Disclaimer: refer to chapter 1
Hey again! Here is chapter 5 yay! I'm hoping to get at least 5 reviews for this chapter. Is that to much to ask? lol anyways chapter 6 might take a little while longer, yet to type it out and its going to be a long one. So I'm thinking that it should at least be good. Gonna be maybe some drama, angst and maybe a little romance. About time eh? Well on with the story since probably half of you dont even read this. If you have any suggestions on what you would like to see happen soon please add it in review and again PLEASE review.
Thanks to my great beta LilyZWnam77 who edited this whole story so far. It has been a help.
And thanks to my wonderful reviewers I luv you all!
Well finally on to the awaited chapter 5!
Chapter 5
"Got nothing to say now. It's just like facing your father, isn't it? You can't say anything or he will hurt you." At this he smiled coldly. "Now, here if you say anything, all your secrets will be told. What to do... What to do? I don't know, why don't you explain some things to us?" Malfoy paused. "Well, that would be new to you though, wouldn't it? Since you usually never get the chance to speak anyways... Always on the ground right? Bet you couldn't
stand up for yourself if you tried." He turned to Sirius and Remus. "Haven't you ever wondered where all the bruises are from? Oh, right. James hides them so well from all of you. You think he would have told you two because you're his best friends? Right?" Sirius and Remus just stood there catching on to everything, but not wanting to believe it.
"Do you get it now? Thought you would have earlier. Especially you, Lupin. You're the smart one." At this he laughed, followed by the rest of his group.
"Or should I spell it out for you? Let's see, where to start... hmm... Maybe at the part where his father beats him." He said, gaining a cruel smile across his face.
"Shut up!" James yelled at him.
"Finally speaking now? But isn't this the part where your father hits you?" He said, striking out at James. James caught his fist before it hit him, surprising Malfoy that he could react so quickly. Malfoy glared at this sudden movement until James spoke.
"You know, my father may beat me, but I'm not like him. I don't hurt family or turn on them no matter what they do. Unlike you, I'm not a conniving bastard who does anything for attention, including telling others about my personal life. You know, I think you reached a new low that I thought even you couldn't reach. You may know my secrets, but that doesn't mean I don't know yours. Lets just say... fathers talk, and you wouldn't believe what my father learns from yours at the bars and then yells it at me in drunken rage while he beats me. I know more about you than you would ever know. But I at least have some decency to keep it to myself." James said bitterly.
"You're lying! You don't know shit, you just talk it." Lucius spat at him.
"Really, you think?" James tried him.
"Yes, Potter. I think that all you know is shit, and you're just trying to get out of your own. Not too good at that though, are you?" Lucius said back.
"Just try me. Give me the best thing you got." Lucius spat at him. Everyone was silent to hear what James had to say.
"Well, hmm... Is this shit, or just a time when your father was so piss drunk that he let it... let's say... slip from his mouth." James began.
"Well, I don't know. You haven't said anything useful yet to even callshit. You have nothing on me." Lucius smirked as he waited for James to reply. The hall was dead quiet waiting for James to reply, not believing what had happened from this conversation already.
"I don't know, Lucius. Should I really tell them?"
"Go on James. I'm dying to hear."
"Well, fine. If you're dying, I might as well tell you then. You know, I don't know why you even brought up about my father beating me, because doesn't that relate to you too? No, wait... he doesn't just beat you, though. Didn't he put the Crucio curse on you because he wanted to try his new trick out that he learned from his death eater meeting?" James spat back at him. Lucius paled at this.
"I guess I hit a nerve, didn't I? Now, that wasn't shit, as you would call it, was it?" James asked.
"Well since we are getting this all out in the open now, maybe I should add that you're not such a newcomer to the Crucio either are you?"
"No, I'm not actually." James let out, and could here Madison gasp beside him and could feel everyone staring at him in pity and sympathy. He hated these feelings.
"Also, I should add that although my father did do that to me, at least he doesn't do it for fun."
"At least I know how to take pain, unlike you, and don't scream like a girl when I receive it!" James said icily. Lucius glared at him.
"Shut up!"
