So did everyone like chapter 1 which was really just like an opening but
whatever? So yes, this is a parody of the Sorcerer's Stone, but I don't
really remember a lot of details at ALL so it's just like the main ideas
and stuff. Well I hope ya'll like it so far, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! PLEASE!
*beg* *grovel* *kisses feet*..yea..so.....REVIEW!
"I didn't do it Dudley!" Innocent, innocent, misunderstood, pathetic, tortured, trapped Harry said to fat, fat Dudley. "Why would I set a chimpanzee on you?" At the zoo Harry had accidentally set a chimpanzee on Dudley by merely commenting to it that Dudley was very fat. But with American eating habits these days, who could tell a wild animal's reaction to obesity? It all confused him very much.
"I don't KNOW your TWISTED ways!!!" Fat, fat Dudley spat at Harry.
Innocent, misunderstood, pathetic, tortured, trapped Harry just sighed his tortured-soul sigh.
"Oh, come cupcake, let's get you upstairs." Frail Aunt Petunia cooed at fat Dudley. She and her fat, fat husband had magically returned from the dead, because otherwise Harry could be innocent, misunderstood, and pathetic, but would have no reason to be tortured and/or trapped. Plus it would erase a big plot point in book five. At the mention of the word cupcake, fat Dudley, who was also a little pissed at not having any other adjectives in front of his name, oblidged.
Harry signed again, a little louder this time at not being acknowledged, and plopped down at the kitchen table. He poured himself a cup o' joe and took a long sip. Then he choked it back up, spit it all over the kitchen floor, and walked out of the room, muttering about burning his tongue. Readers everywhere said "Awww" at the pure innocence of this tortured boy. Just as he was leaving, an owl flew in and dropped a letter in his coffee. It boiled and simmered in the hot coffee. DA DA DA.
10 MINUTES LATER.....
Innocent, innocent, poor, tortured Harry walked back into the kitchen, mildly commenting on the sheer irony of the only two letters ever brought in by owls having been both dropped in steaming beverages.
10 MINUTES LATER..........
Harry suddenly remembered why he had gone into the kitchen in the first place and poured himself a glass of orange juice. Just as fat, fat, Uncle Vernon was coming in to teach innocent, innocent Harry a lesson about setting chimpanzees on fat cousins, he slipped on the coffee Harry had spit out 20 minutes earlier and keeled off from yet another head injury.
Harry, watching this all with a slightly amused (yet innocent) look on his face, let his thought wander elsewhere.
How strange. Don't letters usually arrive through that little hole in the door? I don't remember anything about an owl. Maybe another one will come so I can see what the letter is about.
But alas, icy*splash (who's penname will soon be changed to Chica890), could not randomly fit anymore steaming beverages into the story, and therefore Harry had to wait til chapter 3.
A/N: I was actually just about to end the chapter here, but I just realized how short it was. I have a problem with chapter lengths. So never fear, good readers! I will write more. Don't forget to REVIEW AT THE END!!!!!!!!! Please???
That night innocent, innocent Harry had a dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a dark and stormy night (thunder claps). Harry stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. He was such a trapped child that he didn't realize fresh air usually didn't involve thunder and spooky fog. But that wasn't important. Suddenly he heard a beautiful female voice from just beyond his sight range.
"HAAARRRRRRYYYY!!!"
"Mum?"
"HAAARRRRRYYYY!!!!"
"Mum?"
"HAAARRRRRRYYY!!!"
"Ok, that's enough now. Who's there?"
"It is I!"
"It-is-I who?" Harry giggled, merrily playing along.
"IT IS I!!! THE ONE WHO WILL BE YOUR DEATH!" Suddenly a bolt of lightning came toward him, striking him on the forehead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry awoke with a jolt. He rushed to a dusty corner and whipped out a mirror. He let out a blood-curdling scream. Frail Aunt Petunia, fat fat Uncle Vernon, and fat fat Dudley came running, their faces full of worry. Suddenly remembering there supposed hatred for their own flesh-and-blood, they hung their heads, ashamed, and went back to bed. Harry just stared. There was a lightning-blot shaped scar on his forehead, right where the lightning bolt had hit him in the dream. In fact it had been there his whole life, he had just never seen it because he had never gotten a haircut. If he was well-groomed he might not have been able to be innerly tortured, trapped, and pathetic. He got a scissor and roughly chopped off chunks of his long, tortured, trapped, innocent, innocent, hair. Now everyone could see his scar and he could convince them he was lightning- man! 'BWA HA HA!!!!' he thought, then suddenly stopped, regaining his innocence.
A/N: TA DA! I'm actually proud of it, it's turning out better than Peter Pot already, which needs some major improving (I'm not giving up on it yet though! THERE IS STILL HOPE!). So PLEASE review and tell me if you liked it so far!!!!! THANKS! Now, for the ever-famous...*REVIEW SONG*!
I had the idea to do Respect for the tune, then wrote it, then realized that Silver Phoenix25, who I LUV, also did 1 to that tune. So silver phoenix25, if you're out there, just tell me if you mind and it will go bye- bye! THNX ALL! REVIEW!!!!
REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
I WILL LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY!
REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
REVIEW MY PARODY!
please-review-it-you-can-do-it-please-review-it-you-can-do-it
OH BABY!
JUST A LITTLE BIT!
JUST ONE!
UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER!
IS DONE!
YEA! REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
IT WILL MEAN A LOT TO ME!
REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
SOMETHING THAT RYMES WITH E!!!!
Thank you, thank you! I believe I just won prize for SUCKIEST REVIEW SONG IN THE HISTORY OF FANFICTION! Well at least it will stand out. But A FOR EFFORT! So PLEASE review! PLEASE! Or I might have to write ANOTHER ONE!!!! MUA HA HA..Ha..ha..ha..*ahem* REVIEW!
