Note: My italics and bold may or may not be working.
Other Note: for some reason this is showng up with huge spaces in between paragraphs and quotes and stuff, I have no idea why.
Ok, let me start off by thanking my wonderful, wonderful reviewers. I love you all. Feel the love, man. Peace out.
***
Harry looked around the huge marble building. The curved ceiling, the long row of counters with goblins standing behind them. Harry snorted. Goblins. Hah.
"Vault number..." Hargid said in a hushed voice to one of the Goblin's standing behind a counter. Harry couldn't quite make out what number Hagrid said. This was partly due to the fact that, little did Harry know, he had an unreasonably huge amount of money stored in that particular vault and Hagrid didn't want anyone overhearing, and also partly because Chica890 STILL could not locate her book. Point and laugh.
"Right this way, yes, yes," The goblin said in an unexpectedly high-pitched and squeaky voice. "Follow me!" he squealed and he took the key from Hagrid. All three got into a little car. The goblin took a huge breath and recited his perfectly practiced speech.
"No food or beverages inside the car. Please keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Women who are pregnant, nursing, or anyone with history of heart problems are strongly cautioned not to ride." he droned.
"Oh," he added suddenly, "And all the kiddies must be as tall as Daisy's bowtie or ride with a parent!" he said, pointing towards a large cardboard clown with a huge smile holding a measuring stick next to her. "Enjoy the ride, come again soon." The squeaky goblin said boredly and pulled back a big lever as they started to move.
They zoomed through tunnel after tunnel, Harry eyeing a large bag labeled BARF BAG suspiciously, when suddenly they screeched to a halt. The goblin, who had forgotten to mention the seatbelt rule despite his unyielding practicing of his speech, was suddenly catapulted out of the car and far, far away, to a land where cotton candy floats in the sky- ahem...and never to be seen again.
Harry and Hagrid looked at each other, shrugged, and got out of the car.
"Well, that was unfortunate" Harry said casually,
"Yes, yes it was. Poor lit'l fellow." Hagrid also said leisurely.
"But then again, if that goblin had stayed in the car, he would have had to say "Vault Number So and So" Harry explained, "And since poor unfortunate Chica890 still cannot find her book and therefore remember what vault number I have, that would have been somewhat difficult."
Hagrid blinked. "Summat" he replied, and Harry nodded.
As they approached the big iron door, Hagrid whipped out a spare key and put it into the tiny keyhole. Suddenly he was distracted by a miniscule cake that miraculously fell onto his giant head. Ignoring the sheer irony that he could feel a little piece of dough with all his hair, he read the little tag attached to it.
"EAT ME"
"Hmm..." Hagrid said suspiciously, but then stuffed it into his mouth, not able to resist the urge. After falling down a rabbit hole and drinking a little bottle that said "DRINK ME" he was suddenly not only very confused, but huge. So huge, in fact, that he could have passed for half-giant.
DA DA DA.
Harry watched all this with a mildly interested expression of his young scarred (not scared, that always confuses me) face, but after 10 or so minutes he pulled out a copy of American Girl and began the read the "Help" section fascinatedly, before realizing that fascinatedly wasn't a word and then switching over to reading it intensely instead.
Hagrid finally unlocked the vault. He opened the huge iron door and walked into a huge room. Hugely. Harry gasped as he looked around in awe.
There was money everywhere, gold and silver pieces of different sizes. A single beam of light shone down and the hallelujah choir sang. It was quite a moment.
Harry walked around and around the room, tripping every now and then on loose coins. Just then Hagrid pulled out a large velvet bag and they began shoving coins in. Meanwhile, Hagrid explained about Sickles and Knuts and Galleons. This was all new to Harry, so he just smiled and nodded, words of advice from fat fat Uncle Vernon on what to do if you didn't understand something.
"Hagrid, what will we buy with all this money?" sweet Harry asked ever-so-innocently.
"Well..." Hagrid started, hintingly eyeing his worn shoes.
