Wow!! Thanks for so much great feedback guys I love it. Keep it coming !! Here's the next chapter hope you like, and the next update will have more n/h scenes I promise!!

TOXIC

Chapter 21

Higher Ground

The lingering smell of booze followed Nathan as he traipsed out of the party and onto the beach. The sky was a deep gray as the storm clouds above swirled around, causing the ocean waves to crash together in a thunderous roar. Despite the noise Nathan thought it anything was more peaceful than the sound of 40 drunk twenty-year-olds, trashing his father's house.

He inhaled a breath of cold air, hard goose bumps popped up all over his body as he treaded further out on the beach, away from the light of the houses. His tennis shoes sunk into the snow cover sand, and he stuck his hands inside of his hooded sweatshirt, silently cursing himself for not grabbing a jacket in his hurry to get away from the madness. It was ironic, he'd been the one to initiate the party in the first place, he'd been the one to make sure people were coming over, and now he just wanted them to disappear. He didn't know what he was getting tired of more, the people, of the atmosphere, or both. All he'd done since he'd turned sixteen years old was party, play basketball, and attempt to skate by everything else. It just didn't seem like enough anymore.

As he walked further and further from his house different thoughts began to plague his mind. Over the years Nathan had watched his older brother slowly make something of himself, not only on the Dukes' basketball team, but also in school. How did you live up to that? How did you compete with that? It seemed like he couldn't answer that question no matter how many times he continued to ask himself. Right in the moment, it wasn't his biggest worry either. Coming up near the docks, Nathan jumped up on the edge and sat down, staring forward at the black ocean. It was more majestic in the darkness, more magical, but most things were, as he was coming to learn.

Closing his eyes, and resting his elbows on his knees, Nathan placed his head in his hands and tried to breathe. It felt suffocating, letting other people always run his life. He didn't know why he let his friends or his father's opinion dictate what he wanted. He didn't know if he could stop this addiction for approval either, but he wanted to try. He just......didn't know how. Taking another deep breath in, Nathan felt the soft material of a jacket fall on top of his head. He looked up to see Lucas standing behind him on the dock.

"Thought you'd want that," Lucas said, gesturing to the jacket he'd thrown to him.

"Thanks," Nathan replied quietly, fitting his arm threw the jacket whole.

Lucas came to where Nathan was sitting leaned and against the opposite side of the dock a few feet away, his eyes drifting to the ocean as well. For a moment both brothers stayed in silent repose.

"So why did you come," Nathan asked finally, his eyes focused on the beach.

"What do you mean?"

"Here. Tonight. I thought you didn't want anything to do with this," he waved his arm back to the house, where people were standing outside with drinks in their hands, obnoxiously mingling with each other.

"I'm not against a good party Nate. I just don't think you should be getting drunk and hanging out when you've got other things going on," Lucas responded, coming to stand next to Nathan on the dock, resting his forearms on the wood.

Nathan bit the side of his cheek.  His body tensing up. "If you came out here to send me some message from Dad,  save it all right. You can go back to doing his bidding tomorrow."

"Dad didn't say anything man. I just wanted to see how you were doing,"Lucas expressed sincerely.

Nathan shook his head and laughed. "Since when do you care what's going on with me," Nathan bit out, spinning around and jumping off his seat and onto the dock.

"I care. It may not seem that way, but I do," Lucas countered at his brother's stubbornness.

"Oh of course I can tell. It's cause we've always been so close, right Luke," Nathan retorted, with a sardonic tone, standing face to face with the other man.

"No, you were too busy shutting me out. But whatever. If you don't want to talk that's cool with me. Go inside and get drunk by yourself, doesn't change anything," he said matter-of-factly.

Nathan watched as Lucas jumped up onto the dock where he'd been and sat down, facing out toward the ocean. He looked to the beach house and back at his brother, knowing he had to pick the lesser of two evils. With a heavy sigh, Nathan moved back to the dock, and quietly took a seat next Lucas.

"So did I tell you Dad offered me the Beach house for the rest of the semester," Nathan admitted collectedly a minute later, as he fiddled with the zipper on his jacket.

Lucas puffed out a laugh. "I get a B + average, and I'm stuck in a dorm with a guy who thinks washing his socks means setting them by the window to "air out." You flunk out, and get to stay in a three-bedroom beach house. Now tell me again how I'm the favorite," he said jokingly.

Nathan let a smile creep up on his face. "I'm sure Dad would probably offer to buy you a house if you asked him too."

"Doubt it. He's gotta make sure at least one of us is suffering."

"It is his main goal in life."

"Pretty much," they both laughed again. It seemed weird how family dysfunction was always the most amusing element to bond over.

Nathan shook off his laughter as he became more serious again. "Yeah but I'm not gonna take it."

"Take what?"

"The beach house. I don't want it. And I really don't want to feel like I owe him something for it you know?"

Lucas nodded. If there was anything they could agree on, Dan's ability to try to control them was  it. "So where are you staying?"