"I didn't do it Dudley!" Innocent, innocent, misunderstood, pathetic, tortured, trapped Harry said to fat, fat Dudley. "Why would I set a chimpanzee on you?" At the zoo Harry had accidentally set a chimpanzee on Dudley by merely commenting to it that Dudley was very fat. But with American eating habits these days, who could tell a wild animal's reaction to obesity? It all confused him very much.
"I don't KNOW your TWISTED ways!!!" Fat, fat Dudley spat at Harry.
Innocent, misunderstood, pathetic, tortured, trapped Harry just sighed his tortured-soul sigh.
"Oh, come cupcake, let's get you upstairs." Frail Aunt Petunia cooed at fat Dudley. She and her fat, fat husband had magically returned from the dead, because otherwise Harry could be innocent, misunderstood, and pathetic, but would have no reason to be tortured and/or trapped. Plus it would erase a big plot point in book five. At the mention of the word cupcake, fat Dudley, who was also a little pissed at not having any other adjectives in front of his name, oblidged.
Harry signed again, a little louder this time at not being acknowledged, and plopped down at the kitchen table. He poured himself a cup o' joe and took a long sip. Then he choked it back up, spit it all over the kitchen floor, and walked out of the room, muttering about burning his tongue. Readers everywhere said "Awww" at the pure innocence of this tortured boy. Just as he was leaving, an owl flew in and dropped a letter in his coffee. It boiled and simmered in the hot coffee. DA DA DA.
10 MINUTES LATER.....
Innocent, innocent, poor, tortured Harry walked back into the kitchen, mildly commenting on the sheer irony of the only two letters ever brought in by owls having been both dropped in steaming beverages.
10 MINUTES LATER..........
Harry suddenly remembered why he had gone into the kitchen in the first place and poured himself a glass of orange juice. Just as fat, fat, Uncle Vernon was coming in to teach innocent, innocent Harry a lesson about setting chimpanzees on fat cousins, he slipped on the coffee Harry had spit out 20 minutes earlier and keeled off from yet another head injury.
Harry, watching this all with a slightly amused (yet innocent) look on his face, let his thought wander elsewhere.
How strange. Don't letters usually arrive through that little hole in the door? I don't remember anything about an owl. Maybe another one will come so I can see what the letter is about.
But alas, icy*splash (who's penname will soon be changed to Chica890), could not randomly fit anymore steaming beverages into the story, and therefore Harry had to wait til chapter 3.
A/N: I was actually just about to end the chapter here, but I just realized how short it was. I have a problem with chapter lengths. So never fear, good readers! I will write more. Don't forget to REVIEW AT THE END!!!!!!!!! Please???
That night innocent, innocent Harry had a dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a dark and stormy night (thunder claps). Harry stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. He was such a trapped child that he didn't realize fresh air usually didn't involve thunder and spooky fog. But that wasn't important. Suddenly he heard a beautiful female voice from just beyond his sight range.
"HAAARRRRRRYYYY!!!"
"Mum?"
"HAAARRRRRYYYY!!!!"
"Mum?"
"HAAARRRRRRYYY!!!"
"Ok, that's enough now. Who's there?"
"It is I!"
"It-is-I who?" Harry giggled, merrily playing along.
"IT IS I!!! THE ONE WHO WILL BE YOUR DEATH!" Suddenly a bolt of lightning came toward him, striking him on the forehead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry awoke with a jolt. He rushed to a dusty corner and whipped out a mirror. He let out a blood-curdling scream. Frail Aunt Petunia, fat fat Uncle Vernon, and fat fat Dudley came running, their faces full of worry. Suddenly remembering there supposed hatred for their own flesh-and-blood, they hung their heads, ashamed, and went back to bed. Harry just stared. There was a lightning-blot shaped scar on his forehead, right where the lightning bolt had hit him in the dream. In fact it had been there his whole life, he had just never seen it because he had never gotten a haircut. If he was well-groomed he might not have been able to be innerly tortured, trapped, and pathetic. He got a scissor and roughly chopped off chunks of his long, tortured, trapped, innocent, innocent, hair. Now everyone could see his scar and he could convince them he was lightning- man! 'BWA HA HA!!!!' he thought, then suddenly stopped, regaining his innocence.
A/N: TA DA! I'm actually proud of it, it's turning out better than Peter Pot already, which needs some major improving (I'm not giving up on it yet though! THERE IS STILL HOPE!). So PLEASE review and tell me if you liked it so far!!!!! THANKS! Now, for the ever-famous...*REVIEW SONG*!
I had the idea to do Respect for the tune, then wrote it, then realized that Silver Phoenix25, who I LUV, also did 1 to that tune. So silver phoenix25, if you're out there, just tell me if you mind and it will go bye- bye! THNX ALL! REVIEW!!!!
REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
I WILL LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY!
REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
REVIEW MY PARODY!
please-review-it-you-can-do-it-please-review-it-you-can-do-it
OH BABY!
JUST A LITTLE BIT!
JUST ONE!
UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER!
IS DONE!
YEA! REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
IT WILL MEAN A LOT TO ME!
REVIEW REVIEW MY STORY!
SOMETHING THAT RYMES WITH E!!!!
Thank you, thank you! I believe I just won prize for SUCKIEST REVIEW SONG IN THE HISTORY OF FANFICTION! Well at least it will stand out. But A FOR EFFORT! So PLEASE review! PLEASE! Or I might have to write ANOTHER ONE!!!! MUA HA HA..Ha..ha..ha..*ahem* REVIEW!