"Oh, what nice shoes." Harry commented mildly, then continued to stare around at the money. "It reminds me, I could use some new shoes. I had to use all Dudley's fat, fat hand-me-downs."
Hagrid just sighed.
***
Harry's eyes widened as he looked down the street. There were fools in long bathrobes as far as the eye could see. Ah, he knew all along the night-night-land existed. Yet no one believed him. No one. They said he was hopeless. They said he was stupid. But he would prove them wrong. Wrong.
"WRONG!!!" he suddenly shouted triumphantly. He received questioning stares from the many bathrobed people.
Ah, but it is you who walks about in sleepwear,
Harry thought bitterly. Suddenly a boy with flaming red hair came walking towards him.
"Hello!" the boy said good-naturedly. "You're one of us now, Harry! On of us...one of us... on of us..." his voice echoed as Harry's head started to spin. He suddenly snapped back to reality.
"WHAT? One of you? You mean I'm here abducted by this giant man who's actually known me since a baby because I'm actually a wizard who's parents were killed by the Darkest most Evil wizard of all time but under their protection he could not harm me, although he tried and left me with this scar on my forehead?" Harry shrieked. "Do you know what this means???"
"Umm..." the red-headed boy stared at him.
"IT MEANS I'M NOT ACTUALLY LIGHTNING MAN!" Harry suddenly fell to the ground sobbing.
"And you mean I'm one of you because I'm a wizard and I haven't known about it all my life because I was dropped at the Dursley's doorstep when I was just a tiny tot by the greatest wizard of all time, Albus Dumbledore, who only wanted the best for me and the Dursley's were my closest relatives and they were related to my mother so her blood was there and that meant that You-Know-Who couldn't harm me as long as I could call Privet Drive home??" he continued to sob heavily, pounding the ground with his fist.
"Actually..." the redhead replied, "I only meant that you were one of us in the sense that you shout out random phrases too. Just before I heard you shout 'WRONG!'and I thought maybe you'd want to join RPSA." he finished with a dashing smile.
"R...RPSA?" Harry said through his tears.
"Random Phrase Shouters Anonymous!" The boy said as if it were common knowledge.
During all this Hagrid had been in and out of shops buying school supplies, as well as a broomstick and a snowy white owl named Hedwig. He presented it to Harry with a satisfied look.
"Thank you, kind stranger." Harry said dramatically. Given that he knew who Hagrid was, this was completely stupid and made no sense whatsoever. But it sounded so cool.
"Erm...yer welcome. Well we should be goin'. Say goodbye to your lit'l friend there."
"Thanks!" Harry called as he was dragged away, proudly sporting a large R.P.S.A. button on his T-shirt, and the kind red-head waved back.
As Harry and Hagrid walked into the sunset, he smiled upon himself.
I knew nighty-night-land was real all along.
A/N: TA DA! Wow I dunno if that chapter was long or not but it seemed like it, probably because I wrote it over the course of 5 or so days. I've been a very busy person. Well anyway, I won't pain you all with yet another review song, so please REVIEW! Thanks.
~**HONORABLE MENTIONS**~ (a.k.a replies to almost everyone who reviews!)
Padfoot-Dreamer: Thank you thank you THANK YOU for that incredibly long review! And the never-ceasing reviews! AND for teaching me the way to fix italics and boldness and stuff!
FunkyPinkFlamingo: Thanx 4 the constant reviewing! It's reviewers like you that make parodies like this possible...
Sarah Findley: Ah, yes, that bubble can be quite the persuasive one...
Laura: THANK YOU! Ah, such wonderful praise warms the heart, it really does.
Foureyedsnail: Chica, you have one awesome penname. Yes, that book would come in handy right about now...
Traveling Pants: Is your penname named after the book? Cuz that is a good book. Thanks for reviewing! You make my day sunny... *bursts into song and frolickes away*
AND THAT'S ALL, FOLKS! Put a smile on someone's face, review!