OMG ok so I was at school yesterday and we were on laptops because the computer lab was taken and I was doing this project thing with my friend Allison (none other than the infamous Padfoot-Dreamer, by the way) when I decided to go on fanfiction. Mainly because Allison said "go on fanfiction" (she wanted me to see a story she was reading). So I checked for reviews and I found that I had FIVE NEW ONES! And that's not a lot but considering the chapter had been up for less than a 24 hours I thought it was pretty cool. Ok, so that BETTER not be all I get for the chapter. Five measly reviews?! Come on, people! Honorable mentions will go out to those blessed four who reviewed (I know I got five, one reviewed twice! Go (insert cool name here)!!!). No, I'm serious, (insert cool name here) was the name she (or he) reviewed under. Go check if ya want. I think it's AWESOME! Just like REVIEWING!
So I'm considering writing another review song, but I'll get to that later. I know I haven't updated Peter Pot in awhile but I've been absorbed in Sixteen and now I was suddenly inspired to write something funny, not serious.
Because I'm in a funny mood.
Eh, get on with the chapter!
[again with the screwed up spaces...ok lack of spaces...sorry bout that...DAMN YOU FANFICTION! NO! NO! I didn't mean it! I love you! Almost more than reviews! ...almost. O.o]
The next day was a lovely one, birds chirped in the trees, squirrels chattered in the fields, and air pollution poured from the roofs of nearby buildings.
Curse this modernization! What right does mankind have to invade everything? They're not much smarter than dolphins anyway! And I don't see DOLPHINS destroying the ozone...
cough back to the story...
Harry hesitantly opened his eyes as light streamed in through his open window.
Why the hell is my window open?! Voldemort could've climbed right through and murdered me in the night!
Harry bolted upright, once again smacking his head on the low-hanging lamp above his bed. He was making good progress on his project to create another scar on his head, therefore doubling his fame! MUA HA HA!
"Harry...are you okay...Haaarrrryy? Harry...it's me...Harry..." a gentle female voice came drifting towards him as the room spun.
"M-Mum? Is that you?"
"No, you idiot, it's me, Hermione!"
"ARGGH!!! Stay back! I'm in my pajamas, for the love of Draco-I mean Pete! Stay back!" Harry ducked under his quilt, mentally patting himself on the back on thinking so quickly in the face of cooties.
"Yea, ok...anyway, you're late for the weekly meeting of the R.P.S.A."
"Oh, come on, that is so old. Really, if Chica890 tried to pull that it would be like kicking a dead dog. I love that phrase. Anyway, the R.P.S.A. humor is fried, kind of like your hair. I mean what happened there?"
Hermione suddenly burst into tears.
"Oh, it was terrible, Harry, terrible!" she cried, flinging her arms around his neck. "I bought the hair straightener in America, but the voltage count is different in London, and...OH! It was terrible! It got all sizzly and smelly!" she sobbed heavily. "Actually, it's my earliest memory as a child. My hair's been like this ever since." she added thoughtfully.
And the Granger bushy hair mystery is solved.
Just then, in a flash of Common Sense (damn it!), Chica890 realized that Harry had not yet met Hermione, only at the R.P.S.A. meeting had he seen her, but had never spoken to her before.
Hermione promptly materialized away into space.
"Rise an' shine, there, 'Arry! Up yer go, now. Come on!" Hagrid loomed in the doorway of Harry's temporary little room. Harry groaned and looked at the space Hermione had been a second ago, a bit confused, but dismissed it as his silly little mind playing tricks on him again.
This happened often. Only a few days ago, for instance, Harry had seen a large black dog bounding up to him with a neon green poster board taped to his back, reading,
"HARRY! IT'S ME, SIRIUS BLACK, YOUR FATHER'S BEST FRIEND OF WHOM ALSO HAPPENS TO BE YOUR GODFATHER BUT IS CURRENTLY ON THE RUN FROM HUNDREDS OF DEMENTORS TRYING TO PUNISH ME FOR A CRIME I DIDN'T COMMIT! DON'T PICK UP ANY SUSPICIOUS LOOKING RATS!"
But Harry was a bit slow on the uptake, and he hadn't even read the third book yet (although he was halfway through Chamber of Secrets and was enjoying it immensely. That main character sounded like one hot cookie!). So he had also dismissed this as a figment of his wild, wild imagination.
"Come on, now! Big day! First day of Hogwarts, summat o' summat an' rubbish!" Hagrid said cheerfully.
Readers everywhere looked confused for a moment but then knowingly pulled out their copies of the English-Hagrid Dictionary for Muggles, Volume I". They all said "aww" as they translated Hagrid's strange accent and use of words into what was actually a loving and heartfelt sonnet of his fatherly affection for Harry and how proud he was that his little boy was going off to Hogwarts already.
Unfortunately Harry, who did not have a copy of this dictionary, just smiled and nodded, edging out of the room.
As Hagrid cooked (lighting various objects on fire, including, but not limited to, a tea kettle, a pitcher of lemonade, a scarf, a mop, and a pet squirrel named Roberto.), Harry listened to the Muggle radio he had brought with him, cleverly making it look like he was doing something in-depth and smart, such as listening for signs of Voldemort. Actually, he just loved the sound of Stacy Winthrop's lovely, lovely voice. He also wondered why most newswomen's named ended in
-acy. But that, children, is another story for another day.