"All out of comebacks now, I see. No more dirt to let out about me." James said, glaring at him.
It was quiet. No one spoke; you could cut the tension between them with a knife. No one dared to say anything while they were looking at each other. Lucius took another swing at James, which he easily dodged.
"I might let him hit me, but that doesn't mean that you can get a free swing." Lucius swung again, missing.
"Not very good at that, I see." James said and smirked.
"I see you choose to not even try against me either; you know, it doesn't take a fool to dodge a fist coming at their face. But you don't even try totake a hit at me. It's funny, actually." Lucius retorted. By now, James had given the letter to Remus and dodged yet another punch thrown by Lucius.
"That's really all you got Potter? Come on... you can talk shit, but let me at least see you fight. Please tell me that this isn't all you got." Lucius said and let out a cruel laugh, which was quickly cut dead when a fist came smashing at him square in the face. Lucius clutched his nose.
"What the hell?" He let out in astonishment at James. Did he really just do that? The crowd around the two was dead quiet again waiting to see what Lucius would do.
"Not so cocky know?" James asked. Lucius lunged for James, pulling them both down to the ground. Swings were thrown everywhere until Sirius and Remus took a hold of James, and Snape tried to help Malfoy up, finally breaking up the two.
James and Malfoy glared at each other once again.
"I would advise you to not talk about anything that happened, or else I may have to just tell people how much of a wimp you are at fighting. You might have cold words, but your swings are shit." James told him. Lucius ignored him and continued on.
"Potter... must have felt good to let some of that out, didn't it? Don't usually get the chance to with your father." Lucius said, grinning at the expression that was crossing James face.
"Actually, it did, I'm just sorry I didn't get to beat your assanymore. But wait, I'm the nice one here, I don't start the shit, I just take part in it." James let out.
"Shut up." James laughed at this.
"You know, if your father heard you talking like this or see you fighting with me and then getting the worse end of it, I know that if I were you, I wouldn't be expecting a welcoming hug from him." James said.
"At least my father would have a reason to be mad at me, and it's not just the fact that I was born." Lucius sneered. That hurt James, and Madison could tell he didn't know what to say to him. There was a pause before James spoke.
"Okay, you win this time. You get to be the bigger ass. Does it feel good knowing that you know how to hurt people? Wait, why am I asking you this? It does feel good to you to cause others pain. It just covers everything else you feel. You know, in some ways you are just like me, but you choose to be a future death eater and follow in your father's footsteps so you can just repeat everything he ever did to you, just to feel that little bit of self-fulfillment. Well, you know what? I really don't care who you tell about my problems. Nothing much more can hurt me anyways, so why not add to it? See how much I can take before I finally burst, right? Let me tell you, you are the least of my worries right now. So, maybe you and your little Slytherin friends can go find someone else to bug who actually can feel the pain you want to cause them, because it doesn't work on me anymore, I don't feel anything. So sorry to disappoint you." James finished and turned around, pushing his way through his friends and hurriedly walking up to Gryffindor tower. He really had to get away from everything, and the perfect way was just sitting there, waiting for him to take the chance.
Malfoy watched James push his way through the crowd just a bit dejected that he couldn't get a rise out of him. Well, he tried, and hated to admit it. Although James secrets where now somewhat known, his were too, and to top it all off, he really did suck against James fighting. With an irritated snap, he called his friends to follow him to the Great Hall for lunch. He had better things to do than stand in the hall watching his self-image plummet before the 6th year Gryffindor population. So he walked away, not seeing the looks of disgust Sirius was sending him.
The four Gryffindors stood in silence for a minute.
"Should we go find James?" Madison asked.
"I really think that won't be a very good idea. My guess is enough was told today that he won't want to be seeing us anytime soon." Remus put in.
"You're probably right, but I'm just worried about him being alone up there. Who knows what he might do." Sirius said.
"There is only ten minutes to class." Lily added.
"I say, let's go check on him and if he wants to be left alone than we will just go to class." Madison told them. They all agreed and hurried up to the tower.
Sirius went up the stairs to the dorm while the rest stayed in the common room.
"James." He called out. No one answered. His bed was empty. Sirius then checked the bathroom, no one was in there. Sirius walked back down to the group.
