Alrighty new chapter for ya all. Things are starting to look up four our couple no? Well keep reading and letting me know what you guys think, I really appreciate it!

TOXIC

Chapter 24

A for Avoidance

It was strange how time could give you a whole new perspective on things you hadn't really been able to see. The simple act of waiting, being patient, and not letting your own insecurities bog you down, was something Haley had never really done before. She'd always been patient with others, always been able to wait for them to come around no matter what the circumstance. It was herself that she was particularly hard on. Needing to know what the next move she was going to make, what that consequence would inevitably be, she needed to know the answers to these questions. And the only way for her to know those answers was to constantly be on top of everything, in every moment, of every second. And sometimes it was exhausting.

Haley didn't know what had happened between the time Nathan had asked her to be his tutor, and the three months that followed, but something inside of her had changed. It was gradual of course, not noticeable to the unseen eye, but as Haley sat and watched Nathan taking his practice quiz across the table from her, she'd come to the realization that something within her was different. The way she felt about them was different. It was in the way she'd woken up that morning, the way she'd gone through her day, the way she'd walked into the Learning Center and smiled at Nathan as he sat at their table waiting for her.

Maybe it was because she could see that he'd changed too.

S he could see it in the way he diligently went to class every day. In the way he'd come  early and stay late to make sure every problem on his homework was right. In the way he'd respected her decision when she'd told him that she was only his tutor and nothing more. How he'd started off small, asking her questions here and there, telling her jokes to see her smile, and then let that develop into longer conversations. Mostly it was how he'd never stopped trying to do better. His courage astounded and scared her all at the same time.

But courage, bravery, those things only went so far, and they certainly weren't living in a fairytale here. Happy endings didn't come for everyone.  You had to work hard for them. Golden carriages didn't magically come and take you away.  And despite your wishing, life nor people didn't fit into this simple package that they so often got labeled as. Nathan wasn't perfect, and Haley knew she wasn't either. She also knew that the end of the school year was almost around the corner and that meant  yet another change for both of them. This one neither of them could avoid, but had successfully been putting off though for weeks.

Even as Haley continued to glance up from her own homework, watching as Nathan would scribble a few things down on the page before pausing and starting again, she knew something was happening between them, could feel it in her bones.

"You almost done," Haley couldn't help but ask, as she watched his crinkled brow, his eyes focused sternly on the page.

"Uh, about half way through," he uttered, concentrating on the problem.

"You've got about 30 minutes left, so you should be fine, if you're passed problem 15."

"Ok," he said, finishing the last few stages of the problem he was working on. He checked over the problem quickly, to be sure he didn't make an error and then let his eyes flutter up through dark eyelashes to look at Haley across the table from him.

He rarely let himself have these moments where he would just purely stare at her; but sometimes he couldn't help it. It hadn't been easy being himself in front of her. He was so used to putting on the act for everyone; being the suave, charming guy that always gets his way, that he almost didn't know who he was without it. He found he had a lot less to say when all the witty comebacks and smooth pick lines weren't useful anymore. It was like he almost had to start from scratch, and that was scarey.

"What are you working on," he asked, unable to stop the words as they came out. She always looked so peaceful when she was writing, as if it was the ultimate escape.

"My Ed Psych. final paper. I can't seem to get pass this page for some reason. It's driving me insane."

Nathan quirked his eyebrow up and grinned. "Well if you need help Haley, maybe you should get a tutor."

"I guess I could," she agreed, smiling back at him. "But then I'd miss out on all the fun of watching you take quizzes every day."

"I do agree with you on that," Nathan laughed. "You wouldn't want to miss out on watching me, I am very pretty to look at."

Haley couldn't help but laugh, and reaches across the table to lightly smack him. "Get to back to work," she ordered pointing to his paper.

 This had become more constant lately, this light meaningless banter between them, and most times she enjoyed it. But just beneath the surface she wanted more. She wouldn't come right out and say it, because that would mean she'd have to admit a whole world of other possibilities that she wasn't sure she was prepared for.

Nathan on the other hand was ready to take a leap, any leap, just as long as it involved moving away from this monotonous circle they'd fallen into. He tapped his pen vigorously against the table while Haley went back to writing on her paper. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably as he watched her, causing her to look up at him curiously.

"What's up? Are you stuck on something?"

