Disclaimer: refer to chapter 1
A/N- Hey finally here is chapter 4 yay! Thanks to my reviewers and my wonderful beta reader LilyZWnam77 who has a great idea for the next chapter. Well on with chapter 4!
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Chapter 4
James lay in his bed, yet again, thinking. As if he didn't do enough of that already. After resolving with himself that he would act as if nothing unusual happened yesterday and be his happy go lucky self again, he grabbed a book and walked downstairs to the common room. Remus had fallen asleep a while ago, so James was free to do what he pleased. James sat in the corner of the couch near the fireplace. He read for about an hour, writing in the margin of the books thoughts or anything that he came up with. He often did this, although he didn't exactly know why. It was just something he did. Reading relaxed him, brought him out of the real world and to somewhere better. James put the book down and stared into the fire.
Lily awoke with a start. She couldn't sleep, there was just too much on her mind, mainly a certain guy. Now, her and Madison weren't exactly best friends with the Marauders, but they were still friends and somewhat hung out. This year, though, Lily knew it would be better since Madison had already taken a greater interest into James life for some reason and was now always near him. Lily still wasn't exactly sure why, but she did know that something happened at their home the night Madison left her house. Lily had taken on a new goal this year; she wanted to get to know James better. Yes, she really liked him, but whenever she was close to telling him of her feelings something always got in the way, or mainly she would back down. She wouldn't this year, though. First she would get to know him more, since, and she hated to admit it, she knew nothing about him, and didn't learn much from Madison either since she never spent much time with him. After she got to know him a bit then she would ask him out if he didn't ask her.
Basically, she was sick of waiting. Lily didn't exactly know why she liked James so much, but it was like something was drawing her to him and she knew that no matter how much she wanted to be with him, she just hoped that he would feel the same way.
There is no way that I'm going to be able to fall asleep. With that thought Lily got up and walked down to the common room. At the last step she froze and looked ahead. Sitting on the couch staring into the fire intently was the main source of her thoughts: James Potter.
She slowly walked towards him; she could tell that he was zoned out again.
"Hey, James." She started confidently. James's head snapped to her direction. For a second he sat there looking at her. She took that moment to stare into his eyes. They were really blue tonight but they looked sore, like he hadn't slept in a while. But before she could question him on that he replied.
"Hi Lily, what are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep. I'm guessing you couldn't either." She replied. There was an awkward silence where the two didn't know what to say.
"Umm.. do you want to sit down?" James motioned to the seat next to him.
"All right." Lily said as she sat down, and took in his appearance, as James did to her. He was wearing black flannel pants and another black long sleeved shirt, while she was wearing a white t-shirt and blue-checkered flannel pants.
"Can I ask you something?" She said quite randomly.
"I believe you just did." James said with a small smirk.
"You know what I mean." Lily said and rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, I guess you could." James replied. Here it comes, more confrontation. He thought to himself.
"Well a lot happened yesterday, and there are a lot of things I know that I and all of your friends want to ask you, but I also know how hard it is to talk about things you would rather keep to yourself. Just remember, though, that we are here for you and want to help even if you don't need it, okay? You should talk to them about what ever is bothering you because you will feel better in the end." Lily finished. James took in what she said and nodded towards her.
"Also remember, even though we don't know each other very well, I am a great listener and I wont judge you."
"Thanks Lily, I think you have been the most help so far." James replied after a minute and looked down. Lily was beaming inside.
"Lily?"
"Yes."
"Do you think that we could be friends? I mean... you know I don't really have a lot of close friends and all, and with Madison set on making sure I don't..." He stopped himself before he said anymore. There was an awkward silence. What was he about to say? Just friends? I guess that is a good start, and it means a lot coming from James. Lily thought to herself and than noticed that he was waiting for an answer.
"Of course I want to be your friend. She said and smiled.
He smiled back at her. What have I gotten myself into? He thought to himself. At least she hasn't asked any questions and is giving me space. This actually could be good for me. If she finds out and is still my friend then maybe there is a chance that she might like - Stop! she said she wanted to be your friend. You're lucky for that, who would want to go any farther with you? He thought bitterly to himself. Lily noticed that he seemed to be struggling with himself again.
"James, are you okay?"
"Yeah... I was just thinking. its nothing, doesn't matter." He blew off.
"Okay." She replied unsurely.
"You know if you ever want to talk about anything I will be here to listen." Lily supplied.
"I know." James replied smiling inside.
James and Lily sat in companionable silence, once again both lost in their own thoughts.
"James, do you want to come down to breakfast with me in ten minutes?" Lily voiced her question.