"He's not up there."
"Let's go to class. He could be there." Lily tried.
"All right." They agreed, having no better ideas.
Sure enough, when they walked into history of magic five minutes late, James was sitting at one of the desks in the back. The professor didn't notice them take their seats since he was to busy talking and writing notes on the board. They sat in the same order as the sat in Transfiguration. James just stared ahead at the board, ignoring all the attempts his friends made to talk to him.
Sirius stared at his friend, very worried. He didn't know how much James actually went through. What else did he do? He really needed to talk to him now. Then he noticed it on James palm which was half open at the moment but then closed again. What was that? It looked like blood, but he wasn't sure. This worried him even more. Sirius than looked over to Madison who looked as if in deep in thought.
Madison was thinking about what Malfoy and her brother were talking about. James had already experienced that? Was her dad a death eater too, if James claimed that Malfoy's was? She was very confused; James was definitely right though. What she had seen was nothing compared to what he was probably used to.
Lily wasn't exactly sure of what to think. James really needed to explain a few things to them. She needed to talk to him before he tried to close himself off again. She was so close earlier, and now Malfoy seemed to have ruined any chances that they had to talk to James. What she couldn't get over was the fact that all these years he had put on such a tough exterior and was somewhat cocky even at times, and yet that was all a cover as to how he really was. It was as if he was a shell of what he tried to be.
Remus was having similar thoughts as his friends. He really needed to talk to James, and quickly, before James did anything that he might regret. Right now, though, James was completely ignoring all of them, and Remus was very concerned that if they didn't get through to him soon, they never would be able to.
Lily wrote on a piece of parchment and than placed it in front of James so he could clearly see it and would have to answer. James looked down at what Lily had written.
Can we talk later?
Yes! His brain was screaming at him. You need to talk, and you know it. I do not! Whatever, James. You need help, and this is where you're going to find it. No. He retorted weakly back to himself. Lily was looking at him, expecting an answer. He really couldn't completely ignore her anymore, so he answered her back.
Lily looked down at the parchment to find these words written back to her.
There is nothing to talk about Lily.
She wanted to cry, he was being like this again. She didn't know what else to write to him, so she didn't. She was going to give him his space if he wanted it so much. Soon enough, he will want to talk, hopefully it wont be too late though.
James just sat there. He knew that he had yet again pushed everyone away from him, but that was what he did best, wasn't it? After a very long and silent class, the bell rang. They all had a spare for the next class. James still hadn't spoken to anyone, and everyone else had stopped trying after many failed attempts. So the group walked up to their common room. Once there, they sat on the couches, talking about anything other than what had happened at lunch. Sirius had decided to get them some food from the kitchens, since they had missed lunch. Once he was back, everyone dug in, James occasionally eating something small. Everyone was just happy that he was moving and wasn't sitting still anymore.
"Remus, can I have my letter? I would like to read it later." James broke the silence.
"Yeah. Sure." Remus said handing it to James. James stood up. They all looked up expectantly at him.
"I'm just going to put this upstairs, then I'm changing for Quidditch. Don't worry so much about me. I'm fine." He said, trying to reassure them all as he walked up the stairs. Once there, he opened the letter. Inside was a razor with dried blood on it. He immediately closed it. I hate him! He screamed inside himself. He put the letter back on the bed not wanting to read it just yet, and got changed. Remus and Sirius came up when he was finished and both quickly got changed too. They all grabbed their brooms, then the five of them (Lily and Madison wanted to watch the practice) walked down to the pitch.
Alexis was waiting for them.
"About time! Get in the air and start doing laps." She ordered. They all took off together. James felt at ease in the air, as if nothing could really get him or hurt him. Today though, he had his mind on other things. He just couldn't concentrate on flying and he knew that he was doing it poorly. Alexis threw a quaffle at him that he barely caught.
"Get your head in the game, Potter!" She yelled out at him.
He threw for the hoops hard not caring if he missed or not. He didn't care anymore. Alexis watched the quaffle go right pass the hoops, not even close. He did it again, then got it through one, but not a very nicely.
