroom. No one was around so he shut the door and leaned against the wall taking a deep breath. He wasn't used to all this confrontation, and had no way to deal with it. So he went to the only thing he now knew how to do. He slipped his hand into his pocket until he felt the cool razor against his fingertips, and carefully brought it out. Pulling up his sleeve he slowly sliced his wrist going over the already made cuts. The blood started trickling down onto the tile. Shit! I have to clean this up. He took his wand out, now able to use magic and muttered a quick cleaning spell. The floor was spotless once again, but didn't remain that way for long as his wrist was still bleeding. James than sat still, leaning against the wall. He put the razor away, and just watched the blood trickle down his hand. The blood was stinging his open wounds, but that's what he wanted to feel. No one would understand this. He wanted to feel the pain that he could cause himself, it helped numb everything his father did and the way that he felt about himself.
"Excuse me is someone in there?" he heard a small voice coming from out in the hall.
James looked up to the door. "Uhh...yeah just a minute." He said as he jumped up and cleaned the floor once again, performed a spell on himself to stop the bleeding, then washed his hands quickly and looked at himself in the mirror. There was still ugly purple bruises now coming in clear once again, they never had any chance to heal at home. He performed another spell to cover them up, than opened the door once again making sure everything was in order.
"About time!" The younger boy snapped. He looked to be a second or third year. Then he looked up to see who he was talking to and quickly apologized.
"Sorry. I didn't know it was you."
"It's alright, really doesn't matter." James muttered as he began walking down the hall, only to encounter a new person, but one he would rather not have met.
"Potter."
"Snape." James sneered back at him.
"Glad to see you made it back alive. Thought you would have given up by now. Your own father doesn't want you, so why would you come back here." James stared at him, not showing any emotion what so ever.
"Only come back to torment you I'm afraid." James coolly replied to him.
"I'm honoured." Snape sarcastically replied to James's comment.
"Good to hear, now get the hell out of my way, I have more important people to see than the likes of you."
"They really want to see you? Now that's a joke, didn't your sister not come home all summer? Really want you... Oh yeah, totally believable." Snape said icily to James. James didn't reply. He only needed to hear so much before he actually believed what Snape said. Unfortunately for James he believed every word Snape said to him. It was all true and he hated to believe it but he did. Why shouldn't I anyway? Its just like he said. His mother was always stoned or drunk and never tried to help James at all but chose to ignore him every minute she could. His father did things to him that he would rather not think or talk about. His father had hurt him since he could remember, he obviously hated James and now James really didn't care. Then there was Madison. She really had never done anything wrong to him, but yet she still hurt him. James knew why she never stayed home during the holidays, she obviously knew the whole family was a bit whacked and she had immediately tried to separate herself from her parents, causing her to be apart from James. In a way you could say James resented her for being able to do that so fast when he was constantly the one who they beat upon for any of their misfortunes mostly including himself. Stop thinking about this! He urged himself towards the compartment and took a deep breath before entering. All the laughter and joking quickly stopped, as they all looked at James who was considerably pale.
"Want to come in for a round, Prongs?" Sirius asked his friend.
"Sure." James said taking his seat. Everyone began to play again, just like old times. James tried his best not to look towards Lily, as Lily did with him. Madison still looked at him nervously, not sure if he had hurt himself anymore or not, but he seemed happy so she would leave him alone for now. They continued to play exploding snap and joked around until they reached Hogwarts. Once there, they each climbed into a carriage that would bring them up to the castle. Lily ended up being seated next to James. She still hadn't said much to him yet, and wasn't planning on it. At the moment James seemed completely zoned out and into his own world.
"We're here." Remus said, breaking his thoughts. The group then trudged into the Great Hall and took seats. Madison, Lily and Sirius on one side, James across from Lily, while Remus sat across from Sirius. They watched the sorting ceremony quietly, with the occasional comment from Sirius, making the group let out a small laugh.