"No," he answered, shaking his head. Haley gave him a strange look and was about to go back to her paper when he spoke again.

"So you heard about um, Peyton and Jake's thing this weekend?"

"You mean the concert in Coralwood?"

"Yeah."

"A little bit," she shrugged. "I think Jake won some tickets to something like that?"

"Actually he got them from a friend of his who works at the local radio station there. And I guess Luke and Brooke are going too," he answered blandly.

"You don't sound too excited about it," Haley mentioned.

"Oh I am," Nathan countered. "I just......I was just curious, ya know, if you were gonna.........go or not."

Nathan fidgeted in his seat, as Haley looked back down at her paper contemplating it.

"You know you only have 20 minutes left, you should really finish the quiz," she replied, trying to smoothly change the subject, and knowing it wasn't really working by the way he continued to stare at her.

"I will in minutes," he told her, his eyes piercing. "So are you going to?"

Haley felt hot and uncomfortable. She didn't know what she was doing.  She hadn't given it much thought. Mostly because she'd been avoiding the subject like she did with a lot of things in her life. She gave Nathan an I-don't-know expression.

"Uh probably. Why do you want to know?"

Sometimes when she spoke to him like that, like they were still complete strangers, it angered him more than anything else. "Wha–.......Why do you think I want to know?"

Haley lifted up her hand and shrugged. "Nathan I've really gotta work on this paper, and you need to finish your quiz. So we'll talk about this later."

Sometimes he felt like things were never going to change between them, no matter how hard he tried. And that thought was disheartening.

Gathering his books off the table, and slipping them, with the rest of his papers into his book bag, Nathan started to get up from the table.

"Where are you going," Haley asked in confusion.

"Um, I gotta met Luke at the gym," Nathan answered lamely, choosing not to look at her.

"But what about your quiz?"

"Ill finish it tonight," he replied, slinging his back pack over his shoulder, his voice a cold against her ears. "I'll see ya later."

Haley watched as he traveled out the room, wanting to call out for him to come back, the only word leaving her mouth though was a sad, "Bye."

...........................................

It wasn't until Saturday when Haley, Brooke, Peyton and Jake arrived at the train station, that she saw Nathan again. He pulled up 10 minutes after they had, joining Peyton and Jake as they handed him both his train and concert ticket for the night. Haley decidedly stayed back, sitting with Brooke as she worriedly checked her cell phone. This was the first time they'd all had a chance to get together again since after Christmas and the anticipation was especially killing Brooke.

"He said he was coming right," Haley asked her friend, making a few short glances at Nathan, before he would turn her direction, where she would then look at back to Brooke.

"Yeah, he said he'd meet us here at four," Brooke checked her phone again, skimming through to her voice mail, and then to her text messages.

Haley flicked her wrist to look at her watch. "It's only 3:55 Brooke."

"I know."

"Then why have you been hovering over your phone for the last hour?"

Brooke stilled at Haley's question. She stared at the purple and blue flowers displayed on her cell phone screen a moment longer, before finally snapping it shut. She leaned forward, resting her forearms on top of her thighs.

"Do you think he might of changed his mind about me? Like maybe he got back to school and though, 'Hey that thing with Brooke was sure fun.........I'm over that now.' Like maybe he realized that I wasn't his type or that I wasn't good enough?"

Haley leaned forward as well so that she was eye level with Brooke. "Well I don't personally have a lot of experience on Lucas and love, but I do know what I see. And what I saw of you two that night at dinner a couple months back, and the way he always calls you every weekend, and sends you those text messages I catch you giggling at every night, I can safely say I think the guy is crazy in love with you."

Brooke turned her head, her stomach getting that fluttering feeling again as she smiled. "You really think so?"

"I do," Haley nodded.

Brooke chuckled, wrapping her arm around Haley's shoulders. "Ahh, times have sure changes around her tutor girl."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, look at us, me being all nervous and angst-y about a boy, and you giving love advice like an old veteran. It's great."

Haley rolled her eyes at Brooke and just laughed. Lucas's silver car pulling up a moment later, causing Brooke to squeal and jump up from the bench as she happily ran over to her boyfriend.

"Finally! He arrives," Jake bellowed from the little group that had congregated waiting for Lucas to get out of his car.

Lucas smiled at Jake, and came over to the group, giving his brother a nod and his friend a quick slap on the back.

"Hey how you doin' man?"