Sirius was watching him. What is wrong with him? Probably not concentrating enough. This is not going to be good. Sirius thought to himself. He was right.
"Potter, get down here now." Alexis called from the ground where she had started to watch from. James flew down to her. Lily and Madison were sitting in the stands. He could feel their eyes on him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked quite irritated.
"Nothing." James muttered back to her.
"Well, James, obviously there is, because you are not playing up to par and won't be playing in the next game if you continue like this." She continued on.
"Okay." He said, and began to walk off.
"Where are you going?" She yelled.
"Back in the air." He yelled back.
"I'm not finished with you." She yelled back.
"Oh, so sorry. Please finish, go on. What were you going to yell now?" James asked, sarcasm dripping from his words. He really was not in the mood for this. The rest of the team had stopped practicing to listen in.
"Get back up there!" She yelled to all of them.
"Potter, it is a privilege to play on this team. Yes, you are the best chaser we have, but that doesn't mean you can play like that and talk back to your coach. I can sit you for a game if you continue like this." She began to lecture.
"Well, is this what you call coaching, yelling at a player because they are having a bad day? Plus this is the first fucking practice! What does it matter how we play? Obviously we will be in sync after a good practice!" He yelled fed up with her.
"You're sitting out the next game until you learn how to appreciate what you have here."
"I have nothing here! This is just a game that is nothing but another way to forget reality and what is really happening. I don't care what happens out here!" James retorted.
"Well you better start caring, or else you are off the team." She said, and glared at him, not noticing the rest of the team was hovering in the air, taking in every word she said. He didn't say anything.
"Go do 15 laps and then you will sit for the rest of the practice and watch how a team works." He didn't move.
"Go!"
"I don't see the point of doing 15 laps and watching you practice if I'm not going to even be able to play until the second game. It's just a waste of my time."
"I would advise you to start the laps or else you aren't playing the second game either." She threatened.
"Well you better start teaching another player, then." James told her.
"No that will be your part of the team for now on, since you don't want to practice. You will help others practice or else you're off the team." She told him.
"Well, I guess I'm off the team then, because I quit. I'm sick of listening to you anyways; you know I'm a great player and would be good for the game. I might be a little off right now, but you would never understand the reasons why anyways.Do you ever think that some people have problems that don't always relate to you and everything you say." James told her
"Try me." She asked icily.
"I'd rather not, those would be things I would tell my coach, and you're obviously not that." He said, turning his back to walk away from her. She was furious. Nobody ever told her off, or at least had the guts to.
"Where do you think you are going?" By know the whole team and other students who had been watching the practice were on the ground listening.
"Away from you, I thought I already told you, but I quit. That means I'm not practicing with you, or the team. Is that clear enough? Or should I spell it out?" James said and stared at her. She was ready to strangle him.
"You can't quit." She told him.
"And why is that?" He said raising an eyebrow.
"Because I'm kicking you off the team." She told him blankly.
"That's impossible, because I've already quit."
"Get off the pitch now!" She yelled at him.
"If you haven't already noticed, that is where I was trying to go until you so rudely interrupted me." He said, and began to walk away from her. She let out a yell of frustration.
"I'm not finished with you!" She yelled at his retreating form. He turned around to see her once again. Does she ever shut up!
"Well, I am!" He yelled, and began to walk off again. Alexis always had to have the last word though.
"Potter!" He decided that he wasn't listening to her anymore and probably couldn't take anything else from her. So he so kindly shot her the finger so that she would get the last word but not have the final say. He heard her yell once more at the rest of the team to get back in the air. Once he reached the castle he ran all the way up to Gryffindor tower, through the common room and up the stairs to his dorm, where he sank onto his bed and shakily picked up the letter from his father and began to read it.
He reread it once more, taking in everything than angrily threw the letter onto the floor followed by the bloodstained razor, which echoed once it hit the
floor. He was right. This was going to be a long day, and it had yet to be finished.
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Thats all for chapter 5. Chapter 6 should be out in at least a week. Alot is going to happen in that chapter.
Please Review for me. Thanks again to all those who have been reviewing. It does meen a lot.
Aries Chic