A/N: Okay I know I promised lots of updates, and I didn't totally fulfill my part of the bargin. * Ducks from flying tomatoes.* I apologize. Hopefully this writer's block I've been having lately will go away. Everyone cross their fingers! Anyways hope everyone enjoys this chapter, it was not an easy one to write, as I'm sure it won't be easy to read.. :)
TOXIC
Chapter 12
......And Burn
Sleep hadn't been an easy thing to accomplish in the last week since everything with Nathan had occurred. Focusing on anything of substance had been a trial really. It was the little things that would remind her of him. Like going grocery shopping, and seeing the frozen pizza isle, or driving by his country club on the way to work. The insignificant things that would sneak up on her, and remind her of their night together. Of how she felt when she was in his arms. The overwhelming sense of being safe, and welcome, something she figured Nathan would be the last person to ever make her feel. Which was why everything inside of her head felt so confusing.
They lived in two separate worlds. Undeniably separate. And yet she couldn't stop thinking about him. Couldn't get him out of her mind.
It seemed ridiculous really. To be having these feelings for someone who was so distinctly her opposite in every way. And yet the more Haley thought about it, the more she wanted to take this risk with him. Maybe Brooke was right. Maybe she should just be wild and crazy for once, take a chance. Take that chance with Nathan.
On the flip side though, was reality. How did one go about telling a guy you hardly knew, had recently hated, and very obviously slept with, that you wanted to try dating? Or more even? Haley didn't have the first clue. And the more she let that thought swim around inside her brain, the more she lost the guts to even think about asking him. For fear he wouldn't feel the same way about her.
Fear was one of the leading factors in her life as of the moment. It controlled almost every decision she made. In retrospect, she knew this was a horrible way to be. Fear only stinted you, it didn't help you grow as person, or lead a better life. It would forever perpetually hold you back. Which made it such a safe place to live. While fear held you back, it also protected you. From rejection, from being vulnerable, from getting hurt. Yet despite, her own fears and all the pro's and con's of their night together, Haley couldn't let one simple thought escape her head.
The Kiss.
She probably could of have chocked the whole basement fiasco up to a one night stand by both parties, if she wanted to be logical about it. Nathan Scott's ladies man reputation was notorious. Even Brooke knew this, and she'd been one of a few that had actually been dubbed his "girlfriend". Nevertheless, somewhere in the pit of her stomach, in the back of her gut, she knew that that night hadn't been just a fluke. It had meant something. To both of them.
And the kiss in his kitchen the night before, the passion she could feel running from him into her was too palpable to ignore. There was something there. There had to be.
As Haley lay in her bed, eyes wide open, covers strewn about, her thoughts still consuming her brain. All probability of falling back into slumber had gone completely out the window.
Leisurely she glanced at her digital clock, the red numbers reading 10:45 am. She knew should get up. Do something productive like go Christmas shopping, or clean the apartment, but it all sounded extremely unappealing. Who wants to do chores on their day off?
So instead of heading to the shower as per usual, Haley pulled a warm blue hooded sweatshirt over her head, and went out into the living room. Vegging in front of the t.v. her plan of action, for current moment And a good plan of action it was, until she noticed the small note taped to the front of the television. She grabbed it , and plopped onto the couch.
Hales,
My Dad called and asked me to go to breakfast and then Christmas shopping with him. I dragged Brooke along for the torture. We decided not to wake you. Feel lucky. Call us when you're up. And can you get these things from the store if you're out today? Thanks.
Love ya,
Peyton
Haley picked up the other folded piece of paper within the note and read over the contents on the list. Nothing exciting, just the essentials. Which they needed today unfortunately. The good news was she finally got the distraction she need to get her thoughts away from Nathan, shopping however wasn't going to let her relax.
....................
Haley hadn't planned on passing the Bayview Country Club on her way to the store. She had in fact told her self to go the long way round, specifically to avoid seeing any or all traces of him. She needed time to think, or not to think about him as the case may be, and all things having to do with him.
