"Hey mom I'm home," I yelled doing my ritual dance of kicking off my shoes and removing my jacket.
"Oh sweetheart I'm so glad your hear I've been thinking, you know those little friends you made, what if they came over for a little party, we can have…" Yes Mom, keep chatting on about imaginary friends and don't look up. It's not like your only son is covered in dairy product or anything. "David Lester Averman, what on earth's name happened to you?" She asked finally looking up. See my Mother is the kind of mom who would have problems with her kid coming home covered in pudding. She's a real clean freak, and here I walked down the entire neighborhood untidy, I mean what would the neighbors think???
Suddenly all of my witty and wonderfully planned out stories went flying out of my head. "Well, um see it's this thing. With um, Goldberg and a Jesse and um Connie and a couple other kids, I got initiated into there little group."
"You did not join a gang. I swear David if you did there will be major consequences."
Oh yeah Mom big tough me joined a big bad-ass gang. Mhmm, in fact I need an advance on my allowance to buy a motorcycle and a fake tattoo so I can roam the tough streets with the pudding squad. "No mother,"
"Then what is it exactly?" She questioned staring me straight in the eye.
"Well see, it's kinda a secret club thing, and well I've already said way too much." Nice one idiot I mentally kicked myself.
She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, "Fine, don't tell me what going on." She sighed shaking her head. "Just go upstairs and clean up, and bring those dirty clothes down to me. And then you can start on your homework."
"Yeah Mom sure," I said heading up the stairs. And for the second day in a row I actually did some of my homework. What is the world coming too? Around the time I was convinced I caught the bubonic plague, for it was the only explanation for my behavior, I realized I have much bigger problems than lame ass science. I think ever Mr. Fillmore would understand me not finishing it when you have a crisis such as a psycho killer/stalker. I mean wouldn't something like that be in the student handbook or something?
"Les, can you come down here for a minute?" Sir yelled from down stairs.
"Yeah, just one second." Like I don't have anything better to do trying to save my own life isn't that important. I sighed simply knowing that my Mother could never understand. I ran down the stairs only to find my Mom and Sir sitting side by side on the couch. I knew in an instant, they were going to break some news to me. Something big. I sat down across the room on the opposite sofa.
"You know we love you," my mom started, crap it's bigger than expected. "And nothing can change that, but." She paused and looked over at sir. "But I'm pregnant sweetie," She smiled hopefully.
"What?" My mouth said before my brain had time to tell it to shut up.
"John and I are having a baby, were adding to the family. We talked about this." She said eyeing me carefully. Yes mother but there's a difference between being asked a question while I was playing video games and you really having a baby. I mean I knew her and sir had ya know, been trying, but ewe.
I nodded. Suddenly all vocal capabilities left me. I think I'm having a stroke or an heart attack or something.
"And I talked to my bosses, and they've agreed to let me transfer here, for good." I think I've officially stopped breathing people. "Your Mom said you were settling in here, we thought it was time." Sir looked at me. I couldn't look back at him. I just got up and bolted for my room. A baby… Here… There was only one person in the entire world who could make this any better. I went to the phone in the hallway and punched in the familiar numbers.
"Hello," Came from the other line.
"Hey da-,"
"I'm not home right now, but feel free to leave a message after the beep" Great the answering machine.
BEEP "Hey Dad, I just wanted to talk to you seeing I haven't in, well forever. Um, I'm fine, I just wanted to talk, ya know. That things normal Fathers and Sons do, anyway um I'll here for a while. Quite a while, I'm here permanently and um yeah." My voice cut off. "Just call me sometime alright," I hung up and crawled into my bed.
'Well ladies and gentleman a interesting development I'm officially eleven being stalked by the scariest kid you've ever meet, I've made up friends for my mother's sake, Mom and Sir our officially disgusting, and your permanently stuck in the coldest hell location on earth. Yep, that about sums it up.'
I was up almost the entire night debating how horrible my life had now become.
"Les if you don't get down here right now your going to be late," I trudged down the stairs. There are tons in this house, one more for the negative.
"Bye," I called half-heartedly after taking some breakfast and grabbing my coat.
"He'll warm up to the idea, he didn't like you at first either," Mom said over to Sir, oh yeah I'm warming up to the idea and man it's just boiling here in Minnesota, yep a beautiful 110, right.
My gloom was amplified when I spotted Dark Man. Somewhere in my misery I'd completely forgotten about the boy who's going to kill. Today just keeps getting better and better huh?
"David, you might want this," Sir jogged up behind me holding my backpack. "Hi," He nodded to Dark Man.
"Hi," Dark man spoke back. He doesn't sound that intimidating.
I took my backpack, "Thanks Sir," I said not making eye contact before trudging away.
"Sir?" He asked questioning.
"You got a problem," I fired back. He held his hands up showing he meant no harm. "It's, he's not really my Dad or anything, Sir was just easier." I explained. He nodded like he completely understood. Oh, no I've fallen for it. He's lulling me into a false sense of security; buddy-ing up to me only then will he strike. Clever, I will give him that.
"Bye," he said over his shoulder once we reached the torture chamber, I mean school. I snorted he thinks he's so smart, I'll show him. I know what he's planning, or I'm not David Lester Averman. I shook my head; I've got bigger things to worry about than the boy who's attempting to plan a mass murder. Like he could spell murder. Anyway, like the whole my Mom's having a baby thing, much bigger.
"How could this happen?" I muttered under my breath.
"What?" Some one asked horning in on my freak out time.
"My Mom's pregnant," I said still in disbelieve.
"We've got bigger problems than excepted if you don't know that." The youth said chuckling. I glared at him.
"Okay, Okay. Look I just wanted to say sorry about the whole pudding fiasco," A ha, it is my attacker Pudding Man. "Greg Goldberg by the way, your new here right."
"Yep," I said simply.
"Well look man, I'll make it up to you, you can eat lunch with us."
"No flying dairy products, are we moving on to toss salad or what?" I asked. He started at me for a moment. He was debating how to react. He laughed finally.
"Your funny, I think this is the begging of a beautiful friendship." With the bell rang, he waved as he walked off.
Could this day get any weirder? Not to mention the fact that I can't be all anti-social, I'm actually stuck here. Thanks a lot mom, I owe ya. 'All right Ladies and gentleman settle in for an segment of the best show on this channel, Your eleven a loser and completely stuck here The David Lester Averman Show! Okay today we've had the joy of being stalked, and chatting with Pudding man himself Greg Goldburg.'
"Children settle." Don't you hate that, when your sitting there minding your own business carrying out a perfectly good show when someone interrupts bring you back to real life? I do, "Alright lets take out our reading books and do some silent reading," Mr. Fillmore said in his annoying nasal way of talking. I'm stuck with this freak for an entire year, great.
I pulled out my notebook and made yet another mark in the con column thirteen to zip. Yep it's official I'm doomed.