Dumbledore said his usual beginning of the year speech, and then the food appeared. That was when James problems began. First of all, in his mind he was not going to eat any of this crap. Well he knew that it wasn't crap but he still wouldn't eat it. All around him students were digging in and soon enough his friends and maybe even more people would notice him not eating. He sat there looking at his plate than slowly started to place small amounts of food onto his plate, and took a small bite of chicken and swallowed. He felt like he was going to be sick.
"Are you okay?" Madison asked her brother.
"Uhh..yeah just not hungry at the moment." He told them. They all looked at him shocked.
"You're not hungry?" Sirius asked in awe.
"No Padfoot I'm not."
"What do you mean, you're not hungry?" He asked incredulously.
"Tell the world, why don't you. I'm just not hungry."
"James, you haven't eaten all day." Madison told him.
"I'm just not hungry, okay!" He said, standing up from the table, and walking quickly out of the Great Hall, all eyes on him.
"I guess he's not hungry." Remus said.
"We know that Remus." Lily finally spoke after watching the scene unfold in front of her.
"They finished eating than walked up to Gryffindor tower, only to find James sitting by the portrait.
"Don't know the password." He told them, answering their unspoken questions.
"Well it's Lions Den." Lily told them and the Fat lady opened the portrait letting them into the Gryffindor common room.
Once inside the guys sat in their usual corner near one of the fireplaces, followed by the girls who sat with them. They chatted for a while before deciding to go to bed. James had seemed to been acting like his usual self and that eased Madison's mind, knowing that he was going to be okay.
The three guys were changing for bed. James wasn't sure what to do, right now all his bruises and scars would be still clearly visible, and he wouldn't be able to hide them until he performed the spell. The spell he used was quite complicated and he didn't have time or energy to do it right now.
Remus and Sirius were now in their boxers and sitting on their own beds talking about Quidditch and what positions would need to be filled this year. James got onto his bed still fully closed and shut the curtains. He than changed into black flannel lounge pants and another black long sleeved shirt, and opened the curtains to see his friends looking curiously at him.
"A little shy all of a sudden are we?" Remus asked teasing. James rolled his eyes.
"No, but I'm going to bed." He said as he lay down, and didn't bother with the curtains. Remus shut the light off, and than he lay down as well, followed by Sirius. It was quiet for what seemed like forever, but James did not sleep. He just laid there. After a bit he sat up and got up to go to the bathroom. In there he stared at himself in the mirror. "You need help, just admit it." His conscience told him. "No I don't, I'm perfectly fine!" He retorted to himself. "This is just great. I'm depressed and now I'm talking to myself, what more could go wrong in my life?" "You know talking to yourself is a found as a form of insanity?" "Shut up!" He mentally yelled at himself. With that thought he walked back into his dorm and lay back down on his bed. He couldn't cut himself tonight; it still hurt from the train. Exhaustion was pulling at him, wanting him to sleep, but he couldn't sleep, he wouldn't let himself sleep. So he just lay there once again giving himself rest but not fulfilling it by closing his eyes. Unknown to him, Sirius was still up. Sirius pretended to be asleep when James had walked by his bed to the bathroom. He had strained his ears trying to listen to what James may be doing, but heard nothing. Than after his friend had laid back down he slowly fell into a restless sleep. James closed his eyes for more than a second and let himself fall asleep, too. What felt like a moment later, he sat straight up panting for breath.
"You okay mate?" Remus asked, he was a very light sleeper and heard anything unusual.
James was just staring at Remus, trying to remember where he was. The dream was so real, his arms were burning from pain. Thomas, his father, was yelling at him and grabbing his arm so tightly it was unreal. It was just like a normal night at his house during the summer. It didn't matter where he was, even far away from his father; he was still hurt by him. His breathing slowed once again.
"You ok?" Remus asked once again unsurely. James lay back down not answering.
Remus looked at his friend warily. He didn't know as to what was going on with James, but he was going to find out soon. He would leave James to his own thoughts for now. With that, he fell back asleep.
RING!
"Shut that damn thing off!" Sirius muttered angrily from underneath his bed sheets.