But in her hurry to not think of him, Haley achieved in forgetting to go the opposite direction of the country club.
So as she ended up passing by the club her first thought was that the guy walking in the front doors looked an awful lot like Nathan. That's what she speculated until she looked again and realized , yes, it actually was him walking inside. And not just her overactive imagination messing with her again.
Her instincts told her to keep moving forward, go to the store and finish her little outing. What could she possibly say to him right now, that wouldn't sound completely crazy, or idiotic? The entirety of the previous night had been weird. Should she let him know she didn't hold anything against him because of Theresa? Maybe she should ask him what exactly Theresa meant when she made that comment about him. Surmising that there were far too many questions too many things left hanging in the air, Haley did the only thing left to do. She choose not too listen to her instincts. Like she had been since the moment Nathan had waltzed back into her life.
Turning onto the next corner, Haley pulled into Bayview Country Club's parking lot. She parked her car, and went into the large front doors of the club.
She expected to be questioned, for someone to ask her were her ID was, like a bouncer would. But no one did. No one even noticed Haley's presence in the slightest in fact, which didn't surprise her until she felt a soft tap on her shoulder.
"Haley?"
"Jake, oh , hi, how are you," she sputtered out quickly, feeling like she'd somehow been caught stealing the crown jewels, instead of walking into this federation for the over privileged
"I'm ok."
"That's good."
"Hey, about last night I just wanted to apologize for, ya know, everything that happened," he said, giving her a remorseful smile.
Haley took in a calming breath. "It's not your fault."
"I know, I just....I feel bad. You didn't deserve their attitude," he added.
"Really, it's not your fault. Don't feel bad," she reassured him. She briefly looked around her, to see if she could spot Nathan.
"Are you sure? Cause honestly I really feel like I'm to blame, since I invited you guys and all."
Haley gave him a reassuring smile, "You can't control other people's actions Jake. I know that. Believe me I do."
"Does Peyton," he questioned, with a uncertain visage.
"Yeah, of course she does," Hales replied, a smile quirking up in the corner of her mouth. "Why?"
"Umm...well.......Could you do me a favor," Jake asked, a second later.
"Only if you promise to do one for me."
Jake nodded shyly. "Can you tell Peyton that I'm sorry too. And if she wants, maybe we can try hanging out again soon."
Haley smiled at Jake, and the obvious crush he had on her friend. Thinking how sweet it was that he worried about whether Peyton had fun last night, and even had the decency to apologize for his other friends rude behaviors, Haley made her decision there and then that Jake Jagliegski was alright with her.
"Sure, I'll tell her," Haley said.
"Thanks Haley, I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome.....So can you tell me in what direction Nathan might have gone?"
Jake scratched his head and then pointed to the far left hall. "Nathan? Hmm I think I'm pretty sure I saw him go into the gym not too long ago."
Haley looked were he had pointed and started to make her way there. Waving back as she left. "Thanks Jake, I'll see ya later ok?"
"Yeah, later," he said, giving her his trade mark head nod.
Haley followed his directions down the hall, to large area incased by glass walls and mirrors. In the very back of the room, where all of the hand weights sat, was Nathan. He was focused and concentrated as he methodically curled the weight up, brought it forward towards his bicep, and then down again, repeating the exercise.
She took a brief breath to calm her nerves.
And then passed through the room quickly, coming to a stop behind him. A smirk on her face as she watched him lift the weight in his hand.. "45 pounds huh? Well now I'm really impressed."
Nathan turned around from where he sat on the bench and looked up at her with little interest, as he set the weight down, "Well that's me, Mr. Impressive.," he muttered, wiping his face with a nearby towel.
"I don't know if you can actually claim all rights on the word impressive. The jury might still be out on that one," Haley said with a light teasing tone.