"All right, I guess I will go up to change then." James answered. They both got up and went to their dormitories. It was still early and the others were still asleep. Lily quickly got changed into her uniform and did her hair and make-up, grabbing her books before she went back downstairs. Once ready, she went downstairs to see James waiting for her. He was wearing his uniform and had his books as well ready for class.
They made their way downstairs chatting until they reached the great hall and took their seats. James sat across from Lily who, at the moment, was piling toast and other breakfast foods onto her plate. What was he supposed to do now? Of course she would notice if he weren't eating. Lily continued eating while James stared at his plate contemplating on what to do.
"You know, I may not know exactly what is going on, but I really think no matter what it is you should eat something." She told him looking into his eyes, which he quickly diverted. She noticed this again but didn't question him on it.
"I know it's none of my business, but if I'm going to be your friend, I think you should trust me. Also if you at least eat something, I can tell everyone else that you ate so they will be off your back, at least for now." Lily offered to him. James looked up to her. She was right, and he really did like her, and he also liked that she gave him some space, at the same time telling him what was right, and she was right he should at least eat something. Especially since he didn't want to acquire an eating disorder. That would just top all my many problems off.
"You're right." James said and smiled at her as he put a piece of toast onto his plate.
"Good, I'm always right." She told him smiling than stuck her tongue out.
"That's real mature." James said seriously, which made them both laugh, well, James sort of laughed. He picked up one half of the slice. He wasn't used to being able to eat at his own free will. Usually food was just given to him occasionally. Or if he was really hungry, then he took some. He took a bite, and put it down. Lily was still looking at him.
"Now, that didn't kill you did it?" She asked raising her eyebrows.
"No." He said as he took another small bite. Soon enough he finished his piece of toast, deciding to eat no more. Lily finished hers but didn't comment on his one slice. She was really just glad that he ate something, and that she was the one to help him. Sirius took a seat next to James, and began loading his plate. A minute later Madison and Remus appeared at the table.
The group chatted like usual, no one wanting to bring up anything about last night unless James did. The three noted that James was, again, just sitting there but not eating.
"James I don't want to be pushy, but I think you should really eat something." Madison told her brother.
"I already ate." He said looking at his plate. He really wished they would just all leave him alone.
"What did you eat?" Remus asked.
"He ate toast." Lily supplied looking at James; she could tell he was going to get really irritated in a minute.
"Really?" Sirius questioned.
"Yes! Why is it so hard to believe that I actually did something right for a change? You're being just like him." James said and got up from the table walking through the doors leaving his books behind.
"You guys really just need to give him some space. You know, if you stop trying to go to him he might actually come to you." Lily said
Remus ignored her comment for a moment. "Who did he mean by 'he'?" He asked aloud.
"Our father." Madison added.
"Huh?" Sirius questioned.
"Let's just say James really hates him and that the feeling is mutual between them." Madison told the group. Remus was about to question more when the owls swirled in to deliver the post and mail. A dark brown owl flew towards them stopping only to drop the letter in the middle of the table before it took off once again. Madison recognized the owl as her fathers. The group stared at the letter until Remus grabbed it and read whom it was addressed to. On the front neatly written in black writing was James Potter.
"Should we open it?" Sirius asked curiosity getting the better of him.
"I don't know." Lily spoke aloud.
"It could be personal." Remus said always the reasonable one.
"But it could also answer a lot of are questions to." Sirius put in.
"I say we go bring it to James, let him read and see what he does. Than we wont be invading anymore of his personal space. Lily offered.
"All right." The group agreed.
They were about to get up and go to class when Alexis Hansen, the Quidditch captain, walked up to them.
"Sirius, Remus, there is going to be a Quidditch practice tonight. Be there and make sure to tell James to come to." She added.
"All right Alexis." Sirius said as the group got up to leave and Alexis walked off and over to her friends.
The group walked out of the hall and to their first class of Transfiguration. James was already sitting in a seat. Sirius gave him his books and sat on one side of him, while Lily sat on the other for a change. Madison sat next to Lily and Remus next to Sirius. James still hadn't spoken to any of them and the letter wasn't brought up yet since professor McGonagall had began her lesson. The class was taking notes off the board at the moment and McGonagall had her back turned still writing more on the importance of hand movements during spells. Lily took out a piece of spare parchment and wrote on it and then placed it in front of where James was writing the note. He stopped and looked at Lily. She motioned him to read it so he turned his head back and looked down to what she had written to him.
Are you okay?
James looked next to him to Sirius who was out cold sleeping as usual. Then, he looked back to the note where the words were written before responding and placing it back in front of Lily. Lily read what he wrote back to her.
Great. Why wouldn't I be okay?
Lily read it over again and sighed. Why wouldn't he ever just admit that something was wrong when you could so clearly tell that there was? She asked herself before replying back.
I don't know, you just seemed kind of irritated when you left breakfast this morning and you haven't spoken to anyone yet.
