Extrasupraagaromenorrheaosis

Disclaimer:

I don't own Yummy Yuki Kun or any other Fruits Basket character.

Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki

There are many medical terminologies to explain disorders of the female menstrual cycle:

Dysmennorrhea: Painful menstruation.

Amennorrhea: Absence of menstruation.

Menorrhagia: Excessive blood loss during menses.

Today, there was a new and comprehensive addition to the above list;

Extrasupraagaromenorrheaosis: When the outcome of a female's menses is mass humiliation, damage to private property and outbreaks of violence leading to a criminal record and no longer being instituted as a productive member of society.

It was compounded by Dr. Hatori Sohma, and has earned him mass recognition as a true champion of women. As one who understands the true horrors surrounding the menstrual cycle.

How did he come up with such an all-embracing term you ask? Well, here is the story:

It was a day like any other day. Tohru Honda, Yuki Sohma and Kyo Sohma were out grocery shopping. Actually, Tohru was out shopping. Yuki, being the unparalleled and gorgeous gentleman that he is, offered to accompany her so he could carry the groceries for her on the way back, while Kyo simply didn't want to be left behind.

Tohru smiled brilliantly at her two companions. Okasaan, she thought, it's such a beautiful day! And Yuki Kun and Kyo Kun are here to share it with me! I'm so happy!

She skipped a bit, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! Happy happy joy joy...

Then froze.

Uh oh! Okasaan! I think I need new supplies!

Skipping wasn't a good idea when she had her monthly visitor.

It was a good thing that they were going to the Supermarket, since she could buy some supplies there. It was hard, trying to hide such things from the wonderful Sohmas. Things like her feminine supplies, underwear, Happy pills...she always had to be discreet and hide them.

But that was ok, because she got to live with the Beautiful and kind Sohmas in exchange! Ok well, Yuki was beautiful, Shigure kind and Kyo was a...a Sohma!

The boys caught up to her and asked her if anything was the matter, since her gait now was very different from before. Tohru was shuffling along slowly, her legs together as to minimize any and all muscle movement.

"Honda San, is anything wrong?" Yuki asked, concerned for her well being.

"Oh no! NO! Yuki Kun, I'm just-just...exercising! Yes, exercising! I heard that this was really good exercise! Why don't we all do it together?"

"You mean walk like you're walking? Do you realize how stupid you...OUCH! What did you do that for, Kuso Nezumi?!"

"Never mind him Honda San, we'll gladly...um..exercise with you." Yuki smiled at her, then turned to give Kyo a look that promised death.

And so all 3 shuffled together to the store. It was surely a sight, but then, Yuki is a sight even if tarred and feathered. sigh

When they finally reached the store, Tohru suddenly abandoned her wacky shuffle, told the boys she'll meet them in the dairy aisle in 10 minutes, and rushed off to get what she needed.

"What the heck's wrong with her?" Kyo muttered. "She's acting weirder than usual."

"I don't know, but we have the shopping list. So, let's get started." Yuki picked up a shopping basket.

"Aha! You wuss!" Kyo laughed as he stood behind a shopping cart, trying to intimidate the other. "Nice purse! You're going to run around like little red riding hood and...YE-OUCH!"

Kyo Sohma became the very first recorded victim of a shopping cart hit and run.

Over at the feminine supplies aisle, Tohru found what she was looking for. "Forever n' Ever Ultra thins," she read. "The very best in feminine protection. Guaranteed to allow you to wear your indecently short high school uniform skirt and skip around like a hyperactive fan girl without a worry in the world!"

Tohru smiled widely. She looked over at the type her mother

liked to buy: "Katastrophex for the rebel woman. Long, straight and slim like the baseball bat you use to smash store windows."

Okasaan! Tohru wiped away a tear at remembering her

mother and ran off to make her purchase.

Meanwhile, Yuki and Kyo were at the veggie section, trying to pick out good tomatoes.

"I don't know how you buy these," Yuki mumbled, embarrassed.

"You're such a spoiled brat!" Kyo said arrogantly. "Everyone knows that you have to pick the hard ones! Like this!" With that, Kyo enthusiastically grabbed a tomato and made tomato juice.

"Really? So I'm supposed to squeeze it until it bursts?" Yuki asked sarcastically. "Impressive!"

"Shut up! It was already soft!" Kyo snapped, reached for another one and made more juice.

Yuki simply went on to get apples.

A few minutes later, Tohru had changed and met the Sohma boys at the designated meeting place.

"Oh! Thank you so much!" She squealed with delight on seeing the items in the shopping cart Kyo pushed. Okaasan! Yuki Kun and Kyo Kun are so helpful! I'm so lucky!

"It's not a problem, Honda San." Yuki smiled warmly, hoping that the 3 apples he picked were to her liking. After all, he could only find 3 out of the entire pile that were completely red without a single speck of yellow or brown. That was how you picked them, right? Either way, it was better than Kyo's bag of tomato juice.

Tohru put her bag down in the cart. "Ok! Lets get the rest, then!"

Kyo looked down at the bag she dropped in the cart, curious to know what Tohru had bought.

What Kyo didn't know is that curiosity killed the cat, or in other events, made a little stupid monkey famous.

Though he didn't want to die nor be famous. He just wanted to know what Tohru had bought. So he reached down to see what it was when Yuki's hand came down on his, fast and hard.

"I should expect something like that from you, you uncivilized idiot."

"Shut up! You stuck up asshole!"

"A-ano."