"An apartment most likely. It's too late to get into a dorm now, and I don't really want too anyway. Guess I'll just have stick it out at home for a few weeks until I decide," he said, as if he was planning things out in his head, calculating how he was going to get it all done. The responsibility weighed down upon him heavily.

"Is it just me, or was college supposed to be more fun and less....I don't know.... work," Lucas asked, and they both let out a knowing laugh.

"They really don't tell you about all the homework in the brochures."

"No they don't," Lucas laughed again

"Maybe we should write a letter," Nathan grinned.

"Or give them a phone call," he added.

"Yeah I like that idea better."

"You would."

Nathan elbowed Lucas in the side, as they both chuckled, "Shut-up man."

They fell into that comfort zone of silence again, as they both stared out to the beach. It was easier not to talk about the subject that was currently affecting them, and the other people in their life. It was easier just to ignore it, and pretend that it would go away. Lucas didn't want to pretend anymore though. And he didn't want Nathan to have to either.

"Brooke told me she talked to you today," the words spilled out of Lucas's mouth awkwardly. It wasn't the most smooth transition he'd ever attempted, but that didn't matter. The subject was hanging above them like an angry rain cloud that was ready to explode, and if one of them didn't bring it up sooner or later, that cloud was going to burst into a million different pieces. Where they then wouldn't be able to figure out how to begin.

Nathan began twiddling with his zipper again, pulling it up an inch, bringing it down three, and then repeating the process. His eyes fixed on his fingers as they worked. He didn't know how to respond to his brother's statement. "Yeah, what did she say?"

"Not much. Just that you don't know what the Hell you're doing, and Haley deserves much better," he answered, seeing Nathan's eyes flicker shut, and his jaw tightened.

"Yeah......yeah......," Nathan nodded in response, not really sure what to say or do, and knowing Brooke was so right, it scared him.

Lucas observed Nathan's stiff posture, "Do you want to talk about this man?"

"No. Yes. I don't know," he shrugged uneasily.

Lucas continued to watch as Nathan ran a ridged hand through his hair, and then leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs, as he looked out into the ominous dark of the night.

"I failed all my classes, got kicked out of school and one of the best teams in the country, came home, completely screwed up any chance I had of ever being with Haley. I've got nowhere to go. I don't want to be here and I don't want to leave. I don't' know what I'm doing anymore," he said out loud, not really speaking to Luke, or anyone else. Just saying all of the things that had been bottled up inside of him for the last five weeks.

When Lucas brought up a tentative hand to pat his brothers back, Nathan broke out of his trance. He looked back at Lucas in slight embarrassment. It wasn't every day that he spilled his guts to people, especially his sibling. He thought it would be more weird, to share things with his sometime enemy, and brother. But it wasn't, it was relieving.

"It'll get better Nate," Lucas through in.

Nathan laughed softly, at his brother's advice. "And how would you know," he asked teasingly.

"Because I'm smart like that."

"You'd like to think so."

"Well.....ye-ah," Lucas chuckled, tightening his jacket around his body again, as a cold swift breeze rushed over both of them. Again Lucas looked over to Nathan. "Seriously though, it'll get better. You just gotta take one thing at a time."

"It sounds easy when you say it like that. But I don't know. I think I've pretty much fucked up any chance I had with Haley."

Lucas shook his head back and forth. "You give up really easy Nate."

"No I don't."

"Yeah you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"Fine. Tell me how then. Tell me how I give up so easily," Nathan challenged Lucas defiantly.

"Well I don't know a whole lot about your situation with Haley, except what Brooke has told me. But I can see that you want to be with her. And yet you give up, the second that she's not falling at your feet anymore," Lucas asked.

"It wasn't like that. There's just too much bullshit we'd have to deal with, and I don't know even how she feels about me. I don't think she wants this," Nathan waved his arm about directing the statement not only to himself, but back to the party, and the world he lived in.

"That's what I mean man. The second you're not sure if things are going to go your way, you give up. You let it go."

"Well what am I supposed to do Luke? None of this matters to her. It's like if she's not into me because of the money or popularity or any of that other bullshit, they why does she like me? I don't get it. She's so much smarter than, and we have almost nothing in common. And it's just a matter of time before she gets tired of me. Because let's face it, most people like her do," Nathan said in one breath. He looked up to meet Lucas's eyes, and found just a familiar face looking back at him, instead of the judge he figured he would get.

"Maybe you need to fight for her," Lucas replied nonchalantly.

Nathan's eyebrow quirked up. "What? Against the bar geek?"

"No. Just in general, to show her how you feel. You can't sit back and expect her to fall all over you. You already blew that chance all to Hell."

"I hadn't forgotten, but thanks for reminding me," Nathan gave a fake tight lipped smile.

"So fight. Be ruthless. Pretend you've got five seconds left in the game and this is....your last shot," Lucas let out a laugh at his own words and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Nice metaphor."

"Yeah, it worked well didn't it," Lucas asked, and both boys fell into a soft laughter again. To any outsider looking in, they would think that they were close, and what gave Nathan some comfort in that moment, was that he knew that maybe they were getting there.