Well you would get kind of aggravated to if everyone kept bugging you to eat. It does get annoying, especially when you already have.
Why don't you just eat in the first place? Then you won't have to put up with this, unless you have an eating disorder or something...
It's not as easy as that, Lily. You wouldn't understand. And no, I don't have an eating disorder.
He passed the note back to her and waited while she replied.
Than why don't you just eat? Really, its not that hard, and it would get everyone off your back.
If you haven't noticed, I am eating now. You don't understand why I am like this, and I would really not like to talk about it, especially in a note.
Well maybe if you at least talked to someone about your problems instead of bubbling them inside you, you wouldn't blow up at us every time one of us voices a concern about you. We're just worried about you James.
James reread what she had written. It was true, he really did need to talk to someone and soon before he burst. Maybe if I tell her she could help me get the courage to tell Remus and Sirius about everything. It is mostly those two who I am worried about how they would react. Lily watched him read what she had written for about a minute contemplating her words over in his head. Then he responded and Lily quickly read what he had written.
Who would really want to listen to all my problems? Its not like they are worth concerning over. Plus, I don't think I can tell Remus and Sirius yet, I really just don't know how. And Madison already knows about the main reason but I haven't told her everything. I just don't want everyone to find out about all of this.
If you want to you can talk to me. I could help you with what ever you need.
Lily pushed the note back to James trying not to blush.
Trust me, Lily. Thanks, but I don't think you would want to hear about all my problems.
James I want to help you, I know we haven't been the best of friends before but you can trust me.
I don't know... you really would help me?
Yes, I would like to help you and maybe you can help me with a few things too? He paused for a minute before answering her.
Okay but I don't want to tell you by writing it out... it's a little hard, even to say.
That's fine. Whenever you want to just talk, come and find me. Okay?
Okay.
By the way, Alexis came up to us after you left this morning and wanted Sirius or Remus to tell you that you have Quidditch practice after classes tonight. But Sirius is sleeping and Remus looks to be kind of busy at the moment. It was true; Remus was talking to this Amy girl from Ravenclaw.
All right.
Did Remus give you your letter yet?
No. What letter?
Well you have a letter. You should get it from Remus after class.
Did it say who it was from?
No, but Madison recognized the owl and says its probably from your dad.
Did anyone read it?
No, we just brought it to class for you. Lily noticed that James seemed to let a sigh of relief out at this.
Okay. I guess I will get it after class then. James wrote uneasily. Why would he be writing to me? About what? These thoughts flooded his mind.
The bell rang and Professor McGonagall dismissed the class. Lily gathered up the note as James woke up Sirius.
They then walked to their next class which was potions.
"Remus, Lily mentioned that a letter came to me this morning."
"Oh, yeah." He replied and took the letter out of his bag and handed it to James.
James took it and stared down at it he knew the writing as it was from his dad. Do I really want to open it? What does he want? He decided that he wasn't going to let his father ruin his day just yet since surprisingly talking to Lily made him a bit happier than he was to start the day off.
It's because you like her! His mind told him.
Shut up! I can't deal with all this right now.
You're talking to yourself again.
It's not possible to have a conversation with yourself.
Well you are having one, and a weird one at that.
Oh shut up!
You know that you are telling yourself to shut up now? I told you, you're going insane.
Stop it!
"Are you okay?" Sirius questioned worriedly. James broke out of his thoughts.
"Huh? Oh... yeah, I'm fine." James replied still distracted from his insane thoughts. I am going insane. He rolled his eyes at this and than got a weird look from Remus who was listening to their conversation. They walked into potions together and took seats at the back.
It was another very long class, and the professor was breathing down their backs the whole time. James desperately wanted to get out of there, as well as half of the class, besides the Slytherins who smirked at every rude comment their teacher would make.
Finally, the bell went and they made their way out, only to be stopped further down the hall by Lucius Malfoy, standing by Severus Snape, and their cronies standing behind them.
"So Potter, I see you made it through another summer and are gracing us with your presence once again." Lucius said sarcastically smirking at James through his ice blue eyes. Sirius, Remus, Madison and Lily came up behind James to see what was going on.
"What do you want Malfoy?" Remus asked lazily.
"Shut up Lupin, you are not apart of this." Snape sneered.
"And why is that?" Remus asked lazily once again.
"I'm guessing your so called friend Potter hasn't been telling you of what goes on during the summer. Wouldn't you like to know though?" He asked smirking at James. Everyone looked at James, who was glaring at Malfoy. Shit!! I hate him! I hate all of them...ughh... of course he would know about everything, knowing my father probably told his. James didn't know how to respond to this.
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Thats all for chapter 4
R/R please
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Chapter 5 out soon!