"Great as always," Jake answered with a sparkling smile, pulling Peyton over to his side.

"You been good to my best buddy," Lucas asked Peyton.

"I try," she replied with a smirk.

An instant later Brooke bounded through the group, stopping short in front of Lucas with a teasing smile.

"Hey gorgeous."

Lucas smiled down at her. "Hey beautiful. I missed you."

"I missed you more," she said, coming into his arms, and leaning up to kiss him.

The other three people in the group made grossed out faces and took a step back from the spectacle the couple was making and started heading over to their train.

"Ok....gag patrol alert guys. Come on, lets go. The train leaves in five minutes," Jake announced, and Haley looked up from the bench and let a soft laugh out. As much as she was sickened by the sweetness of Lucas and Brooke, part of her heart warmed for them. It wasn't every day you met someone you were so completely passionate about, and she was glad that both of her best friends had found it.

Following the rest of the crowd onto the train, Haley trailed slowly behind, choosing to take a solitary seat up near the front of the cab rather than sit with either of the couples in the booth seats in the back. Nathan had also chosen to do the same, taking a seat across the aisle from her by the window. It was funny, Haley thought, how they always seemed to be the odd men out in their little group. Funny, yeah right.

.......................................

The few hours it took them to get to Coralwood and onto the concert grounds, Nathan had been steadily quite. Haley kept wanting to ask him what he was thinking, if he was mad at her, but she couldn't seem to find the nerve. And as the night progressed on, the less she cared about what was really going on in front of her, and the more she wanted to leave.

"Wanna try to look like you're having fun there Hales," Peyton asked, as they both stood in the crowd, the new band that had entered the stage less appealing than the one before.

"I'm having fun," Haley retorted.

"Yeah, about as much fun as Nathan is. I can tell," she gestured to where Nathan was standing by himself a couple yards away, a sullen expression marring his face.

Haley gave Peyton a scowl, while she internally fluttered. It made her happy to know that he was as miserable as her, it gave her small ounce of comfort that their conversation the other day hadn't just been swept under the rug.

Peyton saw Haley looking over at Nathan, and nudged her in the side with her elbow. "Maybe he thinks this band sucks as much as we do. You could go ask him."

Haley took Peyton's hint and waded her way through the masses, coming up behind Nathan tall form. She stood silent, but it didn't really matter, the loud metal music was making it difficult to hear much of anything, especially how close he was to the stage.

"So I'm glad you came," he looked down at her awkwardly.

"What," Haley yelled, back unable to hear.

"I'm glad you came," he raised his voice.

"What did you say, I can't hear you."

"I SAID I'M GLAD YOU CAME," he shouted, causing her to grin and giggle at him. He noticed that she wasn't laughing at what he said, and more at how he'd shouted it.

"You're teasing me," he pointed at her in mock shock.

Haley brought her hand up, using her fingers to demonstrate. "Just a little bit."

"So are we talking again," he asked, stepping back and away from the crowd, waiting for Haley to follow him.

"Did we stop," she asked, when they made it farther away from the stage, the sky above them becoming a dark blue, the early summer weather making it hot and humid.

"I was attempting to avoid you. But apparently you didn't notice."

"I noticed," Haley admitted. "I just didn't know what to say. I mean it's been all about school for us for the last few months and when you sprung that question on me I froze up."

"I wasn't trying to pressure you into doing anything you weren't ready for Haley."

"I know that," she said. But there was still the question. What did Nathan want from her? More importantly what did she want back?

It was the lingering thought between them, and although neither of them wanted to ruin the moment by asking, it was in the back of both of their minds, plaguing what they should do next.

The rest of the night ran rather smoothly and they all gathered together again for the long train ride back home. Inside the train was hot and musty from the weather and the differing passengers throughout the day. Haley chose to take a seat at the back of the cab this time in one of the empty booth seats. She opened the window, letting the warm night summer breeze blow over her, cooling  her flushed face.    

The other two couples were sprawled out in the other booths, either resting their eyes or almost completely asleep from all the earlier activity. The rest of the cab was quiet and empty and Haley enjoyed the silence. Nathan came up to where she was sitting and took the seat diagonal from her. He didn't speak, simply watched as the wind whipped through her chocolate hair, blowing it away from her face. She looked so content, looking out at the darkness, something he wasn't sure he'd ever seen before. It was calming and terrifying to him all at the same time.