DISCLAIMER: Firefly belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy ….I own zip….

NOTES: Ok. I wrote this kind of on a hunch …it just poured out and I usually don´t write R . It´s pretty much River´s POV mostly and kind of stream of consciousness even though I realize that it´s not ……

I just needed to write something other than my thesis last night so ….hope you like.

Abandon

This is Life.

River knows this without having any other knowledge.

This is life …this is real and true.

Every breath, every mumbled word, every gesture ……everything runs deep ….everything is good and true. This is what being alive is all about.

Even though it is not real…

They´re not really there.

Her breath grows ragged as she throws back her head.... the feeling makes her melt from the inside …makes her glow and spark.

She got caught up in this somehow, just by sleeping …by probing his mind, sorting through his thoughts while he is asleep.

All she needed to know, all she wanted was to be sure…to know there is no more threat to be eliminated. Somehow she got tangled up in this feverish swirl of a dream.

Now all she knows, all she needs to know is this …

It wasn´t about her but it is now. She got sucked in …

Now all she knows is that this of all things makes her body hum, makes her flow and ebb like the sea…like a current going through her …makes her feel alive and real…

Rough fingers skimming over her skin, touching, feeling …making her pant…

Coaxing her to arch into this warmth, this energy …him.

It isn´t real but it is true and she can feel it.

He mumbles words against her skin that she cannot understand, but for once his voice is not harsh …it´s raw and painfully hoars. His fingers paint signs and symbols on her body that she cannot even decipher. His hands demanding but knowing, claiming …she was not supposed to be her. It was never meant to be her…but River doesn´t care.

Thought has left, the noise, the confusion …nothing matters. All is silent now, except for the whispering, the hushed tones. She swallows his moans just like he drinks the sighs from her lips and suddenly it´s hard to breathe. Her hands meander over strong arms, splaying out over muscles playing under skin…there are signs on him she can´t read either …memories, scars ….

River stares at him, straight into those stormy eyes as the heat swallows her whole, enveloping her mind and body. And he sees her, she knows …this moment he sees. Holding, covering, big, strong hands cupping her hips and he sees just her.

Time stops. For one blissful, silent, perfect moment everything freezes...and he smiles: feral but his eyes are kind.

River can taste it on the back of her tongue…Abandon.

This is life…this is alive…

The coals are still glowing inside her chests, but the fire has stopped raging. She can find herself again, disentangle herself from this place…his mind.

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In her bed River rolls over onto her side, taking a shuddering breath as she opens her eyes.

She lifts her hand to her mouth, tracing one finger over her lips in wonderment….as though she can still feel ….plundering, teasing, tasting.

No deceit, no anger, no fear….just life, heat and her body singing.

Passion ….

It was truth….it was honest.

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His eyes snap open in alarm as he bolts upright out of his bed. His breathing is ragged, blood pounding in his ears. He shakes his head violently.

It makes him almost sick to his stomach.

Can´t be ….Can´t be! It was a dream…just a dream. None the less the memory lingers all too vividly. He splashes cold water into his face.

He can still feel her under his fingertips; smell her warm skin …..

Water still dripping from his face Jayne looks up to see his reflection staring back at him from the mirror above the sink. His eyes are wide and he is still breathing heavily.

Just a dream …..

Glimpses flash in front of his inner eye, skin as pale as apple- blossoms, paler than moonlight….. lips as soft as flower petals ….

He puts one hand against the wall, leaning onto it as he moves one hand over his eyes.

" Dear god …."