"Get up, Padfoot, and stop complaining. We got classes in an hour, and I want breakfast" Remus put in moodily. Neither of them were morning people. At that moment James walked out of the bathroom dressed and ready to go. Both friends took in how tired he looked.
"Tired, Prongs?" Sirius supplied.
"Ah... no, not really."
"I see." Remus said imitating a professor. They cracked up at his imitation of McGonagall.
Lily and Madison were already sitting at Gryffindor table, munching on their breakfast. Lily looked up to see James sitting across from her once again.
"Hey Madison, Lily." James said, then Sirius and Remus greeted them.
"You seem happy this morning James." Madison pointed out.
"Yes, Madison, why wouldn't I be happy?" James said pointedly, avoiding everyone's eyes while looking for something to put on his plate.
"Well, you know, it's just..." Madison stopped at the look she was sent. This look, however, did not go unnoticed by the rest of the group.
"Well, I'm going to go outside for a few minutes before class... See if conditions are good enough for practice later." James informed them as he got up from the table and then walked out the main doors.
"He didn't eat anything." Lily put in. The rest looked at her. Madison looked as if she were going to cry.
"Sirius, did he eat anything last night when you guys went up to the dorm?" Madison questioned urgently.
"No." Sirius answered looking confused.
"Well he hasn't eaten once since I was with him the night before school." Madison looked even more worried. Madison than started muttering to herself, not noticing the rest of them giving her odd looks.
"What do you know about James?" Remus broke her muttering. Madison was brought out of her thoughts and looked at them.
"I can't tell you, I wish I could, you really all deserve to know, but I...I just... I just can't." She finally let out dropping her head onto her plate. Sirius patted her back
"Can you give us hints?" Sirius asked curiously, but he really wanted to know what was up with his friend.
"No, but just observe the things he does, you just might figure it out or confront him."
"If you haven't noticed we have been trying to get it out of him." Sirius said irritated.
"Sirius, that attitude will get you no where." Madison informed him.
"Stop acting like a Miss know-it-all." Sirius began to pretend to pout. With that, they went to their first class, which was divination. Surprisingly, everyone had taken it for another year. When they got there, James was already waiting there, sitting on one of the puffy cushions, scowling at everyone talking.
"What the matter?" Lily asked. James looked up at her.
"Nothing." He replied crossing his arms. He hated responding to her like this but he didn't want her to even get a clue that he liked her.
She sat down next to him.
Professor Trelawney walked in. It was her first year teaching at Hogwarts and she was, in the student minds, just a bit weird.
"Well class, today we will be doing palmistry." She tried to say in a mystic voice, which didn't turn out for the best. James paled slightly. His right hand was still quite cut up from the other night. He had managed to hide it under his sleeve until now.
"I'll pick your partners and we can begin to work." She began to partner up the Ravenclaws who also shared the class and then the Gryffindors.
"Lets see, Lupin and Potter." Madison raised her hand. "Uhh... which Potter do you mean?"
"Oh, lets see... you, dear." She said in a sugary sweet voice that sickened James. In his mind, no one could be that happy. Or for her case, fake.
"Black and Harris." Sirius was paired up with the leftover Ravenclaw.
"...and Potter and Evans." Lily smiled to herself inwardly. Last night she had stayed up thinking and came to the conclusion that if James wasn't going to make any sort of move on her, then she would have to take matters into her own hands and talk to him. And if she had enough guts, she would eventually tell him how she felt, whether he returned the feelings or not.
They sat facing each other. James had absolutely no idea what he was going to do.
"Do you want to go first James?" Lily asked politely.
"Umm..." James hated any sort of confrontation; well, he was more afraid of it. He always ended up getting hurt, mostly physically. Although he knew Lily wouldn't hurt him, he just felt... vulnerable? His father had really messed him up, and now he was scared of everyone in some way. You're such a wuss. He said to himself bitterly.
"James?" Lily said. He was zoned out again.
"Do you want to go first?"
"I can't" He finally let out. Lily looked very confused. At that moment Professor Trelawney came up to them.
"I don't see you working. Palms out, this is palmistry, you know." Lily looked to James who wasn't moving.