"Lets go, Honda San." Yuki shoved Kyo away from the cart and pushed it in his place.

Kyo wanted to rip Yuki to pieces, he wanted to break his nose, he wanted to give him an ambush make over...

But first, he would find out what Tohru had bought. Because what Yuki didn't know is that Kyo had got a good look at what was in the bag; a white package with a 'balloons, hearts and hyperactive high school girls' pattern.

It wouldn't be hard to find.

Kyo smiled widely.

Tohru giggled as she put a carton of milk in the cart. The milk reminded her of Yuki. After all, they were both white, except that Yuki was a little more rosy. Tohru had had rosy colored milk before, strawberry milk. It was pure and yummy, just like Yuki, who also liked strawberries! Oh no!! She had compared Yuki to

2 milk! She was so horrible! If she had to make an analogy, Yuki certainly deserved full cream!

Kyo wandered the aisles of the supermarket, his keen eyes scanning the shelves for that package. He would find it.

Tohru skipped down the condiment aisle, happy that she was now protected and in the presence of the milky Yuki. They only needed to get eggs.

Yuki, who had been feeling useless all day, decided to help. So, if the firmest tomatoes are the best, then I guess that goes for eggs too?

Yuki made scrambled eggs.

Kyo was getting frustrated. He couldn't find that package. He was getting annoyed, and when he was annoyed he started to fume, and when he started to fume, he grew cat ears out of his head, which was strange because he always kept his human ears when he

grew cat ears...

Done with their shopping, but with no sign of Kyo, Yuki volunteered to go look for his cousin. He didn't really want to find Kyo. He didn't want him to see the plastic bag filled with eggs sitting side by side with the bag of tomato juice, but Honda San looked so worried and he didn't want to be anymore of an

inconvenience or an embarrassment.

By now, Kyo had reached the back of the store; the dark, unvisited by men corner that was flooded with women. Except Kyo noticed that he was the sole male in that section only when it was too late, when he found himself facing the entire "Forever n' Ever" line of products. All with same, 'happy go lucky but be dry' motif.

He reached for one of the smaller packages and read, "Forever n' Ever Ultra Tampons. The very best in feminine protection. Guaranteed to allow you to wear your indecent gravity defying anime bikinis, get wet and strike lewd poses without a worry in the world!"

"Tampon? What's that?" Kyo wondered. "Why would Tohru want to make Lewd poses? What's lewd?"

Kyo's eyes scanned the instructions for use, he then dropped the packet as if burned.

"She..she she...in ..up .inside..she...she...sh-she?!" Stupefied and horrified beyond professional help, Kyo stumbled back and hit the

shelf behind him only to be showered with what Happossai would consider blissful rain; a multitude of colorful panty packages.

"WAH! Get off me!" Kyo screamed, getting a bigger eyeful than he intended and ran off, straight into the Condom rack.

"What's this? Ribbed rubber? How would that erase anything?"

And that was where Yuki found him.

"You're such an idiot!" Yuki lambasted. "I had no idea how much of an embarrassment you could be!"

"Shut up!"

"Hey there, gorgeous." A large muscled man, apparently lost in no-man's aisle, walked up to Yuki. "Is this retard bothering ya? I don't know what kinda freak would be sittin' in a pile of condoms, but ya can do betta than him. Infact, why dontcha?" With that, the man grinned in a very scary and leery way, then reached down and gave Yuki's rear a light squeeze.

All hell broke loose.

Tohru realized that something was wrong when she heard the explosion. "Oh no! I have to get Yuki Kun and Kyo Kun! Mount Fuji has erupted!"

Then, she remembered what her mother had said. "Tohru honey, there are no volcanoes inside grocery stores, houses or in the toilet."

"So that must mean..."

Tohru grabbed her bag just incase and hurried over to where the commotion was. She found Yuki surrounded by a large, purple aura. It was so deep and true that had the Artist formerly known as Prince been around, he would've wanted to douse himself in it. Another attempt at trying to hide the fact that he was just a

short, strange little man.

A laughing Kyo was holding Yuki back as the fairer Sohma attempted to get back to strangling the man who had violated his sacred behind.

"Ano, Yuki Kun! Kyo Kun! What happened?" Tohru walked

up to the two.

"He.." Kyo snickered, trying to explain, "He...Hehehehehehe!"

He then realized that he was still holding the little box of 'rubbers' he had picked up earlier quite tightly, and the little round plastic packages it contained began falling out.

Explaining anything to the police was a lost cause, once Yuki stopped screaming, that is.

Finally, when Tohru's embarrassment reached its zenith, the bag she was clutching tore in her hands and its contents were displayed for all to see.

Kyo's screams joined Yuki's.

As for Hatori, for as soon as he heard about the events that lead up to the Sohma house being charged for the damages to the store, Yuki and Kyo's arrest and the threat of a juvenile criminal record for the two...

He acted.

And so, here he was, hailed as a hero. Accepting his Nobel prize for medicine.

His acceptance speech was a short one, he being a man of few words. He only said, "I certainly hope that everyone learned their lesson. There are some things you just don't squeeze."

Well said, Hatori.

May we all learn from that and carry it on to our next lives, or at least into the next 10 minutes.

The End.

Thanks to Lys for the great challenge, to Ina for her indirect inspiration, to Furubamad for proofreading and to Vidanue and Fofo for their endless praise.

Apologies to fans of Curious George and Prince.

RJunkie smiles widely cause she can't think of anything interesting to say…then turns to give her captive Yuki a squeeze