As Harry gazed out the window, he saw a brief flash of orange hair as his best friend, (so what if they'd only known each other for a few days?! What about love at first sight?! Er, friendship at first sight...yes...) Ron, flew by on a tattered broom, screaming bloody murder.
Harry made a move to open the window, but just his thought of opening the window made it fall off in poverty-infested despair. Ron flew in the space where the large window used to be, gasping for breath. He gave the broom to Harry, who read the handle before chucking it into a conveniently blazing (so WHAT if it was September first?! It gave coziness and loving warmth, ok?!) fireplace.
Destron, Version 6.0 : WARNING: Destron 6.0 is made to kill Muggles, Muggle-borns, and Muggle-lovers. Do not attempt to ride if you fall into this disgusting criteria! MUDBLOOD! This product illegally manufactured by Malfoy Inc. Anonymous
The words were painted in fancy-looking gold letters. The broom probably could've made some good money on the black market or eBay, Harry realized as an afterthought, but eh, it was too late now.
"Thanks...Harry..." Ron panted, clutching the arm of the wooden chair he had sunken into, "But...it's weird...I mean...I'm not a Muggle...or....a Muggle-born..." he continued to pant, now also clutching a stitch in his side, "And...I'm not...a Muggle-lover? I mean," he continued, starting the regain his normal breathing speed, "I'm not in love with any Muggles or anything. Or Muggle-borns, for that matter, I mean how many Muggle-borns do we know??"
da da DA!!!!!!!
MUUUUUUUUA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!
ahem, sorry couldn't resist...back to the story...wink wink...
"Yea, weird." Harry replied, looking a bit preoccupied. He was so excited for his first day at Hogwarts! "Sorry...I'm so excited for my first day at Hogwarts!"
"Me too!" Ron exclaimed in his perfect Valley Girl voice. "I mean...we can totally have a slumber party...and do pedicures...and OOH it just gives me the total heeby-jeebies thinking about it! I am like so totally psyched!" they exchanged high fives and excited squeals as they departed from the little room.
"FEE, FI, FO, FUM!" Hagrid roared as he entered the room, carrying a duster and wearing a pink floral-patterned apron. "Who wants crumpets?"
"ME!!!" The duo (ok, they haven't met the other one yet, right, so what am I supposed to call them?) exclaimed gleefully as they grabbed dainty saucers from their robe pockets (Harry had insisted on wearing his this morning in honor of the occasion) and dashing into the drawing room for a spot of tea.
After an hour or so had passed, Harry decided it may be about the time they should leave for King's Cross Station.
"Hagrid, I think it's about time we leave for King's Cross Station."
"Right-o!" Ron exclaimed, "I should get back to the Burrow, then! Isn't it convenient that you met me? This way I can ever-so-conveniently tell all the details of the wizarding world, since I am so conveniently from a wizarding family. And being the humble and totally down-to-Earth guy that I am (all girl readers say "Aww! If only all guys were like that...sigh "...and swoon), I will not judge you nor be intimidated by your celebrity status and can befriend you instantly and conveniently fill you in on anything you need to know! Anyway, I'd better go! See ya later, alligator!"
"Ok then...come on, Harry. We'd best be movin' roight along, there ya go...out ya go, now..." Hagrid said, wiping away a silent proud tear.
Harry looked at his train ticket
Heh, heh...stupid bathrobe people...don't even know how to count...Nine and Three Quartes, pfft. Curse their evil sleepwear of sin and hatred...
"Oh, again with the bathrobes?" Ron interrupted, evidently with the makings of a Seer, seeing as Harry hadn't been talking out loud...or he didn't think he was...
Harry gave Ron a Death Stare. "I thought you left!" and Ron walked away, muttering something sounding suspiciously like "kicking a dead dog again..."
Chica 890 hung her head in shame. IT'S TOUGH TO ROLL OUT THESE NEVER-ENDING JOKES AND RANDOM ACTS OF STUPIDITY! Give me a break already! Fine, I'll just go right to Sixteen, my cough NON PARODY FIC cough...I don't need you losers!
Ron: No! Please! I'll be random and stupid and make a total fool out of myself! Please!
Harry: Yes, yes! We are your slaves! We will bow to your every whim and noble cruel command!
Me: Eh...good enough. But I'm WATCHING YOU.
Harry and Ron: Yes, Ma'm.
"I must be random!" Ron exclaimed, "Or I'll lose my job! Corndog! Poodle! Appalachian Mountains! Stephanie!"
Harry rolled his eyes and walked away, priding himself on his sanity.
A/N: OMG I'M STILL HERE!!! Ok, sorry this was so late! Sorry, sorry, sorry! You may or may not believe this excuse, but it's true. I have already written chapter 9, and as I went to post it I realized it said this story had only 7 chapters. So I was all, "What the hell?! I so totally wrote 8 chapters!" and then I went into Microsoft Word and I was all, "Whoa, here's the un-posted chapter 8! Better go make an apologetic author's note and then post A.S.A.P.!" So yea. That's my story. And now I'm posting... woo-hoo!
Oh, and Fanfiction, might I also add that this Quick-Edit thing TOTALLY KICKS ASS! I love it! No more re-downlaoding and re-posting for me! Yahoo!