Nathan gave her a half smile, and stood up from the bench. Disregarding her. His voice in a low monotone. "Maybe so.......What's up Haley?"
She observed his movements as he continued to keep busy, never staying still or looking at her for any length of time. Almost as if he was worried about who would see them together. He acted cut off, distant, different from before. Haley wasn't sure how to respond.
"So did everything go ok, after we left last night," she finally asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well....it just seemed sort of crazy with you and Theresa, I didn't know........"
"It's fine, don't worry about it," he said, stretching his arms, his back turned from her.
Haley glanced around the room, feeling awkward trying to talk to someone who was so mentally far away. She chose instead to be direct, even though her gut screamed at her to just leave him be.
"I was wondering if we could talk about what happened at the party?"
"What about it?"
Haley bit at her bottom lip, fiercely uncomfortable. Talking to him like this was so difficult, so hard. She had to understand what was going between them though. She needed some kind of answer from him
"We kissed Nathan. I know that doesn't mean we're a couple or anything, but it does mean something right?"
"I don't know. Does it have to many anything," he stayed still, his words unsteady.
"You tell me," Haley asked expectantly.
Nathan turned around, letting his arms flap to his sides. He gave her an exasperated glare. Ready to speak, but unsure of what to say. Theresa's words from the previous night still ringing in his ears. Telling him what was for the best.
Theresa glared at him from across the kitchen. Nathan opposite from her, as they stood alone.
"It'll never work out with her Nathan. I know that's what you're wondering about, I can see it your eyes. And that's the joke really," she claimed.
He stared at her, his body stiff. "And what's the catch?"
Theresa let out a derivative laugh, "That you want it too."
"Whatever," he started to move away, tired of hearing her jealous ranting.
"Listen Nate," she moved toward him, to get his attention again. " I'll give you some sound advice. Walk away. Do it now. Because whatever you think you may have with little miss goody-two-shoes back there, is just an accident waiting to happen. Think about your parents, think about people at the club, think about our friends. Do you believe even for a second that they'll welcome her with open arms, when you tell them about her, where she's from. Because they won't. WE won't They might pretend at first, for your sake. But eventually they'll get tried of pretending, you'll get tried of having to defend her, she'll get tried of feeling left out. It won't work.....It can't......And you know it........"
As much as he wanted to deny it, Nathan knew she was right. Knew that, yes, everyone in his small but superficial circle would never accept them. Never accept her. And maybe he was being selfish for not wanting to go through the torture they would inevitably put them through, maybe not.
Blinking back the memory of what Theresa said, Nathan's eyes now focused on the woman before him. His resolution made.
"Look Haley, as much as I'd love to stand here all day and play twenty questions with you, I've kinda got plans. So if you don't mind, I think you should go."
Haley attempted to speak, but lost her will, his words beginning to scare her.
"Because this," he said waving his hands at her and then back to him," between us, just isn't gonna work. I've got school, and friends and basketball, and you've got your stuff. It was just......it was fun, but that's it, ya know? I mean don't get me wrong you were good in bed and all. I just don't really have time in my schedule for extra people right now. You understand," he said coldly, his eyes boring into her own, but this time Haley saw no warmth in them, no feeling whatsoever.
As if burned by his presence she shifted away from him for the first time. Too repulsed by the callousness of his words to be close to him any longer. She gulped back a breath of air, her throat scratchy. Her vision blurred by the tears that stung her eyes. A million things to say, a million questions to ask him. However, suddenly she just felt sick to her stomach.
Holding up a strong front as she gathered what little strength she had left, Haley looked back up at him. "Oh yes perfectly. I understand that you're a bastard, just like you always have been. And I–I was a moron to ever thinking differently."
Nathan tired to say something else, but Haley wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of saying the last word.
Hurriedly she pushed past him, walked through the room, out of the building and back to the safety of her car. Never once letting a single tear fall from her face, regardless of the pain she felt bearing down upon her.