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Chapter 2: Snape's Prelude.... Beautiful
Profesor Snape downed another shot of Fire-whisky and pondered on the joke that was his life. There was nothing to live for, his students were idiots, none of them had any talent or respect for the craft that was potion making, there was only one thing left to live for. He hauled himself off of his stool and stumbled onto the stage, snatching the microphone from it's place he punched in his song.
"Pay attention you daft bastards!" he slurred loudly. "This song is for everyone who has ever-hic-has ever-hic-has ever felt like me." He swayed pointing at everyone in the room. And then the song started.
"Don't look at me...I SAID DON'T LOOK!" He screamed as the music kept going. "Every day is so wonderful, if you're a little spoiled bastard named Harry Potter I'm always so damn insecure. From all the fame, I'm so ashamed...fame...is that what you call it these days? OOOOOH YEAH!!! I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can't bring me down, so stop trying you little brats! I am beautiful in every single way," at this he swayed his hips so dangerously he almost fell off stage, "Yes, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today god damn it!
"To all your friends, you're delirious, so consumed in all your doom, and you should be scared the Dark Lord is still out there you know. Trying hard to fill the emptiness, but nothing works except late night masturbation and booze!"
"You are beautiful no matter what they say, well no not you Potter, but everyone else. Words won't bring you down no no NO NO NO!!! NO WORDS CAN BRING YOU DOWN! NOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO!"
"No matter what we do, No matter what they say NNOOO YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!" At this Ron mumbled "Well is it yes or no?" and Snape tossed his empty shot glass at him.
"When the sun is shining through, Then the clouds won't stay, what the hell? Oh... And everywhere we go, the sun won't always shine, but if Potter has his back turned we can still have a good time, and if I can't jinx him tomorrow will find a way! OH YEAH!!!! AND I'M SO GOD DAMN SEXY!!!! YOU KNOW IT WEASEL! YOU KNOW IT!" He screamed as he began vigorous pelvic thrusts in his direction.
"Okay! Okay...OKAY!" Madame Rosmerta stammered as she, with great difficulty, took the microphone and pushed Snape off the stage. "Thank you Professor Snape-"
"YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME ROSE!" He screamed as he was finally safely seated.
"And now for the musical stylings of Rubeus Hagrid..."