"Mr. Potter, is there a problem?" Now the whole class was watching in hopes of one of the Marauders pranking the new teacher.
"Mr. Potter?" She tried again. "Palms out now" she commanded. Madison looked worriedly to her brother, as she knew what he was hiding.
"No." He answered quietly.
"What do you mean, 'no'?" She questioned. James didn't answer her.
"Mr. Potter I suggest you put your palms out now please, I will read them for you."
"I would rather you wouldn't" He retorted
"Put them out!" She went to snatch his hand, he dodged her, and Professor Trelawney almost fell over. The class snickered once again.
"This is a part of the material. If you aren't willing to cooperate, than I will have to fail you." She said smugly.
"I guess I fail than, this class is bullshit anyway. What am I going to learn? How I'm going to die? Already know that." He added in an undertone, that only his friends heard because they were so close. This worried them, especially Madison as he walked out of the class. The rest of the class was silent for a minute while Professor Trelawney was composing herself.
James walked out of the classroom. Didn't think I would ever be able to get out of that one. He thought to himself. James decided that he needed rest no matter what kind of dreams he had, so he walked upstairs and collapsed onto his bed. He hadn't slept a whole night in a long time. He was exhausted, and soon sleep overtook him.
Lily, Madison, Sirius and Remus sat at the Gryffindor table eating their lunch.
"Where do you think James went?" Lily asked.
"No idea." Remus put in. "He's been acting really weird again... and I'm guessing he missed this meal too."
"He always does, mostly at the beginning of the year." Sirius said unsurely.
"What do you mean?" Madison asked.
"Well... like guys usually change in front of each-other, because it doesn't really matter to us." Sirius let out a chuckle. "But James, I don't know he always goes into the bathroom, or behind his curtains. It kind of worries me that he won't even change in front of us. It's like he is really prudish or something. And I'm sure that that's not the reason." Sirius finished.
"Well last night he suddenly woke up, I was up too, hearing him. He looked as upset as if he had seen a ghost, but he wouldn't answer me, just lay back down as if nothing happened." Remus put in. Madison was kind of happy that the group was catching onto James so they could help her help him.
"Lets go find him, see if he wants to go outside or something." Sirius said as the group made their way up to Gryffindor tower. He was nowhere to be found in the common room, so the guys followed by the girl walked up to their dorm. They walked in to find him lying on his bed asleep. Madison let out a sigh of relief. He was finally resting.
"He's sleeping." Lily informed them.
"We can see that." Remus replied dryly as Lily smacked his arm.
"What's that?" Sirius questioned pointing to James back. His shirt was pulled up just a bit and some of his skin was showing. The part that was showing was a purplish bruise that had a cut through it. It looked like it was just starting to heal. James started to move in the process his shirt rode up a little more revealing bruises in a chain link pattern.
"What the hell?" Sirius questioned to himself as he moved over to James.
"Where are these from?" Asked Remus, pointing to the bruises that everyone was staring at.
James was having that same dream again. His father was coming towards him. James moved out of his way, but his father was quick and grabbed his right arm, squeezing it tightly, as he smacked him with his other hand. His cheek was burning once again like so many times before. "You're worthless, no one wants you!" His voice echoed in his mind etching those words inside of him. His arm was being crushed under his fathers grip. "Stop!" It came out as a murmur to his friends. Sirius heard and gently touched his shoulder trying to stir him from his sleep. At the same point, his father threw him into the wall, his shoulder hitting first. James winced under Sirius's touch. Sirius felt James tense underneath his hand.
"James, wake up." He tried lightly. By now the group was all around him, watching his face contort in pain. His eyes snapped open, his breathing raspy. James lay there, where everyone was looking at him. He sat up to find Sirius sitting next to him and Remus, Madison, and Lily around him, staring at him.
"You okay?" Madison asked.
"I'm...I don't know anymore." He told them as he stared at nothing once again. The rest shared a worried look.
Thats the new chapter 2!
Next chapter out soon as well as chapter 4
R/R thanks to all who have
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